When a kingpin threatens New York City, a group of mutated turtle warriors must emerge from the shadows to protect their home.

[April meets the Turtles for the first time]
April O'Neil: What are you?
Leonardo: Well, miss, we're ninjas.
Raphael: We're mutants!
Donatello: Technically, we're turtles.
Michelangelo: And we're teenagers. But we can have adult conversations.
April O'Neil: So, you're... Ninja Mutant Turtle Teenagers?
Donatello: When you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous!
[from trailer]
[April comes face to face with Michelangelo]
Michelangelo: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Chill! It's just a mask, see? Don't freak out.
[takes off his mask]
Michelangelo: Right?
[April faints]
Raphael: [to April in a menacing voice] Give me the camera.
Michelangelo: Oh look, he's doing his Batman voice...
[later on]
Raphael: I only saw Batman once!
[the Turtles are in an elevator]
Michelangelo: [taps a rhythm on his nunchuks] MC Mikey!
[his brothers follow suit with their weapons]
Leonardo: I think this is it, guys!
[the Turtles and April start to plummet to the ground]
Leonardo: Does anyone have anything they wanna say? Donnie?
Donatello: I'm the one who eats the icing off the pop tarts in the morning and puts them back in the box!
Michelangelo: I so did not understand the ending of Lost!
Leonardo: Raph?
Raphael: I just... uh, uh... If this our last moment together, I just want you guys to know I'm sorry! I'm sorry I was so hard on you! Ugh. Everytime I pushed you I... I threatened you, I yelled at you, I pushed you beyond your limits, it's because I believe in you! I believe in each one of you! I believe in you spirit and your intelligence and your potential! And every time I talked about walking away it was because I was scared! I just didn't think I was good enough to stand next to you and call you brothers, and say to you, I love you! I love you guys so much!
Donatello: Raph... we made it. You crying?
Raphael: No, ding dong. It's just a little dusty out here.
[as the Turtles leave]
Leonardo: [to April] Do NOT say a word about this to anyone. If you do, we will find you. April O'Neil.
Michelangelo: Yeeeaaah, we'll fiiiind yoooou! O'Neil!... I'm sorry, that came across super-creepy. We will find you, though!
[Shredder attacks the Turtles as they defend the tower]
Leonardo: Donnie, what are the odds of surviving this?
Donatello: 0.00000003%!
Leonardo: I'll take it!
Raphael: [knocks down the Shredder] Cowabunga.
[after beating the Foot, the Turtles celebrate on a rooftop]
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! This is OUR city! These are OUR streets!
Michelangelo: You mess with us, you steppin' to the Wu-TANG!
Raphael: Did you see that guy's jaw connect with the concrete?
Donatello: He'll be drinking out of a sippy cup for months!
Raphael: That's what I'm talking about! Like shadows in the night, completely unseen...
[April takes a picture]
Michelangelo: What was that?
Donatello: It's a camera flash...
[from trailer]
Vernon Fenwick: So they're aliens?
April O'Neil: No, that's stupid. They're turtles.
Bernadette Thompson: Is there anything else we should know about them?
April O'Neil: They're ninjas.
[the Turtles sneak back home]
Leonardo: [whispers] Fall in, QUIETLY.
[Michaelangelo slips]
Leonardo: Shhh! If Master Splinter catches us, he'll send us back to the Hashi.
Raphael: I ain't going back to the Hashi!
Leonardo: [shoves Raph] Every time we're in the Hashi, it's because of YOU!
Raphael: [shoves Leo] Well, bro, you don't have to worry about me dragging you down anymore!
Michelangelo: What's that supposed to mean?
Raphael: I'm going out on my own, first chance I get.
Michelangelo: How're we gonna finish our hip hop Christmas album, bro? You're the hype man!
[everyone starts shushing each other]
Raphael: [to Mikey] You spit in my eye!
Leonardo: Nobody's going out, we all stick together!
Michelangelo: [to Raph] Sorry I spat in your eye, bro.
Raphael: Hey, Mikey, remember that thing you used to say when we were kids?
Michelangelo: You made me promise never to say it again...
Raphael: Forget about that! Still got one in the tank?
Michelangelo: I've been holding it in for years...
[the Turtles charge at the Shredder]
Michelangelo: COWABUNGA!
[from trailer]
Raphael: Drive!
Vernon Fenwick: You're a talking turtle...
Raphael: Yeah, and you're a human nerd. Now that we've got that out of the way, HIT IT!
[from trailer]
Eric Sachs: Crime, violence and fear have run rampant. Our great city is being destroyed. People want justice restored to this world. People want heroes, Miss O'Neil.
[unveils an array of chemicals]
Eric Sachs: But heroes are not born, they're created. That's what your father and I were trying to do: create heroes.
[from trailer]
Splinter: You live, you die, you fight as brothers. Remember, nothing is as strong as family...
[raises a katana and takes on the Shredder]
Donatello: [wakes up April] Ma'am, can you hear me? Do you know what city you're in? Do you know where you are?
Michelangelo: Have you seen that video where the cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks?
[sliding down a mountainslope]
Raphael: Hey Donnie, do that fancy slingshot thing! We're gonna take Little Miss Sunshine out!
Donatello: Batter up!
[with his staff, he swings Raphael into Karai's SUV]
[all the Turtles are in the Hashi]
Michelangelo: [doing a handstand on a swivel chair] Guys, I'm in the zone! There's literally nothing that can break me right now!
[Splinter tosses a pizza at Michelangelo]
Michelangelo: Starting to crack...
[Splinter catches the Turtles sneaking in]
Splinter: Where have you been?
[knocks down Leonardo]
Raphael: We were working out!
