The Bank Job Quotes
Martine offers Terry a lead on a foolproof bank hit on London's Baker Street. She targets a roomful of safe deposit boxes worth millions in cash and jewelry. But Terry and his crew don't realize the boxes also contain a treasure trove of dirty secrets - secrets that will thrust them into a deadly web of corruption and illicit scandal.
Kevin Swain: We're not bank robbers.
Terry Leather: Maybe that's why we could get away with it.
Dave Shilling: It's a bit daunting, isn't it?
Terry Leather: You know what scares me more? Living and dying with nothing to show for it. You know how old Mozart was when he composed his first minuet?
Dave Shilling: No.
Terry Leather: Five. Five! A fucking minuet!
Kevin Swain: And how would you know that fact, Terry?
Terry Leather: Because it's tattooed on that stripper's arse, Kevin. What the fuck's it matter how I know? It's a fact and you're missing the point, Kev. What I'm trying to say is, we stop fucking about and stop picking the shit from under our fingernails.
Terry Leather: Maybe that's why we could get away with it.
Dave Shilling: It's a bit daunting, isn't it?
Terry Leather: You know what scares me more? Living and dying with nothing to show for it. You know how old Mozart was when he composed his first minuet?
Dave Shilling: No.
Terry Leather: Five. Five! A fucking minuet!
Kevin Swain: And how would you know that fact, Terry?
Terry Leather: Because it's tattooed on that stripper's arse, Kevin. What the fuck's it matter how I know? It's a fact and you're missing the point, Kev. What I'm trying to say is, we stop fucking about and stop picking the shit from under our fingernails.
Lew Vogel: [has just received the anticipated call from the bank robbers] Hello?
Terry Leather: Who am I talking to?
Lew Vogel: [very keenly] Terry Leather, Kevin Swain, Martine Love, Eddie Burton. Yeah, Mr. Shilling was kind enough to speak with me about this.
Terry Leather: You put Dave on the phone now.
Lew Vogel: Well I'd oblige to, but... he seems to be indisposed at the moment.
Terry Leather: What do you want?
Lew Vogel: Just a couple of things from what you've stolen. A ledger with a dark red cover. And some photos that I'm sure the MI-5 is interested in. The "Royal portfolio".
Terry Leather: All we got is money and jewels.
Lew Vogel: [takes glasses off, to rub his eyes] Then I suggest you look again.
[gives phone to Eddie who's tied to a chair]
Lew Vogel: Speak to your friends.
[holds phone out and puts glasses back on]
Eddie Burton: [terrified and miserable] Hello? Who is this?
Terry Leather: Eddie, this is Terry.
Eddie Burton: [crying] Oh Terry, fucking hell. Dave's all messed up, and they're going to do the same to me. You got to help.
Terry Leather: [calm] Listen to me, Eddie. I don't have what he wants.
Eddie Burton: No?
[off Vogol's bitter stern look who has heard this too starts panicking]
Eddie Burton: No, you've got to have what they want, you've got to. You've got to help.
Terry Leather: Eddie, what am I supposed to do? You tell him, we don't have it!
Eddie Burton: [pleading] You've got to. You have to. You...
Terry Leather: [yelling] What else am I supposed to do? Tell him that! You tell him, I don't have his fucking ledger! You tell that cunt now!
Eddie Burton: [breaking down in tears softly to Vogol who has lowered the phone] No.
[shaking his head]
Eddie Burton: He doesn't have it.
Lew Vogel: [nods/says understandingly but in reality sarcastic] Right.
[nods to cohort]
Vogol's cohort: [making a quick fluid motion takes his gun out and shoots/kills Dave]
Eddie Burton: NO!
[Lew Vogel puts the phone back up to Eddie's face so he can report the news to Terry]
Eddie Burton: They just shot Dave.
[tears streaming down his face]
Eddie Burton: Dave is dead.
[Terry Leather's face is covered with a shocked look]
Lew Vogel: [takes the phone and says in it] I'll give you one hour to find what I want... or I'll kill this man too.
