South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut Quotes
When the four boys see an R-rated movie featuring Canadians Terrance & Phillip, they are pronounced "corrupted", and their parents pressure the United States to wage war against Canada.
Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing.
Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker!
[rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell]
Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it!
Cartman: Damn! Shit! Respect my fuckin' authoritayyy!
[shocks Saddam]
Saddam Hussein: You need to watch your mouth, brat.
Cartman: Dog-shit taco!
Saddam Hussein: Quick Satan! Do something!
Cartman: Try this on for size... Blood drenched frozen tampon popsicle!
Saddam Hussein: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before. But don't worry - I can change!
Cartman: OK... not! Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand!
Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker!
[rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell]
Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it!
Cartman: Damn! Shit! Respect my fuckin' authoritayyy!
[shocks Saddam]
Saddam Hussein: You need to watch your mouth, brat.
Cartman: Dog-shit taco!
Saddam Hussein: Quick Satan! Do something!
Cartman: Try this on for size... Blood drenched frozen tampon popsicle!
Saddam Hussein: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before. But don't worry - I can change!
Cartman: OK... not! Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand!
[person speaking German on "cliteris" website]
Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
Cartman: Oh, very funny!
Kyle: Hey! It IS Cartman's mom!
Mrs. Cartman: [man speaking German on computer] All righty then!
Cartman: SON OF A BI...
[shocks]
Cartman: AHHH!
Ike: [bounces in] Ba ba ba ba.
Kyle: Get out of here, Ike. You're too young for this stuff!
Ike: Bullshit.
Stan: What's she doing now?
German: Essen meine scheisse.
Mrs. Cartman: Okey-dokey!
Kyle, Stan, Cartman: [they see something gross] AWWWWWW!
Stan: [pukes] Click it off, dude, click it off!
[Kyle clicks it off]
Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?
Kyle: Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
Stan: Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
Cartman: Oh, very funny!
Kyle: Hey! It IS Cartman's mom!
Mrs. Cartman: [man speaking German on computer] All righty then!
Cartman: SON OF A BI...
[shocks]
Cartman: AHHH!
Ike: [bounces in] Ba ba ba ba.
Kyle: Get out of here, Ike. You're too young for this stuff!
Ike: Bullshit.
Stan: What's she doing now?
German: Essen meine scheisse.
Mrs. Cartman: Okey-dokey!
Kyle, Stan, Cartman: [they see something gross] AWWWWWW!
Stan: [pukes] Click it off, dude, click it off!
[Kyle clicks it off]
Stan: Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?
Cartman: [to Kyle] Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[the whole class gasps]
Mr. Garrison: [furiously] What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[Cartman picks up a megaphone]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?
[Mr. Garrison is so furious that no word comes out of his mouth]
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the fuck not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: Fuck!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Mr. Garrison: [angrily] How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
[the whole class gasps]
Mr. Garrison: [furiously] What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[Cartman picks up a megaphone]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?
[Mr. Garrison is so furious that no word comes out of his mouth]
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
Cartman: [singing] Well, Kyle's mom is a big, fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls. / On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, on Wedensday and Saturday she's a bitch. Then on Sunday, just to be different, she's a super king kamehameha bee-utch. / Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a big big big big big big bitch. / Bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch, and she's such a stupid bitch./Talk to kids around the world, it might go a little bit something like this!
[sings in mock foreign languages]
[sings in mock foreign languages]
Cartman: You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman.
Cartman: Kyle's mom is the one that started that damn club and all because she's a big fat stupid bit...
Kyle: Don't say it, Cartman.
Cartman: Well...
Kyle: Don't do it, Cartman.
Cartman: Well...
Kyle: I'm warning you!
Cartman: Okay, okay.
Kyle: I'm getting pretty sick of him calling my mom a...
[gasps]
Cartman: Well... Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch, she a bitch to all the boys and girls.
Kyle: Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!
Cartman: On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, on Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch, then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kamehameha bee-otch! Come on, you all know the words. Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch! Kyle's mom's a bitch and she just a dirty bitch. Talk to kids around the world, it might go a little bit something like this.
[sings the song in four different languages]
Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch!
[Mrs. Broflovski turns up, the children gasp and Cartman doesn't notice]
Cartman: Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch!