[gets knocked down]
Donatello: I forgot to soak my retainer!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo: I'm totally sleepwalking! Mikey's sleeping, and walking, he's totally innocent!
[gets knocked down]
Michelangelo: [takes April] Come with me, I gotta safe place for you to hide. And if you're thirsty I got a secret stash of orange crush behind the fridge. Don't tell Raph.
[the Turtles crowd around a wounded Splinter; Splinter whispers to Michelangelo]
Leonardo: What did he say?
Michelangelo: He said "Please take your knee off my chest."
[the Turtles take April and Vernon through the sewers]
Michelangelo: Please keep your hands and feet inside the shell at all times!
[the Turtles don their bandanas]
Michelangelo: DUDE!
Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo: Shut up Mikey!
[Donatello checks out the Foot and sees they're armed]
Donatello: Oh my Gosh, they have guns!
[from trailer]
Raphael: [to Leo] Why are you always telling me what to do?
[punches out a Foot Ninja behind Leonardo]
[the Turtles show off their assault van]
Michelangelo: Check the bases, bro!
[activates missiles that blow up a car]
Michelangelo: My bad... still figuring out the buttons...
[seeing all the Turtles and Shredder]
Vernon Fenwick: Four turtles... one's fighting a robot samurai. Why not?
[last lines]
Leonardo: We were awesome!
Michaelangelo: Bodacious!
Raphael: Bitchin'!
Donatello: Uh...
Michaelangelo: Gnarly!
Leonardo: Radical!
Raphael: Totally tubular, dude!
Michaelangelo: Wicked!
Leonardo: Hellacious!
Donatello: Uh, mega...
[Splinter clears his throat, the Turtles clam up]
Splinter: I have always liked... Cowabunga.
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, Donatello: COWABUNGA!
Splinter: [laughs] I made a funny!
[April leans out of a truck to get photos]
Vernon Fenwick: O'Neil, what are you doing?
[sees her derriere]
Vernon Fenwick: [stares] Yeah, that's good. Make sure you're getting everything...
[nearly crashes the truck]
[Raph picks up his brothers' weapons]
Raphael: Let's go save my brothers!
[the Turtles surive a barrage of gunfire]
Raphael: We're bulletproof...
Leonardo: Sweet!
[Splinter brings out a pizza since his children won't speak]
Splinter: Of course, you've all tasted the five-cheese pizza. But this... cheesemongers have speculated its existence for centuries. Da Vinci's original masterpiece. I submit to you... Novantanove Formaggio, The 99-cheese pizza!
Michelangelo: It's not possible...
Donatello: Mikey, it's a trap! A pizza with that variety of cheese is a culinary impossibility!
Splinter: [holds out a piece to Michelangelo] Shall I list the ingredients? Cheddar... Provolone...
Leonardo: Mikey, don't you do it!
Splinter: Asiago...
Donatello: Keep it together!
Splinter: Taleggio...
Michelangelo: I don't even know what that is...
Splinter: Mozzarella, of course...
Michelangelo: [cracks] Okay, okay, okay... We left the lair because the Foot were taking hostages, and we totally kicked butt, and there was this girl named April O'Neil who took our picture... but we took care of it!
Splinter: My sons, your training is not yet complete. But you will become the warriors that legends are made of.
Vernon Fenwick: So, they're heroes in a half shell?
[from trailer]
Leonardo: We were created as weapons, and we knew the world would never accept us... but one day, it would need us.
Michelangelo: Guys, did you see? I totally talked to a girl!
[from trailer]
Donatello: I always wanted to try this...
[uses his staff as a fulcrum to tip over a moving SUV]
Michaelangelo: [watching a "Tortoise and the Hare" cartoon on TV] Go! Move it, will ya? Aw, you're letting him blow right by ya! Can you believe this guy? Come on! Don't just...! Ninja-kick the damn rabbit! Do something!
Donatello: Surveillance are showing heavy, HEAVY Foot Clan activity.
Raphael: They've taken hostages, dude...
Leonardo: You know we're not supposed to go above ground!
Raphael: We've done this before. We started something, and we gotta finish it.
Michelangelo: [looking at a monitor] This is insane... that cat is playing Chopsticks with chopsticks!
Leonardo: Don't be an idiot!
[changes the monitor's channel, to Mikey's chagrin]
Leonardo: Okay... let's rock and roll, boys!
Splinter: I too once had a family, Danny. Many years ago I lived in Japan: a pet of my master Yoshi, mimicking his movements from my cage and learning the mysterious art of Ninjitsu, for Yoshi was one of Japan's finest shadow warriors. His only rival was a man named Oroko Saki, and they competed in all things, but in nothing more fiercely than for the love of a woman, Tang Shen. Shen's love was only for my master and rather than see him fight Saki for her hand, she persuaded Yoshi to flee with me to America. But Saki vowed vengeance. I remember it well, as my master returned home to find his beloved Shen lying on the floor, and then he saw her killer. Saki wasted no words, and during the struggle, my cage was broken. I leapt to Saki's face, biting and clawing, but he threw me to the floor and took one swipe with his Katana, slicing my ear. Then he was gone, and I was alone.
Danny: What became of this Oroku Saki?
Splinter: Nobody really knows... But you wear his symbol.
[from trailer]
Eric Sachs: [to a shadowy figure] We're taking your armour to the next level...
[all the Turtles get jammed in a tunnel]
Donatello: [smells a fart] Mikey, was that you?
Michelangelo: Eh... pepperoni.
Donatello: You're a claustrophobic.
Casey Jones: You want a fist in the mouth? I've never even looked at another guy before.
Leonardo: All these years you told us we were rescued from the fire by a great guardian spirit, a hogosha.
Splinter: That's right.
