Van Helsing Quotes
The notorious monster hunter is sent to Transylvania to stop Count Dracula who is using Dr. Frankenstein's research and a werewolf for some sinister purpose.
Carl: [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
Van Helsing: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
Van Helsing: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!
Van Helsing: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
Van Helsing: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!
Carl: Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
Van Helsing: Thank you.
Carl: Sorry.
Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
Van Helsing: Thank you.
Carl: Sorry.
Carl: [after saving the woman from the vampire children] They've all died.
Barmaid: Oh, thank you! You saved me.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Barmaid: How can I repay you?
[Carl leans in and whispers something in her ear]
Barmaid: But you can't do that! You are a monk!
Carl: Actually, I'm a just a friar.
Barmaid: Oh, thank you! You saved me.
[kisses him on the cheek]
Barmaid: How can I repay you?
[Carl leans in and whispers something in her ear]
Barmaid: But you can't do that! You are a monk!
Carl: Actually, I'm a just a friar.
Aleera: Anna, my love. It is your blood that shall keep me beautiful. What do you think of that?
[laughs triumphantly, then screams as Anna catches a silver stake and impales her through the chest]
Anna Valerious: I think if you're going to kill somebody, kill them! Don't stand around talking about it!
[laughs triumphantly, then screams as Anna catches a silver stake and impales her through the chest]
Anna Valerious: I think if you're going to kill somebody, kill them! Don't stand around talking about it!
Van Helsing: There's something down here, it's carnivorous. Whatever it is it appears to be... human. I'd say it's a size 17, about 360 pounds, 8 and a half to 9 feet tall and he has a bad gimp in his right leg and, ah, 3 copper teeth.
Anna Valerious: How do you know he has copper teeth?
Van Helsing: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
[shouts]
Van Helsing: Move!
Anna Valerious: How do you know he has copper teeth?
Van Helsing: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
[shouts]
Van Helsing: Move!
Count Vladislaus Dracula: There, there, my lovelies. Do not worry, I shall find another bride.
[Dracula's brides are appalled]
Verona: What?
Verona: Have you no heart?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: No! I have no heart, I feel no love. Nor fear, nor joy, nor sorrow. I am hollow... and I will live forever.
Aleera: Oh, my lord...
Verona: It is not so bad.
[Dracula's mood changes on a dime, and he begins to laugh]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm at war with the world! And every living soul in it! But soon... the final battle will begin.
Aleera: Do we mean so little to you?
[said before Verona asks if Dracula has no heart]
[Dracula's brides are appalled]
Verona: What?
Verona: Have you no heart?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: No! I have no heart, I feel no love. Nor fear, nor joy, nor sorrow. I am hollow... and I will live forever.
Aleera: Oh, my lord...
Verona: It is not so bad.
[Dracula's mood changes on a dime, and he begins to laugh]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm at war with the world! And every living soul in it! But soon... the final battle will begin.
Aleera: Do we mean so little to you?
[said before Verona asks if Dracula has no heart]
Van Helsing: Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
[he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
Carl: I'm staring at him.
[quickly turns away]
Carl: Is that a man?
Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.
[he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
Carl: I'm staring at him.
[quickly turns away]
Carl: Is that a man?
Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.
Igor: I am sorry, Master. We try and we try, but I fear we are not so smart as Doctor Frankenstein.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Truly. It would appear that the good Doctor took the key to life to his grave.
[the Werewolf climbs up onto the parapet. Dracula waves him away, dismissive]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Hunt them down. Kill them both.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Truly. It would appear that the good Doctor took the key to life to his grave.
[the Werewolf climbs up onto the parapet. Dracula waves him away, dismissive]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Hunt them down. Kill them both.
[after Van Helsing's first, failed attempt to kill Dracula]
Anna Valerious: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
Van Helsing: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.
Anna Valerious: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
Van Helsing: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.
Van Helsing: Now, my superiors would like for me to take you alive, so that they might extricate your better half.
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I'll bet they bloody would.
Van Helsing: Personally, I'd rather just kill you and call it a day. But let's make it your decision, shall we?
Mr. Hyde: [pretends to think] Hmm, do let's.
[attacks him]
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I'll bet they bloody would.
Van Helsing: Personally, I'd rather just kill you and call it a day. But let's make it your decision, shall we?
Mr. Hyde: [pretends to think] Hmm, do let's.
[attacks him]
[the Werewolf arrives back at Castle Frankenstein and lands next to Dracula, growling menacingly. Dracula ignores him]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon, so hard to control.
