The School of Rock Quotes
After being kicked out of a rock band, Dewey Finn becomes a substitute teacher of a strict elementary private school, only to try and turn it into a rock band.
Dewey Finn: [on sticking it to "The Man"] Yes! But, you can't just say it, man. You've gotta feel it in your blood and guts! If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules. You gotta get mad at the man! And right now, I'm the man. That's right, I'm the man, and who's got the guts to tell me off? Huh? Who's gonna tell me off?
Freddy: Shut the hell up, Schneebly!
Dewey Finn: That's it Freddy, that's it! Who can top him?
Alicia: Get outta here, stupidass.
Dewey Finn: Yes, Alicia!
Summer Hathaway: You're a joke, you're the worst teacher I've ever had!
Dewey Finn: Summer, that is great! I like the delivery because I felt your anger!
Summer Hathaway: Thank you.
Lawrence: You're a fat loser and you have body odor.
Dewey Finn: ...All right, all right! Now, is everybody nice and pissed off?
Freddy: Shut the hell up, Schneebly!
Dewey Finn: That's it Freddy, that's it! Who can top him?
Alicia: Get outta here, stupidass.
Dewey Finn: Yes, Alicia!
Summer Hathaway: You're a joke, you're the worst teacher I've ever had!
Dewey Finn: Summer, that is great! I like the delivery because I felt your anger!
Summer Hathaway: Thank you.
Lawrence: You're a fat loser and you have body odor.
Dewey Finn: ...All right, all right! Now, is everybody nice and pissed off?
Tomika: [explaining why she is nervous] They'll laugh at me.
Dewey Finn: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno... because I'm fat.
Dewey Finn: Tomika... Ok, you've heard of Aretha Franklin right? She's a big lady. But when she sings, she blows people's minds! Everyone wants to party with Aretha! And, you know who else has a weight problem?
Tomika: Who?
Dewey Finn: Me. But when I get up there and start doing my thing, people worship me! Because I'm sexy, and chubby, man.
Tomika: Why don't you go on a diet?
Dewey Finn: Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?
Dewey Finn: What? Why would they laugh at you?
Tomika: I dunno... because I'm fat.
Dewey Finn: Tomika... Ok, you've heard of Aretha Franklin right? She's a big lady. But when she sings, she blows people's minds! Everyone wants to party with Aretha! And, you know who else has a weight problem?
Tomika: Who?
Dewey Finn: Me. But when I get up there and start doing my thing, people worship me! Because I'm sexy, and chubby, man.
Tomika: Why don't you go on a diet?
Dewey Finn: Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?
Dewey Finn: Ok, here's the deal. I have a hangover. Who knows what that means?
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey Finn: Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!
Frankie: Doesn't that mean you're drunk?
Dewey Finn: No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
Freddy: It means you're an alcoholic.
Dewey Finn: Wrong.
Freddy: You wouldn't come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!
Dewey Finn: Hmmm... hmmm... What's your name?
Freddy: Freddy Jones.
Dewey Finn: Ok, Freddy Jones, shut up!
Dewey Finn: [sung to the kids] In the end of time, there was a man who knew the road. And the writing was written on the stone. In the ancient time, an artist led the way, but no one seemed to understand. In his heart he knew, the artist must be true, but the legend of the rent was way past due! Well you think you'll be just fine without me, but you're mine! You think you can kick me out of the band? Well there's just one problem there. The band is mine! How can you kick me out of what is mine? Well you're not hardcore unless you live hardcore, but the legend of the rent was way hardcore!
Dewey Finn: Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!
[improvising an educational song]
Dewey Finn: Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is?
Summer Hathaway: Negative one.
Dewey Finn: That's right. And six times a billion is?
Marco: Six billion?
Dewey Finn: Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?
Marta: Nine.
Dewey Finn: No, it's eight.
Marta: ...No, it's nine.
Dewey Finn: ...Yes, I was testing you... it's nine. And that's a magic number.
Dewey Finn: Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath, let's do some math. Math, math, math, math, math. Three minus four is?
Summer Hathaway: Negative one.
Dewey Finn: That's right. And six times a billion is?
Marco: Six billion?
Dewey Finn: Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?
Marta: Nine.
Dewey Finn: No, it's eight.
Marta: ...No, it's nine.
Dewey Finn: ...Yes, I was testing you... it's nine. And that's a magic number.
Dewey Finn: Look, the first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?
Marta: Christina Aguilera.
Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy.
Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Marta: Christina Aguilera.
Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
Leonard: Puff Daddy.
Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?
Billy: Liza Minnelli?
Freddy: I'm just saying, name two great chick drummers.
Katie: Sheila E.? Meg White from the White Stripes?