[points at April]
Splinter: This is the hogosha.
[all the Turtles bow to April]
Michelangelo: [whispers] Dude, my girlfriend is the hogosha...
[Leo hits him]
Michelangelo: [smashes through a Foot SUV and grabs the wheel] Hey, I'm drivin'!
Splinter: Like all children, they were drawn to the distractions of popular culture. And I knew, one day they would want to explore the world above.
[remembers the young turtles dancing to Hollaback Girl]
Splinter: They would be ridiculed. They would need to learn to protect themselves, both mentally and physically.
[while sweeping, Splinter finds a book on ninjutsu]
Splinter: And then I found a way. First, I would teach myself the ancient art of ninjutsu. The others followed my lead, accelerating at a wondrous rate. Their gift was also their passion; they lived, breathed and dreamed of martial arts. Then, they were ready.
Michelangelo: [fights the Foot] Wassup, bro? Oh, you want some of this? I'm a snapping turtle fool! Snap, snap, snap!
Michelangelo: Leo's in trouble!
Raphael: My shell's cracked... just duct tape it up...
Donatello: Allow me to be the badass for once!
[goes to save Leonardo]
Splinter: For 15 years now, we have lived here. Before that time, I was a pet of my master Yoshi. When we were forced to come to New York, I found myself for the first time without a home, wandering thew sewers, scavaging for whatever I could find. And then, one day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles.
Michaelangelo: [interrupts] That was us! Hee hee.
Donatello: Shut up! Oh, no...
Splinter: The little ones were crawling into a strange glowing ooze from a broken canister nearby. I gathered them up in an old coffee can and when I awoke the next morning, I received a shock. For they had doubled in size. I, too, was growing. Particularly in intellect. I was amazed by how intelligent they seemed, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next: one of them spoke.
Young Michaelangelo: [in flashback] Pizza. Pizza.
Splinter: More words followed, and I began their training. Teaching them all that I had learned from my master. And soon, I gave them all names: Leonardo, Michaelangelo
Michaelangelo: That's me.
Splinter: Donatello.
[he makes a heroic-sounding hum]
Splinter: and Raphael.
April: I'm not dreaming, am I?
Splinter: No. I'm afraid not.
Splinter: Shredder.
Shredder: All these years I've been trying to recreate the mutagen. And you... you just handed it to me.
Splinter: [draws his sword] You will not lay a hand on my sons!
Shredder: [laughs] Your sons? You think you're their father?
Thug: [of Raph] What the hell was that?
Thug: I - I don't know.
Casey Jones: [jumps down next to them] Now *that*, was a crime, you purse-grabbing pukes. And *this* is the penalty.
[knocks them over with his hockey stick]
Casey Jones: Two minutes for slashing...
[does it again]
Casey Jones: Two minutes for hooking...
Casey Jones: And let's not forget my personal favorite: two minutes for high sticking.
Raphael: [jumps in and knocks him down] How about a five-minute game misconduct for roughing, pal?
Casey Jones: Hey, Bogey... who died and made you referee? You did your job, now get out of here and let me do mine, all right? These JV low lifes need to be taught a lesson.
Raphael: Not like that they don't. Not from you.
Casey Jones: [turns to see the thugs running away, turns back] Well, it looks like you're the one who needs to be taught a lesson, pal.
[pulls out two ball bats]
Casey Jones: The class is Pain 101. Your instructor is Casey Jones.
Raphael: Look, I don't wanna fight you.
Casey Jones: Yeah, well, tough rocks, pal.
[Michelangelo stares at April]
Michelangelo: [whispers] Oh, she's hot, I can feel my shell tightening...
Raphael: We can hear you!
[from trailer]
Raphael: [faces Shredder] Come on!
[gets thrown into a wall]
[first lines]
Splinter: You are extraordinary, my sons. Unlike anything the world has ever seen. Bowed in greatness, destined to protect the people of New York! A dark force is growing: a criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, so named because they step over the good people of this city with no regard. Their leader, Shredder, will come at you with ferocity. His Foot Clan will outnumber you! The people of New York will look upon you as their only hope.
Taylor: Mom, can I move back home?
Michaelangelo: God, I LOVE *BEING A TURTLE*!
Shredder: [in Japanese] Tonight I dine on turtle soup!
April: Hasn't Raph been gone a long time?
Donatello: Nah, he does it all the time. He likes it!
April: Are you sure?
Donatello: Don't worry. He'll probably be back any minute now...
[an unconscious Raphael is thrown through the skylight, landing at Donatello's feet]
Raphael: Looking for this?
[holds up April's phone]
April O'Neil: No no no, don't break that! Please!
Leonardo: [takes the phone out of Raph's hand] How many times do I have to tell you? We don't break things, we fix them. Donnie already wiped the pic, genius! Problem solved! Moving on!
Raphael: Who made you boss?
Leonardo: You know who did.
[both get in each others' faces]
Michelangelo: Oooh, tension. It's been like thirty whole minutes since you had this conversation.
Michaelangelo: Oh man, I could go for a little deep dish action right about now.
Danny: I had some pizza here the other day. There might be some left over.
[Donatello takes a look]
Michaelangelo: Well?
Donatello: Question!
Michaelangelo: Grrr, yeah?
Donatello: Do you like penicillin on your pizza?
Michaelangelo: Doh!
[Donatello and Michelangelo start humming "Taps" and set the pizza aside]
Splinter: I am proud of you, my sons. Tonight you have learned the final and greatest truth of the Ninja: that ultimate mastering comes not from the body, but from the mind. Together, there is nothing your four minds cannot accomplish. Help each other, draw upon one another, and always remember the power that binds you. The same is what brought me here tonight, that which I gladly return with my final words: I love you all, my sons.
