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In order to save their bankrupt school, a group of troublesome girls stage a robbery with a group of geniuses on their tails.
Annabelle Fritton: Daddy, you can't expect me to stay here. It's like Hogwarts for Pikeys!
Tania: You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
Kelly: St. Trinian's is closing down. [all the girls start to cheer] Kelly: We're facing the biggest crisis of our lives and you're behaving like bloody children. If this place closes down, we have to go to other schools. And by that I mean *normal* schools.
Miss Fritton: Don't you think I make a remarkable queen?
Flash Harry: What's this then? A sweet? A mini cigar? [sucks on the end] Taylor: They're tampons Flash. [disgusted gagging noise as Flash spits it out] Taylor: Women don't just want to feel beautiful on the outside!
Emo Girl: We're not goth, we're emo.
Quiz host: In which Shakespeare play would you find the following stage directions "exit pursued by a bear"? [buzzer sounds] Quiz host: Yes. Chas, Bedales. Bedales Pupil 1: Was it Winnie the Pooh?
[answering a fruit-based quiz question] Matron: Papau. Chelsea: Um... Matron: Papau! Chelsea: Um...! Quiz host: I will have to hurry you, I'm afraid Matron: PAPAU! PAPAU! Chelsea: [tentatively] Is it... Pineapple? Matron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Quiz host: That is Correct! Matron: [quietly] Oh.
Kelly: [the girls are trying to decide what to steal to save their school from foreclosure] What about that? Kelly: [Points at copy of "Girl With Pearl Earring"] Chelsea, Chloe, Peaches: [Gasp] Oh my God. Chelsea: You want to steal Scarlett Johansson? Kelly: You are so blonde, Chelsea.
Tania, Tara: We've got double chemistry tommorrow, we'll work on the explosives then.
Quiz host: [as one of the Bedale pupils walks up to him] What are you doing? What are you doing? Chas, get back. I'm being touched! Derek, I'm being touched! Derek, someone's touching me!
[loud fart echoes from the St. Trinians quiz team] Chelsea: I am so sorry... its a side effect of my raisin-and-ryvita diet! [disgusted looks] Quiz host: Contrary to popular belief... better in than out.
Flash Harry: I wanted to talk to you about the problems with the last batch. Tania, Tara: Problems, Flash? Flash Harry: The slightly bitter aftertaste, the people going blind after the second glass, that lady wot died... Tania: She was old. Tara: She could have gone at any time. Flash Harry: She was thirty-eight. Tania, Tara: Yeah?
Tania: [takes out a pack of Cigarettes] Kelly: Tania what are you doing? You're ten! And you're carrying high-explosives! Tania: It's not what you think Kel! [puts Cigarettes up her nose] Tara: It's for the smell! Tania, Tara: We saw it on CSI!
Miss Fritton: Ah, Ms Bagstock, your girlish laughter hit me like the lash of a hunting crop.
Chelsea: [the earpieces Chelsea, Chloe and Peaches are using to help cheat during the quiz show are suddenly shut off, causing them to generate feedback right into the girls' ears] That hurt worse than a Brazilian wax.
Bursar: OK girls, let's play clean. No biting, no scratching... kicking, no gouging, no kickboxing, no punching, no slapping, no spitting... uh... no gouging! And no no-regulation equipment. James, this is with you! [James is using a knife to sharpen her hockey stick into a spear] Bursar: OK, into position! [Bursar blows the whistle to start the game, and is immediately KO'ed with a stick blow]
Carnaby Fritton: Who are you? Flash Harry: [sputters for a second] Uh... German!
Chelsea: Oh my god! You want us to steal Scarlett Johansson?
Miss Dickinson: With your girlish wiles and your minxy ways and now your criminal cunning, you know what you are? Chelsea: A washed up slapper.
Miss Fritton: [quietly] Snooty cow. [realising Ms Bagstock heard her] Miss Fritton: [shouting] Emily Snooty-Cow! DO remember to stretch! Good girl! [confused looks from pitch]
Geoffrey Thwaites: [Is discovered in one of the girls' rooms with his pants down] You wouldn't know the way to the hockey pitch, would you? [Cut to him being thrown out a window and landing in a fountain]