Stan: Uh, Cartman?
Cartman: Kyle's mom's a bitch and she just a dirty bitch. I really mean it, Kyle's mom... She's a big fat fucking biiitch! Big old fat fucking bitch, that mom... Yeah! Chaa!
[the children stare at Cartman]
Cartman: What?
[Cartman turns around seeing Mrs. Broflovski]
Cartman: Oh... Fuck!
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman.
Cartman: Kyle's mom is the one that started that damn club and all because she's a big fat stupid bit...
Kyle: Don't say it, Cartman.
Cartman: Well...
Kyle: Don't do it, Cartman.
Cartman: Well...
Kyle: I'm warning you!
Cartman: Okay, okay.
Kyle: I'm getting pretty sick of him calling my mom a...
[gasps]
Cartman: Well... Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch, she a bitch to all the boys and girls.
Kyle: Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!
Cartman: On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, on Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch, then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kamehameha bee-otch! Come on, you all know the words. Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch! Kyle's mom's a bitch and she just a dirty bitch. Talk to kids around the world, it might go a little bit something like this.
[sings the song in four different languages]
Cartman: Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch!
[Mrs. Broflovski turns up, the children gasp and Cartman doesn't notice]
Cartman: Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch, she's a stupid bitch!
Stan: Uh, Cartman?
Cartman: Kyle's mom's a bitch and she just a dirty bitch. I really mean it, Kyle's mom... She's a big fat fucking biiitch! Big old fat fucking bitch, that mom... Yeah! Chaa!
[the children stare at Cartman]
Cartman: What?
[Cartman turns around seeing Mrs. Broflovski]
Cartman: Oh... Fuck!
[singing]
Stan: What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? / He'd make a plan and follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Kyle: When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the Gold, / he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold!
Cartman: When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears / he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair!
Stan, Kyle: So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? / I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Cartman: I want this V-chip out of me. / It has stunted my vocabulary.
Kyle: And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone.
Stan: For Wendy I'll be an activist too, / 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: And what would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town / and tell them to unite for truth, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
[intermission]
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010, / he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again!
Cartman: And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids he beat up Kublai Khan!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody! / So let's call all the kids together / and unite to stop our moms. / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan: What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? / He'd make a plan and follow through, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Kyle: When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics skating for the Gold, / he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold!
Cartman: When Brian Boitano was in the Alps fighting grizzly bears / he used his magical fire breath and saved the maidens fair!
Stan, Kyle: So what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today? / I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Cartman: I want this V-chip out of me. / It has stunted my vocabulary.
Kyle: And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone.
Stan: For Wendy I'll be an activist too, / 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: And what would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town / and tell them to unite for truth, that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
[intermission]
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010, / he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again!
Cartman: And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids he beat up Kublai Khan!
Stan, Kyle, Cartman: 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody! / So let's call all the kids together / and unite to stop our moms. / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / And we'll save Terrance and Philip too, 'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! / 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Cartman: Hey dudes!
Kyle: What's the matter Cartman?
Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words
Kyle: Really? So you can't say Fuck?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: And you can't say Shit?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: So you can't say I'm Eric Cartman the Fattest fucking piece of Shit in the world?
Cartman: FUCK YOU!
[gets shocked by the V-chip]
Cartman: AHHH!
Kyle: Ewwww... Sweet!
Kyle: What's the matter Cartman?
Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words
Kyle: Really? So you can't say Fuck?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: And you can't say Shit?
Cartman: No!
Kyle: So you can't say I'm Eric Cartman the Fattest fucking piece of Shit in the world?
Cartman: FUCK YOU!
[gets shocked by the V-chip]
Cartman: AHHH!
Kyle: Ewwww... Sweet!
[the boys have just watched an edited version of "Asses of Fire" and are leaving the theater with the other kids, past the ticket booth again]
Kyle: Man, this movie gets better every time I see it!
Ticket Taker: Hey!
Cartman: Yeah, but you know what? That whole part about lighting farts is bullshit. You can't do that.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yeah, you can!
Cartman: [stops and turns] No way.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. You can *too* light a fart on fire.