Splinter: All fathers care for their sons.
Splinter: [to April] I saw how your father loved you, and I knew I had to show that same love to the Turtles. I became their father, and they became my sons.
Raphael: Ram the gate!
Vernon Fenwick: Ram the gate? This is Channel 6 property!
Donatello: We were awesome.
Michaelangelo: Yes, Dudes and Dudettes, major-league butt-kicking is back in town.
Eric Sachs: [shoots at April] This is history, repeating itself! Your father walked in on me, April, just like you did!
April O'Neil: You killed my father...
Leonardo: Awesome!
Michaelangelo: Righteous!
Donatello: Bossa Nova!
[Leonardo and Michaelangelo look at Donatello]
Michaelangelo: Dude, "Bossa Nova"?
Donatello: Chevy Nova?
[Leonardo and Michaelangelo groan]
Donatello: Excellent!
[Leonardo and Michaelangelo cheer in approval; Raphael walks sullenly behind them]
Splinter: Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be...
[Shredder throws a hidden knife; Splinter catches it, releasing the spear and letting Shredder fall from the building and land in the back of a garbage truck]
Splinter: ...Without honor.
Casey Jones: Oops!
[Casey Jones pulls the lever of the garbage truck and activates its compactor]
Splinter: Everything they are, and everything they have become, was made possible by the bravery you displayed on that fateful night.
April O'Neil: I was just a little girl...
Splinter: And you gave us freedom, where others would have kept us in cages.
Passenger in Cab: [after Raph hops on the cab hood] What the heck was that?
Cab Driver: Looked like sort of a big turtle, in a trench coat.
Cab Driver: You're going to La Guardia right?
Splinter: Listen closely, April. I don't remember a time before living in that laboratory. That fateful night started like any other: Sachs gave us our injections, your father made sure our vital signs were strong, and you as always provided us with a special treat. After the brothers went to sleep, I heard loud voices... it was the smell of smoke. Alarms sounded. Your father had discovered the truth behind the man he was working for. He set fire to the lab; his last breath was taken trying to destroy Shredder's plan. I was terrified. But then you appeared, and ushered us to safety.
Splinter: I never had a voice, then. But I thank you now, April.
April: Oh, Casey, hi.
Casey Jones: Hi? I look like I just called Mike Tyson a sissy and all you can say is "Hi"?
April: You don't need an ambulance, do you?
Casey Jones: No, but...
April: Just shut up and kiss me, OK? I got a report to do.
Casey Jones: I love it when you're pushy.
April: Yeah?
[they kiss]
April O'Neil: Swing me toward him!
[the Turtles swing April at Shredder and she knocks him off]
Michelangelo: That's my girl!
Shredder: [is blocked by Splinter's sword] Very good, rat.
Michaelangelo: [Leonardo slices up pizza] Yes, friends, the new tubo ginsu. Wa-hoo! It dices, it slices, and it makes French fries and three different...
[a pizza slice lands on Splinter's head]
Michaelangelo: WHOOPS.
Splinter: Kids.
[Raph discovers his brothers are in cages, with one cage empty]
Shredder: Raphael, glad you could join us. The fourth cage is for you!
[the young Turtles play buck-buck, Raphael walks off]
Leonardo: Where're you going, Raph? I need all of you!
Raphael: It's stupid - like you, Mikey!
Bernadette Thompson: There are four six-foot talking turtles walking around New York City, and no one has seen them but you?
April O'Neil: That's what I'm telling you.
Bernadette Thompson: Okay, get out.
Splinter: Yes, Oroku Saki, I know who you are. We met many years ago in the home of my master, Hamato Yoshi!
[Shredder removes his mask to reveal his bite wounds]
Raphael: It's him...
The Shredder: You... Now I will finish what I started with your EAR!
[charges at Splinter]
Delivery Man: [searching for Michaelangelo's address] OK, 122... 122 1/8? 122 1/8. Terrific. Where the heck is 122 1/8?
Michaelangelo: [through the sewer grate] You're standing on it, Dude! Just pass it down here!
[the Delivery Man passes pizza through the grate, and $10 is passed up]
Delivery Man: Gimme that!... Hey, this is a $10! The tab's $13!
Michaelangelo: You're two minutes late, dude!
Delivery Man: Oh, come on, I couldn't find the place!
Michaelangelo: Wise man say: "Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza."
Delivery Man: [walks away] I gotta get a new route. And I thought I delivered everywhere...
Raphael: Where's Splinter?
The Shredder: Ah, the rat. So it has a name...
[remembering his order to kill Splinter]
The Shredder: It HAD a name.
Leonardo: [furiously pushes past the other turtles] You LIE!
The Shredder: Do I?
The Shredder: [Leo lunges at Shredder, who trips him up with his spear and pins him to the ground] He dies! Weapons!
[the turtles grasp their weapons]
The Shredder: NOW!
[Mike, Don and Raph chuck their weapons over the side of the building]
The Shredder: Fools. Ha, ha. The three of you may have overpowered me with the loss of but one! Now your fate... will be HIS!
Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael: NOOOO!
Splinter: Legend tells us they came at a time of great pestilence. Farms yielded no food, hearts no hope. Jealousy and spite lured them to us... the demons, the Yokai. Through fear, they enslaved the people. But a remnant of hope shined bright in the darkness... the kappa yokai. Summoned not from anger as the demons, but instead by their hogosha. Though powerful, they would require training from a master in the art of ninjutsu; one who could teach them the principles of honour, courage, wisdom and brotherhood; to become true heroes and defeat the warlord. With these newfound skills in ninjutsu, the kappa yokai were a deadly force. And for the first time in many years, darkness was banished from the land. One generation passed the legend on to the next, preserving their memory should they be needed once more...