Freddy: [Freddy winces] She can't drum!
Katie: She's a better drummer than you! At least she has rhythm.
[Miss Mullins passes and realizes that Freddy has rolled up his sleeves and spiked his hair]
Miss Mullins: Freddy! Where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?
Freddy: It's called punk.
Miss Mullins: Well, it's not school uniform.
[She pulls his left sleeve down, and he turns away with a rebellious expression. Frankie, Michelle, and Eleni have observed this]
Frankie: Miss Mullins, you're the Man.
Miss Mullins: Thank you, Frankie!
Katie: Sheila E.? Meg White from the White Stripes?
Freddy: [Freddy winces] She can't drum!
Katie: She's a better drummer than you! At least she has rhythm.
[Miss Mullins passes and realizes that Freddy has rolled up his sleeves and spiked his hair]
Miss Mullins: Freddy! Where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?
Freddy: It's called punk.
Miss Mullins: Well, it's not school uniform.
[She pulls his left sleeve down, and he turns away with a rebellious expression. Frankie, Michelle, and Eleni have observed this]
Frankie: Miss Mullins, you're the Man.
Miss Mullins: Thank you, Frankie!
Summer Hathaway: Groupie?
Dewey Finn: What's the matter?
Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
Dewey Finn: Well... a groupie's an important job.
Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They're sluts! They sleep with the band!
Dewey Finn: No, that's not true. They're like cheerleaders.
Dewey Finn: What's the matter?
Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
Dewey Finn: Well... a groupie's an important job.
Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They're sluts! They sleep with the band!
Dewey Finn: No, that's not true. They're like cheerleaders.
Dewey Finn: [Assigning positions to the band members] Lead guitar... Zack Attack. On bass... Posh Spice. On keyboards, Mr. Cool. And on drums, Spazzy McGee. OK, Blondie, Brace Face, you're singing backup. All right, Tough Guy, Shortstop, Fancy Pants, get over here. You're on security detail.
Billy: Can I be the band stylist instead?
Dewey Finn: Of course you can, Fancy Pants. OK. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub, we're gonna have a lot of equipment... And you three...
[looking at the three tiny girls]
Dewey Finn: groupies... As for me, I will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.
Billy: Can I be the band stylist instead?
Dewey Finn: Of course you can, Fancy Pants. OK. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub, we're gonna have a lot of equipment... And you three...
[looking at the three tiny girls]
Dewey Finn: groupies... As for me, I will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.
[Dewey plays the song in the jukebox]
Rosalie Mullins: I LOVE THIS SONG!
Dewey Finn: Really?
Rosalie Mullins: Yes! Stevie Nicks!
Dewey Finn: Yeah... Stevie!
Rosalie Mullins: You know, she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so... wild! Oh my gosh! Oh!
Dewey Finn: Yeah, she put on the best show I've ever seen. And she is so much better live than she is on the album!
Rosalie Mullins: Yes, oh my gosh! No comparison!
Dewey Finn: You know, I'd like to take the kids to a concert.
Rosalie Mullins: Concert?
Dewey Finn: There is one at the end of the month... but you have a policy about field trips.
Rosalie Mullins: Would it be... educational?
Dewey Finn: Would it be educational? It would be VERY educational. They play Beethoven and Mozart and stuff.
Rosalie Mullins: Maybe we can make an exception!
Dewey Finn: YES!
Rosalie Mullins, Dewey Finn: [singing the Stevie Nicks song while doing a high-5] Sings a song, sounds like she's singing whooo! Baby whoo! Said whooo!
Rosalie Mullins: Well I went today, maybe I will go again... TOMORROW!
Rosalie Mullins: I LOVE THIS SONG!
Dewey Finn: Really?
Rosalie Mullins: Yes! Stevie Nicks!
Dewey Finn: Yeah... Stevie!
Rosalie Mullins: You know, she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so... wild! Oh my gosh! Oh!
Dewey Finn: Yeah, she put on the best show I've ever seen. And she is so much better live than she is on the album!
Rosalie Mullins: Yes, oh my gosh! No comparison!
Dewey Finn: You know, I'd like to take the kids to a concert.
Rosalie Mullins: Concert?
Dewey Finn: There is one at the end of the month... but you have a policy about field trips.
Rosalie Mullins: Would it be... educational?
Dewey Finn: Would it be educational? It would be VERY educational. They play Beethoven and Mozart and stuff.
Rosalie Mullins: Maybe we can make an exception!
Dewey Finn: YES!
Rosalie Mullins, Dewey Finn: [singing the Stevie Nicks song while doing a high-5] Sings a song, sounds like she's singing whooo! Baby whoo! Said whooo!
