Very Bad Things Quotes
A prostitute is killed during a bachelor party and the attendees turn on each other as the wedding approaches.
Robert Boyd: Now, let's just take a second here and take ahold of the situation and review our options.
Adam Berkow: We'll call the police!
Robert Boyd: Call the police. Good. That's one option.
Adam Berkow: That's not an option! This is not multiple choice, here!
Robert Boyd: Yes, it is. There are always options, Adam.
Adam Berkow: We'll call the police!
Robert Boyd: Call the police. Good. That's one option.
Adam Berkow: That's not an option! This is not multiple choice, here!
Robert Boyd: Yes, it is. There are always options, Adam.
Robert Boyd: A simple vote. We've got two choices. One: we clean up this mess, right now, bury it out in the desert, go home, and never look back - or, we can easily call the police, roll the dice, take our chances, and pray to God that it's only Michael who falls.
[Michael looks up, stricken]
Robert Boyd: Our choices are simple: desert - or police.
[Michael looks up, stricken]
Robert Boyd: Our choices are simple: desert - or police.
Tina: You know it's 500, right?
Mike: Yeah. Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, I mean... 500 of my dollars?
Tina: Right. Right.
Mike: But I thought... Boyd didn't pay?
Tina: No, Boyd didn't pay. It's 500.
Mike: Cool.
Tina: Straight sex, nothing kinky. Just...
Mike: No, no, no. I'm not gonna try to use you as a hand puppet or anything. I just wanna...
Tina: Okay.
Mike: ...make sweet love to you because you have no idea what you've gotten into.
Mike: Yeah. Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, I mean... 500 of my dollars?
Tina: Right. Right.
Mike: But I thought... Boyd didn't pay?
Tina: No, Boyd didn't pay. It's 500.
Mike: Cool.
Tina: Straight sex, nothing kinky. Just...
Mike: No, no, no. I'm not gonna try to use you as a hand puppet or anything. I just wanna...
Tina: Okay.
Mike: ...make sweet love to you because you have no idea what you've gotten into.
Mike: Look at 'em. I'm amazed the windows don't blow out of their fucking sockets with all the ass-puckering rage in these soulless lizards.
Kyle: I just want her to be happy.
Mike: The same alarm clock every morning, same two pops on the same snooze button, same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor, blazer, hair pump, gel spray. It's a fucking epidemic, Fisher. You're getting married, baby. I'm not going to candy-coat it - it just gets worse. It's an eighteen-wheel cement truck that's going to crush every bone in your big body.
Kyle: I just want her to be happy.
Mike: The same alarm clock every morning, same two pops on the same snooze button, same shower, towel, toothbrush, razor, blazer, hair pump, gel spray. It's a fucking epidemic, Fisher. You're getting married, baby. I'm not going to candy-coat it - it just gets worse. It's an eighteen-wheel cement truck that's going to crush every bone in your big body.
[while trying to pray after burying Tina and the guard]
Adam Berkow: This is pathetic.
Michael Berkow: YOU'RE pathetic.
Adam Berkow: What did you say?
Michael Berkow: [Pointing at him] You're not a team player.
Adam Berkow: Don't point at me.
Michael Berkow: You've never been a team player, that's why you don't have any friends.
Adam Berkow: What're you talking about? I have friends.
Michael Berkow: The hell you do.
Adam Berkow: The hell I don't.
Michael Berkow: You have acquaintances. Superficial golf-buddies.
[Pointing at him again]
Michael Berkow: You've never been a team player.
Adam Berkow: Don't point at me!
Michael Berkow: You have some serious male-on-male intimacy problems!
Adam Berkow: What're you fucking talking about?
Michael Berkow: You can't deal with men!
Kyle Fisher: Guys, maybe now's not the time for this...
Adam Berkow: This is pathetic.
Michael Berkow: YOU'RE pathetic.
Adam Berkow: What did you say?
