Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Quotes
#1 NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby stays atop the heap thanks to a pact with his best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton, Jr. But when a French Formula One driver, makes his way up the ladder, Ricky Bobby's talent and devotion are put to the test.
Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are *terrible* boys!
Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!
Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby: Come on!
Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip: What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!
Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby: Come on!
Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip: What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
[from the unrated version]
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I lost my license. That's why I'm on the bus... I'm delivering pizzas.
Passenger on Bus: Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up!
Ricky Bobby: I- I've just telling you that 'cause, like I said, I lost my license. I've just been having a lot of problems lately.
Passenger on Bus: Problems? I don't want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma got problems she just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up somebody's finger! That's a problem!
Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I lost my license. That's why I'm on the bus... I'm delivering pizzas.
Passenger on Bus: Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up!
Ricky Bobby: I- I've just telling you that 'cause, like I said, I lost my license. I've just been having a lot of problems lately.
Passenger on Bus: Problems? I don't want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma got problems she just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up somebody's finger! That's a problem!
Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.
Lucius Washington: You're not gonna live forever.
Ricky Bobby: No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do you know what that means?
Lucius Washington: No, I don't know what that means. I guess longer life.
Ricky Bobby: No, he didn't live. It's just exciting that we're trying things like that.
Ricky Bobby: No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do you know what that means?
Lucius Washington: No, I don't know what that means. I guess longer life.
Ricky Bobby: No, he didn't live. It's just exciting that we're trying things like that.
[on why Ricky should resume his racing career]
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
[classmates all cheer]
10-year-old Ricky: Dad!
Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.
Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
[puts a cigarette in his mouth]
Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.
Classmates: OOO0HHHH!
Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.
Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.
Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.
[classmates all cheer]
Jean Girard: [has Ricky in an arm lock] I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say..."I... love... crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.
Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?
Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.
Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!
[he tries unsuccessfully to get free]
Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.
Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.
Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, "I love crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.
Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.
Jean Girard: Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
Ricky Bobby: Oh, my god, I love those.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.
Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?
Jean Girard: Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.
Ricky Bobby: Well, why didn't someone yell that right-right away?
Jean Girard: Do you know what's in the crepe suzette?
Ricky Bobby: Oh, I love the crepe suzette.
Jean Girard: With the sugar and lemon juice...
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, the sugar and the lemon juice. Sure.
Jean Girard: Grand Marnier.
Ricky Bobby: I wo - I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.
Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?
Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.
Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!
[he tries unsuccessfully to get free]
Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.
Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.
Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, "I love crepes."
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.
Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.
Jean Girard: Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
Ricky Bobby: Oh, my god, I love those.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.
Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?
Jean Girard: Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.
Ricky Bobby: Well, why didn't someone yell that right-right away?
Jean Girard: Do you know what's in the crepe suzette?
Ricky Bobby: Oh, I love the crepe suzette.
Jean Girard: With the sugar and lemon juice...
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, the sugar and the lemon juice. Sure.
Jean Girard: Grand Marnier.
Ricky Bobby: I wo - I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake 'n Bake!
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No, never again.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.
Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like... Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
[puts hand out]
Ricky Bobby: No, never again.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.
Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like... Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Ricky Bobby: You sick, sons of bitches. I mean you walk in that door, on your two legs... all fat and cocky and lookin at me in my chair. And you tell me its all in my head? I hope that both of you have sons... Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!
Lucius Washington: [enraged] Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don't you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!
Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?
Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
[Chip is starled]
Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
[Chip is starled]
Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said "No, you're wrong." I said "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Ricky Bobby: I've sent in my application to the Real World. So I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, "hey, what's up guys? Want some crack?" I'm just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.
Reese Bobby: Now, you show me the DNA test and then maybe I'll, uh... I'll say hello to these swamp rats.
Frank: [from the house next door] You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent tryin' to sleep!
Reese Bobby: You better shut the hell up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!
Lucy Bobby: Yeah, shut up, Frank!
Walker: Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Reese Bobby: Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.
Frank: [from the house next door] You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent tryin' to sleep!
Reese Bobby: You better shut the hell up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!
Lucy Bobby: Yeah, shut up, Frank!
Walker: Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Reese Bobby: Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl Magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl Magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I... I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho.
Jean Girard: Bon. So, what if you just said: "I love really thin pancakes"? That is a fair compromise, no?
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
Kyle: That is a fair compromise.
Herschell: Very fair, actually.
Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!
Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.
Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.
Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.
Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!
Jean Girard: As you wish.
[He breaks Ricky's arm]
Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!
[on Ricky's new 'corporate sponsor']
Susan: "Me" is you. Because it's just you out there. We don't have any corporate sponsors, we don't have any fancy team owners. We have you. And this car, and this cougar, which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome. It's all there for you.
Glenn: Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword that Sir Lancelot used to bring together the Knights of the Round Table, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen...
[whispers suggestively]
Glenn: ... in the biblical sense.
Ricky Bobby: Okay, Glenn. Everything cool that Susan said, you wrecked it.
Susan: "Me" is you. Because it's just you out there. We don't have any corporate sponsors, we don't have any fancy team owners. We have you. And this car, and this cougar, which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome. It's all there for you.
Glenn: Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword that Sir Lancelot used to bring together the Knights of the Round Table, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen...
[whispers suggestively]
Glenn: ... in the biblical sense.
Ricky Bobby: Okay, Glenn. Everything cool that Susan said, you wrecked it.
Schoolteacher: Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?
10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
[classmates laugh at what Ricky said]
Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.
10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.
[classmates laugh at what Ricky said]
Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.
10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
Jean Girard: My name is Jean Girard and I am a racing-car driver just like you except I am from Formula Un. I am the greatest one in the whole world. I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well that last one's pretty cool.
Ricky Bobby: I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did you eat some peanut butter or something?
