The In-Laws

The In-Laws Quotes

Right before his daughter's wedding, a mild-mannered foot doctor discovers that his new in-laws are international smugglers.

Steve Tobias: This wedding is going to be as normal as butter on mashed potatoes.
Jerry Peyser: I'm sorry I called you the worst father in the world. I'm sure there's at least two or three guys who are worse.
Steve Tobias: Thank you, Jer.
Jerry Peyser: "Normal as butter on mashed potatoes"? That lasted about ten minutes.
Steve Tobias: [after large snake is served at ethnic restaurant] Uh, Jerry, you alright? You haven't even touched your food!
Jerry Peyser: My food is still eating.
Mark Tobias: [walks in the men's restroom while Steve and Angela are sitting up the man Steve beat up] Oh, an unconscious person. You must be working.
Jerry Peyser: Six people on a beach! I could have saved a fortune.
Steve Tobias: Jer, they're gonna be fine. In fact, the whole family's gonna be just fine.
Angela Harris: Is that a fanny pack?
Steve Tobias: It's cute, isn't it?
Angela Harris: It's adorable.
Steve Tobias: Doctor, do you know what a roofie is?
Jerry Peyser: Yeah I know what a roofie is, frat boys give them to girls at parties.
[Steve nods]
Jerry Peyser: Oh no. Oh don't rape me.
[passes out]
Jerry Peyser: I would contract what they call wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
Angela Harris: We've got the FBI on us like trailer trash on Velveeta.
[last lines]
[as Jean-Pierre is being taken away by the police, he waves at Jerry]
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: Call me!
Jerry Peyser: You know something? He might actually like prison.
Steve Tobias: Like it? He's gonna LOVE it!
Steve Tobias: I don't know one person here.
Jerry Peyser: That's because it's not an arms market.
Jerry Peyser: Katharine, I am in the bathroom of Barbra Streisand's airplane.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: People think we are crazy. But they don't know the joy of holding a man's beating heart in the palm of your hand.
Jerry Peyser: Aww, that's a good feeling.
Steve Tobias: So have you ever been to Vietnam?
Katherine Peyser: No, but we hear it's lovely.
Jerry Peyser: That was fun.
Steve Tobias: Yeah blackmail! Ha ha.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: To Fat Cobra in the flesh.
Mark Tobias: The one time my father shows up to Cub Scouts and I earn a merit badge in covert evasion techniques.
Melissa Peyser: You guys, my dad wouldn't buy a Russian submarine... I mean, he wouldn't even buy a foreign car!
Steve Tobias: We're the CIA.
Angela Harris: Great, now I have to kill him.
Jerry Peyser: I got what they call wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: But there are certain things I can only do with a man, no?
Jerry Peyser: Like golf?
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: No! I am not gay!

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