The Birds Quotes
A wealthy San Francisco socialite pursues a potential boyfriend to a small Northern California town that slowly takes a turn for the bizarre when birds of all kinds suddenly begin to attack people there in increasing numbers and with increasing viciousness.
Melanie Daniels: Just what is it you're looking for, sir?
Mitch Brenner: Lovebirds.
Melanie Daniels: Lovebirds, sir?
Mitch Brenner: Yes. I understand there are different varieties. Is that true?
Melanie Daniels: Oh yes, there are.
Mitch Brenner: Well, uh, these are for my sister, for her birthday, see, and uh, as she's only gonna be eleven, I, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were... too demonstrative.
Melanie Daniels: I understand completely.
Mitch Brenner: At the same time, I wouldn't want them to be too aloof, either.
Melanie Daniels: No, of course not.
Mitch Brenner: Do you happen to have a pair of birds that are... just friendly?
Mitch Brenner: Lovebirds.
Melanie Daniels: Lovebirds, sir?
Mitch Brenner: Yes. I understand there are different varieties. Is that true?
Melanie Daniels: Oh yes, there are.
Mitch Brenner: Well, uh, these are for my sister, for her birthday, see, and uh, as she's only gonna be eleven, I, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were... too demonstrative.
Melanie Daniels: I understand completely.
Mitch Brenner: At the same time, I wouldn't want them to be too aloof, either.
Melanie Daniels: No, of course not.
Mitch Brenner: Do you happen to have a pair of birds that are... just friendly?
Cathy Brenner: [while Melanie is playing the piano] I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds.
Melanie Daniels: Your brother told me.
Lydia Brenner: Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?
Melanie Daniels: No, not exactly.
[grabs a cigarette out of an ashtray]
Cathy Brenner: Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.
Lydia Brenner: Cathy!
Cathy Brenner: Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.
Lydia Brenner: In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...
Cathy Brenner: Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods.
[Mitch comes in]
Cathy Brenner: He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?
Melanie Daniels: [to Mitch] Why did he shoot her?
Mitch Brenner: He was watching a ball game on television.
Melanie Daniels: What?
Mitch Brenner: His wife changed the channel.
[laughs and leaves]
Cathy Brenner: Are you coming to my party tomorrow?
Melanie Daniels: I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco.
Cathy Brenner: Don't you like us?
Melanie Daniels: Oh, darling, of course I do.
Cathy Brenner: Don't you like Bodega Bay?
Melanie Daniels: I don't know yet.
Cathy Brenner: Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says that San Francisco's like an anthill up the foot of a bridge.
Melanie Daniels: Well, I suppose it does get a little hectic at times.
Cathy Brenner: Well, if you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's suppose to be a suprise party. You see, they've got this whole complicated thing figured out, where I'm going to Michele's for the afternoon, and Michele's mother will say she has a headache. Would I mind very much if she took me home. And when I get here, all the kids'll jump out! Oh, won't you come. Won't you please come?
Melanie Daniels: I don't think so.
Melanie Daniels: Your brother told me.
Lydia Brenner: Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?
Melanie Daniels: No, not exactly.
[grabs a cigarette out of an ashtray]
Cathy Brenner: Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.
Lydia Brenner: Cathy!
Cathy Brenner: Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.
Lydia Brenner: In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...
Cathy Brenner: Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods.
[Mitch comes in]
Cathy Brenner: He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?
Melanie Daniels: [to Mitch] Why did he shoot her?
Mitch Brenner: He was watching a ball game on television.
Melanie Daniels: What?
Mitch Brenner: His wife changed the channel.
[laughs and leaves]
Cathy Brenner: Are you coming to my party tomorrow?
Melanie Daniels: I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco.
Cathy Brenner: Don't you like us?
Melanie Daniels: Oh, darling, of course I do.
Cathy Brenner: Don't you like Bodega Bay?
Melanie Daniels: I don't know yet.
Cathy Brenner: Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says that San Francisco's like an anthill up the foot of a bridge.
Melanie Daniels: Well, I suppose it does get a little hectic at times.
