The Room Quotes

Johnny is a successful banker who lives happily in a San Francisco townhouse with his fiancée, Lisa. One day, inexplicably, she gets bored of him and decides to seduce Johnny's best friend, Mark. From there, nothing will be the same again.

Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client and the bank will make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you; it's confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on. Why not?
Johnny: No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?

Johnny: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, LISA!

Lisa: Did you get your promotion?
Johnny: Nah.
[pause]
Lisa: You didn't get it, did you?

[Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]
Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!
[throws water bottle]
Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.
Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?
Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.
Mark: What? Did you?
Johnny: [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?
Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.
Johnny: Yeah?
Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.
Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.
Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.
[gets up]
Mark: Yeah, you can say that again.
Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.
Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
Mark: [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?
Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.
Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.
Mark: [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.
[sits down]
Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.

Johnny: Thank you, honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends. Good thinking!

Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi.
Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you?
Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.
[grabs bouquet of roses]
Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go.
Johnny: That's me. How much is it?
Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.
Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.
[grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]
Johnny: Hi, doggy.
Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer.
Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!
Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye!

Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?
Johnny: Whatever, I don't care.
Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.
Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.

Johnny: I kill you, you bastard!
Mark: You couldn't kill me if you tried.
Johnny: You betrayed me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.

Claudette: Everything goes wrong all at once. Nobody wants to help me. And I'm dying.
Lisa: You're not dying, mom.
Claudette: I got the results of the test back - I definitely have breast cancer.

Denny: I gotta tell you something.
Johnny: Shoot, Denny.
Denny: It's about Lisa.
Johnny: Go on.
Denny: She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.
Johnny: Go on...

Johnny: Don't touch me, motherfucker.

Mark: You don't understand anything, man. Leave your *stupid* comments in your pocket!

Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.
Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.
Mark: Why not?
Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.
Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?
Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.

Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
Johnny: In a few minutes, bitch.
Lisa: Who are you calling a bitch?
Johnny: You and your stupid mother.

Mark: As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth. That's a promise.

Johnny: Oh, hi, Claudette!
Claudette: Oh!
Johnny: Bye!

Johnny: Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!

Johnny: How dare you talk to me like that!
[pushes Lisa back on the couch]
Johnny: You should tell me everything!
Lisa: I can't talk right now.
Johnny: [sits next to Lisa] Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.
Lisa: You're scaring me.
[Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up]
Johnny: You're lying! I never hit you! You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
Lisa: Why are you so hysterical?

Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off.
Michelle: Me too!

Lisa: She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?

Mike: Hi Johnny, what's going on?
Johnny: Oh hai Mike, what's new?
Mike: Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Mike: On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?
Johnny: Hahaha.
Mike: And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
Johnny: Go on, I'm listening.
Mike: OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.
Johnny: Mmm-mmm.
Mike: Uh... my underwear.
Johnny: Hahaha.
Mike: So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Mike: I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Mike: Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Mike: She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.
Johnny: You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.
Mike: Yeah, I don't know what to do.
Johnny: That's life!

Mark: So can I come in tomorrow, like late afternoon?
Johnny: Absolutely. 8:00?
Mark: Great!

Johnny: [on not receiving his promotion] That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.

Johnny: Denny, don't you have something else to do?
Denny: I just like to watch you guys.

Johnny: I'm tired, I'm wasted... I love you, darling!

Mike: I have to go see Michelle in a little bit to make out with her.

Johnny: [on overhearing Lisa say she's been unfaithful] How can they say this about me? I don't believe it. I show them. I will record everything.

Mark: [confused] I mean, the candles, the music, the sexy dress... I mean, what's going on here?
Lisa: I like you very much. Lover... boy.

Lisa: I miss you, Mark.
Mark: What are you talking about? I just saw you!

Mike: Did you, uh, know... that chocolate... is the symbol of love?
Michelle: Mmm... feed me.