Cartman: Okay, Kenny. I'll bet you a hundred dollars you can't light a fart on fire.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. Check it out.
[he lights his fart on fire and laughs; his parka suddenly erupts in flames and he screams in horror; the boys are shocked]
Stan: Holy shit, dude!
Cartman: Ah! Oh my God! Hey!
[begins beating Kenny with a stick]
Cartman: Aw, shit! Aw, shit!
Stan: [steps forward and yells] Help! Somebody do something!
[he steps back and the stick lights up]
Cartman: Aahh! This stick is on fire!
[an ambulance rushes up and stops, but a Russell's Salt truck rushes up and bumps it away; the truck bed lifts up at the front end and dumps the salt on Kenny; if the fire was injury, this is insult]
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Ooowww!
[the ambulance siren dies and the salt doesn't move; the boys stare at the truck]
Stan: Oh my God, you killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
Cartman: Wow, I guess you *can* light a fart on fire, huh?
Kyle: Man, this movie gets better every time I see it!
Ticket Taker: Hey!
Cartman: Yeah, but you know what? That whole part about lighting farts is bullshit. You can't do that.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yeah, you can!
Cartman: [stops and turns] No way.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. You can *too* light a fart on fire.
Cartman: Okay, Kenny. I'll bet you a hundred dollars you can't light a fart on fire.
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. Check it out.
[he lights his fart on fire and laughs; his parka suddenly erupts in flames and he screams in horror; the boys are shocked]
Stan: Holy shit, dude!
Cartman: Ah! Oh my God! Hey!
[begins beating Kenny with a stick]
Cartman: Aw, shit! Aw, shit!
Stan: [steps forward and yells] Help! Somebody do something!
[he steps back and the stick lights up]
Cartman: Aahh! This stick is on fire!
[an ambulance rushes up and stops, but a Russell's Salt truck rushes up and bumps it away; the truck bed lifts up at the front end and dumps the salt on Kenny; if the fire was injury, this is insult]
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Ooowww!
[the ambulance siren dies and the salt doesn't move; the boys stare at the truck]
Stan: Oh my God, you killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastard!
Cartman: Wow, I guess you *can* light a fart on fire, huh?
[demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens.
[to Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: All right. Now I want you to say "horse fucker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's all right.
Cartman: Horse fu...
[gets shocked by the V-chip]
Cartman: That hurts, goddamnit!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi...
[gets shocked repeatedly]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy".
Cartman: Doggy.
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens.
[to Cartman]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana".
Cartman: Montana.
Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow".
Cartman: Pillow.
Dr. Vosknocker: All right. Now I want you to say "horse fucker".
Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's all right.
Cartman: Horse fu...
[gets shocked by the V-chip]
Cartman: That hurts, goddamnit!
[gets shocked again]
Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick".
Cartman: No!
Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear!
Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi...
[gets shocked repeatedly]
Saddam Hussein: [singing] Some people say that I'm a bad guy, they may be right, they may be right. But it's not as if I don't try, I just fuck up, try as I might. But I can change, I can change! I can learn to keep my promises I swear it. I'll open up my heart and I will share it. Any minute now I will be born again! Yes, I can change, I can change, I know I've been a dirty little bastard. I like to kill, I like to maim, yes, I'm insane, but it's okay, cause I can change! It's not my fault that I'm so evil. It's society, society. You see my parents were sometimes abusive, and it made a prick of me! But I can change, I can change. I can learn to keep my promises I know it. I'll open up my heart and I will show it, any minute now I will be born again!
Satan: But what if you never change? What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole?
Saddam Hussein: Hey Satan, don't be such a twit. Mother Theresa won't have shit on me!
Satan: But what if you never change? What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole?
Saddam Hussein: Hey Satan, don't be such a twit. Mother Theresa won't have shit on me!
The Mole: Hold me.
[coughs]
The Mole: There is no hope now, you must get out of here.
Kyle: We can't leave without you!
The Mole: It's okay, I'm done for.
Kyle: No! We can't leave without you! We don't know where the hell we are!
The Mole: Were is your God when you need him, huh? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now?
[coughs]
The Mole: Here I come, God. Here I come, you fucking rat.
