The Benchwarmers Quotes
A trio of guys try and make up for missed opportunities in childhood by forming a three-player baseball team to compete against standard children baseball squads.
Brad: So I heard from Jerry you tools think you're athletes now?
Richie: That's funny, I didn't know athlete had three syllables, A-tha-lete? That's ama-za-zing.
Brad: You think you're hot shit 'cos you know words.
Clark: Hey Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us towards the register, or... Register... er...!...
Richie: That's funny, I didn't know athlete had three syllables, A-tha-lete? That's ama-za-zing.
Brad: You think you're hot shit 'cos you know words.
Clark: Hey Brad, why don't you be a stud and point us towards the register, or... Register... er...!...
Gus: Man! I haven't even been on a baseball field in over 10 years.
Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... thats like saying you've never had apple pie.
Gus: You've never had apple pie?
Clark: My mom said it would give me diarrhea.
Gus: That's ridiculous, Clark! You have to try it at least once!
Clark: Diarrhea?
Gus: No! Baseball!
Clark: I've never been on a baseball field, if I did, the kids in my neighborhood would spit loogies on my forehead.
Gus: Thats horrible, baseball's America's past time... thats like saying you've never had apple pie.
Gus: You've never had apple pie?
Clark: My mom said it would give me diarrhea.
Gus: That's ridiculous, Clark! You have to try it at least once!
Clark: Diarrhea?
Gus: No! Baseball!
Gus: Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.
Jerry: What was that?
Gus: Well, you gave Clark and Richie nicknames. I thought I'd give you one: Fairy Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, really?
Gus: [stands up from chair] Really.
Jerry: Okay, Gus- Gus... Gus Bus! That's you, Gus Bus!
Gus: Oh, that was a brutal comeback. Come on guys, let's go. I don't think I can ever get over that one. Whew!
Jerry: What was that?
Gus: Well, you gave Clark and Richie nicknames. I thought I'd give you one: Fairy Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, really?
Gus: [stands up from chair] Really.
Jerry: Okay, Gus- Gus... Gus Bus! That's you, Gus Bus!
Gus: Oh, that was a brutal comeback. Come on guys, let's go. I don't think I can ever get over that one. Whew!
Gus: [upon seeing Carlos enter] Hey, what's going on here? How come he's playing?
Wayne: Oh, ah, I couldn't play him before because he was feeling ill.
Carlos: Me tummy, es sicko.
Umpire: Well you got proof he's a kid?
Gus: Come on! Look at his beard. He's 50.
Wayne: Not according to birth certifico.
[hands umpire the crumpled up paper he saw earlier]
Umpire: [looks inside and sees 'I am 12' written in green crayon, with a picture of Carlos and $10. He carefully pockets the $10 and folds the paper back up] He's got documentation. Play ball!
Wayne: Oh, ah, I couldn't play him before because he was feeling ill.
Carlos: Me tummy, es sicko.
Umpire: Well you got proof he's a kid?
Gus: Come on! Look at his beard. He's 50.
Wayne: Not according to birth certifico.
[hands umpire the crumpled up paper he saw earlier]
Umpire: [looks inside and sees 'I am 12' written in green crayon, with a picture of Carlos and $10. He carefully pockets the $10 and folds the paper back up] He's got documentation. Play ball!
[looking at Mel's Pontiac Firebird Trans Am]
Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
Mel: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
[Mel activates the car with his watch]
K.I.T.T.: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?
Mel: Oh, I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions.
Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.
Mel: It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.
[Mel activates the car with his watch]
K.I.T.T.: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.
Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?
Mel: Oh, I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions.
Mel: Reggie and I met at Tuba Camp when we were kids
[shows picture of Reggie and Himself playing their tubas when they were younger]
Gus: HAHA,Reggie that was you?
Reggie Jackson: [angrily] What are you laughing about?I was a cute kid.
Gus: [frightened] Oh,uh,Yes.Like a young Denzel.
Richie: [whispered to Clark] I didn't know Denzel played Erkel.
[shows picture of Reggie and Himself playing their tubas when they were younger]
Gus: HAHA,Reggie that was you?
Reggie Jackson: [angrily] What are you laughing about?I was a cute kid.
Gus: [frightened] Oh,uh,Yes.Like a young Denzel.
Richie: [whispered to Clark] I didn't know Denzel played Erkel.
Gus: [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?
Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Nelson: His son just did that to me last week.
Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.
Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Nelson: His son just did that to me last week.
