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A psychotic socialite confronts a pro tennis star with a theory on how two complete strangers can get away with murder...a theory that he plans to implement.
Senator Morton: Poor unfortunate girl. Barbara Morton: She was a tramp. Senator Morton: She was a human being. Let me remind you that even the most unworthy of us has a right to life and the pursuit of happiness. Barbara Morton: From what I hear she pursued it in all directions.
Guy Haines: I may be old-fashioned, but I thought murder was against the law.
Bruno: My theory is that everyone is a potential murderer.
Barbara Morton: I still think it would be wonderful to have a man love you so much he'd kill for you.
Bruno Anthony: Don't worry, I'm not going to shoot you, Mr. Haines. It might disturb Mother.
Bruno Anthony: When's the wedding? Guy Haines: The what? Bruno Anthony: The wedding. It's in the papers. Guy Haines: Well, it shouldn't be. Not unless they legalized bigamy overnight.
Senator Morton: You had no trouble, of course, with the police once they verified your alibi? Guy Haines: When an alibi is full of bourbon, sir, it can't stand up.
Barbara Morton: Oh, Daddy doesn't mind a little scandal. He's a senator.
Mrs. Anthony: Well, I do hope you've forgotten about that silly little plan of yours. Bruno Anthony: Which one? Mrs. Anthony: About blowing up the White House. Bruno Anthony: Oh, Ma, I was only fooling. Besides, what would the President say? Mrs. Anthony: You're a naughty boy, Bruno.
Senator Morton: One doesn't always have to say what one thinks.
Guy Haines: It's pretty late to start flirting with a discarded husband.
Senator Morton: I'll have him called up immediately. Barbara Morton: Obstructing the wheels of justice, Daddy?
Mrs. Cunningham: You know, I read of a case once. I think it would be a wonderful idea! I can take him out in the car, and when we get to a very lonely spot, knock him on the head with a hammer, pour gasoline over him and over the car, and set the whole thing ablaze! [giggles] Bruno Anthony: [scowls] And have to walk all the way home? Oh, no. Mrs. Cunningham: [meek] No? Oh... Bruno Anthony: No, no. I have the best way, and the best tools. [raises hands] Bruno Anthony: Simple, silent, and quick - the silent part being the most important. Let me show you what I mean. You don't mind if I borrow your neck for a moment, do you? Mrs. Cunningham: [simpers] Well... if it's not for long!
Minister: [Last Lines] I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines? [Guy and Anne get up and walk away without saying a word to the man]
[first lines] Bruno Anthony: I beg your pardon, but aren't you Guy Haines?
Guy Haines: Doesn't that bloodhound ever relax? He sticks so close he's beginning to grow on me - like a fungus.
Bruno Anthony: Everyone has somebody that they want to put out of the way. Oh now surely, Madam, you're not going to tell me that there hasn't been a time that you didn't want to dispose of someone. Your husband, for instance?
Guy Haines: You crazy maniac! Would you please get out of here and leave me alone? Bruno Anthony: But Guy... I like you. [offended, Guy punches Bruno in the face]
Bruno Anthony: I admire people who do things.
Bruno Anthony: Criss-cross.
Anne Morton: How did you get him to do it? Guy Haines: I... get him to do it? Anne Morton: He killed Miriam, didn't he? [Guy stares at Anne, hesitating to answer] Anne Morton: Tell me, didn't he. Guy Haines: Yes. He's a maniac. I met him on the train going to Metcalf. He had some crazy scheme about exchanging murders. I'd do his murder; he'd do mine. Anne Morton: What do you mean "your murder" Guy? Guy Haines: He read about me in the papers. He knew about Miriam, about you. He suggested that if he got rid of Miriam for me I should kill his father. Anne Morton: You must have known he was talking nonsense. Guy Haines: But he wasn't! Of course I didn't give it another thought. And now a lunatic wants me to kill his father. Anne Morton: It's too fantastic. Guy Haines: Yes, isn't it? Anne Morton: You mean, you've known about Miriam all this time? Guy Haines: Since the first night. He gave me her glasses. Anne Morton: Why didn't you call the policee? Guy Haines: And have them say what you did? "Mr. Haines, how did you get him to do it?" And Bruno would say we planned it together.
Barbara Morton: Who's the interesting-looking Frenchman with the Darvilles? Guy Haines: His name's Antony... he's not French.
Bruno Anthony: How do you do, sir? I'd like to talk with you sometime, sir, and tell you about my idea for harnessing the life force. It'll make atomic power look like the horse and buggy. I'm already developing my faculty for seeing _millions_ of miles. And Senator: can you imagine being able to smell a flower - on the planet Mars? I'd like to have lunch with you someday soon, sir. Tell you more about it.
Bruno: I have the perfect weapon right here: these two hands.
Bruno Anthony: I have a theory that you should do everything before you die.