Eric Sachs: This city will be ours, Master Shredder.
Michaelangelo: [imitating Rocky Balboa] Uh, yo well, uh, maybe I'll fight Apollo, uh, maybe I won't, you know. What do you think? Adrian.
[everyone laughs]
Michaelangelo: Okay I got another one. Oh this is totally cool.
Raphael: Oh no, not Cagney.
Michaelangelo: [imitating James Cagney] You dirty rat. You killed my brudda. You dirty rat. Oooh. Woo-hoo.
[everyone laughs]
April: That must be Splinter's favorite.
[the turtles glare at her]
April: It was a joke.
[they pause, then burst out laughing]
Splinter: [Leonardo meditates heavily] ... Leonardo.
Leonardo: Huh? Splinter!
Raphael: [inside playing a board game] "What Russian novel, embraces more than 500 characters, is set in the Napoleotic wars?"
Donatello: 'War and Peace'.
Leonardo: [bursting in] He's alive.
Raphael: [Leo walks right on the board game] Hey!
Donatello: Game smash.
Leonardo: Splinter's alive.
Donatello: We know, Leo, of course he is. We all think he's alive.
Leonardo: I don't *think*. I *know*.
Donatello: Huh?
Eric Sachs: Inside those turtles is the most precious compound on earth - mutagen. I want you to drain every ounce of their blood, even if it kills them!
Leonardo: [sees that Raphael is awake and rushes to him] Raph! You're awake! How do you feel?
Raphael: What's a guy gotta do... to get some food around here?
Leonardo: [stands up, ecstatic, and runs to bathroom door] Hey! Hey, he's awake! He wants some food! Bring some food!
[runs back to Raphael]
Leonardo: You're gonna be ok Raph... you're gonna be ok!
Raphael: Yeah, yeah, alright Leo! Get a grip, will ya?
Leonardo: Listen, Raph...
[helps Raphael to his feet]
Leonardo: -about what I said before... y'know... about not needing you and all?
Raphael: Leo... don't.
[they hug]
Leonardo: Boy, we missed you.
Donatello: [he and April watch from the doorway] It's a Kodak moment.
Splinter: Eyes focused! Elbows locked! Stance lowered! Be one with the blades!
Casey Jones: Lead the way, Toots.
April: "Toots"?
Casey Jones: Babe? Sweetcakes? Ah - Princess! You wanna throw me a clue here? I'm drowning.
April: Hey, you know what, that's okay. I'll do it myself.
Casey Jones: Fine, it's up to you. Just don't come around here asking for my help anymore.
April: Casey, I wouldn't ask for your help if you were the last THING on the face of this planet.
Casey Jones: At least I know she thinks of me...
[Casey sprawls out on the porch swing; it breaks and he falls on it to the ground]
Michelangelo: [spars with Donnie] Wassup, bro? You want some of this? I'm like a ghost! I'm over here, then I'm over here bro! I'm a shadow! I'm a flying shadow fire dragon!
[Donatello knocks him down]
Leonardo: [on a subway] All aboard!
[attacks the Foot]
Michaelangelo: [sees that Raph has brought home an unconscious April] Can we keep her?
Casey Jones: [to the Foot soldiers of Raph] You guys mind telling me what you're doing to my little green pal over there, hm?
[sees April]
Casey Jones: Oh, who is the babe?
Leonardo: Who the heck is that?
Michaelangelo: Wayne Gretzky on steroids?
Chief Sterns: All right, I want some answers. Now what in God's name happened out here tonight? Somebody better talk to me.
Gang Leader: Check out the East warehouse over on Lairdman Island. You'll get your answers there.
Michelangelo: So guys, if it wasn't already obvious with that girl... dibs!
[the Turtles bring April to their lair]
Michelangelo: Welcome to my crib, girl!
April O'Neil: Where are we?
Michelangelo: This is our Fortress of Solitude, our Hogwarts, our Xavier's Academy, our secret Wonderland!
April O'Neil: [sniffs] Are we in the sewer?
Michelangelo: No...
Donatello: Technically, yes.
Shredder: I do not believe in fairy tales.
[after Raphael gets a mention from April on the news]
Donatello: I think he's blushing.
Raphael: I am NOT.
Donatello: I think he's actually turning red.
[Raphael chucks a Sai into the floor between Donatello's legs]
Donatello: Hmm, maybe not.
Splinter: I know you are eager to answer their calls. But your training is not yet complete. The world below must remain your home. As your father, you must trust me and be patient. You are not yet ready to go above ground, but I believe when that day comes, when you rise to the streets, you will be responsible for amazing things.
Donatello: Nice night.
Michaelangelo: Mm-hm. Pizza dude's got thirty seconds.
Donatello: Mm-hm. Hey Mikey, did you ever think about what Splinter said tonight? I mean about what it would be like... You know, not having him?
Michaelangelo: Hmm... Time's up, three bucks off!
Raphael: You guys must be studying the uh, abridged book of Ninja fighting.
[fights off the Foot Soldiers with ease]
Raphael: I mean, come on, how do you guys expect to beat me?
[more and more Foot Soldiers arrive]
Raphael: Good answer. Good answer!
[a member of the Foot pulls out a nunchuk]
Michaelangelo: Oh, a fellow chucker, eh?
[engages in a contest with the Foot Ninja, and wins]
Michaelangelo: Keep practicing!
Eric Sachs: [sees April and Vernon] You two are adorable. I could just pinch your cheeks!
[shoots at them]
[more Foot enter April's home]
Donatello: Hey, guys, I'm not so sure this is, uh, structurally speaking, such a good time for your, uh, buddies to drop in...
