Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze Quotes

The Turtles and the Shredder battle once again, this time for the last cannister of the ooze that created the Turtles, which Shredder wants to create an army of new mutants.

Donatello: The perimeter's quiet.
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too quiet.
[Donatello knocks two Foot soldiers out]
Donatello: Well, that was easy!
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too easy.
Donatello: Look! It's Raph!
Michaelangelo: Yeah, a little too Raph.
Donatello: Yee haw! Ninja cowboy!
Michaelangelo: [seeing Tokka and Rahzar] Hey didn't we see these guys on WrestleMania?
Michaelangelo: Ahh, ninja pizza!
Donatello: "Ninja pizza"?
Michaelangelo: Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!
Splinter: Were you seen?
Leonardo: Of course not, Master Splinter.
Donatello: We practiced Ninja.
Michaelangelo: [off camera] The art of invisibility.
[appears from behind Raph]
Splinter: [holds up the New York Post, with a front page picture of the turtles on stage, with the headline "Ninja Rap is Born!"] Practice harder.
[the turtles groan]
Splinter: Ten flips, now! And remember:
[quoting the song played at the show]
Splinter: "Go Ninja, go Ninja, go!" I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha!
Shredder: Babies! They're babies!
Professor Jordan Perry: What did you expect? They'd come out quoting "Macbeth"?
Shredder: They are stupid!
Professor Jordan Perry: Well, they're not stupid, they're infants.
Rahzar: [knocks Tokka on the head with a metal pole] Bang!
Tokka: Ow!
Professor Jordan Perry: Okay, they're stupid infants.
Splinter: Their world can never be ours.
Michaelangelo: Uh... Not even pizza?
Splinter: [after pause] Pizza's okay.
[the turtles sigh with relief]
Michaelangelo: Man, give a guy a heart attack.
Splinter: What troubles you, my son?
Donatello: I-I don't know. I just thought there would be more to it; to the ooze, to you know, us!
Leonardo: I know!
Donatello: I just always thought there would be something that... I thought we'd find out we were special.
Splinter: Do not confuse the professor's words with your current worth, my son.
Donatello: But I don't believe him! There's just got to be more to it!
Leonardo: Get it?
Donatello: Got it.
Raphael: Good.
Michaelangelo: I don't get it.
[the Turtles have been rescued by Splinter]
Leonardo: That's right, Shredder, you forgot, we carry insurance.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, Mutual Splinter dude!
Michaelangelo: Hey, Dudes! Cowabunga says it all.
Keno: Hey which of you lovely ladies gets to ride with me tonight?
Girl: Dream on, Dweeb.
Keno: Okay, and when I do I'll dream of someone a little thinner.
Shredder: Go ahead. Attack me if you will. When it is over, you will call me Master!
Rahzar: Ma... Mama.
Tokka: Mama?
Rahzar: [to Shredder] Mama!
[they hug Shredder]
Shredder: Get off me! BABIES! THEY ARE BABIES! AAARRRRRGH!
[the turtles face Tokka and Rahzar for the first time]
Raphael: Well, you know what they say? The bigger they are...
[runs and jump-kicks Rahzar but rebounds and crashes to the floor]
Michaelangelo: ...The more bones they break.
Raphael: SHREDDER!
Donatello: Ah! Thanks, Raph, I may never have the hiccups again!
[after Leo starts conversation about the Foot]
Raphael: We kicked their butts. They're all in jail. Besides, we took out the Shredder. So what's everyone so worried about, anyway?
Donatello: He's right.
Leonardo: No, Splinter took out the Shredder!
Donatello: They're both right.
Raphael: Yeah, yeah. I was there, Leo, remember? Ol' Shred did a swan dive, with a half gainer, right into the back of a garbage truck! AAAAAHHHH!
[April stands over a sewer grate and under an umbrella in the pouring rain. The turtles drop down one by one, but Michelangelo stops and faces her wearing a fedora]
Michaelangelo: Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, Ilsa. That's why you're getting on that plane...
[April laughs]
Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
[Leonardo grabs him and pulls him down]
April O'Neil: Where's Splinter?
Leonardo: He's been on the roof ever since he saw your report.
April O'Neil: Doing what?
Splinter: Coming.
[appears in window]
Splinter: to a decision.
Donatello: [kicks a foot soldier to the ground and starts giddily running around] Haha! I win! You lose!
