The Sweetest Thing

The Sweetest Thing Quotes

A girl finds she is forced to educate herself on the etiquette of wooing the opposite sex when she finally meets Mr. Right.

Christina: Wanna hear some poetry? There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!
Christina: You're too big to fit in here...
[covers her front]
Courtney: Too big to fit in HERE...
[smacks butt]
Courtney: OW! Unh!
Jane: Too big to fit in here...
[covers mouth and moans]
Christina: [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things] Oh, my God!
Courtney: Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] What a lovely ride
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac!
Courtney: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.
Courtney: And when it makes delivery...
Christina: It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!
Courtney: How could you not know what a glory hole is?
Christina: Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms.
Jane: My body is a movie and your penis is the star!
Christina: Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.
Peter: I'd be careful with those fat-free chips - they cause anal leakage.
Roger: You cause anal leakage
Peter: It says so on the bag.
Roger: [reads the bag and spits chips out of his mouth] What kind of marketing braniac puts anal leakage on his product? How can they even sell that crap?
Christina, Courtney: Jane! JANEYYY!
Jane: Sorry you guys, I'm really busy and...
Christina, Courtney: Hey, wait, Jane
[they begin singing]
Christina, Courtney: "Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain...?"
Jane: [Watches her boyfriend in his mascot outfit topple down a flight of stairs] ... shit!
[to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Look, it's Jesus. Look at Jesus!
Christina: [Reading] Follow the yellow brick road? Huh! I'm following the yellow brick road... following the yellow brick...
Christina: [Comes across a picture of a dog with a hole in its mouth, she gasps] MUFFY! You look like my old doggy Muffy! What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth?
[more seriously]
Christina: What do you got in there?
[looks into the hole]
Man in the Glory Hole: Surprise!
Waitress: It's oozing and it's green!
[the music suddenly stops]
Christina: Eeew!
Christina: Ew! What is that?
Courtney: What is what?
Christina: You don't smell that?
Courtney: Smell what? I don't smell anything.
Christina: Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary!
Courtney: I don't smell anything!
Christina: It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here!
Courtney: Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back.
Christina: You did!
Courtney: I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass!
Christina: I got a penis in my eye.
Courtney: Let me see.
Christina: How is it? Is it okay?
Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.
Peter: Christina Walters? Yep. I know her. Bitch. First she tries to pawn me off on her friend, then she stalks me at my own wedding. Then she says "I have no feelings for you. Blah, blah, blah, wah, wah, wah, yada, yada yada - "
[Pulls Christina over the couch and they begin kissing happily]
Courtney: What you did was incredibly brave. You dropped all your boundaries and you met him half way... shit you met him more than halfway you went all the way to Somerset.
[while holding her breats]
Christina: You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22...
Courtney: Buy some new ones!
Peter: I had them take out all the calories for you.
Assistant: Well Mr. Mooney is downstairs and he is P-I-S-E-D.
Jane: Pised?
Voice: There's someone in here.
Christina: Sorry.
Voice: It might be a while.
Christina: How long?
Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!
Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
Courtney: That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye!
Courtney: Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani?
Christina: Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department!
Courtney: Yeah! Well neither have I, okay!
Christina: High five on the clean poonani!
[Gives a high five]
Courtney: Bitch!
Christina: How are you stuck?
Andy: I have a piercing...
[the entire crowd recoils in shock]
San Francisco Policeman #2: I don't get it, how are they stuck?
Male bystander: [smiles] Behind her tonsils
San Francisco Policeman #2: How do you know that?
[Awkward pause]
[after knocking over a flower arrangement and disrupting an entire wedding]
Courtney: This isn't the Glichtman Barmitzvah is it? Mosha are you in here, no?
Christina: Come along Sharron. Mazeltov! Shalom!
[holds up arm shaking the fat on it]
Courtney: Look at this, no what is that, no, what is that, no seriously what is that? It's like Hello, Hi, Hi, How are you?
Gramps: Fuck Grandma.
Peter: I really hope I see you, but in case I don't, have a nice life.
[Courtney and Christina look at themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes]
Christina, Courtney: These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"!
Jane: I can't believe I'm fucking a big purple elephant!
Chuck: That's why girls always go to the bathroom together!
Gramps: You shoulda poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance.
Peter: Here's to fifty years with the same woman.
Roger: Dude, that's just depressing. She'll have saggy tits by then. She could tie 'em around her waist by then and use 'em as a belt... Or just tuck 'em in her socks.
Courtney: Fifty percent of what people say when they are joking is true, which means, you do wanna go to this wedding but you are too afraid to admit it. So, by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want without being vulnerable.
Christina: I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on!
Roger: Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap!
Jane: I was taking inventory in the back.
Mr. Mooney: Yeah, my Aunt Fanny!
Jane: Ew.
Courtney: Oh, you know, the usual. Defending the rights of my broken hearted clients and try to squeeze every single penny out of their miserable cheating spouses.
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All Singing] What a lovely ride!
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac
Jane: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!
Christina: And when it makes delivery...
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] It needs its own zipcode
Christina: Nine-Double Zero, Penis!
Girl #1: I can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. This is our bar!
Girl #2: Forget her. She's a Skeev.
Girl #1: But is she prettier than me?
Girl #2: Of course not, you're beautiful.
[Girl #1 throws up all over Girl #2]
Girl #2: Oh my God, you fucking bitch!

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