The Road to El Dorado Quotes
Two swindlers get their hands on a map to the fabled city of gold, El Dorado.
[Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]
Miguel: Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Tulio: The horse is a surprise...
Miguel: Any... regrets?
Tulio: You mean besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel: My regret, besides dying is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Tulio: Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.
Miguel: Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Tulio: The horse is a surprise...
Miguel: Any... regrets?
Tulio: You mean besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel: My regret, besides dying is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Tulio: Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel: And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.
Cortes: My crew was chosen as carefully as the Disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged. And when we put in to Cuba to resupply, *God willing*, you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig!
Miguel: All right! Cuba.
Miguel: All right! Cuba.
Tuilo: All right. Here's the plan. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... one of those longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no mañana!
Miguel: [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?
Tuilo: Yeah.
Miguel: [uncertainly] In... a rowboat.
Tuilo: Yeah!
Miguel: [sarcastically] Great. Sensational. That's your plan, is it?
Tuilo: That's... pretty much it, yeah.
Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
Tuilo: [pauses, deep breath] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...
Miguel: [pauses] Back to Spain, yeah?
Tuilo: Yeah.
Miguel: [uncertainly] In... a rowboat.
Tuilo: Yeah!
Miguel: [sarcastically] Great. Sensational. That's your plan, is it?
Tuilo: That's... pretty much it, yeah.
Miguel: [delighted] Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
Tuilo: [pauses, deep breath] In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...
[Tzekel-Kan is about to perform a human sacrifice]
Tulio: [in an undertone to Miguel] I don't like this.
Miguel: Tulio, we've got to do something!
[Tzekel-Kan raises his axe]
Tulio: Stop! This is not a proper tribute!
[Miguel catches the intended victim and drags him away from the cliff edge]
Tzekel-Kan: [confused] You do not want the tribute?
Miguel: No no, we want tribute, it's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel: Like he said! Stars!... Can't do it... Not today.
Tulio: [in an undertone to Miguel] I don't like this.
Miguel: Tulio, we've got to do something!
[Tzekel-Kan raises his axe]
Tulio: Stop! This is not a proper tribute!
[Miguel catches the intended victim and drags him away from the cliff edge]
Tzekel-Kan: [confused] You do not want the tribute?
Miguel: No no, we want tribute, it's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
Tulio: The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel: Like he said! Stars!... Can't do it... Not today.
Miguel: Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of metal with a hooky thing at the end.
Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...
[Altivo drops keys into the brig]
Tulio: Well... it's *not* a pry bar.
Tulio: Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...
[Altivo drops keys into the brig]
Tulio: Well... it's *not* a pry bar.
Miguel: Tulio! Tulio, we've done it!
Tulio: Is that the map?
Miguel: It's all right here!
Tulio: You *still* have the *map*?
Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!
Tulio: You kept the map but you couldn't manage to grab a little more FOOD?
Miguel: Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible, and it is! It really *is* the map to El Dorado!
[pause]
Tulio: You drank sea water, didn't you?
Tulio: Is that the map?
Miguel: It's all right here!
Tulio: You *still* have the *map*?
Miguel: The whistling rock! The stream!
Tulio: You kept the map but you couldn't manage to grab a little more FOOD?
Miguel: Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible, and it is! It really *is* the map to El Dorado!
[pause]
Tulio: You drank sea water, didn't you?
Tzekel-Kan: I know what you are, and I know what you are not. And you are *not* Gods!
Tulio: You're not a God? You lied to me? How dare you!
Miguel: [to Tzekel-Kan] Hey, it was *his* stupid plan!
Tulio: *My* plan was that we should *lie low*! But *your* plan was to run off! And be all, "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a God!"
Miguel: That's not true!
Tulio: No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel: At least I'm not *dating* mine!
Tulio: I...! Oo, low blow. Listen, mister high-and-mighty, we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had *just listened* to me!
Miguel: Well, now you have all the precious gold *and* Chel! So what do you need *me* for?
[pushes Tulio]
Tulio: [pushing back] Well, maybe I *don't* need you anymore!
Miguel: Fine! So why don't you just *go* back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll *both* get what *we* want!
Tulio: That's fine with me, pal!
Miguel: *Fine* with me too!
Tulio: Fine!
Tulio, Miguel: All RIGHT!
[they both punch Tzekel-kan]
Tulio: You're not a God? You lied to me? How dare you!
Miguel: [to Tzekel-Kan] Hey, it was *his* stupid plan!
Tulio: *My* plan was that we should *lie low*! But *your* plan was to run off! And be all, "Oh, look at me, look at me, I'm a God!"
Miguel: That's not true!
Tulio: No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel: At least I'm not *dating* mine!
Tulio: I...! Oo, low blow. Listen, mister high-and-mighty, we'd both be sailing out of here with a mountain of gold if you had *just listened* to me!
Miguel: Well, now you have all the precious gold *and* Chel! So what do you need *me* for?
[pushes Tulio]
Tulio: [pushing back] Well, maybe I *don't* need you anymore!
Miguel: Fine! So why don't you just *go* back to Spain, and I'll stay here, and we'll *both* get what *we* want!
Tulio: That's fine with me, pal!
Miguel: *Fine* with me too!