[the floor gives away]
Raphael: So what do we do now?
Leonardo: What do you mean, what do we do now?
Raphael: Splinter's out there somewhere.
Leonardo: I know Splinter's out there.
Michaelangelo: [guessing what's about to happen] Fight?
Donatello: Fight.
Michaelangelo: Kitchen?
Donatello: Kitchen.
Michaelangelo: Yeah.
[both Michaelangelo and Donatello leave]
Raphael: So what are we gonna do about it?
Leonardo: What CAN we do about it? April's our only link to these guys. We have to wait until she comes up with something.
Raphael: Oh, so that's the plan from the "great leader", huh? Just sit here on our butts!
Leonardo: I never said I was a great leader.
Raphael: Well you sure act like it sometimes.
Leonardo: Yeah? Well, you act like a JERK sometimes, you know that? And this attitude of yours isn't helping anything.
Raphael: Yeah? Well, maybe I'll just take my attitude and LEAVE!
Leonardo: Why don't you?
Raphael: I will.
Leonardo: Good!
Raphael: Great!
Leonardo: Go ahead! We don't need ya!
Michaelangelo: [listening from the kitchen] Pork rind?
Donatello: Pork rind.
Leonardo: It's time for us to go back!
Casey Jones: This is great. First it was The Farm That Time Forgot and now this. Why don't I ever fall in with people who own condos? Probably hard to get good maid service in a sewer. Maybe you guys should try Roto Rooter, huh?
Splinter: Raphael, come sit by me.
Raphael: Couldn't this wait 'til morning?
Splinter: You will listen, now. My Master Yoshi's first rule was "Possess the right thinking. Only then can one receive the gifts of strength, knowledge, and peace." I have tried to channel your anger, Raphael, but more remains. Anger clouds the mind. Turned inward, it is an unconquerable enemy. You are unique among your brothers, for you choose to face this enemy alone. But as you face it, do not forget them, and do not forget me. I am here, my son.
Leonardo: [Raphael has brought an unconscious April O'Neil into the sewer] Are you crazy?
Raphael: Yeah, Leo, I'm crazy, OK? A loony, OK?
Donatello: But why?
Raphael: Why? Why, oh I don't know, 'cause I wanted to redecorate. You know, a couple of throw pillows, a TV news reporter, what do ya think?
April: My nearest neighbors are about four miles away. I need to get to a phone and call my boss.
Casey Jones: You mean Charles?
April: Yes; how did you know that?
Casey Jones: He left a message on your machine, uh, just before we got out...
April: And?
Casey Jones: Well, hey, you just saved yourself an eight-mile round-tripper. Um... You were fired.
April: I just saved myself?
Casey Jones: [oblivious to the dark tone] Mm-hm.
Donatello, Michaelangelo: Uh-oh.
April: What did you do? Did you take classes in insensitivity?
Casey Jones: I was just trying to break it to you easy.
April: Oh, well you FAILED miserably...
Casey Jones: Hey, broadzilla, you wouldn't even be standin' here if it weren't for me, okay?
April: Oh, well what do you want? You want a thank you?
Casey Jones: ...No. It's me who should thank you for that priviledge, right?
April: Fine!
Casey Jones: Yeah.
April: Thank you.
Casey Jones: No, thank YOU!
April: You're welcome!
Casey Jones: YOU'RE welcome!
[they go into two separate rooms and slam the doors]
Donatello: Gosh, it's kinda like Moonlighting, isn't it?
[Michaelangelo nods]
April: Okay, those guys in the black pajamas, they jumped me, and, and that rat... I saw *you* in the parking lot. That explains you. And you guys...
[the turtles]
April: Um... I have no idea where you came from.
Splinter: If you will please just sit down and calm yourself, I will tell you where we came from.
April: It talks!
Splinter: It is really quite simple, Miss O'Neil.
April: And he knows my name... perfect.
Splinter: Fifteen years ago...
April: Why don't I ever dream of Harrison Ford?
[the Turtles' weapons are aimed at Danny as he exits the closet]
Danny: Don't shoot!
Raphael: [his weapon is a Sai] I don't think it's loaded, kid.
[April discovers a sai]
Raphael: [watching] Aw, man... damn!
[sneaks away]
Casey Jones: [about April's farmhouse] Hey, didn't they use this place in The Grapes of Wrath?
April: Very funny. I told you, I haven't been up here in years.
Raphael: [chasing Casey Jones] Come back here! I'm not finished with you! DAMN!
The Shredder: You are here because the outside world rejects you. THIS is your family. I am your father. I want you all to become full members of the Foot. There is a new enemy: freaks of nature who interfere with our business. You are my eyes and ears. Find them! Together we will punish these creatures, these... turtles.
[April stares at the Turtles]
Raphael: See, she's looking at us like we're freaks! I bet that's why you took our picture, wasn't it, to show to your friends?
Michelangelo: Bro, that's a good thing. Maybe she has hot friends!
Shredder: [beats Raphael] The rat did not teach you well!
Leonardo: We have had our first battle, Master Splinter! They were many, but we kicked... but we fought well.
Splinter: Were you seen?
Leonardo: Uh-uh.
Splinter: In this, you must never lapse. Even those who would be our allies, would not understand. Our domain is the shadow; stray from it reluctantly, for when you do, you must strike hard and fade away, without a trace.
Raphael: I lost a sai!
Splinter: Then, it is gone.
Raphael: But I can get it back! I can get it back...
Splinter: Raphael!... Let it go.
Charles: [on the answering machine dangling from its wire] April, it's Charles... I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say this: You're fired, April. I'm sorry... I know this comes as a blow.
