The Mummy Returns Quotes
The mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London, where he once again wakes and begins his campaign of rage and terror.
Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
Rick: Great for him.
Evelyn: So did Caesar.
Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon.
Rick: Yeah, but, we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?
Rick: Great for him.
Evelyn: So did Caesar.
Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon.
Rick: Yeah, but, we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?
Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
Jonathan: I can do that!
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Rick: Ehh...
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.
Jonathan: I can do that!
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Rick: Ehh...
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.
Rick: Right, she's a reincarnated princess and I'm a warrior for God?
Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth Bay: Only the journey is written, not the destination.
Rick: Convenient.
Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth Bay: Only the journey is written, not the destination.
Rick: Convenient.
Izzy: [on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun] Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet, real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
[lowers voice]
Izzy: Unless of course we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
[lowers voice]
Izzy: Unless of course we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
Alex: [as Evy fights Imhotep's followers with a sword] Whoa, mom! When did you learn to do that?
Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin, and decks him with a right hook]
Evelyn: That I learned from your father!
Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin, and decks him with a right hook]
Evelyn: That I learned from your father!
Rick: Let me guess, it was commanded by this Scorpion King guy?
Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.
Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.
Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.
Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't, but that's always the story.
Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
Evelyn: [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus] Alex.
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Evelyn: [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus] Alex.
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Izzy: [after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell]
[furious]
Izzy: O'Connell, you almost got me killed!
Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
Evelyn: [Izzy is about to say more, when Evie grabs him and smothers his face with kisses] Izzy, thank you! Thank you!
Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.
[furious]
Izzy: O'Connell, you almost got me killed!
Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
Evelyn: [Izzy is about to say more, when Evie grabs him and smothers his face with kisses] Izzy, thank you! Thank you!
Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.
Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Oh it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Oh it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.
Evelyn: [Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere] I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it, we're already packed.
Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason.
Evelyn: It's just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exciting, romantic oasis.
Rick: The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and - we could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.
Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
Rick: Ah, ya. see. I knew there's a catch. There's always a catch.
Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it, we're already packed.
Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason.
Evelyn: It's just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exciting, romantic oasis.
Rick: The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and - we could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.
Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
Rick: Ah, ya. see. I knew there's a catch. There's always a catch.
Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air - gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's ass? Well maybe I can finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters I'd need? I mean, it's too big!
Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.
Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.
[last lines]
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What?
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have no id- I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't - you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I haven't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What?
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have no id- I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't - you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I haven't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]
Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis!
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis!
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.
Alex: [while Jonathan is fighting Meela] Efday shokran... efday shokran... Uncle Jon! I don't know what this last symbol is!
Jonathan: What does it look like?
Alex: It's a bird - a stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?
Jonathan: [struggling with Meela] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Amenophus!
Jonathan: What does it look like?
Alex: It's a bird - a stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?
Jonathan: [struggling with Meela] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Amenophus!
Jonathan: [Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground] Look! There's a burial ground. We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure.
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure.
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.
Alex: Hey. The Book of the Dead.
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Lock-Nah: Silence!
Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes in your bed while you were sleeping.
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Lock-Nah: Silence!
Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes in your bed while you were sleeping.
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [as Meela walks toward Imhotep and Evie has a flashback] Do not be frightened.
Meela: I am not afraid.
[in ancient Egyptian]
Meela: I am Anck Su Namun reincarnated!
Imhotep: Only in body, but soon I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.
Meela: I am not afraid.
[in ancient Egyptian]
Meela: I am Anck Su Namun reincarnated!
Imhotep: Only in body, but soon I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.
Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek."
Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth Bay: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek."
Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth Bay: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.
Ardeth Bay: [as Jonathan loads his rifle] You any good with that?
Jonathan: Five times Fox and Hounds Grand Champion, I'll have you know!
[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
Jonathan: You any good with that?
Ardeth Bay: We'll know soon enough.
[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand, out of his belt, and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.
Jonathan: Five times Fox and Hounds Grand Champion, I'll have you know!
[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
Jonathan: You any good with that?
Ardeth Bay: We'll know soon enough.
[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand, out of his belt, and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.
Jonathan: [after seeing Alex crying about his moms death] Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.
Alex: Book!
Jonathan: What?
Alex: That's it! That's it!
Jonathan: That's what?
Alex: [Jumps up and grabs Jonathan] Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!
Alex: Book!
Jonathan: What?
Alex: That's it! That's it!
Jonathan: That's what?
Alex: [Jumps up and grabs Jonathan] Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!
Imhotep: The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.
Alex: Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have before the Scorpion King wakes up.
Imhotep: Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?
Alex: That part I missed.
Alex: Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have before the Scorpion King wakes up.
Imhotep: Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?
Alex: That part I missed.
Meela: [interrogating Jonathan] Where's your wife?
Jonathan: My wife? Oh you mean Evie, I think she went off to Baden-Baden or Tibet or something, the girl is a free spirit, did I mention I was single now?
Meela: [pulls a snake out of a basket] Egyptian Aps are quite poisonous
[one of her men holds a knife to Jonathan's throat]
Jonathan: [about the bracelet] It's downstairs in the safe the combination is 3,20,58,3,9,3 something, it's the safe downstairs I told you, I told you.
Meela: [pets and kisses the snake] And your point is?
[walks towards him and points the snake at his throat]
Jonathan: [backs away] I told you, I told you so you wouldn't kill me!
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?
[Rick enters and interrupts]
Rick: Oh hello
[sees Jonathan tied up and Meela and her men surrounding him]
Rick: Jonathan I thought I told you no more wild parties.
Jonathan: You know when you're popular.
Jonathan: My wife? Oh you mean Evie, I think she went off to Baden-Baden or Tibet or something, the girl is a free spirit, did I mention I was single now?
Meela: [pulls a snake out of a basket] Egyptian Aps are quite poisonous
[one of her men holds a knife to Jonathan's throat]
Jonathan: [about the bracelet] It's downstairs in the safe the combination is 3,20,58,3,9,3 something, it's the safe downstairs I told you, I told you.
Meela: [pets and kisses the snake] And your point is?
[walks towards him and points the snake at his throat]
Jonathan: [backs away] I told you, I told you so you wouldn't kill me!
Meela: When did we make that arrangement?
[Rick enters and interrupts]
Rick: Oh hello
[sees Jonathan tied up and Meela and her men surrounding him]
Rick: Jonathan I thought I told you no more wild parties.
Jonathan: You know when you're popular.
