The Return of the Living Dead Quotes
When two bumbling employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to rise again as zombies.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: You can hear me?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why do you eat people?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Not people. Brains.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Brains only?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The PAIN!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What about the pain?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The pain of being DEAD!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: [laughing in surprise to his friends] It hurts... to be dead.
1/2 Woman Corpse: I can feel myself rot.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Eating brains... How does that make you feel?
1/2 Woman Corpse: It makes the pain, go away!
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why do you eat people?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Not people. Brains.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Brains only?
1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The PAIN!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What about the pain?
1/2 Woman Corpse: The pain of being DEAD!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: [laughing in surprise to his friends] It hurts... to be dead.
1/2 Woman Corpse: I can feel myself rot.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Eating brains... How does that make you feel?
1/2 Woman Corpse: It makes the pain, go away!
Trash: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?
Spider: I try not too think about dying too much.
Trash: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.
Spider: I see.
Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...
Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.
Spider: I try not too think about dying too much.
Trash: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.
Spider: I see.
Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...
Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.
[Burt is on the phone to the police squad captain]
Burt Wilson: Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now... right now!
Burt Wilson: Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now... right now!
Burt Wilson: You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I already told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?
Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?
Burt Wilson: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!
Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?
Burt Wilson: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!
Col. Horace Glover: [on a secure military line] Sir, this is Colonel Glover. I'm sorry to disturb you at this hour, sir, but we're at Q-2 status. It looks like we've found that lost consignment of Easter eggs. Yes, sir, pretty sure. They've turned up in Louisville. I'm getting confirmations on this from the Louisville Police Department. Louisville, Kentucky, sir.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Well, sir, it would be good news, except that the eggs have hatched.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Well, sir, it would be good news, except that the eggs have hatched.
Paramedic #1: You have no pulse, your blood pressure's zero-over-zero, you have no pupillary response, no reflexes and your temperature is 70 degrees.
Freddy: Well, what does that mean?
Paramedic #1: Well, it's a puzzle because, technically, you're not alive. Except you're conscious, so we don't know what it means.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic #2: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic #2: No conclusions.
Paramedic #1: Obviously I didn't mean you were really dead. Dead people don't move around and talk.
Freddy: Well, what does that mean?
Paramedic #1: Well, it's a puzzle because, technically, you're not alive. Except you're conscious, so we don't know what it means.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic #2: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.
Freddy: Are you saying we're dead?
Paramedic #2: No conclusions.
Paramedic #1: Obviously I didn't mean you were really dead. Dead people don't move around and talk.
Col. Horace Glover: [on the telephone] Yes? Yes, Captain. I see. Very well. Put the call through to me. Yes, yes, put him on.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Mister Wilson, where are you calling from?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. When did this take place? And when was the tank first breached?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Why didn't you call this number immediately?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. It's understandable. What happened next?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Oh, you did? And what effect did that have?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. So what did you do then?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: And what did they do?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. Really? How many did you say? And how many acres does this cemetery cover, sir?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Yes. I see. Yes, I see. Of course.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Thank you for your assistance, Mister Wilson. I'm going to switch you back to Captain Turner. He'll talk to you.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Mister Wilson, where are you calling from?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. When did this take place? And when was the tank first breached?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Why didn't you call this number immediately?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. It's understandable. What happened next?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Oh, you did? And what effect did that have?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. So what did you do then?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: And what did they do?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: I see. Really? How many did you say? And how many acres does this cemetery cover, sir?
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Yes. I see. Yes, I see. Of course.
[pause]
Col. Horace Glover: Thank you for your assistance, Mister Wilson. I'm going to switch you back to Captain Turner. He'll talk to you.
Tina: Mister, they're out there and there's more of them in that warehouse on the other side of the graveyard.
Burt Wilson: Which warehouse?
Tina: The medical supply...
Burt Wilson: Oh Shit! Shit! God damn!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: I think things are getting out of hand.
Tina: Mister, there's a hundred of those things out there.
Burt Wilson: A hundred?
Burt Wilson: Which warehouse?
Tina: The medical supply...
Burt Wilson: Oh Shit! Shit! God damn!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: I think things are getting out of hand.
Tina: Mister, there's a hundred of those things out there.
Burt Wilson: A hundred?
Burt Wilson: What about the bones Ernie?
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Bones are no problem. Hardest thing to burn is the heart.
Burt Wilson: A heart, why?
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: 'cause it's just one big tough muscle.
Burt Wilson: Yeah, but Ernie, I mean, c'mon, we don't want the heart sticking around!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Bones are no problem. Hardest thing to burn is the heart.
Burt Wilson: A heart, why?
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: 'cause it's just one big tough muscle.
Burt Wilson: Yeah, but Ernie, I mean, c'mon, we don't want the heart sticking around!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.
Frank: Let me ask you a question: did you ever see that movie, "Night of the Living Dead"?
Freddy: Oh, yeah, yeah - that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? What about it?
Frank: Did you know that story was based on a true case?
Freddy: [chuckles] Aw, c'mon, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: I ain't never been more serious in my life.
Freddy: Oh, yeah, yeah - that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? What about it?
Frank: Did you know that story was based on a true case?
Freddy: [chuckles] Aw, c'mon, you're shitting me, right?
Frank: I ain't never been more serious in my life.
Spider: What're they doin', man?
Burt Wilson: [over the telephone to the Military Intelligence] Hang on a second, will ya?
[to Spider]
Burt Wilson: It's weird. These people seem to say they've been waiting for this to happen. Apparently, they've got some sort of contingency plan to deal with it.
Casey: That's great!
Spider: [suspiciously] What is this plan?
Burt Wilson: [over the telephone to the Military Intelligence] Hang on a second, will ya?
[to Spider]
Burt Wilson: It's weird. These people seem to say they've been waiting for this to happen. Apparently, they've got some sort of contingency plan to deal with it.
Casey: That's great!
Spider: [suspiciously] What is this plan?
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What the hell are in those bags?
Burt Wilson: Uh... rabid weasels.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What? What the hell are you doing with a bunch of rabid weasels?
Burt Wilson: That's what I was trying to explain to you here, Ernie. They came in as part of a shipment. Of course, they weren't supposed to be rabid.
Burt Wilson: Uh... rabid weasels.
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What? What the hell are you doing with a bunch of rabid weasels?
Burt Wilson: That's what I was trying to explain to you here, Ernie. They came in as part of a shipment. Of course, they weren't supposed to be rabid.