[just as the Werwolf is about to lunge at him, he stops and transforms back to Velkan, writhing in pain. Dracula strides majestically past him]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I send you on a simple errand, to find out who our new friend is, and you have to stop for a little visit with your sister.
Velkan: Leave her out of this, Count! She doesn't know your secret, and I am soon to take it to my grave.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't wish for death so quickly. I intend for you to be quite useful.
Velkan: I would rather die than help you.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, don't be boring, everybody who says that dies.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Werewolves are such a nuisance during their first full moon, so hard to control.
[just as the Werwolf is about to lunge at him, he stops and transforms back to Velkan, writhing in pain. Dracula strides majestically past him]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I send you on a simple errand, to find out who our new friend is, and you have to stop for a little visit with your sister.
Velkan: Leave her out of this, Count! She doesn't know your secret, and I am soon to take it to my grave.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't wish for death so quickly. I intend for you to be quite useful.
Velkan: I would rather die than help you.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, don't be boring, everybody who says that dies.
[Dracula's minions have taken all of Frankenstein's equipment to castle Dracula]
Anna Valerious: Then we've lost.
Carl: Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.
Anna Valerious: "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!
Carl: I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?
Anna Valerious: Then we've lost.
Carl: Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.
Anna Valerious: "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!
Carl: I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: I'll take him away, far away, where no-one will ever find him.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, no, Victor. The time has come for me to take command of him.
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: What are you saying?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you think I brought you here, gave you this castle, equipped your laboratory?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You said... you said you believed in my work.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: And I do. But now that it is, as you yourself have said, "A triumph of science over God", it must now serve my purpose.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Oh, no, Victor. The time has come for me to take command of him.
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: What are you saying?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Why do you think I brought you here, gave you this castle, equipped your laboratory?
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: You said... you said you believed in my work.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: And I do. But now that it is, as you yourself have said, "A triumph of science over God", it must now serve my purpose.
[Van Helsing and Anna are both hanging off the sides of the carriage, hanging over the cliff. While the Monster is chained in his seat, Carl starts to pull Anna in, but Van Helsing's grip starts to fail]
Frankenstein's Monster: I can help!
Carl: You won't kill me?
Frankenstein's Monster: Only if you don't hurry!
Frankenstein's Monster: I can help!
Carl: You won't kill me?
Frankenstein's Monster: Only if you don't hurry!
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I can tell the character of a man by the sound of his heartbeat.
[claps his hand in a rhythm of a heartbeat]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Usually when I approach...
[claps faster]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I can almost dance to the beat.
[claps slower]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Strange that yours is so steady.
[claps his hand in a rhythm of a heartbeat]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Usually when I approach...
[claps faster]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I can almost dance to the beat.
[claps slower]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Strange that yours is so steady.
Carl: Ah! Here's something new!
[pumps a drop of the yellow liquid onto his pinky finger]
Carl: Glycerine-48.
[snaps his wrist, causing a large explosion after the Glycerine-48 hits the floor. The workers shout and gasp in anger and shock]
Carl: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Carl: [turns to Van Helsing, his magnifying glasses over his eyes] Sorry!
Monk: [offscreen in the background] What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?
Carl: [to Van Helsing] The air around here is thick with envy...
[pumps a drop of the yellow liquid onto his pinky finger]
Carl: Glycerine-48.
[snaps his wrist, causing a large explosion after the Glycerine-48 hits the floor. The workers shout and gasp in anger and shock]
Carl: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Carl: [turns to Van Helsing, his magnifying glasses over his eyes] Sorry!
Monk: [offscreen in the background] What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?
Carl: [to Van Helsing] The air around here is thick with envy...
[approaching the entrance to Castle Dracula]
Carl: Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.
Van Helsing: We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.
Anna Valerious: And kill anyone who gets in our way.
Carl: [quickly turns around] Well, you let me know how that goes...
Carl: Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.
Van Helsing: We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.
Anna Valerious: And kill anyone who gets in our way.
Carl: [quickly turns around] Well, you let me know how that goes...
Van Helsing: Bless me father for I have...
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
Cardinal Jinette: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well then neither do I.
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't He do it Himself?
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
Cardinal Jinette: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well then neither do I.
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't He do it Himself?
[the Dwergi rip a blackened corpse out of the machine's pod and throw it down in front of Velkan]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Look familiar?
