The Eiger Sanction Quotes
A classical art professor and collector, who doubles as a professional assassin, is coerced out of retirement to avenge the murder of an old friend.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Are you busy this evening?
Art Student: No.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: You live alone?
Art Student: My roommate's gone for the week.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Good. Then... go on home, break out the books and study your little ass off. That's the best way to maintain a "B" average. Don't study it all off.
Art Student: No.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: You live alone?
Art Student: My roommate's gone for the week.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Good. Then... go on home, break out the books and study your little ass off. That's the best way to maintain a "B" average. Don't study it all off.
Jonathan Hemlock: I can't believe that you're a stewardess.
Jemima Brown: Actually I'm not, I'm a skyjacker in a drag.
Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, that's reassuring, just give your name and I report you to the proper authorities when we land.
Jemima Brown: Jemima
Jonathan Hemlock: And I'm Uncle Ben...
Jemima Brown: I'm serious, that's really my name... Jemima Brown, my mother was hooked on being ethnic.
Jonathan Hemlock: Or else turned on by a pancake. As long as we both agree that it's to much for a black chick to have the name of Jemima.
Jemima Brown: Well I don't know, I mean people don't forget you when you name is Jemima.
Jonathan Hemlock: I don't think people would forget you if your name was Alfred.
Jemima Brown: Actually I'm not, I'm a skyjacker in a drag.
Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, that's reassuring, just give your name and I report you to the proper authorities when we land.
Jemima Brown: Jemima
Jonathan Hemlock: And I'm Uncle Ben...
Jemima Brown: I'm serious, that's really my name... Jemima Brown, my mother was hooked on being ethnic.
Jonathan Hemlock: Or else turned on by a pancake. As long as we both agree that it's to much for a black chick to have the name of Jemima.
Jemima Brown: Well I don't know, I mean people don't forget you when you name is Jemima.
Jonathan Hemlock: I don't think people would forget you if your name was Alfred.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Pope, I really don't mind you being an asshole, you really can't help that, but I do mind you lying to me like I was a fool. Now you came here with one thought in mind, and that was to attach yourself to me so the target would know who I am and what I am. Now, who's gonna perform this sanction if he gets me? You?
Pope: You don't think I can handle it?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: In a locked closet with a grenade.
Pope: You don't think I can handle it?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: In a locked closet with a grenade.
[last lines]
Jonathan Hemlock: You know that art collection of mine's not going to get any bigger, but I'd sure like to have you take a long look at it.
Jemima Brown: I thought you'd never ask. I'll get two tickets. Jonathan, you can tell me. You didn't really sanction all three of them, did you?
Jonathan Hemlock: [just a long hard look]
Jonathan Hemlock: You know that art collection of mine's not going to get any bigger, but I'd sure like to have you take a long look at it.
Jemima Brown: I thought you'd never ask. I'll get two tickets. Jonathan, you can tell me. You didn't really sanction all three of them, did you?
Jonathan Hemlock: [just a long hard look]
Ben Bowman: Wanna Beer?
Jonathan Hemlock: You gonna call room service?
Ben Bowman: We got beer.
Jonathan Hemlock: If you hauled beer up this rock you're insane!
Ben Bowman: I may be insane, but I'm not stupid. I didn't carry it, you did! It's in your pack.
Jonathan Hemlock: Christ, I ought'a throw you off this pillar! Besides, it's warm.
Ben Bowman: Oh I'm sorry, I thought you'd draw the line on haulin' ice.
Jonathan Hemlock: You gonna call room service?
Ben Bowman: We got beer.
Jonathan Hemlock: If you hauled beer up this rock you're insane!
Ben Bowman: I may be insane, but I'm not stupid. I didn't carry it, you did! It's in your pack.
Jonathan Hemlock: Christ, I ought'a throw you off this pillar! Besides, it's warm.
Ben Bowman: Oh I'm sorry, I thought you'd draw the line on haulin' ice.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: [to his class] Some of you will continue in your education. Some of you will continue with your interest in art. Some of you will have interests other than that. If we've learned nothing else this year, I hope you've learned the stupidity of the statement that art belongs to the world. 'Cause art belongs to the cultivated who can appreciate it. The majority of the great unwashed does not fit into this category... and neither, I'm sorry to say, do most of you.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: You think it's so awful the other side has a germ formula? It's against the Geneva Convention, isn't it, and they stole it from us. Well what the hell are we doing with it in the first place? We're not supposed to have one either.
Jemima Brown: And you don't see any difference between their side and our side?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Yeah, I see a difference. But as long as we have Dragon and Pope working for us, how bad can the other side be?
Jemima Brown: And you don't see any difference between their side and our side?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Yeah, I see a difference. But as long as we have Dragon and Pope working for us, how bad can the other side be?
Jemima Brown: Is this hotel always so crowded?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Only when there's a climb. Then the Eiger birds start flocking in.
Jemima Brown: Eiger birds?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Yeah, jet setters, assorted zombies, come here to watch a climb. If they're lucky, they get to see a man die on the mountain.
