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A high schooler recounts the way he blackmailed his fellow classmates into contributing to his literary magazine.
Carson Phillips: Because a life without meaning, without drive, without focus, without goals or dreams isn't a life worth living. Life comes at you fast. It runs through your body and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like... lightning.
Carson Phillips: In what grade do we stop believing in ourselves? In what grade do we just stop believing, period? I mean, someone has to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Someone has to be a ballerina. Why not us? I can't be the only one that gets that.
Carson Phillips: [voiceover] I wanted to be heard so bad that I never thought about listening, but what I regretted the most was that I lived every day waiting for my life to begin. Student: What's this? Malerie Baggs: A magazine. Student: [to Carson] Dick. Carson Phillips: [voiceover] The higher your cloud, the further your rain falls.
Carson Phillips: 2, 4, 6, 8. Heard you like to fornicate.
Carson Phillips: Shakespeare once wrote that life is but a dream - and that's exactly how I live my life, from one dream to the next, hating every update of reality.
Claire Mathews: Even if you spread whatever information you have on us around this school, no one is going to believe you. Got it? Vicki Jordan: Actually, I will TOTALLY believe him. Claire Mathews: You don't count. Vicki Jordan: Oh, we don't count? Thank you very much. Malerie Baggs: They will believe... 'cause we will spread that shit like Nutella.
Carson Phillips: I wrote you a story, Grandma. Grandma: Oh, let's see. "Once upon a time there was a boy." Why! It could use a little development, but-but it's a great beginning.
Carson Phillips: [talks emotionally] Sometimes I just don't get it. Life. I mean, why do some of us have to work so hard for things we believe in and others don't? I mean, why do some of us care so much? Why are some of us selfish by nature and some of us are selfish to survive? Grandma: [knits] Dear, I'm making this for my grandson. Carson Phillips: [whimpers] What is it? Grandma: [hesitates] A scarf-blanket. [is stirred and laughs]
[first lines] Carson Phillips: I always thought death would be different. I expected a great wave of realization to sweep over me - suddenly the meaning of life would be answered along with every other question I ever had - but there was nothing to realize. I was dead.
Sheryl Phillips: You were on ADD medication as a kid, and you turned out somewhat decent. Carson Phillips: No, I wasn't. Sheryl Phillips: I hid it in your food. Carson Phillips: I thought I was just really calm and mature for my age. Sheryl Phillips: Nope, you were drugged. When your father and I started our divorce, you started asking so many questions we found it easier to roofie you than answer you.
Carson Phillips: Malerie, why-why do you film everything? I mean, I'm sure you don't want to remember... EVERYTHING. Malerie Baggs: What isn't worth remembering? With good memories come bad memories and I've got a lot of both. At least this way I can fast-forward through all the bad stuff.
Carson Phillips: I don't want you to shit a dime for me, Nicholas.
Grandma: He used to be such a happy boy. He used to write me stories. I remember the first story he ever wrote me. "Once upon a time there was a boy," and that became "Once upon a time there was a boy who wanted to fly," and it just got better and better over time. Now, I never did find out whether the boy got to fly.
Carson Phillips: You've seen my end, but where do I begin?
Emilio: I literally put the dick in valeDICtorian.
Principal: I think I speak for the entire faculty when I say... your son was an absolute joy. Carson Phillips: Oh, kiss my embalmed ass.
First Grade Teacher: When something takes away something else, what do we call that? Not addition, but... Youngest Carson: Homicide.
Carson Phillips: Poor Mom. She spent her entire life trying to be Betty Crocker... and became Betty Ford.
Remy Baker: I hate you more than I hate the holocaust. Carson Phillips: Bite me, hobbit.
Grandma: You remind me of my grandson. Carson Phillips: I do? Why is that? Grandma: You're sad-looking.
Carson Phillips: Thank you for being the perfect example of something I refuse to become!
Sheryl Phillips: You know, you make me wish I'd had that abortion back in the '90s. Carson Phillips: That makes two of us.
Justin Walker: Hot Stuff, can you freeze fire? Malerie Baggs: Yes. Well, um... have you seen the movie The Last Airbender? Justin Walker: No. I-I sleep with girls.
Sheryl Phillips: If you were decent. you would just let me sleep. Carson Phillips: If I's decent. I'd just PUT you to sleep.
Carson Phillips: So, Emilio, how long have you been a fornicating exchange student, hm?
Sheryl Phillips: You need to be on antidepressants. Carson Phillips: No way. You're medicated enough for the both of us.
Sheryl Phillips: Never have a kid to save a marriage. It does not work.
Vicki Jordan: Carson, why do you care so much? Just don't, okay?