Tulio: Fine!
Tulio, Miguel: All RIGHT!
[they both punch Tzekel-kan]
Tulio: Miguel wake up. We found it!
Miguel: We did? Where?
Tulio: Here.
Miguel: What, behind the rock?
Tulio: Nope, here.
Miguel: But, but... *give* me that!
[snatches the map from Tulio's hands]
Miguel: I... this... can't be...
Tulio: Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... GREAT... BIG... ROCK!
[echo: Rock... rock... rock... ]
Tulio: But I'll tell you what: I'm feeling generous today, so *you* can have *my* share!
Miguel: You don't think that... that Cortes could've gotten here before us and... and...
Tulio: And what? Taken all the *really* big rocks? The SCOUNDREL!
Miguel: Tulio! We... we've got to think about this, I... I mean we come all this way and...
Tulio: Get... on... the horse!
[Miguel sighs and makes a pitiful face]
Tulio: No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.
Miguel: We did? Where?
Tulio: Here.
Miguel: What, behind the rock?
Tulio: Nope, here.
Miguel: But, but... *give* me that!
[snatches the map from Tulio's hands]
Miguel: I... this... can't be...
Tulio: Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... GREAT... BIG... ROCK!
[echo: Rock... rock... rock... ]
Tulio: But I'll tell you what: I'm feeling generous today, so *you* can have *my* share!
Miguel: You don't think that... that Cortes could've gotten here before us and... and...
Tulio: And what? Taken all the *really* big rocks? The SCOUNDREL!
Miguel: Tulio! We... we've got to think about this, I... I mean we come all this way and...
Tulio: Get... on... the horse!
[Miguel sighs and makes a pitiful face]
Tulio: No, no, no, not with the face. Stop.
[Tulio, Miguel and Altivo have finally, after much effort, all gotten into the rowboat and avoided getting run over by any of the ships]
Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
Miguel: Um, well, yes and no.
[Tulio looks: Altivo is eating the few supplies that did make it]
Tulio: Oh, great!
Miguel: Hey, Tulio, look on the positive side: at least things can't get...
[a thunder clap. It starts pouring rain]
Tulio: Excuse me, were you about to say "worse"?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: No? You're sure?
Miguel: Definitely not, I'm going to revise that whole thing.
Tulio: Yeah. We are at least in a rowboat.
Miguel: We are in a rowboat.
[the boat drifts away to reveal the sharks following it]
Tulio: Did any of the supplies make it?
Miguel: Um, well, yes and no.
[Tulio looks: Altivo is eating the few supplies that did make it]
Tulio: Oh, great!
Miguel: Hey, Tulio, look on the positive side: at least things can't get...
[a thunder clap. It starts pouring rain]
Tulio: Excuse me, were you about to say "worse"?
Miguel: No.
Tulio: No? You're sure?
Miguel: Definitely not, I'm going to revise that whole thing.
Tulio: Yeah. We are at least in a rowboat.
Miguel: We are in a rowboat.
[the boat drifts away to reveal the sharks following it]
Chel: Go ahead, I'll cover for you.
Miguel: Oh, good! Thanks.
[Tries to step outside without Tulio noticing]
Miguel: So, what happened to Altivo?
Chel: I don't know.
[Miguel takes off. Tulio walks past Chel singing]
Tulio: ...Hey. What happened to Miguel?
Chel: I don't know.
Tulio: Oh my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone, he's loose! What am I gonna do!
[throws himself on the couch]
Tulio: Ah, oh-ho no, no!
[sobs]
Miguel: Oh, good! Thanks.
[Tries to step outside without Tulio noticing]
Miguel: So, what happened to Altivo?
Chel: I don't know.
[Miguel takes off. Tulio walks past Chel singing]
Tulio: ...Hey. What happened to Miguel?
Chel: I don't know.
Tulio: Oh my God! He's gone! Miguel's gone, he's loose! What am I gonna do!
[throws himself on the couch]
Tulio: Ah, oh-ho no, no!
[sobs]
Cortes: My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ, and I will not tolerate stowaways. You will be flogged, and when we put into Cuba to resupply, God willing you will be flogged some more. And then enslaved on the sugar plantations for the rest of your miserable lives. To the brig.
Miguel: Alright! Cuba!
Miguel: Alright! Cuba!
[the natives are throwing the gold over the cliff]
Tulio: Uh, Chel... what are they doing?
Chel: [exasperated] They're sending it to Xibalba! The spirit world!
Tulio: Spirit... world...
Chel: I'll take care of it.
[sidling up to the Chief]
Chel: Uh, Chief? The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the glory that has been shown them.
Chief: STOP!
[the natives stop; a gold plate rolls toward the cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot]
Chief: They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple!
Tulio: Uh, Chel... what are they doing?
Chel: [exasperated] They're sending it to Xibalba! The spirit world!
Tulio: Spirit... world...
Chel: I'll take care of it.
[sidling up to the Chief]
Chel: Uh, Chief? The gods have changed their minds about Xibalba. They wish to bask in the glory that has been shown them.
Chief: STOP!
[the natives stop; a gold plate rolls toward the cliff and Tulio stops it with his foot]
Chief: They wish to bask! Take the tribute to the gods' temple!