[Velkan recognizes the crucifix around the corpse's neck]
Velkan: Father? No!
[charges at Dracula]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [stops him easily with a finger] He proved useless. But I'm hoping with Werewolf venom running through your veins, you will be of greater benefit.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Look familiar?
[Velkan recognizes the crucifix around the corpse's neck]
Velkan: Father? No!
[charges at Dracula]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [stops him easily with a finger] He proved useless. But I'm hoping with Werewolf venom running through your veins, you will be of greater benefit.
Van Helsing: He's not your brother anymore, Anna!
Anna Valerious: You knew?
Van Helsing: Yes.
Anna Valerious: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
Van Helsing: Before.
Anna Valerious: And still you tried to kill him!
Van Helsing: He's a werewolf. He's going to kill people!
Anna Valerious: It's not his fault! He can't help it!
Van Helsing: I know, but he's going to do it anyway!
Anna Valerious: You knew?
Van Helsing: Yes.
Anna Valerious: Before or after I stopped you from shooting him?
Van Helsing: Before.
Anna Valerious: And still you tried to kill him!
Van Helsing: He's a werewolf. He's going to kill people!
Anna Valerious: It's not his fault! He can't help it!
Van Helsing: I know, but he's going to do it anyway!
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Success!
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Oh Count, it's just you.
[sighs in relief]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I was beginning to lose faith, Victor.
[looks down at the angry mob]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: A pity your moment of triumph is being spoiled over a little thing like grave robbery.
Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Oh Count, it's just you.
[sighs in relief]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I was beginning to lose faith, Victor.
[looks down at the angry mob]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: A pity your moment of triumph is being spoiled over a little thing like grave robbery.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Don't we make a lovely couple?
[Anna looks at the mirror. Dracula is not in the reflection]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm looking for a new bride, Anna, someone strong and beautiful. All it takes is one bite from me.
Anna Valerious: [Dracula hugs her tighter] You have no heartbeat.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Perhaps it just needs to be rekindled.
[Anna looks at the mirror. Dracula is not in the reflection]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I'm looking for a new bride, Anna, someone strong and beautiful. All it takes is one bite from me.
Anna Valerious: [Dracula hugs her tighter] You have no heartbeat.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: Perhaps it just needs to be rekindled.
Van Helsing: How do you know me?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: So, would you like me to refresh your memory? A few details from you sordid past?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Van Helsing thrusts a crucifix at Dracula. Dracula shrieks and angrily swats it away, then calms down, smiling beatifically, as if nothing happened] Perhaps that is a conversation for another time. But before you go, let me reintroduce myself.
[bows majestically]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I am Count Vladislaus Dragulia. Born 1422. Murdered 1462.
Count Vladislaus Dracula: So, would you like me to refresh your memory? A few details from you sordid past?
Count Vladislaus Dracula: [Van Helsing thrusts a crucifix at Dracula. Dracula shrieks and angrily swats it away, then calms down, smiling beatifically, as if nothing happened] Perhaps that is a conversation for another time. But before you go, let me reintroduce myself.
[bows majestically]
Count Vladislaus Dracula: I am Count Vladislaus Dragulia. Born 1422. Murdered 1462.
Van Helsing: Bless me, Father, for I have...
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at that. You shattered the Rose Window!
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, sir, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering...
Cardinal Jinette: 13th Century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that!
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters? We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well, then neither do I.
[he gets up angrily, but the Cardinal presses a button, dropping a set of bars over the confessional's exit]
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't he do it Himself?
Cardinal Jinette: Don't blaspheme! You already lost your memory as a penance for past sins. If you wish to recover it, I suggest you continue to heed the call.
Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at that. You shattered the Rose Window!
Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, sir, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering...
Cardinal Jinette: 13th Century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that!
Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters? We are not pleased.
Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
Van Helsing: Well, then neither do I.
[he gets up angrily, but the Cardinal presses a button, dropping a set of bars over the confessional's exit]
Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
Van Helsing: Why can't he do it Himself?
Cardinal Jinette: Don't blaspheme! You already lost your memory as a penance for past sins. If you wish to recover it, I suggest you continue to heed the call.
Van Helsing: [looking around for the werewolf] It's a little late for digging graves, isn't it?
Top Hat: It's never too late to dig graves. You never know when you'll need a fresh one...
[when Van Helsing turns around, he suddenly swings his shovel at Van Helsing's head. Van Helsing catches the handle and points his gun in Top Hat's face]
Top Hat: Oh, sorry! It's just... my nature.