[hangs phone up]
Terry Leather: [more shocked then ever hangs up and runs with Kevin to the van. They start emptying every bag out, creating a heap of papers] Fuck!
Kevin Swain: [sees a red ledger] Wait, is this it? This might be it.
Terry Leather: [picks it up and reads] Lew Vogel. That's what this bastard is.
Terry Leather: Who am I talking to?
Lew Vogel: [very keenly] Terry Leather, Kevin Swain, Martine Love, Eddie Burton. Yeah, Mr. Shilling was kind enough to speak with me about this.
Terry Leather: You put Dave on the phone now.
Lew Vogel: Well I'd oblige to, but... he seems to be indisposed at the moment.
Terry Leather: What do you want?
Lew Vogel: Just a couple of things from what you've stolen. A ledger with a dark red cover. And some photos that I'm sure the MI-5 is interested in. The "Royal portfolio".
Terry Leather: All we got is money and jewels.
Lew Vogel: [takes glasses off, to rub his eyes] Then I suggest you look again.
[gives phone to Eddie who's tied to a chair]
Lew Vogel: Speak to your friends.
[holds phone out and puts glasses back on]
Eddie Burton: [terrified and miserable] Hello? Who is this?
Terry Leather: Eddie, this is Terry.
Eddie Burton: [crying] Oh Terry, fucking hell. Dave's all messed up, and they're going to do the same to me. You got to help.
Terry Leather: [calm] Listen to me, Eddie. I don't have what he wants.
Eddie Burton: No?
[off Vogol's bitter stern look who has heard this too starts panicking]
Eddie Burton: No, you've got to have what they want, you've got to. You've got to help.
Terry Leather: Eddie, what am I supposed to do? You tell him, we don't have it!
Eddie Burton: [pleading] You've got to. You have to. You...
Terry Leather: [yelling] What else am I supposed to do? Tell him that! You tell him, I don't have his fucking ledger! You tell that cunt now!
Eddie Burton: [breaking down in tears softly to Vogol who has lowered the phone] No.
[shaking his head]
Eddie Burton: He doesn't have it.
Lew Vogel: [nods/says understandingly but in reality sarcastic] Right.
[nods to cohort]
Vogol's cohort: [making a quick fluid motion takes his gun out and shoots/kills Dave]
Eddie Burton: NO!
[Lew Vogel puts the phone back up to Eddie's face so he can report the news to Terry]
Eddie Burton: They just shot Dave.
[tears streaming down his face]
Eddie Burton: Dave is dead.
[Terry Leather's face is covered with a shocked look]
Lew Vogel: [takes the phone and says in it] I'll give you one hour to find what I want... or I'll kill this man too.
[hangs phone up]
Terry Leather: [more shocked then ever hangs up and runs with Kevin to the van. They start emptying every bag out, creating a heap of papers] Fuck!
Kevin Swain: [sees a red ledger] Wait, is this it? This might be it.
Terry Leather: [picks it up and reads] Lew Vogel. That's what this bastard is.
Tim Everett: You have no idea of the danger you and your chums are in, do you?
Terry Leather: Is that right? And why would that be?
Tim Everett: You've opened Pandora's box you dumb prick. That's why.
Terry Leather: I know what's at stake, and I know how expendable we are. So I'm changing the deal.
Tim Everett: Is that right?
Terry Leather: Yeah. You get all your nasty pictures, but here's the twist - we get indemnity, fresh passports, safe passage out of the country for the whole team. And an official signed document guaranteeing that we won't be prosecuted and we won't be pursued.
Tim Everett: You can't be serious.
Terry Leather: You can bet your bollocks I'm serious. And we want it signed, sealed, and delivered by a public figure of substantial authority.
Tim Everett: How about the prime minister?
Terry Leather: Yeah, he'll do, if you can drag him off his yacht. You mess with us Tim...
[Terry shows Tim pictures of prominent public figures taken in compromising situations in Sonia Bern's brothel]
Terry Leather: ...we can drip-feed pictures like these to the press. We've got a stack of them.
Terry Leather: Is that right? And why would that be?
Tim Everett: You've opened Pandora's box you dumb prick. That's why.
