Three to Tango Quotes
A rich businessman's assumption that his new colleague is gay leads him to ask the man to keep an eye on his mistress. However, the man is not gay, and begins to fall for the woman himself.
[When Peter clicks his pen, it's supposed to signal to Oscar that he's rambling]
Oscar Novak: Hey, you have a Buddha! Oh, I love Buddhas.
[Peter clicks his pen]
Oscar Novak: They're like bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas.
[Sound of clicking pen]
Oscar Novak: You know, I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob and we used to call him "Buddha Bob" because he was kind of fat and he liked to walk around naked.
[More pen clicking]
Oscar Novak: We used to rub his belly for luck.
[Frantic pen clicking. Oscar gets the hint]
Oscar Novak: Anyway... I love Buddha.
[awkward pause]
Oscar Novak: He rocks.
Oscar Novak: Hey, you have a Buddha! Oh, I love Buddhas.
[Peter clicks his pen]
Oscar Novak: They're like bright, cheery, naked Asian Santas.
[Sound of clicking pen]
Oscar Novak: You know, I had a buddy in college whose name was Bob and we used to call him "Buddha Bob" because he was kind of fat and he liked to walk around naked.
[More pen clicking]
Oscar Novak: We used to rub his belly for luck.
[Frantic pen clicking. Oscar gets the hint]
Oscar Novak: Anyway... I love Buddha.
[awkward pause]
Oscar Novak: He rocks.
[Standing outside the cafe, Oscar is looking very ill]
Amy: Oh, are you okay?
Oscar Novak: Mouth... watering.
Amy: God, I knew that Tuna Melt tasted funny. I'm lucky, I can eat just about anything. Know why? Cause my mother was a horrible cook. She used to make this thing that smelled like a wet dog and old tennis shoes and...
[Oscar retches]
Amy: Oh, sorry.
Oscar Novak: Would you excuse me for a second?
Oscar Novak: [Oscar kneels over and is violently sick] Boy that felt good!
Amy: Don't worry you'll be alright in a minute.
[Amy pauses then kneels over and is sick as well]
Oscar Novak: It just doesn't get better than this!
Amy: Oh, are you okay?
Oscar Novak: Mouth... watering.
Amy: God, I knew that Tuna Melt tasted funny. I'm lucky, I can eat just about anything. Know why? Cause my mother was a horrible cook. She used to make this thing that smelled like a wet dog and old tennis shoes and...
[Oscar retches]
Amy: Oh, sorry.
Oscar Novak: Would you excuse me for a second?
Oscar Novak: [Oscar kneels over and is violently sick] Boy that felt good!
Amy: Don't worry you'll be alright in a minute.
[Amy pauses then kneels over and is sick as well]
Oscar Novak: It just doesn't get better than this!
Oscar Novak: [Peter is stood with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo] What the hell happened to your hair?
Peter Steinberg: You were gone for nine hours. I got bored. What happened?
Oscar Novak: It was a disaster. First our cab exploded, then I got hit in the face, then we both threw up, *then* she rammed a car handle into my balls. The whole night was a disaster.
Peter Steinberg: You fell in love with her.
Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
Peter Steinberg: You were gone for nine hours. I got bored. What happened?
Oscar Novak: It was a disaster. First our cab exploded, then I got hit in the face, then we both threw up, *then* she rammed a car handle into my balls. The whole night was a disaster.
Peter Steinberg: You fell in love with her.
Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
[Peter is standing with a tub of hair gel and a weird hairdo]
Oscar Novak: What the hell happened to your head?
Peter Steinberg: I've been here for nine hours. I got bored.
Oscar Novak: You're a very strange man. Now, will you get out of my apartment?
Peter Steinberg: What happened? Oscy... Oscy... it's six in the morning.
Oscar Novak: It was awful, okay? As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. THEN, she elbowed me in the face. THEN, we both threw up. THEN, she slammed a car handle into my balls, okay? The entire night was a total disaster.
Peter Steinberg: You're in love with her.
Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
Oscar Novak: What the hell happened to your head?
Peter Steinberg: I've been here for nine hours. I got bored.
Oscar Novak: You're a very strange man. Now, will you get out of my apartment?
Peter Steinberg: What happened? Oscy... Oscy... it's six in the morning.
Oscar Novak: It was awful, okay? As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. THEN, she elbowed me in the face. THEN, we both threw up. THEN, she slammed a car handle into my balls, okay? The entire night was a total disaster.
Peter Steinberg: You're in love with her.
Oscar Novak: Pretty much.
Olivia Newman: Now... why don't you go put on those red bikini briefs that I gave you? I love the way your butt looks in them.
Charles Newman: Olivia, I really don't want to.
Olivia Newman: Charles, What happens when I'm unhappy? What happens?
Charles Newman: Fine... But not the red ones... they bind
Charles Newman: Olivia, I really don't want to.
Olivia Newman: Charles, What happens when I'm unhappy? What happens?
Charles Newman: Fine... But not the red ones... they bind
Peter Steinberg: Oskie, I'm a professional. I went to graduate school. I did all-nighters my senior year. I did a semester in Egypt. Do you have any idea what toilet paper feels like in Egypt? I delivered cinnamon rolls on a truck with bad suspension for three years! Do you know what that does to your kidneys? My poor kidneys! My freaking kidneys! My poor freaking kidneys! My freaking, scarred, bruised kidneys!
