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Former CIA spy Bob Ho takes on his toughest assignment to date: looking after his girlfriend's three kids, who haven't exactly warmed to their mom's beau.
Poldark: Where is the file? Ian: It's on my iPod on my desk at home. Bob Ho: Now, see, you want to be a spy - never tell the truth to the bad guy. Ian: Sorry. I'm new at this.
Farren: [crying] I know he lied, but he did protect us. This whole time, all he ever wanted to do was protect us, mom and mom, you're never gonna find a man as good as Bob, never again. Ian: I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Farren. Gillian: [looks at Nora] I suppose you have something to say, too. Nora: [looks at mom] I want Bob to be my daddy.
Bob Ho: Family isn't whose blood you carry. It's who you love, and who loves you.
Farren: Bob, this is Larry. Larry: Pleased to meet you, sir. Bob Ho: Let's get some food. Farren: He goes to the university. Ian: He's a poet. Isn't it cool? Bob Ho: It's rad. It's awesome. It's jiggy for shizzy. It's bomb.
Ian: Hey, how you doing? I'm Ian. If I told you have a beautiful body, you hold it against me? Cute Gymnast: [disgusted] Yeow! Bob Ho: At least you're not shy. Ian: I wanted to talk to her in the worst way. Bob Ho: Mission accomplished.
Ian: You know about fashion? Bob Ho: No, but I know women. Wear it like this. It's cool. I saw it in a movie. Ian: What movie? Octopussy? This isn't 1985.
Bob Ho: So, tell me more about Halloween. Nora: It's the best. You get candy, everyone pretends to be someone else, and nobody knows who you really are. Bob Ho: Sounds familiar.
Glaze: What took you so long to get here? Bob Ho: Six minutes. Glaze: You stop for a latte? Bob Ho: Oh, I get it. You're, uh... What's the expression? Chopping my bust. Glaze: Close enough.
[first lines] Nora: Mom! Jethro's eating my underwear! [pronounced 'unduweahw']
Ian: I hate it when old people have feelings.
Poldark: I look like the French Prince of Belarus.
Colton James: Oh, while I'm thinkin' about it, they suspect there may be a mole at the agency. Bob Ho: They suspect me? Colton James: Noooo. You know Glaze thinks you're the sharpest barb on the wire. Bob Ho: I've no idea what that means.
Colton James: Now, how the heck are you gonna get in there? Jet pack? Bob Ho: It's in the shop.
Glaze: Hey, loosen these things up! Colton James: Oh, I'm sorry. What's wrong? Got the handcuffs too tight? I don't know how these things work. I'm just a dumb hillbilly.
Farren: Gillian, your son is a psycho. He booby-trapped my hairdryer. Ian: Nice hypothesis, but ya can't prove it. Farren: Yeah, but I can hurt you.
Poldark: How quickly can you give me orange jumpsuit?
Bob Ho: I've brought down dictators. How tough can three kids be?
Nora: Boys are pigs.
Poldark: Tatiana, you can't imagine what it's like in there. The oppressive darkness, and the torture of empty days stretching for years. Prison is hell. Creel: You were in there for 4 hours.
Nora: [Heading toward a Chinese restaurant] Doesn't look like they have chicken tenders here!
Ian: Oh. Hey, guys! Gotta go.
Bob Ho: He is rare. He is amazing. He is the man. Farren: How embarrassing.
Nora: Mommy, that man can fly!
Glaze: Tell me he didn't get away. Colton James: Oh, he's as gone as rum cake at an AA meeting.
Colton James: Oh, heck, man, don't get married. Just find some woman that you're gonna hate in five years and give her your house.
Russian Thug: What are you supposed to be? Nora: A cyborg, sent from the future to blast you away!
Bob Ho: I have two words for you, Larry. Thirteen.
Bob Ho: Yo, it's Ho.
Bob Ho: If a man marries you, he marries all four of you. Gillian: Don't forget the pig, the cat, and the turtle.
Colton James: [about Poldark] That man's so crooked, he could eat nails and poop corkscrews.