Shrek the Third Quotes
When his new father-in-law, King Harold falls ill, Shrek is looked at as the heir to the land of Far, Far Away. Not one to give up his beloved swamp, Shrek recruits his friends Donkey and Puss in Boots to install the rebellious Artie as the new king. Princess Fiona, however, rallies a band of royal girlfriends to fend off a coup d'etat by the jilted Prince Charming.
Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Shrek?
Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not
Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop it!
Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was
[Pigs and Gingerbread Man begin singing]
Pinocchio: That'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.
Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where he's not
Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop it!
Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was
[Pigs and Gingerbread Man begin singing]
Pinocchio: That'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.
Donkey: Alright people, let's do this thing. Go Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super-cool.
Gingerbread Man: As I recall, it was Team Awesome.
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright. From henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron.
Shrek: Listen, Artie. Eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or whatever, but what I am screamin' is, yo, check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! I mean if it doesn't groove or what I'm sayin' ain't straight trippin' just say, "Oh, no you di'n't! You know, you're gettin' on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's... then I'll - I'll know it's wack!
[Shrek gets hit in the face with a branch that Artie had evidently pulled back]
Artie: Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!
[knocks on the door of a tree incessantly]
Artie: Knock, knock. Hello! Hello!
[a holograph of Merlin emits from a crystal a few feet adjacent to the door]
Merlin: Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare-
[the holograph cuts off. Merlin comes out the front door and says]
Merlin: I knew I should have got that warranty.
[Shrek gets hit in the face with a branch that Artie had evidently pulled back]
Artie: Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!
[knocks on the door of a tree incessantly]
Artie: Knock, knock. Hello! Hello!
[a holograph of Merlin emits from a crystal a few feet adjacent to the door]
Merlin: Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare-
[the holograph cuts off. Merlin comes out the front door and says]
Merlin: I knew I should have got that warranty.
Snow White: I'm sorry but this isn't working for me.
Sleeping Beauty: It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow.
Snow White: You're just jealous that I was voted fairest in the land.
Rapunzel: Oh, you mean in that rigged election?
Snow White: You're one to talk. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down thy golden extensions."
Sleeping Beauty: It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow.
Snow White: You're just jealous that I was voted fairest in the land.
Rapunzel: Oh, you mean in that rigged election?
Snow White: You're one to talk. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down thy golden extensions."
Artie: [convincing Merlin to help them get back to Far Far Away]
[weeping like a troubled teen]
Artie: It's just so hard, you know? They really need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble, 'cause there's a really bad man... and it's just so hard!
Merlin: Come on, take it easy!
Artie: No! I don't think you understand!
[collapses at Merlin's feet]
Artie: There's a mean person doing mean things to good people
Shrek: Oh, have a heart, old man
Artie: And they really need your help to get them back! So why won't you help them?
[collapses and sobs inaudibly]
Merlin: [awkwardly] Oh, ok... Um, I'll go and get my things
Artie: [stands up and clears his throat]
[to Shrek]
Artie: Piece of cake.
[weeping like a troubled teen]
Artie: It's just so hard, you know? They really need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble, 'cause there's a really bad man... and it's just so hard!
Merlin: Come on, take it easy!
Artie: No! I don't think you understand!
[collapses at Merlin's feet]
Artie: There's a mean person doing mean things to good people
Shrek: Oh, have a heart, old man
Artie: And they really need your help to get them back! So why won't you help them?
[collapses and sobs inaudibly]
Merlin: [awkwardly] Oh, ok... Um, I'll go and get my things
Artie: [stands up and clears his throat]
[to Shrek]
Artie: Piece of cake.
Puss in Boots: If he were real, could I do this?
[Digs claws into Shrek's leg, Shrek tries to hold in his pain]
Shrek: Ah! Oww!
Donkey: Or this?
[Kicks Shrek's other leg, Shrek moans]
Shrek: If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.
Donkey: Now watch this!
Shrek: [Restrains Donkey and Puss] That's quite enough, boys!
[Digs claws into Shrek's leg, Shrek tries to hold in his pain]
Shrek: Ah! Oww!
Donkey: Or this?
[Kicks Shrek's other leg, Shrek moans]
Shrek: If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful.
Donkey: Now watch this!
Shrek: [Restrains Donkey and Puss] That's quite enough, boys!
Cheerleader: Ahem. This is like totally embarrassing, but my friend Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly and she thought perchance thou would want to ask her to the homecoming dance or something.
Shrek: Excuse me?
Cheerleader: It's like whatever. She's just totally into college guys and mythical creatures and stuff.
Shrek: Excuse me?
Cheerleader: It's like whatever. She's just totally into college guys and mythical creatures and stuff.
Merlin: [meditating] I'm a buzzing bee... buzz, buzz, buzz...
Artie: Mr. Merlin? They...
[gestures to Shrek and crew, but stops short]
Artie: ... *we* really need your help. Do you think you can use your magic to transport us to...
Merlin: [interrupting] Sorry, kid, I don't do that stuff anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic there is!
Artie: Mr. Merlin? They...
[gestures to Shrek and crew, but stops short]
Artie: ... *we* really need your help. Do you think you can use your magic to transport us to...
Merlin: [interrupting] Sorry, kid, I don't do that stuff anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic there is!
Puss in Boots: [talking to a female kitten] It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life.
Female kitty cat: Meeaow.
Puss in Boots: [to several kitty cats] As are you... And, uh, you... And, oops, you... And I... err... I don't know you but I'd like to.
A bunch of female kitty cats: Meeaow.
Puss in Boots: I gotta go!
Female kitty cat: Meeaow.
Puss in Boots: [to several kitty cats] As are you... And, uh, you... And, oops, you... And I... err... I don't know you but I'd like to.
A bunch of female kitty cats: Meeaow.
Puss in Boots: I gotta go!
Donkey: [Donkey and Puss in Boots have switched bodies] I've been abra-cadabra'd into a Fancy Feasting second-rate sidekick!
Puss in Boots: At least you don't look like a bloated roadside piñata. You really need to go on a diet.
Donkey: And you really need to get yourself a pair of pants! I feel all exposed and nasty!
Puss in Boots: At least you don't look like a bloated roadside piñata. You really need to go on a diet.
Donkey: And you really need to get yourself a pair of pants! I feel all exposed and nasty!
Shrek: [to Artie shortly after they crash the boat] We're headed back to Far Far Away whether you like it or not! And you're gonna be a father!
Artie: [Sounding confused] What?
Donkey: [to Shrek] You just said father!
Shrek: [to Artie] I said... king, you're gonna be king!
Artie: [Imitating Shrek] You're gonna be king!
[Reverts back to his normal voice]
Artie: Yeah, right!
Artie: [Sounding confused] What?
Donkey: [to Shrek] You just said father!
Shrek: [to Artie] I said... king, you're gonna be king!
Artie: [Imitating Shrek] You're gonna be king!
[Reverts back to his normal voice]
Artie: Yeah, right!