[the wire burns off and the machine falls, hitting a Foot Soldier over the head]
Casey Jones: You can say that again, Chuck.
[first lines]
April: Much more than just a series of small, isolated incidents, it's now apparent that an organized criminal element is at work and at the moment, business is good. So good in fact that there appear to be no eyewitnesses to any of these crimes. With complaints ranging from purse snatching to breaking and entering, police switchboards have been swamped with the angry voices of more and more citizens who have fallen prey to the recent surge of crime that continues to plague the city. Instead of getting better, things are actually getting worse. Even more alarming is the baffling and often bizarre nature of these crimes. Merchandise of every size and description from skateboards to stereo systems has been disappearing from store shelves and storage areas at an alarming rate. Even the victims themselves rarely catch a glimpse of the thieves. Many don't even know they've been victimized until it's too late. In fact, police have yet to come up a single eyewitness. Only a few vague reports of young boys or teenagers at the scenes have been filed. But whoever is behind these crimes, one thing is certain, these are much than just a series of random isolated incidents. Crimes without criminals? An invisible gang at work? Who are we gonna call? Unfortunately the police are the only ones to combat what some are already dubbing the silent crime wave. But perhaps the most disturbing silence is that coming from city hall. April O'Neill, Channel 3 Eyewitness News.
The Shredder: [confronting the turtles] You fight well... in the old style. But you've caused me enough trouble. Now you face: the Shredder.
Donatello: The Shredder?
Michaelangelo: Uuh... maybe all that hardware's for making coleslaw.
Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, Wheel of Fortune, Dude.
[spins around on his shell, knocking down several Foot Soldiers]
Donatello: Hmm, I guess they're not game show fans.
Michaelangelo: And I thought everybody loved Vanna.
Raphael: I do hope there's more o' them.
Michelangelo: Like a shadow, bro!
[Foot Soldiers broke in through windows]
Michaelangelo: Boy, and I thought insurance salesmen were pushy!
Casey Jones: [sighs after knocking out two Foot Soldiers in rapid succession] It's a talent.
Michelangelo: [to April] Wassup, Angel Cakes?
Karai: We know you're out there! If you don't surrender, we start executing hostages!
[repeated line]
Raphael: Damn.
Donatello: BAM! System disabled! Who wants Italian? I'm buying! Tiramisu for everybody!
Casey Jones: [Raph's hat has come off, revealing his face] Hey, what are you, some sort of punker?
Raphael: Huh?
Casey Jones: [baiting] God, I hate punkers... Especially bald ones with green make-up who wear... masks over ugly faces.
Raphael: That's it.
Casey Jones: [as Raph lunges] Ooh.
Raphael: New batter!
[Raph swings at Casey with the bat & missed]
Casey Jones: Strike one!
[Raph swings again and misses]
Casey Jones: What a wiffer!
[Raph jumps over Casey & hits him with the bat]
Raphael: Home run! Raphael wins 1-nothing!
Casey Jones: New game, round head.
[reaches behind and grabs a Cricket bat]
Casey Jones: Cricket!
Raphael: Cricket? Nobody understands cricket! You gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
Casey Jones: I'll show ya!
[hits Raphael with the bat]
The Shredder: There will be no mistakes this time... I go myself. And the rat - kill it.
Tatsu: Yes, Master.
April: [of Raphael] Well... I *was* going to give you guys a tour of the store. Shall we go get him?
Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello: No.
Donatello: Uh... he just needs to blow off some steam.
Michaelangelo: Yeah.
April: Will I ever see you guys again?
Michaelangelo: Indubitably!
Leonardo: Well, that depends on how fast you restock your pizza...
[fighting Foot Soldiers]
Leonardo: One of these guys must know where they're holding Splinter, so don't knock them all out.
Michaelangelo: [getting beat] I don't think that will be a problem, Leo.
[hurling insults in alphabetical order]
Casey Jones: Not even close, Zip Neck. Professor and Mary Anne. Happily ever after.
Donatello: No way, Atomic Mouth, Gilligan was her main man. They'd be married and have six kids by now.
Casey Jones: Gilligan was a geek, Barfaroni!
Donatello: You're the geek, Camel Breath!
Casey Jones: Dome head.
Donatello: Elf lips!
[Casey finishes fixing the engine]
Casey Jones: Okay let's give this a try, funkoid!
Donatello: Here it goes... What are we on?
Casey Jones: Uh, G.
Donatello: Here it goes, gak face!
Casey Jones: I'm ready, hose brain!
April: So, what do you guys like on your pizza?
Michaelangelo: Oh, just the regular stuff: flies, stink bugs... It was a joke.
April O'Neil: SHREDDER!
[stabs the Shredder with one of Raphael's sais]
Shredder: You stupid little girl...
April: Are you guys sure you know where you're going?
Michaelangelo: 11th and Bleeker?
[Sniffs the air]
Michaelangelo: Nope this is only 9th St. Haha! Get it?
April: Yeah.
Michaelangelo: O-kay!
Raphael: A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me... you didn't pay money for this.
Tatsu: Ninja... vanish!
Chief Sterns: We are presently executing a plan of redeployment that will minimize response time while maximizing coordination between patrol units and a decentralized networking scheme.
April: I'm not sure I understood all of that, Chief Sterns. Would you mind repeating it, in English, perhaps?
Leonardo: [of Shredder, who just showed up] Can anyone tell me who or what this is?
Michaelangelo: Don't know, but I bet it never has to look for a can-opener.
Chief Sterns: O'Neil... get in here...!
April: [to the technician on her way in] Time me.
Chief Sterns: Just what is it you hope to accomplish out there, besides BUSTING MY CHOPS?
April: I think you know just as much as I do about this Foot Clan and I don't think you're doing anything about it.