Lisa: Denny, look at me in the eyes and tell the truth. We're your friends.
Denny: I bought some drugs off of him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen!
Lisa: [crying] Denny...
Denny: I don't have them anymore!
Lisa: What kind of drugs, Denny?
Denny: It doesn't matter, I don't have them anymore!
Claudette: It doesn't matter? How in the hell did you get involved with drugs?
Lisa: Mom...
Claudette: What? Were you giving them to him, selling them to him? Where in the hell did you meet that man?
Lisa: [screaming] What kind of drugs do you take?
Denny: It's nothing like that!
Lisa: [screaming] What the hell is wrong with you?
Denny: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff!
Lisa: How much do you have to give him?
Claudette: This is not the way you make money!
Lisa: [screaming] How much?
Denny: [screaming] Stop ganging up on me!
Claudette: Well, it is time somebody ganged up on you for God's sake! A man like that! Where in the hell did you meet a man like that?
Denny: It doesn't matter!
Claudette: It matters a great deal! A man holds a gun on you! You almost got killed and you expect me to forget that happened?
Denny: You're not my fucking mother!
Claudette: [grabs Denny by the shirt] You listen, you little boy!
Lisa: No, stop! No!
[grabs and hugs Denny]
Claudette: Somebody had better do something around here!

Johnny: Hey, everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting!

Chris-R: [to Denny, who owes him money] Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes? You know what?
[pulls out gun]
Chris-R: I don't have FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!

Johnny: Of course, what do ya think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.

Lisa: Denny, are you okay? What did that man want from you?
Denny: Nothing.
Claudette: Oh, that was not nothing!
Lisa: Tell me everything!
Claudette: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?
Denny: I owe him some money.
Lisa: What kind of money?
Denny: I owe him some money!
Lisa: What kind of money?
Denny: Everything is okay! He's gone!
Claudette: Everything is not okay. Denny, that is a dangerous man!
Denny: Calm down! He's going to jail!
Lisa: Denny, what kind of money? Just tell me!
Claudette: What do you need money for?
Lisa: Mom, please! Denny is with me and Johnny!
Claudette: A man like that! With a gun! My god!

[repeated line]
Johnny: That's the idea.

Steven: When is the baby due?
Lisa: There is no baby.
Steven: What? What are you talking about?
Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting.

[first lines]
Johnny: Hi, babe. I have something for you.
Lisa: What is it?
Johnny: Just a little something.

Johnny: Denny, two is great, but three is a crowd.

Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.

Claudette: If you think I'm tired today, wait until you see me tomorrow.

Denny: Why, Johnny? Why? Johnny, why? Why?

Johnny: Let's go eat, hah?

Mark: Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
Lisa: How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.

Johnny: Are you okay, Denny?
Denny: I'm okay.
Johnny: Are you *okay*?
Denny: I'm okay!
Claudette: What's okay? He's taking drugs.

Peter: People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.

Claudette: All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time; there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.

Denny: [to Lisa] You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?

Johnny: Denny, two's great, but three's a crowd!

Lisa: I've lost him, but I still have you, right? Right?
Mark: You don't *have* me. You'll *never* have me. You killed him.
Lisa: Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you!
Mark: Tramp. You killed him; you're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you bitch!

Lisa: It can't wait 'til later. I want to talk right now. You owe me one anyway.
Mark: Okay. All right, what do you want to talk about?
Lisa: She's a stupid bitch.

Johnny: Anything for my princess!

Johnny: Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends, good thinking!

Johnny: I have a serious problem with Lisa. Um, I don't think she's faithful to me. In fact, I know she isn't.

Lisa: I'm fixing the apartment for Johnny's birthday, but I'm really not into it.
Claudette: Oh? Why not?
Lisa: 'Cause I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am planning his party.
Claudette: It's not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny! Now, you can't live on love. You need financial security.
Lisa: But I'm not happy! And he still thinks I'm going to marry him next month. He's a fool.

Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.

Lisa: I just wanted to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hands around my body. It excites me so much.

Mark: Damn, man. Fuck! What do you want to know my secret for, man? Well, you are right. It's Lisa. I don't know what to do, man. I'm sort of pressed. It's HER fault. She's such a manipulative BITCH!