Michaelangelo: Hey, guys, check this!
[he uses brushes to imitate 'The Karate Kid']
Michaelangelo: Wax on, wax off. Wax on...
Raphael: Mouth OFF!
Donatello: Hey, everyone's a critic.
Leonardo: [the Turtles say their farewells to April before entering the sewers] See ya, April.
April O'Neil: Bye.
[Leo hops into the sewers]
Raphael: Wish us luck.
[Hops in]
Donatello: We'll be back for Splinter.
[Hops in]
Michaelangelo: [Imitating Humphrey Bogart] Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill o' beans in this crazy world, Elsa. That's why you're getting on that plane.
[April laughs]
Michaelangelo: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...
Leonardo: [Yanks Mikey into the sewer] Will you come on?
Michaelangelo: YEOW!
Professor Jordan Perry: This is bad! Carbon dioxide is essential to the anti-mutanagenic process. Their burping is probably retarding the reaction.
Donatello: Is there anyway to speed it back up?
Professor Jordan Perry: Well the reintroduction of CO2 could act as a catalyst.
Donatello: Yeah. Hmm.
Professor Jordan Perry: The problem is finding a ready supply.
[Walks over to a nearby fire extinguisher and takes it off the wall, showing it to Donatello]
Donatello: Genius. Prue genius.
Old Man: Look Sophie, those animals are knocking down the telephone poles. What do we do if they come over here?
Old Woman: Let them get their own cab.
Leonardo: First, we must observe the ancient ritual of the, uh, uh... traditional pre-fight donut.
Raphael: [to Tatsu] You know, if I had a face like yours, I'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality!
Michaelangelo: I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo: Man, I love being a turtle!
Raphael: Too bad the Shredder can't say the same thing.
April O'Neil: Chief Sterns! I wonder if I might ask you a few more questions, off the record?
Chief Sterns: Ms. O'Neil, my record on the record clearly shows that I have no "off the record" record, make a record of that!
Michaelangelo: [Michaelangelo beating up a thug behind a deli counter] You want a pickle? I'll give you a pickle!
Keno: Hold it! You guys are under arrest.
Burglar: What are you, night security?
Keno: No, I'm a pizza delivery.
[the gang laugh and attack, and Keno easily kicks their asses]
Keno: Did I mention I also study the martial arts?
Raphael: First chance we get, we're out of here...
[gapes in horror has he sees Shredder from a distance]
Keno: What?
Raphael: Uh, I thought I just saw a ghost.
Raphael: Amazing, guys, and I thought all the really good dungeons were in Europe.
[Michaelangelo is crunching noisily on a candy bar]
Raphael: [sarcastically] Hey Mikey, do you think you could crunch a little louder? I can still hear out of this one!
Michaelangelo: [to a rave audience] You like what you saw? Then give it up for a turtle!
Tatsu: Our father gone!
[kicks over boxes]
Tatsu: They will pay! I, Tatsu, now lead! Let any who challenge step forward!
Shredder: [appearing in doorway] I challenge!
Freddy: His face!
Leonardo: Shredder, you gotta to listen to reason! You're gonna kill us all!
Super Shredder: Then so be it!
April O'Neil: [after the investigation of the street Tokka and Rahzar rampaged the night before] Were there any large tooth or claw marks found?
Chief Sterns: How did you know that... I have no idea what you're talking about?
[cooking up an anti-mutagen to transform Tokka and Rahzar]
Michaelangelo: You think this stuff is gonna work?
Donatello: Well, we won't know for sure until we spray those guys.
Professor Jordan Perry: Well, actually...
Donatello: Actually?
Professor Jordan Perry: Actually... ingestion is the only course.
Michaelangelo: You mean they have to eat it?
Professor Jordan Perry: Affirmative. Yes. Yo. Right on... my man.
Keno: [upon seeing the turtles for the first time] Who? What? Where? How?
Donatello: Well, I guess that leaves out 'why' and 'when', doesn't it?
Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michaelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Donatello.
Raphael: I'm Raphael!
Michaelangelo: All the good ones end in "O"!
Michaelangelo: Um, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it 'the pink one'?
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours a liquid in a pan, and eats a piece of pizza] Pepperoni heaven!
Professor Jordan Perry: [pours two liquids in a pot] Donatello, continue aeration!
Donatello: Continuing aeration.
[begins to stir the mixture the pot]
Raphael: [sniffs the mixture] Man! This stuff is rank!