Rosalie Mullins: Well I went today, maybe I will go again... TOMORROW!
Michelle: Mr. S? We came up with some names for the band.
Dewey Finn: All right, hit me.
Eleni: The Bumblebees?
Dewey Finn: No, it's too sissy.
Eleni: The Koala Bears?
Dewey Finn: No, what are you talking about? It's too sissy.
[Dewey sees Miss Mullins]
Dewey Finn: Hey, Miss Mullins.
Michelle: How about, Pig Rectum?
Rosalie Mullins: Michelle!
Dewey Finn: It's a science project.
Dewey Finn: All right, hit me.
Eleni: The Bumblebees?
Dewey Finn: No, it's too sissy.
Eleni: The Koala Bears?
Dewey Finn: No, what are you talking about? It's too sissy.
[Dewey sees Miss Mullins]
Dewey Finn: Hey, Miss Mullins.
Michelle: How about, Pig Rectum?
Rosalie Mullins: Michelle!
Dewey Finn: It's a science project.
Dewey Finn: [alerted that Miss Mullins is approaching, Dewey starts writing on the chalkboard] ... And therefore, E=MC2. Oh, Miss Mullins, come in.
Miss Mullins: I'm sorry to interupt but Miss Lemmons said she heard music coming from the classroom.
Dewey Finn: Music? Uh, music. I haven't heard any music. Uh oh, you know what, Miss Lemmons must be on crack, right, kids?
Miss Mullins: Uh, well, what's that?
[Points at guitar]
Miss Mullins: I'm sorry to interupt but Miss Lemmons said she heard music coming from the classroom.
Dewey Finn: Music? Uh, music. I haven't heard any music. Uh oh, you know what, Miss Lemmons must be on crack, right, kids?
Miss Mullins: Uh, well, what's that?
[Points at guitar]
Dewey Finn: Uh, how long is the job?
Miss Mullins: My guess is, as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dewey Finn: Mm-hm. So how much are we talking here?
Miss Mullins: We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Dewey Finn: Hold on a sec. Oh, you know what? I think he's just coming in right now. NED! PHONE!
[Dewey plays with the phone cord for a few seconds, as though he is handing it over]
Dewey Finn: [impersonating Ned] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
Miss Mullins: My guess is, as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dewey Finn: Mm-hm. So how much are we talking here?
Miss Mullins: We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Dewey Finn: Hold on a sec. Oh, you know what? I think he's just coming in right now. NED! PHONE!
[Dewey plays with the phone cord for a few seconds, as though he is handing it over]
Dewey Finn: [impersonating Ned] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
Dewey Finn: Listen! You can't leave. You haven't heard our band.
Battle of the Bands director: Sorry, the bill is full. We're already overbooked.
Dewey Finn: No, let us just play one song. We're all here, we're ready to go.
Battle of the Bands director: [looks at the kids] Who are they?
Dewey Finn: They're my band.
Battle of the Bands director: Kids? What is this, some kind of gimmick?
Dewey Finn: No, it's not a gimmick. I know, they're kids, but they're awesome. Just listen!
Battle of the Bands director: Look, thanks for comin' down, but you're really not what we're looking for.
Dewey Finn: [throws his chair across the floor] You listen to me! These kids have worked their little fingers to the bone just to play one song for you so you just sit down, shut up and listen!
Battle of the Bands director: Sheila, call security.
Battle of the Bands director: Sorry, the bill is full. We're already overbooked.
Dewey Finn: No, let us just play one song. We're all here, we're ready to go.
Battle of the Bands director: [looks at the kids] Who are they?
Dewey Finn: They're my band.
Battle of the Bands director: Kids? What is this, some kind of gimmick?
Dewey Finn: No, it's not a gimmick. I know, they're kids, but they're awesome. Just listen!
Battle of the Bands director: Look, thanks for comin' down, but you're really not what we're looking for.
Dewey Finn: [throws his chair across the floor] You listen to me! These kids have worked their little fingers to the bone just to play one song for you so you just sit down, shut up and listen!
Battle of the Bands director: Sheila, call security.
Miss Mullins: [about the teachers] They hate me.
Dewey Finn: No they don't.
Miss Mullins: Yes they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principle of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nucular bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be!
Miss Mullins: [silently mouthing the words] A bitch!
Dewey Finn: No you're not.
Miss Mullins: Yes I am. I am a big one!
Dewey Finn: No they don't.
Miss Mullins: Yes they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principle of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nucular bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be!
Miss Mullins: [silently mouthing the words] A bitch!
Dewey Finn: No you're not.
Miss Mullins: Yes I am. I am a big one!