Cathy Brenner: Well, if you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's suppose to be a suprise party. You see, they've got this whole complicated thing figured out, where I'm going to Michele's for the afternoon, and Michele's mother will say she has a headache. Would I mind very much if she took me home. And when I get here, all the kids'll jump out! Oh, won't you come. Won't you please come?
Melanie Daniels: I don't think so.
Mitch Brenner: What about the letter you wrote me, is that a lie, too?
Melanie Daniels: No, I wrote the letter.
Mitch Brenner: Well what did it say?
Melanie Daniels: It said 'Dear Mister Brenner, I think you need these lovebirds after all. They may help your personality.'
Mitch Brenner: But you tore it up?
Melanie Daniels: Yes.
Mitch Brenner: Why?
Melanie Daniels: Because it seemed stupid and foolish.
Mitch Brenner: Like jumping into a fountain in Rome?
Melanie Daniels: I told you what happened!
Mitch Brenner: You don't expect me to believe that, do you?
Melanie Daniels: Oh, I don't give a damn what you believe!
Mitch Brenner: I'd still like to see you.
Melanie Daniels: Why?
Mitch Brenner: I think it might be fun.
Melanie Daniels: Well it might have been good enough in Rome, but it's not good enough now.
Mitch Brenner: It is for me.
Melanie Daniels: Well not for me!
Mitch Brenner: What do you want?
Melanie Daniels: I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!
Melanie Daniels: No, I wrote the letter.
Mitch Brenner: Well what did it say?
Melanie Daniels: It said 'Dear Mister Brenner, I think you need these lovebirds after all. They may help your personality.'
Mitch Brenner: But you tore it up?
Melanie Daniels: Yes.
Mitch Brenner: Why?
Melanie Daniels: Because it seemed stupid and foolish.
Mitch Brenner: Like jumping into a fountain in Rome?
Melanie Daniels: I told you what happened!
Mitch Brenner: You don't expect me to believe that, do you?
Melanie Daniels: Oh, I don't give a damn what you believe!
Mitch Brenner: I'd still like to see you.
Melanie Daniels: Why?
Mitch Brenner: I think it might be fun.
Melanie Daniels: Well it might have been good enough in Rome, but it's not good enough now.
Mitch Brenner: It is for me.
Melanie Daniels: Well not for me!
Mitch Brenner: What do you want?
Melanie Daniels: I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!
Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: Gulls are scavengers, anyway. Most birds are. Get yourselves guns and wipe them off the face of the earth!
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: That would hardly be possible.
Deke Carter - Diner Owner: Why not, Mrs. Bunty?
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It is estimated that 5,750,000,000 birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world...
Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: Kill 'em all. Get rid of the messy animals.
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: ...probably contain more than 100,000,000,000 birds!
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: That would hardly be possible.
Deke Carter - Diner Owner: Why not, Mrs. Bunty?
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It is estimated that 5,750,000,000 birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world...
Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: Kill 'em all. Get rid of the messy animals.
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: ...probably contain more than 100,000,000,000 birds!
Mitch Brenner: Be able to find your way back all right?
Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.
Mitch Brenner: Will I be seeing you again?
Melanie Daniels: San Francisco's a long way from here.
Mitch Brenner: Well, I'm in San Francisco five days a week with a lot of time on my hands, I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.
Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?
Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, that. Rome.
Mitch Brenner: Yeah, I really like to swim, I think we might get along very well.
Melanie Daniels: In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain.
Mitch Brenner: Without any clothes on?
Melanie Daniels: With all my clothes on. The newspaper that ran that story happens to be a rival of my father's paper.
Mitch Brenner: You're just a poor, innocent victim of circumstances, huh?
Melanie Daniels: Well I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular...
Mitch Brenner: Truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd, isn't it?
Melanie Daniels: Well yes, that's the truth, but I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too.
Mitch Brenner: Uh huh. Do you really know Annie Hayworth?
Melanie Daniels: No. At least I didn't till I came up here.
Mitch Brenner: So you didn't go to school together?
Melanie Daniels: No.
Mitch Brenner: And you didn't come up here to see her.
Melanie Daniels: No.
Mitch Brenner: You were lying!
Melanie Daniels: Yes, I was lying.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.
Mitch Brenner: Will I be seeing you again?
Melanie Daniels: San Francisco's a long way from here.
