This Means War

This Means War Quotes

Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.

Trish: Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl.
Lauren: FDR has these tiny, like, girl hands. Like, little T-Rex hands.
Trish: Ew, gross!
[Tuck laughs]
Trish: That means he's got a Mike and Ike for a penis.
[Tuck laughs out loud]
FDR Foster: You knot that's not true. You've seen it. You've seen it in Bangladesh, you know that's not true.
Agent Bothwick: [to FDR] She texted her friend Trish. She said she need to talk because she was "F-T-F-O," which the cryptography department believes means she was Freaking the Fuck Out, sir! I S-H-I-T you not. I was L-M-F-A-O when I read that.
Lauren: And you look like the kind of guy who's interested in a one-day rental, if you know what I mean.
Karate Dad: You're not listening to me.
Tuck: Mate, can I have a quick word with you?
[sucker punches him in the gut]
Tuck: Okay, that's it, stand up. A brave man once said to me, "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
Karate Dad: [grunting] Yes.
Tuck: Bye, weakness.
FDR Foster: Did he just give our bird the bird?
Lauren: Oh, I think I'm going to hell
Trish: Don't worry. If you're going to hell, I'll just come pick you up.
FDR Foster: I missed you.
Tuck: I know. I've missed you too.
FDR Foster: I love you, man.
Tuck: I love you, too.
FDR Foster: We're back!
Lauren: Oh, my God. I'm Yoko.
Lauren: I'm going out. I'm dating. I'm having fun.
Trish: You date but you're not taking it seriously.
[last lines]
FDR Foster: You never slept with Lauren?
Tuck: You slept with my wife!
[tackles him out of the airplane]
Katie: So what brings you to Hong Kong? Business or pleasure?
FDR Foster: Pleasure.
Tuck: Business.
FDR Foster: A little of both.
Katie: What kind of business are you in?
FDR Foster: I am a cruise ship captain of a very large vessel. My small friend here is a kick-ass travel agent.
Katie: Permission to come aboard, captain.
Lauren: Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.
Trish: Well, that's because you have to come up with, like, better excuses. You should have been like, "I have a fiancé, too, but he's actually getting a penile reduction this afternoon because his penis is so big, every time it lands like a poltergeist."
[first lines]
Man 1: [over comms] All eyes are up.
Man 2: Sat cams are good.
Man 1: Target is inbound.
Man 2: ETA five minutes.
Collins: Mission is a go. Repeat, you are green to go. Intercept and apprehend the Heinrich brothers. Secure the device. And remember, this mission is covert.
Joe: [watching the news] Mom. Is that dad?
Karate Dad: [growls] Pain? That's just weakness leaving the body.
FDR Foster: I don't believe in mistakes. It's the mistakes that make us who we are.

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