Having gotten a taste of college life, a drastically changed farm girl returns home for Thanksgiving break with her best friend, a flamboyant party animal who is clearly a fish out of water in a small farm town.

Walter Warner Sr.: Travis, it really tweaks my melon, to see a buff bro like Crawl here, get weezed on by a greasy scumbag like you. So you just chill.
Crawl: Hey, you'll be happy to know that as soon as you left, I popped your daughter's trunk!
Walter: Oh, shit.
Walter: Lets chow down and much on some grindage!
Crawl: Have you ever heard of the tooth fairy?
Zack: No.
Crawl: I wouldn't fall asleep if I were you.
Zack: Maybe now's a good time to talk about the rules in my room.
Crawl: Rules?
Zack: Rule number 1: Don't touch anything.
Crawl: And what's rule number 2?
Zack: There's only one rule. Don't touch anything!
Rebecca Warner: No. Travis you just get out!
Travis: You can't talk to me like that.
Crawl: No, but I can.
[elbows Travis in the stomach, then punches him in the face, making him fall to the ground]
Crawl: Majored in karate for two semesters.
Walter: Well, now that that's all settled, I think my future son-in-law should carve the turkey.
Rebecca Warner: Oh well you see, that's not necessary, because Crawl and I were never.
Crawl: Sure about the wedding date. So we'll just give it some time and see how things go.
Walter: Oh that's a hell of an idea. Hell of an idea!
Crawl: Chickens You guys have chickens? I love chickens! Are they extra crispy or original recipe?
Crawl: Let's just get the rules straight here. There'll be absolutely no partying in this hall between the hours of 5 and 6 in the morning, without my express written permission. OK cool. Carry on.
Walter Warner Sr.: [about getting CPR again from Crawl] If I had to choose between dying and him kissing me, I'd rather die.
Crawl: My name's Crawl and I'm the RA. And you are? No wait, don't tell me. Sally? Jessie? Raphael?
Connie: She's obviously made up her mind, so let's just handle this like mature adults.
Walter: Right, right... you distract him, and I'm gonna hit him in the head with a shovel.
Crawl: Where are you from?
Becca: South Dakota
Crawl: Fresh off the farm, oh my God, I can't believe it. Right across the hallway. Hallelujah. So you're inbred?
Becca: What?
Crawl: You know, where your mom's your dad, and your dad's your brother.
Tracy: [Kicking Travis to the ground] You are so low!
Walter: Uh... Crotch...
Zack: Why do they call you Crawl?
Crawl: Because that's how I used to get home my freshmen year.
Becca: [crawl coming out of the dressing room at the store] What are you wearing?
Crawl: Cheek-chillers, you likes?
Becca: I hates.
Tattoo Artist: It's better than a kick in the face with a golf shoe.
Crawl: Going into European Studies, buddy.
Crawl: I mean, cruising around Europe, backpacking, right ?
Crawl: Munchin' on ch-ch-ch-cheese, a little vino.
Crawl: [sees Walter Sr. widdling on the porch] Oh, my God, it's Bartles or James. Dude, which one are you?
Crawl: [to Travis] You're too late. Yeah, a couple weeks ago at school I already asked Bec to marry me.
Crawl: Middle America ripping the fields, oooh.
Zack: Speaking of freaks. Hey! How's it going?
Crawl: Cutting some corn. Cutting some corn. Can I get some butter please?
Crawl: Hey, hey Becca! Steven Tyler PJs. Steven Tyler PJs.
Becca: [chuckles] That's great Crawl.
Travis: Rebecca. Rebecca are you listening?
Crawl: [to Becca during the Halloween party] Let me guess miss your mom dad, brother, dog, boyfriend. practically everything yo can think of back home am I right?
Crawl: You have got charisma!
Becca: What's that?
[referring to the tool in Crawl's hand]
Crawl: It's a special quality of leadership that captures the popular imagination and inspires allegiance and devotion.
Becca: [about her first tattoo] I want something feminine.
Tattoo Artist: [beat] He's standing right next to me.
Walter: No, you wait a minute. I gotta tell you, Travis, it really tweaks my melon to see a buff bro like Crawl here get wheezed on by a greasy scum baaaag like you. So you just chill.

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