Chief Sterns: You expect me to waste precious manpower because some immigrants are reminded of something that supposedly happened, years ago in Japan!
April: Have you got anything else?
Chief Sterns: Are you tryin' to tell me HOW TO DO MY JOB!
Technician: [cut to April running out of the office, he checks his watch] 1:07. A new record.
Donatello: Good thing these guys aren't lumberjacks.
Michaelangelo: No joke. The only thing safe in the woods... would be the trees!
April: I'd like to invite you all in but I really don't have anything to offer you guys except for some... frozen pizza.
Michaelangelo: [springs up from the manhole like a jack-in-the-box] Let's go for it!
Donatello: You said the magic word.
April: You guys eat pizza?
Michaelangelo, Donatello: Doesn't everybody?
April: Um, yeah... alright.
Leonardo: [from below] Hey, did she say pizza?
Splinter: Who are you?
Casey Jones: Casey Jones, a friend.
[Michaelangelo jumps out of nowhere, startling April]
Michaelangelo: That was close. Whoa, time to switch to decaf, April.
[after easilly defeating dozens of foot soldiers, the turtles are suddenly getting decimated by their leader, Shredder]
Michaelangelo: [Out of breath] Okay... At what point... did we lose... control, here?
[deleted scene]
April O'Neil: [on air] Three days ago, New York would have called Eric Sachs its hero. But today, we know he's one of the greatest villains this city has ever faced. How were we so easily fooled? And what can we learn from this tragedy? Maybe, it's that heroes aren't exactly who you might expect them to be. They're not wealthy billionaires, they're not square-jawed comic-book characters with flowing capes. Heroes can be anyone. Like the vigilantes that saved this city. They were born in shadow, they live in shadow, they fight in shadow, and they always will.
[April and Vernon spot the Turtle Van moving through a crowd]
Teenager: Got any cigarettes?
Foot Recruit: [pulls out two cartons] Regular or menthol?
[Raphael has just seen the movie Critters]
Raphael: Ugh. Where do they come up with this stuff?
Tatsu: Your empire flourishes, Master Shredder.
The Shredder: What more from the rat?
Tatsu: Nothing. He will not speak.
The Shredder: And the boy who lead us to the turtles?
Tatsu: He is still missing. I do not understand. Why do the turtles trouble you, Master? They have not been seen for many days.
The Shredder: Something about the way you describe their fighting. Something familiar. Something... from the past.
April: And then there's Casey Jones, a nine-year-old trapped in a man's body. He might be cute except for that pigheadedness...
April: [trying to change the subject from Charles giving her security] Hey, Danny, how's school going?
Danny: Fine.
Charles: Oh, wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that I have to drive him there every morning now just to make sure he goes.
Foot Messenger: We have been waiting for you, Miss O'Neil.
April: Am I behind on my Sony payments again? Ha ha ha.
Foot Messenger: Your mouth may yet bring you much trouble, Miss O'Neil. I deliver a message.
[Slaps her hard on the cheek]
Foot Messenger: Shut it!
Charles: [Danny puts on his stolen headphones] See? That's what he does when he wants to ignore me; he sticks his head in those things. I wonder where the hell he GOT those things, anyway.
[fighting Foot Soldiers]
Michaelangelo: Hey Donny, looks like this one is suffering from SHELL shock!
Donatello: Too derivative.
Michaelangelo: Well, I guess we can really SHELL it out!
Donatello: Too cliché.
Michaelangelo: Well, it was a SHELL of a good hit!
Donatello: I like it!
Tatsu: Go... play.
Gang Leader: We have a loyalty to the Shredder.
Splinter: The Shredder uses you. He poisons your minds to obtains for that which he desires. He cares nothing for you or the people you hurt.
Gang Leader: We're family.
Casey Jones: Family? Did you say family? You call this here and that...
[points to Tatsu, who he just knocked out]
Casey Jones: ...down there, family?
[Tatsu does his grunt as Casey immediately notices Tatsu, he tries to mimic his grunt in a playful way]
Casey Jones: Uh, you know... A little um...
[acting like he is spraying something in his mouth]
Casey Jones: Primatene might just help to clear that up there.
[Tatsu gave Casey a striaght punch towards his face, knocking him to the floor. As Casey gets up]
Casey Jones: That's going to cost you, Tinkerbell.
[Tatsu gave Casey a left hook to Casey's face, knocking to the floor again. As Casey gets up]
Casey Jones: You know, I don't think that you're listening.
[Tatsu kicks Casey, launching him to the air and crashing into the crates. Casey tries to get up after the injuries he sustained from Tatsu]
Casey Jones: You know, I'm starting to pick up... on a little language barrier thing going here.
[Tatsu kicks Casey in the crotch, then a left roundhouse kick to his face, and then a left hook to his face, knocking him to floor with the injuries he sustained from Tatsu's attack. Casey, who is injured manages to reach for a golf club and as Tatsu approaches him, Casy struck Tatsu in the stomach with his golf club. As Tatsu aches in extreme pain]
Casey Jones: Fore!
[Casey strikes Tatsu like a golf ball, sending him flying towards the wall with crates, knocking him out]
Casey Jones: [kisses the golf club] I'll never call golf a dull game again.
Michaelangelo: [on the phone ordering a pizza] Oh, and I want no anchovies. And I mean, NO anchovies. You put anchovies on this thing and you're in big trouble, okay?
Gang Leader: What are we just standing here for? Let's get him!
Casey Jones: [brandishing golf club] Do you wanna be first, Junior?
Tatsu: Never lower your eyes to an enemy.
Shredder: [beats the Turtles] Enough! The lesson is over.
Shredder: Why are you here?

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