Jemima Brown: That's grim.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: So's the Eiger.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Only when there's a climb. Then the Eiger birds start flocking in.
Jemima Brown: Eiger birds?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Yeah, jet setters, assorted zombies, come here to watch a climb. If they're lucky, they get to see a man die on the mountain.
Jemima Brown: That's grim.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: So's the Eiger.
Pope: Search Division has drawn a blank on the target. All we know is he's here somewhere.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Miles Mellough knew who it was.
Pope: He did? Did he tell you?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: He offered to, but the price was too high.
Pope: Well, what'd he want, then?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: To live.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Miles Mellough knew who it was.
Pope: He did? Did he tell you?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: He offered to, but the price was too high.
Pope: Well, what'd he want, then?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: To live.
Jonathan Hemlock: They kill one of ours, we kill the killers. No purpose at all, just barbaric.
Jemima Brown: You're getting religion a little late.
Jonathan Hemlock: I didn't quit because of religion, I quit because of mathematics.
Jemima Brown: Oh?
Jonathan Hemlock: That's right. The odds are stacking up against me. Assassins who stay too long wind up getting assassinated, and that ain't in my game plan.
Jemima Brown: You're getting religion a little late.
Jonathan Hemlock: I didn't quit because of religion, I quit because of mathematics.
Jemima Brown: Oh?
Jonathan Hemlock: That's right. The odds are stacking up against me. Assassins who stay too long wind up getting assassinated, and that ain't in my game plan.
[Bowman watches the climb through his telescope]
British Tourist: I say, old boy, are you using your scope? Do you mind if my wife has a peek.
British Tourist's Wife: Darling, tell him we'll pay for it.
British Tourist: We can pay for it, you know.
Ben Bowman: Get out of here. Either of you friggin' vampires ever touch this telescope, you're gonna need surgery to get it out of your ass!
British Tourist: I say, old boy, are you using your scope? Do you mind if my wife has a peek.
British Tourist's Wife: Darling, tell him we'll pay for it.
British Tourist: We can pay for it, you know.
Ben Bowman: Get out of here. Either of you friggin' vampires ever touch this telescope, you're gonna need surgery to get it out of your ass!
Art Student: I've never felt this close to art before.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How nice.
Art Student: But I have a problem.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How terrible.
Art Student: If I don't keep my "B" average, I'll lose my scholarship and I don't think I'll do well on your final exam. I've gained a while new feeling about art but sometimes you can't put your true feelings down on paper.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How true.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How nice.
Art Student: But I have a problem.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How terrible.
Art Student: If I don't keep my "B" average, I'll lose my scholarship and I don't think I'll do well on your final exam. I've gained a while new feeling about art but sometimes you can't put your true feelings down on paper.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: How true.
Miss Cerberus: I was expecting you before this. Mr. Dragon does not like to be kept waiting.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, the impatient albino.
Miss Cerberus: I don't think Mr. Dragon's affliction is a joking matter.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: I thought it was rather humorous, myself. A spy network being run by a bloodless freak who can't stand light or cold.
Miss Cerberus: Or germs. Are you healthy?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Should I turn my head and cough?
Miss Cerberus: No known infections?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Nothing other than the usual, syphilis, running sores, and the clap.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, the impatient albino.
Miss Cerberus: I don't think Mr. Dragon's affliction is a joking matter.
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: I thought it was rather humorous, myself. A spy network being run by a bloodless freak who can't stand light or cold.
Miss Cerberus: Or germs. Are you healthy?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Should I turn my head and cough?
Miss Cerberus: No known infections?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Nothing other than the usual, syphilis, running sores, and the clap.
Ben Bowman: You know what? Way down deep you've got the makings of a real bad ass. I don't know that I'd like to be alone on a desert island with you if there was a shortage of food.
Jonathan Hemlock: No worry, you're a friend.
Ben Bowman: You ever had any enemies?
Jonathan Hemlock: A few.
Ben Bowman: Any of them still around?
Jonathan Hemlock: No worry, you're a friend.
Ben Bowman: You ever had any enemies?
Jonathan Hemlock: A few.
Ben Bowman: Any of them still around?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: It's dangerous, child, to come to conclusions when you don't have any facts. Now let me lay some on you. Sure Dragon knows what he's doing, just like he knew what he was doing when he worked for the Nazis during World War II.
Jemima Brown: What?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, you didn't know that, did you? Yes your "wrap him up in red, white, and blue" Mr. Dragon's a goddamn Hessian, that's what he is. And he'd sell out the other side as fast as he'd sell out our side. And he'd sell out his mother, too, if the bloodless freak had one.
Jemima Brown: What?
Dr. Jonathan Hemlock: Oh, you didn't know that, did you? Yes your "wrap him up in red, white, and blue" Mr. Dragon's a goddamn Hessian, that's what he is. And he'd sell out the other side as fast as he'd sell out our side. And he'd sell out his mother, too, if the bloodless freak had one.