The Mole: [singing] Now the light, she fades... and darkness settles in... but I will find strength...
Kyle: No, Mole, hang on...
The Mole: [singing] I will find pride within...
Kyle: We'll get you home...
The Mole: [singing] Because although I die...
Kyle: I can't face my mother...
The Mole: [singing] Our freedom will be won...
Kyle: Not alone!
The Mole: [singing] Though I die... La Resistance lives... on... BLECHHHHH!
[dies]
The Mole: [dramatic music starts]
Kyle: [cutting the orchestra off suddenly] SHIT!
[coughs]
The Mole: There is no hope now, you must get out of here.
Kyle: We can't leave without you!
The Mole: It's okay, I'm done for.
Kyle: No! We can't leave without you! We don't know where the hell we are!
The Mole: Were is your God when you need him, huh? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now?
[coughs]
The Mole: Here I come, God. Here I come, you fucking rat.
The Mole: [singing] Now the light, she fades... and darkness settles in... but I will find strength...
Kyle: No, Mole, hang on...
The Mole: [singing] I will find pride within...
Kyle: We'll get you home...
The Mole: [singing] Because although I die...
Kyle: I can't face my mother...
The Mole: [singing] Our freedom will be won...
Kyle: Not alone!
The Mole: [singing] Though I die... La Resistance lives... on... BLECHHHHH!
[dies]
The Mole: [dramatic music starts]
Kyle: [cutting the orchestra off suddenly] SHIT!
[the Mole ordered Cartman to disable the army camp alarms, but to his surprise the alarms sound when he tries to rescue Terrance and Phillip and he gets set upon by a pack of wild guard dogs, which he manages to escape from]
The Mole: [Bloody & mortally injured] Ze alarms, they went off?
Cartman: [Casually] Oh that was my bad, sorry.
The Mole: [Bloody & mortally injured] Ze alarms, they went off?
Cartman: [Casually] Oh that was my bad, sorry.
Stan: We're "La Resistance," we want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded.
The Mole: I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days.
Kyle: So are we. Our parents think we're home right now.
Stan: Why are you grounded?
The Mole: Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded.
Satan: Saddam, I need to talk to you
Saddam Hussein: Ah, you'd better get packing, bitch, we're running out of time.
Satan: [sighs] sometimes you can love someone very much, but still know they aren't right for you.
Saddam Hussein: What the *fuck* are you talking about?
Satan: You treat me like shit, Saddam! I'm leaving you!
Saddam Hussein: What? No? No! You can't do that! I have to go to Earth!
Satan: You don't even have any respect for me.
Saddam Hussein: Sure I do, guy, please, just hear me out
Saddam Hussein: Ah, you'd better get packing, bitch, we're running out of time.
Satan: [sighs] sometimes you can love someone very much, but still know they aren't right for you.
Saddam Hussein: What the *fuck* are you talking about?
Satan: You treat me like shit, Saddam! I'm leaving you!
Saddam Hussein: What? No? No! You can't do that! I have to go to Earth!
Satan: You don't even have any respect for me.
Saddam Hussein: Sure I do, guy, please, just hear me out
everyone: [singing] Thank God we live in this quiet, little, pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayeseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, white trash, kick-ass! Mountain town!
Stan: [pointing at Kenny in the sky] Look.
Stan: [pointing at Kenny in the sky] Look.
Kyle: Ok. Let's try this one more time. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
Ike Broflovski: Don't kick the baby.
Kyle: Kick the baby!
[Kicks Ike through a window, causing it to shatter]
Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke ANOTHER window! That's a bad baby! Baaaaaad baby!
Stan Marsh: Kyle, we're going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie!
Kyle: Oh my god, dude!
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle! Where are you going?
Kyle: Uuh, we're going ice-skating.
Sheila Broflovski: Well take your little brother with you.
[Ike bounces up to Kyle]
Kyle: Aww, come on, ma! He's not even my real brother. He's adopted!
Sheila Broflovski: DO AS I SAY, KYLE!
Kyle: Ok, ok, I'm sorry!
Ike Broflovski: Don't kick the baby.
Kyle: Kick the baby!