Terry Leather: I know what's at stake, and I know how expendable we are. So I'm changing the deal.
Tim Everett: Is that right?
Terry Leather: Yeah. You get all your nasty pictures, but here's the twist - we get indemnity, fresh passports, safe passage out of the country for the whole team. And an official signed document guaranteeing that we won't be prosecuted and we won't be pursued.
Tim Everett: You can't be serious.
Terry Leather: You can bet your bollocks I'm serious. And we want it signed, sealed, and delivered by a public figure of substantial authority.
Tim Everett: How about the prime minister?
Terry Leather: Yeah, he'll do, if you can drag him off his yacht. You mess with us Tim...
[Terry shows Tim pictures of prominent public figures taken in compromising situations in Sonia Bern's brothel]
Terry Leather: ...we can drip-feed pictures like these to the press. We've got a stack of them.
Eddie Burton: [on radio] When are you guys gonna hit the vault? I'm freezing my tits off up here. Over.
Guy Singer: In the Army, soldiers would pull on their puds to keep the blood flowing.
Eddie Burton: [on radio] What regiment were you in? The Royal Corps of Wankers?
Guy Singer: Yes, we welcome new members.
Guy Singer: In the Army, soldiers would pull on their puds to keep the blood flowing.
Eddie Burton: [on radio] What regiment were you in? The Royal Corps of Wankers?
Guy Singer: Yes, we welcome new members.
Sonia Bern: You don't understand. My box, and those of my friends, may have been rifled. Surely you can pull some strings. You're a minister of the government for god's sake!
Lord Drysdale: Sonia, I really don't think I'm able to help here.
Sonia Bern: Perhaps you don't fully comprehend. I have photographs, compromising photographs, live film of you, Miles Urquart, all my regulars - in this safe deposit box. You all know each other if that's any consolation.
Lord Drysdale: You've got photographs of me? You conniving cunt!
Lord Drysdale: Sonia, I really don't think I'm able to help here.
Sonia Bern: Perhaps you don't fully comprehend. I have photographs, compromising photographs, live film of you, Miles Urquart, all my regulars - in this safe deposit box. You all know each other if that's any consolation.
Lord Drysdale: You've got photographs of me? You conniving cunt!
[in the vault, Dave is going round to each robber collecting any cash that they have found in the safe deposit boxes]
Dave Shilling: Terry, anything for the Widows and Orphans Fund?
[Terry holds out a wad of cash]
Terry Leather: Will that do?
Dave Shilling: [fake Cockney accent] Gawd bless yer, Guvnor. Very generous.
Dave Shilling: Terry, anything for the Widows and Orphans Fund?
[Terry holds out a wad of cash]
Terry Leather: Will that do?
Dave Shilling: [fake Cockney accent] Gawd bless yer, Guvnor. Very generous.
Tim Everett: [after being debriefed about Michael X] Well, it's all straight-forward enough. I'll send a team into this bank and take whatever he's got in his safe deposit box.
Miles Urquart: That will have to be sanctioned at the highest level, and that's not going to happen.
Tim Everett: Ah.
Miles Urquart: Do you see our problem? There can be no connection to Five or Six.
Tim Everett: So you want me to come up with something that avoids any accountability for anyone?
Miles Urquart: We'd welcome suggestions, Tim.
Tim Everett: And if it all goes pear-shaped? I assume it's my arse on the line.
Miles Urquart: You're young and ambitious, Tim. A chance to make a name for yourself.
Miles Urquart: That will have to be sanctioned at the highest level, and that's not going to happen.
Tim Everett: Ah.
Miles Urquart: Do you see our problem? There can be no connection to Five or Six.
Tim Everett: So you want me to come up with something that avoids any accountability for anyone?
Miles Urquart: We'd welcome suggestions, Tim.
Tim Everett: And if it all goes pear-shaped? I assume it's my arse on the line.
Miles Urquart: You're young and ambitious, Tim. A chance to make a name for yourself.
Martine Love: I know you, Terry. And I know your mates. You've always been looking for the big score. The one that makes sense of everything. I have it for you.