Keno: Yeah, try carrying it on the subway sometime. I never got a seat so fast in my life.
Leonardo: [sniffs the mixture] Blech! Thanks for doing all the shopping for us, Keno.
Keno: No problem. I hope you didn't mind me picking up a few pies.
Michaelangelo: You're forgiven.
[sniffs the mixture]
Michaelangelo: Whoa!
[drops a slice of pizza in the mixture]
Michaelangelo: [Donatello continues to mix the stuff with the pizza slice]
Splinter: You have youth, and I have experience. But only those who fight now have both.
Shredder: [after Tatsu locks a wolf and a snapping turtle into small cells] And these are the two most vicious animals you could find?
[Tatsu nods]
Shredder: Good. Professor?
Professor Jordan Perry: Preparations are complete, however...
Shredder: Begin.
Professor Jordan Perry: However, I feel free to re-register my original protest and remind you of the immense dangers of...
[Tatsu squares up to him and growls]
Professor Jordan Perry: ...That's enough talk from me. We'll begin.
Professor Jordan Perry: Four walking, talking turtles.
Raphael: [sarcastically] Yeah, the guy's Ph.D material all right.
April O'Neil: [picks up phone] Donny?
Donatello: April...
April O'Neil: Where are you guys? Did you find a new place to live yet?
Donatello: Yeah, we'll bring you down. We've only had time to pick up Splinter and get a few essentials.
Michaelangelo: [holding out a bag of potato chips] Yeah, the bare essentials.
Donatello: The reason while we're calling is, have you seen Raphael by any chance?
April O'Neil: Raphael? Why, is he missing?
Leonardo: You know, there is still a little more stuff to help with, Michaelangelo!
Michaelangelo: Hey! I'm helping Donny!
[tries to pry the phone from him]
Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone!
Donatello: NO!
[flips Michaelangelo to the ground]
Donatello: So you haven't seen him at all then, huh?
Leonardo: Well, if she has, tell him thanks for wasting our time, because instead of going to look for the ooze like we should, we gotta go out and look for him instead!
[slams box on Donatello's foot]
Donatello: Owww!
April O'Neil: What was that?
Donatello: Leo says hi!
Michaelangelo: Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone!
Donatello: Oh, all right, all right, here!
Michaelangelo: April, this is Mikey, I'd just like to say: HELLOOOOO, muah, muah, muah, muah, muah...
Donatello: WOULD YOU GIVE ME THAT!
[April laughs as they start arguing again]
Leonardo: Take the ugly one!
Raphael: No, you take the ugly one!
Donatello: I'll take the ugly one.
Michaelangelo: Which one's the ugly one?
April O'Neil: I guess you're not the ones that can handle this.
Chief Sterns: That's what we do best, Miss O'Neil.
Leonardo: Turtle-rific
Raphael: Max-a-mundo!
Donatello: Accapella!
Raphael: Huh?
Donatello: Uhhh... Perestroika?
Michaelangelo: Uhh...
Donatello: Ok, I got it... Frère Jacques. Starts singing: Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...
Michaelangelo: Don... Give it up!
Donatello: Hey, is this gonna work?
[regarding the donut idea]
Michaelangelo: Is, like, Schwarzenegger hard to spell?
[Donatello prepares to spell but realizes its true]
Michaelangelo: Yeah.
[the turtles walk out into the middle of the construction site]
Donatello: Pretty quiet.
Raphael: [shouts and breaks the eerie silence] Shredder!
Donatello: [grabs Raphael] Thanks, Raph. I may never have the hiccups again!
Splinter: Michaelangelo, show the professor where he may rest.
Michaelangelo: Righty-o. This way, dude. It ain't the Hilton.
[opens subway car and they both look in]
Michaelangelo: Um, let's face it, you'd be better off staying at the Hilton.
Raphael: Boy, whatever happened to "service with a smile"?
[after being given a giant mutated dandelion]
Professor Jordan Perry: You know, if the soil's contaminated so far away, there must be more leaky canisters than we thought.
TGRI Assisstant #1: Well, how can that be? They were only buried fifteen years ago.
Professor Jordan Perry: Fifteen, fifty. Just make sure that the rest are found and removed!
TGRI Assistant #1: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to invite the press.
Professor Jordan Perry: Sometimes the best place to hide is right out in public.
TGRI Assisstant #1: But if any of it fell into the wrong hands...
