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A clumsy young man nurtures a plant and discovers that it's carnivorous, forcing him to kill to feed it.
Burson Fouch: Anyway, I've got to go home. My wife's making gardenias for dinner.
Gravis Mushnik: Let me wrap your carnations... Burson Fouch: Oh no thanks, I'll eat 'em here.
Gravis Mushnik: It's a finger of speech!
Leonora Clyde: Speak for yourself, John. [He snaps out of his trance] Seymour Krelboin: My name is Seymour. Leonora Clyde: [mockingly] "My name is Seymour!" Seymour Krelboin: That's my name, too!
Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: Now we were on the case. Officer Frank Stoolie and me. My name is Fink. Sergeant Joe Fink. I'm a fink.
Burson Fouch: My name is Burson Fouch. Gravis Mushnik: Excellent. I am Gravis Mushnik. Burson Fouch: Oh, that's a good one.
Wilbur Force: [reading an article from "Pain" magazine in the waiting room of the dentist; giggling] "The patient came to me with a large hole in his abdomen, caused by a fire poker used on him by his wife. He almost bled to death and gangrene had set in. I didn't give him much of a chance. There were other complications. The man had cancer, tuberculosis, leprosy, and a touch of the grippe. I decided to operate."
[shouting at Seymour, who has been singing off-camera] Gravis Mushnik: Shut up from the back!
Audry Fulquard: You're gonna be another Luther Glendale. Seymour Krelboin: Pasadena. Audry Fulquard: Burbank.
Wilbur Force: No novocaine. It dulls the senses.
Burson Fouch: I'm just crazy about Kosher flowers!
sign in flower shop: Lots Plants Cheap
[Seymour is impersonating Dr. Farb to a new patient] Wilbur Force: My name is Wilbur Force. Seymour Krelboin: Wilbur Force what? Wilbur Force: Just Wilbur Force. My first name is Wilbur, my last name is Force. I don't have a middle name. Seymour Krelboin: Do you have an appointment? Wilbur Force: No, but you were very highly recommended to me by one of your patients; Mrs. Shiva. I do a lot of undertaking for her relatives. Seymour Krelboin: Well... you can see that I have a customer right now and I'm all booked up for the rest of the day, so you'll have to come back tomorrow. Wilbur Force: Oh no, I couldn't do that. I have three or four abscesses, I touch of pyorrhea, nine or ten cavities, I lost my pivot tooth, and I'm in terrible pain! Seymour Krelboin: I can't help you today. Wilbur Force: That's all right. I'll just wait outside until your free.
Gravis Mushnik: Now that is what I call a salad. What do you call that salad? Audry Fulquard: Caesarean.
Leonora Clyde: What's the matter? Don't you like me? Seymour Krelboin: Too bony. Leonora Clyde: Too bony? Nobody's ever told me that before. Seymour Krelboin: Beef is better than veal. [She stands up] Leonora Clyde: You're such a do-do! What do you call this, chopped liver? [He pokes her side] Seymour Krelboin: Master would like more fat.
[Seymour walks into the shop holding a bag with Dr. Farb's body in it] Audrey Jr.: Give me food! Seymour Krelboin: Aw, take it easy, Dracula. What do you think I'm carrying here, my dirty laundry?
Seymour Krelboin: You mean I'm fired? Gravis Mushnik: No, I'm electing you President from the United States!... YES, you are fired!
Seymour Krelboin: Don't waste your pity on me, Audrey. I'm not worth it. Audry Fulquard: Who says you're not? Seymour Krelboin: Everybody. Audry Fulquard: Yeah, I know.
Burson Fouch: I remember in one flower shop there was a whole wall covered with poison ivy. People came from miles around to look at that wall and they stayed to buy. Gravis Mushnik: And the owner got rich? Burson Fouch: No, he scratched himself to death in an insane asylum.
[repeated line] Audrey Jr.: Feed me!
Audrey Jr.: I need some chow!
[answering phone] Gravis Mushnik: Flowers, fresh as the springtime, Mushnik's
Seymour Krelboin: I didn't mean it. Gravis Mushnik: You didn't mean it. You never mean it. You didn't mean the time when you put up the bouquet with the 'get well' card in the funeral parlor, and sent the black lilies to that old lady in the hospital. You're fired and this time, I, Gravis Mushnik, mean it! Burson Fouch: [to Seymour] I think he means it.
Gravis Mushnik: Look at it, it grows like a cold sore from the lip.
[repeated line] Seymour Krelboin: I didn't mean it!
Seymour Krelboin: Did you call me, Mr. Mushnick? Gravis Mushnik: No, I was calling John D. Rockefeller for to make a loan on my Rolls Royce! Seymour Krelboin: Sorry I said it.
Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: We just want to ask you a few questions. Gravis Mushnik: I didn't do it. Det. Frank Stoolie: Do what? Gravis Mushnik: Whatever.
Siddie Shiva: Oh! Such a thing, eating flowers! Burson Fouch: Don't knock it 'till you try it, alright?
Seymour Krelboin: I'm getting pretty tired of you. Audrey Jr.: I need food! Seymour Krelboin: I don't care what you need. Look what you've done, you not only made a butcher out of me but you drove my girl away. Audrey Jr.: Shut up and bring on the food!
[after pulling out one of Seymour's teeth] Dr. Phoebus Farb: Would you look at that, Seymour? I didn't know you were an elk!
Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: How's the wife, Frank? Det. Frank Stoolie: Not bad, Joe. Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: Glad to hear it. The kids? Det. Frank Stoolie: Lost one yesterday. Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: Lost one, huh? How'd that happen? Det. Frank Stoolie: Playing with matches Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: Well, those're the breaks Det. Frank Stoolie: I guess so.
Audry Fulquard: Why don't you give him a chance to resurrect himself? Gravis Mushnik: I give him chance to quit! Seymour Krelboin: I ain't gonna quit! Gravis Mushnik: You're a brave boy, you're fired.
Audry Fulquard: Gravis, what happened? Tell me. Gravis Mushnik: All right, I'll tell you tomorrow right after I tell the police. Det. Sgt .Joe Fink: [voice-over] But Mushnik didn't go to the police. If he had, that would have been the end of this unhappy story. But it was not.
Gravis Mushnik: You have perhaps an explanation for this? Seymour Krelboin: No, but if you give me a minute I'll think of one.
Gravis Mushnik: Who... I mean... what did that plant eat last night? Seymour Krelboin: Uh... about a million Japanese beetles.
[repeated line] Seymour Krelboin: Oh boy!
Gravis Mushnik: Bring me whisky, rum, wine, gin, bourbon... Waitress: What? Gravis Mushnik: ...scotch, rye, tequila, sake, Manischewitz... Waitress: Did you bring the money? Gravis Mushnik: Don't work me about money. I've got to get drunk, now!