[Kicks Ike through a window, causing it to shatter]
Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke ANOTHER window! That's a bad baby! Baaaaaad baby!
Stan Marsh: Kyle, we're going to see the Terrance and Phillip movie!
Kyle: Oh my god, dude!
Sheila Broflovski: Kyle! Where are you going?
Kyle: Uuh, we're going ice-skating.
Sheila Broflovski: Well take your little brother with you.
[Ike bounces up to Kyle]
Kyle: Aww, come on, ma! He's not even my real brother. He's adopted!
Sheila Broflovski: DO AS I SAY, KYLE!
Kyle: Ok, ok, I'm sorry!
[all hyped and ready after singing a song]
Stan: Can I have FIVE tickets to Terence Phillip: Asses on Fire, please?
[pause]
Ticket Taker: No!
Stan: What do you mean no?
Ticket Taker: Terrance and Philip: Asses of Fire has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America, you have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.
Stan: But why?
Ticket Taker: Because this movie has naughty language! Next please.
Stan: Can I have FIVE tickets to Terence Phillip: Asses on Fire, please?
[pause]
Ticket Taker: No!
Stan: What do you mean no?
Ticket Taker: Terrance and Philip: Asses of Fire has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America, you have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.
Stan: But why?
Ticket Taker: Because this movie has naughty language! Next please.
Terrance: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrance: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[Strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrance: I sure did Philip!
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrance: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[Strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrance: I sure did Philip!
Satan: You have spilt the blood of the innocence, now begins 2,000,000 years of darkness!
Chef: [sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Broslofski! Thanks a lot!
Sheila Broslofski: [innocently] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!
Saddam Hussein: Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me!
[the Canadians and Americans do so]
Saddam Hussein: [laughs] Yeah!
Chef: [sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Broslofski! Thanks a lot!
Sheila Broslofski: [innocently] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!
Saddam Hussein: Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me!
[the Canadians and Americans do so]
Saddam Hussein: [laughs] Yeah!
Cartman: You should've seen Kyle when his mom showed up. He was scared out of his mind.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: No dude, I'd be scared too, your mom is a fucking bitch.
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
Cartman: Don't call me fat you buttfucking son of a bitch!
Chef: Whoa, children! Where did you learn to talk like that?
Cartman: It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman!
Cartman: No dude, I'd be scared too, your mom is a fucking bitch.
Kyle: Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
Cartman: Don't call me fat you buttfucking son of a bitch!
Chef: Whoa, children! Where did you learn to talk like that?
Cartman: It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
General: Now each battalion has a specific code-name and mission. Battalion 5, raise your hands!
[all the African American members put up their hands including Chef]
General: You will be the all important first defense wave, which we will call "Operation Human Shield".
Chef: Hey, wait a minute...
General: Now keep in mind, 'Operation Human Shield' will suffer heavy losses. But don't lose your spirit men! Stay until the bitter end. Battalion 14?
[all the White soldiers raise their hands]
General: Right, you are 'Operation Get Behind The Darkies'. You will follow Battalion 5 here and try not to get killed for God's Sake. Are there any questions men?
[Chef raises his hand]
General: Yes Soldier?
Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop!
Chef: Hey!
[all the African American members put up their hands including Chef]
General: You will be the all important first defense wave, which we will call "Operation Human Shield".
Chef: Hey, wait a minute...
General: Now keep in mind, 'Operation Human Shield' will suffer heavy losses. But don't lose your spirit men! Stay until the bitter end. Battalion 14?
[all the White soldiers raise their hands]
General: Right, you are 'Operation Get Behind The Darkies'. You will follow Battalion 5 here and try not to get killed for God's Sake. Are there any questions men?
[Chef raises his hand]
General: Yes Soldier?
Chef: Have you ever heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
General: I don't listen to hip-hop!
Chef: Hey!
Eric Cartman: Mom, there's someone at the door.
[No reply]
Eric Cartman: Mom, I said there's someone at the door!
Mrs. Cartman: Coming, hun.
Eric Cartman: [as Liane walks past] Ay, I can't see the TV!
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, look Eric, It's your little friends!
Ike Broflovski: Fireman!
Eric Cartman: What are you guys doing here?
