The First Wives Club Quotes
Reunited by the death of a college friend, three divorced women seek revenge on the husbands who left them for younger women.
Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V... He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, "Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what's next? A parrot?" And all of a sudden I'm a big drag. I'm holding him back because I won't go rollerblading.
[Elise shows Bill proof that his new girlfriend is only sixteen years old]
Elise: Should have done your homework, Bill! I did. Oh, by the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate.
Bill: Oh, God... I didn't know... oh, God! Wh-what are you going to do?
Elise: Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... *Felony*.
Elise: Should have done your homework, Bill! I did. Oh, by the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate.
Bill: Oh, God... I didn't know... oh, God! Wh-what are you going to do?
Elise: Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... *Felony*.
Brenda: Morty! Well, look at you. You look prosperous.
Morty: Brenda, don't embarrass me.
Brenda: [Mocking Morty] Don't embarrass you.
Morty: Don't make a scene.
Brenda: Don't make a scene.
Morty: Do not make a scene.
Brenda: Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!
Morty: Keep your voice down.
Brenda: Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!
Morty: You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,
[grabs a yellow blouse]
Morty: honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.
Brenda: You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?
Morty: It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!
Brenda: You're a liar and a FRAUD!
Morty: I have no money.
Brenda: Really? Why don't you look in your purse?
Morty: Oh you're very funny.
Shelly: There stunning Morton, I need all of them.
Brenda: Morton?
Shelly: [covers her face with a dress] Oh God, make it go away.
Brenda: Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.
Morty: Don't start.
Brenda: What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try these on in
[holds out her arms]
Shelly: *your size*!
Morty: It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.
Morty: Brenda, don't embarrass me.
Brenda: [Mocking Morty] Don't embarrass you.
Morty: Don't make a scene.
Brenda: Don't make a scene.
Morty: Do not make a scene.
Brenda: Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!
Morty: Keep your voice down.
Brenda: Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!
Morty: You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,
[grabs a yellow blouse]
Morty: honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.
Brenda: You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?
Morty: It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!
Brenda: You're a liar and a FRAUD!
Morty: I have no money.
Brenda: Really? Why don't you look in your purse?
Morty: Oh you're very funny.
Shelly: There stunning Morton, I need all of them.
Brenda: Morton?
Shelly: [covers her face with a dress] Oh God, make it go away.
Brenda: Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.
Morty: Don't start.
Brenda: What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try these on in
[holds out her arms]
Shelly: *your size*!
Morty: It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.
Morty: Shelly, what happened here? $140,00 for a PLATE? $47,000 for a carpet? A USED carpet? $300,00 for a Lamborghini? Are you crazy?
Shelly: I bought the car for you! It was only 300 grand! It was a GIFT!
Morty: With my money you bought it! I bought me the gift!
Shelly: Jesus, Morty, all I want is a lifestyle, y'know - with some ambiance and some classic eternal good taste!
Shelly: I bought the car for you! It was only 300 grand! It was a GIFT!
Morty: With my money you bought it! I bought me the gift!
Shelly: Jesus, Morty, all I want is a lifestyle, y'know - with some ambiance and some classic eternal good taste!
Brenda: So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you *were* a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people *sucking* up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that *your* perception of life is *somewhat altered*!
