The Blair Witch Project

The Blair Witch Project Quotes

Three film students vanish after traveling into a Maryland forest to film a documentary on the local Blair Witch legend, leaving only their footage behind.

Joshua Leonard: What's that? Is that the Blair Witch? No, it's Heather, taking a piss.
Heather Donahue: I just want to apologize to Mike's mom, Josh's mom, and my mom. And I'm sorry to everyone. I was very naive. I am so so sorry for everything that has happened. Because in spite of what Mike says now, it is my fault. Because it was my project and I insisted. I insisted on everything. I insisted that we weren't lost. I insisted that we keep going. I insisted that we walk south. Everything had to be my way. And this is where we've ended up and it's all because of me that we're here now - hungry, cold, and hunted. I love you mom, dad. I am so sorry. What is that? I'm scared to close my eyes, I'm scared to open them! We're gonna die out here!
Josh Leonard: OK, here's your motivation. You're lost, you're angry in the woods, and no one is here to help you. There's a fucking witch and she keeps leaving shit outside your door. There's no one here to help you! She left little trinkets, you fucking took one of them, she ran after us. There's no one here to help you! We walked for 15 hours today, we ended up in the same place! There's no one here to help you, THAT'S your motivation! THAT'S YOUR MOTIVATION!
Michael Williams: You know what? I kicked the fu... I'm sorry it's fucked up. It's fucked up but I kicked that fucking map into the creek yesterday! It was useless! I kicked that fucker into the creek!
[laughs hysterically]
Heather Donahue: I fucking hope he's kidding.
Michael Williams: WAHOO! WOW!
Joshua Leonard: Mike...
Michael Williams: [laughing] Holy shit.
Heather Donahue: I really fucking hope he's kidding.
Joshua Leonard: Mike are you kidding?
Heather Donahue: I really fucking hope he's kidding.
Joshua Leonard: Mike, are you fucking kidding?
Michael Williams: [laughing] I'm sorry, man.
Heather Donahue: You have gotta be kidding me. You have gotta fucking be kidding me!
Joshua Leonard: Is this some fucking game?
[shoves Mike]
Michael Williams: Get the fuck off me man!
[the two scuffle]
Heather Donahue: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR FUCKING MIND?
Michael Williams: No I'm not outta my mind! The map wasn't doing shit all day!
Heather Donahue: DO YOU REALIZE - NOT TO YOU - BUT I KNEW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MAP SAID!
Michael Williams: I'm sorry!
Heather Donahue: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!
Michael Williams: I'm sorry!
Heather Donahue: You are a fucking asshole! And if we...
Michael Williams: The map wasn't doing shit all day!
Heather Donahue: If we get hurt or if we die up here it is your fucking fault! It is YOUR... FUCKING... FAULT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I can't believe you could be such an ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?
Josh Leonard: I see why you like this video camera so much.
Heather Donahue: You do?
Josh Leonard: It's not quite reality. It's like a totally filtered reality. It's like you can pretend everything's not quite the way it is.
Heather Donahue: I'm afraid to close my eyes, I'm afraid to open them.
Heather Donahue: How's east?
Michael Williams: East?
Heather Donahue: Yeah, we've been going south all this time. How's east?
Michael Williams: Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the East. Which one was bad?
Heather Donahue: Wicked Witch of the West was the bad one.
Michael Williams: Then we should go east.
Michael Williams: [sees dozens of stick-men hanging from trees] No redneck is this creative.
Heather Donahue: Witches in days gone by were roasted just like my Vienna sausage.
Michael Williams: There's people out here messing with us, and I'm not going to play with that.
Heather Donahue: How do you know it was people?
Michael Williams: Well, even if it isn't, I'm not going to play with that, either!
[Why the woods aren't big enough to get lost in]
Heather Donahue: Because this is America! We've exhausted all of our natural resources!
Heather Donahue: We have enough battery power to run a small third world country here.
[Josh and Heather are talking about "Gilligan's Island."]
Michael Williams: Let's not call him "the Captain," you illiterate TV people. It's "the Skipper."
Josh Leonard: You gonna write us a happy ending, Heather?
Heather Donahue: I tell you guys, two more hours max.
Michael Williams: What are some of your favorite things to do?
Heather Donahue: Well, on Sundays I used to like to go hiking, but now...
Heather Donahue: [after seeing something in the trees] Oh my God! What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that?
Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK the map, Heather.
Heather Donahue: I gave you the map.
Joshua Leonard: I gave you BACK... THE MAP.
[On "Gilligan's Island."]
Joshua Leonard: There was no beer on the island, man. If they had beer they would have had, like, big-ass orgies.
Heather Donahue: [Heather finds a dead mouse on the forest floor, slowly zooming in on it as she speaks] What could have killed this mouse? Could it be the Blair Witch?
Michael Williams: [off screen] How about God?
Heather Donahue: Do you just expect me to do something or say something? What do you want me to do, Josh? Josh?
Joshua Leonard: I wanna make movies, Heather. Isn't that what we're here to do? Just to make some movies.
Heather Donahue: Fuck you. Fuck you. Really. Fuck you.
Joshua Leonard: [Filming the Hanging Stickmen] Ok let's go I got everything on video... Oh, Jesus Chris I didn't even fucking see these!