[Stan holds up the piece of paper with the movie ad on it]
Eric Cartman: Aw, sweet dudes! Yes, YEEES!
[No reply]
Eric Cartman: Mom, I said there's someone at the door!
Mrs. Cartman: Coming, hun.
Eric Cartman: [as Liane walks past] Ay, I can't see the TV!
Mrs. Cartman: Oh, look Eric, It's your little friends!
Ike Broflovski: Fireman!
Eric Cartman: What are you guys doing here?
[Stan holds up the piece of paper with the movie ad on it]
Eric Cartman: Aw, sweet dudes! Yes, YEEES!
Stan Marsh: Dude, dude, wake up!
[Kenny does so and gets dressed]
Stan Marsh: Kenny, come on!
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Coming!
Stan Marsh: Kenny! The new Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come with me?
Kenny McCormick: Yeah, dude! Come on, let's go, quick...
[They walk away... ]
Kenny's Mom: [appears at the door] Where'd you think YOU'RE going?
Kenny McCormick: We're going to the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Kenny's Mom: You can't, you gotta go to church.
Kenny McCormick: But mom, I really wanna see this movie!
Kenny's Mom: Fine. You go ahead and miss church. And then, when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan!
Kenny McCormick: ...Okay!
[Kenny does so and gets dressed]
Stan Marsh: Kenny, come on!
Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Coming!
Stan Marsh: Kenny! The new Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come with me?
Kenny McCormick: Yeah, dude! Come on, let's go, quick...
[They walk away... ]
Kenny's Mom: [appears at the door] Where'd you think YOU'RE going?
Kenny McCormick: We're going to the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Kenny's Mom: You can't, you gotta go to church.
Kenny McCormick: But mom, I really wanna see this movie!
Kenny's Mom: Fine. You go ahead and miss church. And then, when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan!
Kenny McCormick: ...Okay!
Terrence: Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrence: I sure did, Philip!
Phillip: I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face.
Terrence: [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
[strikes a match, farts, burns up]
Phillip: Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha.
Terrence: I sure did, Philip!
Stan: Hey, Mole. You know where the "clitoris" is?
The Mole: Ze what?
Stan: The "clitoris." I have to have to find the clitoris so I can get this Wendy girl to like me again.
[the Mole grasps Stan]
The Mole: Hey, you have to stop thinking with your dick! You have to be on your toes, because I am not going be grounded again. Not for you, not for anybody!
The Mole: Ze what?
Stan: The "clitoris." I have to have to find the clitoris so I can get this Wendy girl to like me again.
[the Mole grasps Stan]
The Mole: Hey, you have to stop thinking with your dick! You have to be on your toes, because I am not going be grounded again. Not for you, not for anybody!
Chef: [singing] Everything worked out what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down.
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Don't you know our little lives are now complete?
Mrs. Cartman, Sheila Broflovski: 'Cause Terrance and phillip are sweet.
Sheila Broflovski: Super sweet.
everyone: Thank God we live in this quiet, little pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, white trash...
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Kick-ass!
everyone: Mountain... town!
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Don't you know our little lives are now complete?
Mrs. Cartman, Sheila Broflovski: 'Cause Terrance and phillip are sweet.
Sheila Broflovski: Super sweet.
everyone: Thank God we live in this quiet, little pissant, redneck, podunk, jerkwater, greenhorn, one-horse, mudhole, peckerwood, right-wing, whistle-stop, hobnail, truck-driving, old-fashioned, hayseed, inbred, unkempt, out-of-date, white trash...
Cartman, Kyle, Stan: Kick-ass!
everyone: Mountain... town!
Sharon Marsh: Well good morning, Stan.
Stan Marsh: Hi mom, can I have eight dollars to see a movie?
Sharon Marsh: A movie? But I thought you were going ice-skating.
Stan Marsh: But this is gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada!
Sharon Marsh: Oh alright, then. But be back for supper!
Stan Marsh: Thanks, mom!
Stan Marsh: Hi mom, can I have eight dollars to see a movie?
Sharon Marsh: A movie? But I thought you were going ice-skating.
Stan Marsh: But this is gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada!
Sharon Marsh: Oh alright, then. But be back for supper!
Stan Marsh: Thanks, mom!