Mitch Brenner: Well, I'm in San Francisco five days a week with a lot of time on my hands, I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.
Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?
Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, that. Rome.
Mitch Brenner: Yeah, I really like to swim, I think we might get along very well.
Melanie Daniels: In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain.
Mitch Brenner: Without any clothes on?
Melanie Daniels: With all my clothes on. The newspaper that ran that story happens to be a rival of my father's paper.
Mitch Brenner: You're just a poor, innocent victim of circumstances, huh?
Melanie Daniels: Well I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular...
Mitch Brenner: Truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd, isn't it?
Melanie Daniels: Well yes, that's the truth, but I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too.
Mitch Brenner: Uh huh. Do you really know Annie Hayworth?
Melanie Daniels: No. At least I didn't till I came up here.
Mitch Brenner: So you didn't go to school together?
Melanie Daniels: No.
Mitch Brenner: And you didn't come up here to see her.
Melanie Daniels: No.
Mitch Brenner: You were lying!
Melanie Daniels: Yes, I was lying.
[first lines]
Melanie Daniels: Hello there, Mrs. MacGruder.
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, hello, Miss Daniels.
Melanie Daniels: Have you ever seen so many gulls? What do you suppose it is?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well, there must be a storm at sea, that can drive them inland, you know. I was hoping you'd be a little late because he hadn't arrived yet.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, but you'd said three o'clock...
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh I know, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, Miss Daniels you have no idea. They are so difficult to get, really they are. We have to get them from India, when they're just baby chicks, and then we have...
Melanie Daniels: But this one won't be a chick, will he?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Certainly not. Oh no, certainly not. This will be a full grown mynah bird, full grown.
Melanie Daniels: And he'll talk?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well yes, of course he'll... well no, you'll have to teach him to talk. My. I guess maybe I'd better phone, they'd said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting?
Melanie Daniels: Well, maybe you'd better deliver him. Let - let me give you my address.
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, well, alright, but I'm sure they're on the way... Would you mind if I called?
Melanie Daniels: No, alright, but...
Melanie Daniels: Hello there, Mrs. MacGruder.
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, hello, Miss Daniels.
Melanie Daniels: Have you ever seen so many gulls? What do you suppose it is?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well, there must be a storm at sea, that can drive them inland, you know. I was hoping you'd be a little late because he hadn't arrived yet.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, but you'd said three o'clock...
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh I know, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, Miss Daniels you have no idea. They are so difficult to get, really they are. We have to get them from India, when they're just baby chicks, and then we have...
Melanie Daniels: But this one won't be a chick, will he?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Certainly not. Oh no, certainly not. This will be a full grown mynah bird, full grown.
Melanie Daniels: And he'll talk?
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well yes, of course he'll... well no, you'll have to teach him to talk. My. I guess maybe I'd better phone, they'd said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting?
Melanie Daniels: Well, maybe you'd better deliver him. Let - let me give you my address.
Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, well, alright, but I'm sure they're on the way... Would you mind if I called?
Melanie Daniels: No, alright, but...
Melanie Daniels: I have an Aunt Tessa. Have you got an Aunt Tessa?
Mitch Brenner: Mm-mm.
Melanie Daniels: Mine is very prim and straight-laced. I'm giving her a mynah bird when she comes back from Europe. Mynah birds talk, you know. Can you see my Aunt Tessa's face when this one tells us one or two of the words I've picked up at Berkeley?
Mitch Brenner: You need a mother's care, my child.
Melanie Daniels: [pause] Not my mother's.
Mitch Brenner: Oh, I'm sorry.
Melanie Daniels: What have you got to be sorry about? My mother? Don't waste your time. She ditched us when I was eleven and ran off with some hotel man in the East. You know what a mother's love is.
Mitch Brenner: Yes, I do.
Melanie Daniels: You mean it's better to be ditched?
Mitch Brenner: No, I think it's better to be loved. Don't you ever see her?
Melanie Daniels: [pause] I don't know where she is.
Mitch Brenner: Mm-mm.
Melanie Daniels: Mine is very prim and straight-laced. I'm giving her a mynah bird when she comes back from Europe. Mynah birds talk, you know. Can you see my Aunt Tessa's face when this one tells us one or two of the words I've picked up at Berkeley?