Heather Donahue: Mmmm. Marshmallows. Soft.
Heather Donahue: JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
Heather Donahue: How would we have, like, just... made a campsite in the middle of three piles of rocks, just by coincidence?
Heather Donahue: Give me the compass. You've betrayed us all beyond. Way fucking beyond.
Michael Williams: Bullshit. You betrayed us when you couldn't get us out of the woods last night.
Heather Donahue: Yeah, thanks.
Interviewee: There was this old Mary Brown...
Heather Donahue: Mary Brown? Hmm.
Interviewee: Yeah, and she was kind of a crazy - - crazy lady.
Heather Donahue: How was she seen by the community?
Interviewee: Crazy.
Michael Williams: I agreed to a scouted-out project!
Joshua Leonard: [Looking through Heather's camera] It's not the same on film is it? I mean, you know it's real, but it's like looking through the lens gives you some sort of protection from what's on the other side.
Heather Donahue: [Pointing the video camera at Mike's chest] It's warm out today so this is the first time that we're seeing Mike's chest. It's really hard to pick up on video actually. Mike has really sporadic hair patterns on his chest. It's like: blank... hairy... blank... hairy.
Michael Williams: You should see my ass.
Michael Williams: [Josh, Heather and Mike had been walking south all day to get out of the woods. They came across a log they previously crossed supposedly the same day] That's the tree we crossed. That tree's down. Same one.
[walks to the log site]
Michael Williams: OH, GOD!
Heather Donahue: Uh, no...
Michael Williams: YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS A JOKE!
Heather Donahue: Uh, no...
Michael Williams: THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
Heather Donahue: Mike, just please stop... please, please stop...
Michael Williams: UH NO!
Heather Donahue: It's not the same log, Mike. It's not the same log.
Michael Williams: SAME LOG!
Heather Donahue: Look, it's not!
Michael Williams: IT IS! OPEN YOUR EYES!
Heather Donahue: It's not the same log.
Heather Donahue: [looks at the log]
Heather Donahue: It's not... it's not the same log...
Heather Donahue: [starts crying quietly as Mike and Josh yells furiously]
Heather Donahue: It's the same log.
Joshua Leonard: FUCK! YOU! GOD!
Heather Donahue: [attempts to calm herself down] It's the same log. OK. It's OK. It's OK... OK...
Heather Donahue: [later, at noon] Where do you want to go to camp? I guess that south didn't work, so tomorrow, we'll go east. I don't know what to say, Josh.
Joshua Leonard: How the fuck did we wind up in the same fucking place...
Heather Donahue: We walked south ALL DAY! OK, we've walked south ALL FUCKING DAY! I DON'T KNOW HOW WE END UP HERE!
Joshua Leonard: I heard two noises coming from two separate areas of space over there. One of them could have been an owl, but the other one sounded like a cackling.
Heather Donahue: No way!
Joshua Leonard: Yeah, it was like a serious cackling.
Heather Donahue: See, my problem is that I sleep like a fucking rock.
Michael Williams: If I heard a cackling, I would have shit in my pants!
Heather Donahue: Flames are licking you like the devil there, Josh.
Joshua Leonard: I see a dirty behind!
Heather Donahue: I hear it.
Joshua Leonard: I don't hear shit.
Heather Donahue: [branch snaps in distance] Did you hear that?
Michael Williams: I could help you, but I'd rather stand here and record.
[On the sounds in the night]
Michael Williams: They're people fucking with our heads.
Heather Donahue: But no one knows we're out here.
Michael Williams: Yeah, but have you ever seen 'Deliverance'?
Michael Williams: [screaming sadly to himself] ... but I'm not gonna see it 'cause I'm in the woods!
Joshua Leonard: Heather, Heather, Heather, if you make me yell at this point... I'm going to yell at you, man.
Joshua Leonard: Are you happy?
Heather Donahue: I'm not happy, no. But the car's not far - we're just not going to be able to find it in the dark.
Interviewee: I don't believe in Witches and airy-fairy stuff like that.
Heather Donahue: Are you a Religious Man, Sir?
Interviewee: Yes.
Heather Donahue: Alrighty...
[Camera cuts out]
Heather Donahue: Ok I'm not allowed to smoke, but Mike's allowed to fart as much as he wants?
Josh Leonard: I didn't give Mike any fart allowance.
Heather Donahue: Mike, go outside and check it out. Why won't you?
Michael Williams: I don't hear anything
Heather Donahue: Because you're fucking scared! Because you're fucking scared!
Michael Williams: There's nothing out there!
Michael Williams: Who wants a cheeseburger?
Heather Donahue: I do. I do.
Michael Williams: I have a cheeseburger in my back pocket.
Heather Donahue: Tell me you're not eating a dead leaf...
Michael Williams: Yes.
Michael Williams: [Mike is laughing hysterically] I kicked the map into the creek!
Heather Donahue: YOU DID WHAT?
Michael Williams: I kicked it into the...
[he is laughing too hard to continue]
Heather Donahue: You are a fucking asshole! What the FUCK were you thinking? What the FUCK were you THINKING?
Heather Donahue: [walking up to Josh's car to greet him] Hey there! It's Mr. Punctuality! How the *hell* are ya this morning?
Josh Leonard: [getting out of car] Tired.
Michael Williams: I found some cigarettes. I found them all the way in the bottom of my pack. We're still alive 'cause we're smoking.
Michael Williams: What's with that slime on your backpack?
Joshua Leonard: That's not slime, it's just water. No wait, it is slime, what the fuck?
Josh Leonard: What the hell is this blue jelly shit all over my shit?
Heather Donahue: I want to avoid being cheesy, here. I want to avoid any cheese.

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