The Dukes of Hazzard Quotes
Cousins Bo and Luke Duke, with a little help from their cousin Daisy and Uncle Jesse, egg on the authorities of Hazzard County, Boss Hogg and Sheriff Coltrane.
Uncle Jesse: Here's another one; drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, "Why don't you watch where you're going?" The drunk looks at him and says, "Why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"
Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party's over.
Boss Hogg: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!
Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.
Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?
Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.
Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!
Uncle Jesse: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?
Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!
Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.
Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]
Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!
Boss Hogg: Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!
Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.
Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?
Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.
Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!
Uncle Jesse: And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?
Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!
Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.
Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?
Uncle Jesse: For this!
[Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]
Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!
Bo Duke: [during car chase in Atlanta] Okay where's the highway?
Katie Johnson: I don't know don't you have a map?
Luke Duke: Wait!
[Luke pulls out a ma]
Luke Duke: i got it... Turn left up here. Tur left. turn left!
[Bo turns right]
Luke Duke: Dammit! I said left!
Bo Duke: I thought you said your left!
Luke Duke: My left is your left!
Bo Duke: I'm going to need these directions faster alright!
Luke Duke: It's okay. I know exactly where wer'e at
[Map flies out the window]
Katie Johnson: I don't know don't you have a map?
Luke Duke: Wait!
[Luke pulls out a ma]
Luke Duke: i got it... Turn left up here. Tur left. turn left!
[Bo turns right]
Luke Duke: Dammit! I said left!
Bo Duke: I thought you said your left!
Luke Duke: My left is your left!
Bo Duke: I'm going to need these directions faster alright!
Luke Duke: It's okay. I know exactly where wer'e at
[Map flies out the window]
Daisy Duke: [Daisy walks into the sheriff's office wearing a very revealing bikini] Enos?
[leans in very close to him]
Daisy Duke: where's Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?
Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.
Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos.
[gets up and walks off smiling]
Daisy Duke: That's got to be a new record.
[leans in very close to him]
Daisy Duke: where's Boss Hogg holding Uncle Jesse and Pauline?
Deputy Enos Strate: Uh, out at your farm.
Daisy Duke: Thanks, Enos.
[gets up and walks off smiling]
Daisy Duke: That's got to be a new record.
Sheev: [Bo, luke, and Sheev are about to blow open a safe, but the fuse goes out] Hmm, must be a wet fuse.
Bo Duke: Maybe its backwards.
Sheev: Of course its supposed to be backwards it's a Chinese fuse.
Bo Duke: No, I mean its backwards from the way it's supposed to be.
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend
Bo Duke: Maybe its backwards.
Sheev: Of course its supposed to be backwards it's a Chinese fuse.
Bo Duke: No, I mean its backwards from the way it's supposed to be.
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once.
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend
Dil Driscoll: [after daisy beats up Dil for sweet talking her] So uh Bo, what's the story on that little pistol over there?
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son,i guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: [while bo laughs with them and takes a drink, the balladeer speaks] Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke, about another Duke.
Bo Duke: [Bo finishes his drink] I'll shuck your corn!
[this is when the bar fight begins]
Bo Duke: Well, actually she's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: You hittn' that?
Bo Duke: She's my cousin.
Dil Driscoll: Hopefully your kissing cousin.
Bo Duke: Excuse me?
Dil Driscoll: Son,i guess all I'm asking is, if you shuck her corn.
The Balladeer: [while bo laughs with them and takes a drink, the balladeer speaks] Now there's some things you don't say to a Duke, about another Duke.
Bo Duke: [Bo finishes his drink] I'll shuck your corn!
[this is when the bar fight begins]
Uncle Jesse: # Just the good ol' boys/Never meanin' no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin' the curves/Flattenin' the hills/Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will/Makin' their way the only way they know how/That's just a little bit more than the law would allow/Just the good ol' boys/Wouldn't change if they could/ Fightin' the system like a true modern day Robin Hood #
Sheev: Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.
Bo Duke: I dated a Koren girl in high school.
Sheev: That is an entirely different Oriental nation. Get an education.
Bo Duke: You're the one who got the fuse wrong.
Sheev: You know nothing about Chyno Syno American relations.
Bo Duke: I ate Chinese food once
Sheev: Yea, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.
Bo Duke: I dated a Koren girl in high school.
Sheev: That is an entirely different Oriental nation. Get an education.
Bo Duke: You're the one who got the fuse wrong.
Sheev: You know nothing about Chyno Syno American relations.