Mitch Brenner: You need a mother's care, my child.
Melanie Daniels: [pause] Not my mother's.
Mitch Brenner: Oh, I'm sorry.
Melanie Daniels: What have you got to be sorry about? My mother? Don't waste your time. She ditched us when I was eleven and ran off with some hotel man in the East. You know what a mother's love is.
Mitch Brenner: Yes, I do.
Melanie Daniels: You mean it's better to be ditched?
Mitch Brenner: No, I think it's better to be loved. Don't you ever see her?
Melanie Daniels: [pause] I don't know where she is.
Melanie Daniels: No, I really shouldn't have any more. I'm driving.
Mitch Brenner: Well, actually, I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. A lot of roast beef left over.
Melanie Daniels: No, I couldn't possibly. I have to get back.
Mitch Brenner: All right. Cheers.
Melanie Daniels: Cheers.
Mitch Brenner: Seriously, why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco?
Melanie Daniels: Well, I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing.
Mitch Brenner: You have a job?
Melanie Daniels: I have several jobs.
Mitch Brenner: What do you do?
Melanie Daniels: Well, I do different things on different days.
Mitch Brenner: Like what?
Melanie Daniels: Well, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the traveler's aid at the airport.
Mitch Brenner: Helping travelers?
Melanie Daniels: No, misdirecting them. I thought you could read my character. On Tuesdays, I take a course in General Semantics at Berkeley, finding new four-letter words. That's not a job, of course, but...
Mitch Brenner: You mean you don't have to...
Melanie Daniels: And on Thursdays, I have my meeting and lunch.
Mitch Brenner: In the underworld, I suppose.
Melanie Daniels: I shall disappoint you. We're sending a little Korean boy through school. We actually raise money for it.
[pause]
Melanie Daniels: You see, Rome... that entire summer I did nothing, but... well, it was very easy to get lost there. So when I came back, I thought it was time I began... oh, I don't know, finding something again. So, on Mondays and Thursdays, I keep myself busy.
Mitch Brenner: What about Fridays?
Melanie Daniels: Fridays? They're free. I sometimes go to bird shops on Fridays.
Mitch Brenner: I'm very glad you do. A nice innocent little day.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.
Mitch Brenner: Well, actually, I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. A lot of roast beef left over.
Melanie Daniels: No, I couldn't possibly. I have to get back.
Mitch Brenner: All right. Cheers.
Melanie Daniels: Cheers.
Mitch Brenner: Seriously, why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco?
Melanie Daniels: Well, I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing.
Mitch Brenner: You have a job?
Melanie Daniels: I have several jobs.
Mitch Brenner: What do you do?
Melanie Daniels: Well, I do different things on different days.
Mitch Brenner: Like what?
Melanie Daniels: Well, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the traveler's aid at the airport.
Mitch Brenner: Helping travelers?
Melanie Daniels: No, misdirecting them. I thought you could read my character. On Tuesdays, I take a course in General Semantics at Berkeley, finding new four-letter words. That's not a job, of course, but...
Mitch Brenner: You mean you don't have to...
Melanie Daniels: And on Thursdays, I have my meeting and lunch.
Mitch Brenner: In the underworld, I suppose.
Melanie Daniels: I shall disappoint you. We're sending a little Korean boy through school. We actually raise money for it.
[pause]
Melanie Daniels: You see, Rome... that entire summer I did nothing, but... well, it was very easy to get lost there. So when I came back, I thought it was time I began... oh, I don't know, finding something again. So, on Mondays and Thursdays, I keep myself busy.
Mitch Brenner: What about Fridays?
Melanie Daniels: Fridays? They're free. I sometimes go to bird shops on Fridays.
Mitch Brenner: I'm very glad you do. A nice innocent little day.
Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.
Sebastian Sholes, fisherman in diner: Hell, maybe we're all getting a little carried away with this. Admittedly a few birds did act strange, but that's no reason to...
Melanie Daniels: I keep telling you, this isn't 'a few birds'! These are gulls, crows, swifts...!
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?
Melanie Daniels: I keep telling you, this isn't 'a few birds'! These are gulls, crows, swifts...!
Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?