Ricky Bobby: Yeah, you sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth
Jean Girard: I think what you are hearing is my accent. I am French.
Ricky Bobby: You say you're French?
Jean Girard: Oui.
[sounds like 'We']
Ricky Bobby: We? No, we are not French. We're American, because you're in America, okay? Greatest country on the planet
Jean Girard: Well, what have you given the world apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
Ricky Bobby: Chinese food?
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chinese food.
Jean Girard: That's from China.
Ricky Bobby: Pizza.
Jean Girard: Italy.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Chimichanga.
Jean Girard: Mexico.
Ricky Bobby: Really, smarty-pants? What did French land give us?
Jean Girard: We invented democracy, existentialism, and the blowjob.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Those are three pretty good things.
Ricky Bobby: Hey.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well that last one's pretty cool.
Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don't you remember the time you told me "If you ain't first, you're last"?
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!
Waffle House Manager: [it's career day at Ricky's school and a girl is introducing her father] I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day-to-day. And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell what it's like to manage a Waffle House. Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them. And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.
Schoolteacher: Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.
Schoolteacher: Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.
Lucy Bobby: Reese, you just passed the hospital!
Lucy Bobby: [they keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something! Ready? One, two, THREE!
[He slams the brakes and we hear Ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy!
Lucy Bobby: [they keep on driving] The baby's coming, he's coming now!
Reese Bobby: All right, all right, hold on.
Lucy Bobby: Okay, but i think he might be stuck.
Reese Bobby: Grab onto something! Ready? One, two, THREE!
[He slams the brakes and we hear Ricky pop out of Lucy]
Lucy Bobby: It's a baby boy!
Jean Girard: Soon you will know what it is like to be defeated by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you. As William Blake wrote, "The cut worm forgives the plow".
Ricky Bobby: Well, let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders who said "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken".
Jean Girard: What's that got to do with this?
Ricky Bobby: Well, let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders who said "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken".
Jean Girard: What's that got to do with this?
Reese Bobby: Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity. So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue. Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes before they show up and you do 5 to 10. So, what's it going to be? Fear or prison?
Ricky Bobby: Man, what the hell are you talking about?
Reese Bobby: Real simple, son... cops are coming, there's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam under the car. Time to be a man. You got hair on your peaches or what?
Ricky Bobby: Man, what the hell are you talking about?
Reese Bobby: Real simple, son... cops are coming, there's a kilo of Colombian bam-bam under the car. Time to be a man. You got hair on your peaches or what?
Ricky Bobby: I came here to tell you one thing. Come race time tomorrow I'm coming for you.
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the academy award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made. Look I came here to tell you tomorrow I'm coming for you.
Jean Girard: May god be with you Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!
Ricky Bobby: Alright.
Jean Girard: Do you know why I came to America Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard: I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby: What are you talking about?
Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants. To tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet but before I can do that...
Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.
Jean Girard: It's not dumb.
Ricky Bobby: It is dumb.
Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby: I don't know.
Jean Girard: But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby: You saying you're going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard: No.
Ricky Bobby: No?
Jean Girard: NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby: Wow I feel like I'm in the Highlander.
Jean Girard: What's the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby: It's a movie.
Jean Girard: Oh any good?
Ricky Bobby: Very good. It won the academy award.
Jean Girard: Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie ever made. Look I came here to tell you tomorrow I'm coming for you.
Jean Girard: May god be with you Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!
Ricky Bobby: Alright.
Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard: It's a sign of friendship in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: There is nothing sexual about it. Please don't be worried about the fact that I have an erection. Its has nothing to do with you.
Jean Girard: It's a sign of friendship in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: There is nothing sexual about it. Please don't be worried about the fact that I have an erection. Its has nothing to do with you.
Bill Weber: Ricky Bobby in the #62 car is on the move. He's sliding from 26th place to 18th place. Now let's go to John Hannafin, who's in the stands with a country music legend.
John Hannafin: Thank you, Sean. I'm here with one of the greatest country music stars of all-time, Kenny Rogers. Kenny, what do you think of the race so far?
Kenny Rogers: [obviously not Kenny Rogers] It's good, they're going real fast.
Bill Weber: John, that's *not* Kenny Rogers!
John Hannafin: In the song "The Gambler", you sang "You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run." Should Ricky Bobby have stayed away from racing?
Kenny Rogers: Mr. Bobby is very competitive. If he wants to race, he should race.
John Hannafin: Well this is John Hannafin with Kenny Rogers. And now back to you, Bill.
Bill Weber: Well that, of course, was not Kenny Rogers.
Benny Parsons: Not even close!
John Hannafin: Thank you, Sean. I'm here with one of the greatest country music stars of all-time, Kenny Rogers. Kenny, what do you think of the race so far?
Kenny Rogers: [obviously not Kenny Rogers] It's good, they're going real fast.
Bill Weber: John, that's *not* Kenny Rogers!
John Hannafin: In the song "The Gambler", you sang "You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run." Should Ricky Bobby have stayed away from racing?
Kenny Rogers: Mr. Bobby is very competitive. If he wants to race, he should race.
John Hannafin: Well this is John Hannafin with Kenny Rogers. And now back to you, Bill.
Bill Weber: Well that, of course, was not Kenny Rogers.
Benny Parsons: Not even close!
Ricky Bobby: I get emotional. You guys are workin' so hard, and I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me, precocious and full of wonderment.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed. These two are two in a million, just like Carley's ta-tas. You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee it.
Carley Bobby: Thank you, Cal.
Walker: That's real sweet of you, Cal.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that's a real nice sentiment. That's about one of the nicest things you ever said.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Well, I mean it.
Carley Bobby: Stop it, gonna make me cry.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Comes from the heart.
