After the death of his uncle, the 14-year-old schoolboy Alex Rider is forced by the Special OperationsDivision of Britain's secret intelligence service, MI6, for a mission which will save millions of lives.

[Darrius Sayle is on a large TV screen in the MI6 Headquarters, giving an interview to the BBC]
Alan Blunt: [pauses the video and stands up] We don't trust him.
Alex Rider: Why not?
Alan Blunt: Well, we don't trust anyone. It's sort of what we do.
Nadia Vole: It's a fishing village.
Alex Rider: It's nice.
Nadia Vole: Not if you're a fish.
Jack Starbright: I met the most amazing guy down at the fish market today.
[Alex, who's heard this MANY times before, sighs and rolls his eyes]
Jack Starbright: You know what the problem with this country is, though? Every good-looking guy is either gay or married. Except for *you*, but you're too young.
Alex Rider: I'm too young to die!
Darrius Sayle: You're never too young to die.
Darrius Sayle: Darrius Smell. That's what they called me. Do you know why they called me that?
Alex Rider: Because you didn't wash?
[Alex dings a Xylophone]
Mr. Smithers: Don't do that!
Alex Rider: Why, is it dangerous?
Mr. Smithers: No, it's very annoying.
Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Good day at school?
Alex Rider: [in Japanese] Why are we speaking Japanese?
Jack Starbright: [in Japanese] Because we're having a special dinner.
[re: his Physalia Physalis]
Darrius Sayle: It reminds me of myself.
Alex Rider: It's 99 percent water, has no brains and no anus.
[pause]
Darrius Sayle: [laughing] I think I'm going to like you.
[Sayle's security guard faces off with Alex. Alex bows. The guard returns the bow - and Alex kicks him in the crotch]
Alex Rider: Schoolboy trick.
[after one of the canisters crashes to the ground]
Clumsy Guard: I'm sorry! I won't do that again.
Yassen Gregorovich: No, you won't.
[shoots him]
Alex Rider: You're going to kill thousands of innocent people.
Darrius Sayle: No, no, of course not. I'll kill millions.
Alex Rider: What is this place? Hogwarts?
Alex Rider: What about me?
Yassen Gregorovich: I had no instruction concerning you.
Alex Rider: Mr. Grin, can you hear me?
[silence]
Alex Rider: Mr. Grin?
[silence]
Alex Rider: Ok, Mr. Grin, I want you to take me to London as fast as you can!
[Mr. Grin turns the helicopter sharply]
Alex Rider: This doesn't change anything. You killed my uncle. You're still my enemy.
Yassen Gregorovich: I have a lot of enemies.
Jack Starbright: Is it just me or are those bankers weird?
Alex Rider: What kind of people are you?
Alan Blunt: Ones that normally get their way.
Nadia Vole: You are ze first child to experience ze power... ze vorld domination, of ze Stormbreaker. Zis model has already been loaded vis highly developed programs for all aspects of ze school curricular.
Alex Rider: Does it have pinball?
Nadia Vole: Zere ist no "pinballs"!
Alan Blunt: We want you to work for us.
Alex Rider: You're not being serious.
Alan Blunt: Actually, it's not my habit to make jokes.
Alex Rider: Well, you're making one now! I don't want to be a spy. In case you haven't noticed, I'm still at school.
Alex Rider: If this is what you do to the winner, I'd hate to see how you treat the runner up.
Jack Starbright: What the heck are you doing? That's Ian's stuff!
Alex Rider: This isn't over.
Yassen Gregorovich: Yes, Alex, it is. Go back to school. You don't belong to the same world as me. You should forget about me.
Alex Rider: I'll never forget you.
Yassen Gregorovich: That's your choice.
Alex Rider: I get gadgets?