Top Hat: It's never too late to dig graves. You never know when you'll need a fresh one...
[when Van Helsing turns around, he suddenly swings his shovel at Van Helsing's head. Van Helsing catches the handle and points his gun in Top Hat's face]
Top Hat: Oh, sorry! It's just... my nature.
Mr. Hyde: [landing on the ceiling next to a knocked out Van Helsing] Aaaah! Paris...
[walks to Van Helsing who is lying on the floor and picks him up with a chuckle. Then he walks to the border of Notre Dame's ceiling]
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I... I think you will find the view over here to be rather spectacular.
[walks to Van Helsing who is lying on the floor and picks him up with a chuckle. Then he walks to the border of Notre Dame's ceiling]
Mr. Hyde: [laughing] I... I think you will find the view over here to be rather spectacular.
Van Helsing: [Bangs on the canal gate feverishly while staying afloat; he looks on as the Frankenstein monster drifts away with the enemy] I must save him!
Carl: [Holding his head down] No, you can't.
Van Helsing: [Surprised] Why?
Carl: [Lamentingly] I cabled Rome earlier to apprise them of our situation.
Van Helsing: And what did they say?
Carl: [Speaks with sadness in his voice] Even if you somehow kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.
Van Helsing: But he isn't evil!
Carl: Yes, but they say he isn't human either.
Van Helsing: Do they know him? Have they talked with him? Who are they to judge?
Carl: They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.
Van Helsing: And what of *me?* Did you tell them what *I'm* to become?
[Swiftly grabs hold of Carl's throat]
Van Helsing: Did they tell you how to *kill* me?
[He lifts him up with one arm, pinning him to the gate; the more he speaks, the tighter his grip gets around Carl's throat, while he struggles vainly to free himself]
Van Helsing: The correct *angle* of the stake as it enters my heart?
Anna Valerious: [Anna, terrified of his outburst tries to grab hold of Van Helsing to get him to release Carl] No! Stop!
Van Helsing: [His hand still tightening, his iris dilate and begin to glow an eerie, pale yellow as he yells] The exact measure of *silver* in each *bullet*? Huh?
Carl: [Croaks pitifully in Van Helsing's grip, and speaks pleadingly] No, I-I left you out!
Van Helsing: [Van Helsing's eyes look more and more savage. He grimaces and doubles over, releasing Carl from his grasp. Then he clutches himself, as a vicious roar bellows though his lips; he snarls and sneers while clenching his fists trying to fight away the curse. Anna and Carl look at him with both fear of and for him; as his eyes return to that of human, he realizes he has little time left and that he has hurt his best friend. He looks at Carl with regret] I'm sorry... It is starting...
Carl: [Holding his head down] No, you can't.
Van Helsing: [Surprised] Why?
Carl: [Lamentingly] I cabled Rome earlier to apprise them of our situation.
Van Helsing: And what did they say?
Carl: [Speaks with sadness in his voice] Even if you somehow kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.
Van Helsing: But he isn't evil!
Carl: Yes, but they say he isn't human either.
Van Helsing: Do they know him? Have they talked with him? Who are they to judge?
Carl: They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.
Van Helsing: And what of *me?* Did you tell them what *I'm* to become?
[Swiftly grabs hold of Carl's throat]
Van Helsing: Did they tell you how to *kill* me?
[He lifts him up with one arm, pinning him to the gate; the more he speaks, the tighter his grip gets around Carl's throat, while he struggles vainly to free himself]
Van Helsing: The correct *angle* of the stake as it enters my heart?
Anna Valerious: [Anna, terrified of his outburst tries to grab hold of Van Helsing to get him to release Carl] No! Stop!
Van Helsing: [His hand still tightening, his iris dilate and begin to glow an eerie, pale yellow as he yells] The exact measure of *silver* in each *bullet*? Huh?
Carl: [Croaks pitifully in Van Helsing's grip, and speaks pleadingly] No, I-I left you out!
Van Helsing: [Van Helsing's eyes look more and more savage. He grimaces and doubles over, releasing Carl from his grasp. Then he clutches himself, as a vicious roar bellows though his lips; he snarls and sneers while clenching his fists trying to fight away the curse. Anna and Carl look at him with both fear of and for him; as his eyes return to that of human, he realizes he has little time left and that he has hurt his best friend. He looks at Carl with regret] I'm sorry... It is starting...
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