For a group of teens, the answer to the mysterious death of their old friend lies within the world of an online video game based on the true story of an ancient noblewoman known as the Blood Countess.

Swink Sylvania: Bitch, that's cheating! I'm not even dead yet!
Swink Sylvania: [after Phin slaps his arm] Don't touch me, "A-hole".
Phineus Bantum: "A-hole", dude?
Swink Sylvania: Profanity is for the feeble-minded.
Phineus Bantum: Well, I'm "effing" sorry I offended you... fuck-ass.
[last lines]
October Bantum: Go fuck yourself!
October Bantum: You know Phin? The problem with your mouth is that stupid, insensitive shit comes out of it.
October Bantum: Somebody ran my brother down in a horse-drawn carriage. I'm gonna find whoever did it, and hurt them.
Swink Sylvania: But I just figured out how to strip one of those zombie concubines naked.
Phineus Bantum: *That* is what I'm talking about. How do you do it?
Swink Sylvania: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A.
Phineus Bantum: [enters code] Boobs.
Phineus Bantum: [describing Abigail] Girl has got body karate going on.
October Bantum: Shut up.
Phineus Bantum: I don't know what it is, man, I'm scared, I'm freaking out man, there's something OUT here - is that Abby? Wassup Mama?
Phineus Bantum: Who talks like that to their brother like that anyway?
October Bantum: Somebody with an idiot for a brother.
Phineus Bantum: Oh my God, you're a terrible person.
[simultaneously reading]
Swink Sylvania, October Bantum, Phineus Bantum, Hutch O'Neill, Abigail, Miller Banks: Come to me, clouds. May you rise as an evil storm born to rip them open. Let the cover of night bear witness and destroy those who resist so they shall harm me not. Let the blood of many cleanse me, preserving beauty eternal, I pray you.
Miller Banks: You know what they say- you play the game too long, you start seeing shit and having seizures.
Swink Sylvania: Did you feel that?
Phineus Bantum: I felt it in my pants!
Stay Alive Game Voice-Over: When fear criples you, when death's dark shadow surrounds you, drop a rose. It will help you... stay alive.
Swink Sylvania: We should drop one when we meet up with a boss we can't face.
October Bantum: Yeah, the undead can't cross the twig of a wild rose.
Phineus Bantum: That is what happens when you read too much goth chick lit.
Hutch O'Neill: This is...
Swink Sylvania: ...fucking insane.
October Bantum: Whoever said size doesn' matter never played a third-person shooter. Can I have a 42-inch this time? You know I like the big ones...
Hutch O'Neill: Once again, that is too much information- oh, shit!
[Hutch runs to the bathroom]
Phineus Bantum: [to October] ... You're a whore.
Swink Sylvania: Go on and get out of here. I've got these punk-ass bitch motherfuckers handled.
[Phineus licks Swink's controller and hands it to him]
Swink Sylvania: Dude...
Phineus Bantum: Put your hands on it.
Swink Sylvania: That's disgusting...
Phineus Bantum: Touch it.
Phineus Bantum: If this genuinely is from Loomis, it must in fact, be barely legal.
Hutch O'Neill: [later] Ok, we got this from Loomis, It's called Stay Alive. We don't know much about it except we're not supposed to have it.
Phineus Bantum: Sweet Sebastian Bach, I wanna play!
Hutch O'Neill: They don't really know what happened. All they know is that he was murdered.
Phineus Bantum: Holy fucking shit, really?
Miller Banks: [snorting cocaine] Ooh, fuck, that burns!
October Bantum: If you had any less sense, you'd be half a penny.
Phineus Bantum: Can we skip the cinematic foreplay? I wanna fuck.
Phineus Bantum: Miller, man, you in those tunnels again? All the doors are locked.
Miller Banks: Well, now they're open and I'm exploring, tearin' shit up... ownin' fools.
October Bantum: Ownin' fools?
Phineus Bantum: I beta-tested for a while. It sucked. It's kinda like eating a beav - it's awesome at first, then it's just goddamn monotonous.
Swink Sylvania: Can Hutch come out and play?
Hutch O'Neill: Swink! You scared the crap out of me!
Swink Sylvania: Why yes. I would love to come inside.
Abigail: I hate telling people the truth and watching 'em get embarassed for that!