[Perry looks as giant dandelion]
Professor Jordan Perry: I'm well aware of the risks.
Leonardo: A true Ninja is a master of himself and his environment, so don't forget: We're turtles!
Raphael: Okay, we get you in, we find the Foot headquarters, we get you out to tell the others, right?
Keno: Gee, maybe I should write this down.
Raphael: What?
[skyward]
Raphael: I'm being punished aren't I?
April O'Neil: The rat is the cleanest one.
April O'Neil: And they said if you don't mean them at the construction site tonight...
Donatello: What?
April O'Neil: He said he'd send out Tokka and Rahzar again. This time into Central Park.
Donatello: Central Park? How are they gonna avoid all of those... people?
Splinter: Then, there is no choice but to meet as the Shredder wishes.
[the turtles are watching April interview Professor Perry]
Raphael: Man, who is this spaz-matic?
Donatello: Would you give the guy a break? He's a scientist!
Raphael: Yeah, fascinating. Hey!
[picking up TV guide]
Raphael: Isn't Oprah on?
Leonardo: Raph, just leave it!
[throws away TV guide]
Leonardo: We're watching April.
Michaelangelo: [bad guy approaches him] Wait! Can we talk?
[bad guy grabs him by the hands and begins spinning him in circles]
Michaelangelo: W-w-woah! Major spin cycle! Wooooah!
Leonardo: [spots Michaelangelo] M... Mikey?
Michaelangelo: Maybe I should have brought...
[bad guy releases him, sending him flying through the air]
Michaelangelo: ... BAGELS!
[he crashes into a wall, then stands up dizzy]
Michaelangelo: Woah. Now I know what a postal package feels like.
April O'Neil: Let me get you guys some napkins.
Michaelangelo: What for?
Shredder: Choose the best men of those that remain to follow the reporter. She's the key to finding the creatures that did this to me.
Tatsu: Yes master. Next master, we rebuild the foot?
Shredder: No. There is only one thing next. Revenge!
Michaelangelo: Guys, guys! I've just thought of something. Two words that'll solve all our housing problems! Time share!
Donatello: [taps on Michaelangelo's head] Hmmm, not quite ripe yet.
[smoke bomb was set off]
Donatello: Oh great.
Leonardo: Terrific.
Raphael: Wonderful.
Michaelangelo: Bummer.
April O'Neil: He's just forcing you guys into fighting Tokka and Rahzar again.
Leonardo: We know.
April O'Neil: But...
Raphael: April, there's no other way.
April O'Neil: But you guys don't stand a chance.
Professor Jordan Perry: Wait! Wait just a moment. There might be a way!
[about to leave April's apartment, having seen Raph's foot pretruding from behind the changing curtain and becoming suspicious about their weapons "she" has lying around]
Keno: One last thing, though. I think you might want to know about THIS!
[slams his foot on Raph's]
Raphael: ARGH!
[Raph comes out from behind the curtain]
Keno: It's you guys!
[cluthching his foot and being held back by Donny, Leo, and Mikey]
Raphael: Ah, ah! Let me hurt him. Please! Tell me I can hurt him! Please, please! Grr!
[Splinter puts his hand on Keno's shoulder]
Splinter: I think you'd better sit down.
[Keno sees Splinter and faints]
Tokka: Master say, have fun!
Rahzar: Fun!
Donatello: These nets are very effective and very well constructed.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, remind me to drop a line to Ralph Nader!
April O'Neil: Listen, I have reason to believe that this was caused by two... *really* big animals.
Chief Sterns: Ah, and what sort of animals might these be, Miss O'Neil?
April O'Neil: Well, I can't say exactly...
Chief Sterns: Uh-huh, and what makes you believe that they did this?
April O'Neil: Well, I can't say that either, but...
Chief Sterns: Okay and is there anything else you'd like not to tell me?
Michaelangelo: Please, please. A moment to reflect.
[all the turtles sniff]
Michaelangelo: AHHHH! Okay!
Leonardo: We'll give you the tour later. Right now, we got a few questions.
Donatello: Yeah, a few inquiries.
Michaelangelo: Yeah, a few... Uh, we'll give you the tour later.
Raphael: This is stupid. We got the Foot up there with the ooze and we're down here playing Century 21.
Shredder: Tonight we leave a calling card for the Turtles. Tomorrow... We force a final confrontation.

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