Terry Leather: What?
Martine Love: A bank.
Terry Leather: A bank, as in rob? How would you know about a bank?
Martine Love: I've been seeing this guy, runs his own business - security systems. Next month they're installing new alarms in a bank in Marylebone. Seems like the trains have been setting off the tremble alarms in the vault, and so they've had to turn them off. So for a week or so, they won't have any.
Terry Leather: Now why would he tell you all this?
Martine Love: We were having a laugh about it. Imagine if half the villains in London knew about this, he said. And I thought, I know half the villains in London. I grew up with some of them.
Terry Leather: What?
Martine Love: A bank.
Terry Leather: A bank, as in rob? How would you know about a bank?
Martine Love: I've been seeing this guy, runs his own business - security systems. Next month they're installing new alarms in a bank in Marylebone. Seems like the trains have been setting off the tremble alarms in the vault, and so they've had to turn them off. So for a week or so, they won't have any.
Terry Leather: Now why would he tell you all this?
Martine Love: We were having a laugh about it. Imagine if half the villains in London knew about this, he said. And I thought, I know half the villains in London. I grew up with some of them.
Terry Leather: There's another problem. This robbery's pissed off some local villains.
Tim Everett: The guts come with the glory, eh?
Terry Leather: One of our mates has been killed.
Tim Everett: Hardly surprising considering the roster of reprobates that are the safe deposit box customers. Listen Terry, our commitment is for the recovery of the royal portraits only. The proceeds and the piss-offs are both yours to deal with.
Tim Everett: The guts come with the glory, eh?
Terry Leather: One of our mates has been killed.
Tim Everett: Hardly surprising considering the roster of reprobates that are the safe deposit box customers. Listen Terry, our commitment is for the recovery of the royal portraits only. The proceeds and the piss-offs are both yours to deal with.
Miles Urquart: They know what they're doing, these people, don't they?
Tim Everett: Oh, absolutely. Professional criminals.
Philip Lisle: What's the worst case scenario?
Tim Everett: They get caught and go to jail. No possible connection to us.
Miles Urquart: What about this model your screwing? What promises have you made to keep her in line?
Tim Everett: None that can't be broken. Look, she's our only tie to the bank operation. If things do go belly up, it'll only take one cut to sever the knot.
Tim Everett: Oh, absolutely. Professional criminals.
Philip Lisle: What's the worst case scenario?
Tim Everett: They get caught and go to jail. No possible connection to us.
Miles Urquart: What about this model your screwing? What promises have you made to keep her in line?
Tim Everett: None that can't be broken. Look, she's our only tie to the bank operation. If things do go belly up, it'll only take one cut to sever the knot.
Lew Vogel: I'm afraid I have some potentially bad news for you, Michael. Your safety deposit box at the Baker Street bank - what's its number?
Michael X: Why do you ask?
Lew Vogel: Well, we had some weekender thieves break into the vault and robbed it. So if your box is in the one hundred to four hundred numbers, I'm afraid all your stuff will be gone. Mine too, unhappily.
Michael X: What? How can this happen in London?
Lew Vogel: I promise you it has happened, and I promise you these thieves will be found and dealt with. You can rely on it. I'll keep you informed.
Michael X: Why do you ask?
Lew Vogel: Well, we had some weekender thieves break into the vault and robbed it. So if your box is in the one hundred to four hundred numbers, I'm afraid all your stuff will be gone. Mine too, unhappily.
Michael X: What? How can this happen in London?
Lew Vogel: I promise you it has happened, and I promise you these thieves will be found and dealt with. You can rely on it. I'll keep you informed.
Lew Vogel: Don't take me for a fool, Michael. You instigated this calamity by storing your blackmail materials in this bank.
Michael X: Which you recommended! I will not be lectured by the porn king of Soho. Get my pictures back, or you will never see a black man on the streets of London without wondering if he's been sent to kill you!
Michael X: Which you recommended! I will not be lectured by the porn king of Soho. Get my pictures back, or you will never see a black man on the streets of London without wondering if he's been sent to kill you!