Michael Berkow: [Pointing at him] You're not a team player.
Adam Berkow: Don't point at me.
Michael Berkow: You've never been a team player, that's why you don't have any friends.
Adam Berkow: What're you talking about? I have friends.
Michael Berkow: The hell you do.
Adam Berkow: The hell I don't.
Michael Berkow: You have acquaintances. Superficial golf-buddies.
[Pointing at him again]
Michael Berkow: You've never been a team player.
Adam Berkow: Don't point at me!
Michael Berkow: You have some serious male-on-male intimacy problems!
Adam Berkow: What're you fucking talking about?
Michael Berkow: You can't deal with men!
Kyle Fisher: Guys, maybe now's not the time for this...
Michael Berkow: You never gave a damn about anyone but yourself.
Adam Berkow: Yeah, well you're a little fuckin' reject.
Michael Berkow: Yeah, well you eat my ass.
[Kicks Adam's minivan]
Adam Berkow: Hey!
Michael Berkow: Eat my fuckin' ass!
[Kicks his minivan again]
Adam Berkow: If you ever touch my minivan again, you're gonna be very sorry, brother! Very fucking sorry!
Michael Berkow: You are a LOSER!
Adam Berkow: Yeah, well you're a little fuckin' reject.
Michael Berkow: Yeah, well you eat my ass.
[Kicks Adam's minivan]
Adam Berkow: Hey!
Michael Berkow: Eat my fuckin' ass!
[Kicks his minivan again]
Adam Berkow: If you ever touch my minivan again, you're gonna be very sorry, brother! Very fucking sorry!
Michael Berkow: You are a LOSER!
Adam Berkow: [referring to the hotel security guard that was murdered] Do you think he had kids?
Kyle Fisher: What?
Adam Berkow: Children. Do you think that man was a father?
Kyle Fisher: I don't know.
Adam Berkow: I got a real bad feeling that he had children.
Kyle Fisher: I think he was too young to have children.
Adam Berkow: We're gonna burn for this.
Kyle Fisher: What?
Adam Berkow: Children. Do you think that man was a father?
Kyle Fisher: I don't know.
Adam Berkow: I got a real bad feeling that he had children.
Kyle Fisher: I think he was too young to have children.
Adam Berkow: We're gonna burn for this.
Mike: Dad used to bring home these sparklers for me and Adam, you know? (laughs) Sparklers! We'd go out back, the three of us - and we'd hold it up to the sky and watch the explosions of light and the sparks, you know, and Dad would be all "Wait for it! Here it comes! Watch for it! Here comes the wahoo!"
Kyle: Wahoo?
Mike: Wahoo. The sparkler would burn hot, then hotter, then even hotter, and then there'd be this one moment of pure burn when that little fucker would cook perfect, just perfect. It would only last a second, but that second was *it*. And *that's* what Dad had us looking for, man.
Kyle: The wahoo moment?
Mike: That's exactly right. Man - burning at his absolute. All the forces coming together - burning - just perfect, perfect harmony. That's what I'm driving at. Are you with me?
Kyle: I think so.
Mike: I have been looking for that flash. I've been looking and I've been looking, and I can't find it. What if it already happened, you know? My moment! What if it already happened and I didn't see it?
Kyle: Wahoo?
Mike: Wahoo. The sparkler would burn hot, then hotter, then even hotter, and then there'd be this one moment of pure burn when that little fucker would cook perfect, just perfect. It would only last a second, but that second was *it*. And *that's* what Dad had us looking for, man.
Kyle: The wahoo moment?
Mike: That's exactly right. Man - burning at his absolute. All the forces coming together - burning - just perfect, perfect harmony. That's what I'm driving at. Are you with me?
Kyle: I think so.
Mike: I have been looking for that flash. I've been looking and I've been looking, and I can't find it. What if it already happened, you know? My moment! What if it already happened and I didn't see it?
[Adam is in a hurry to get away from the petrol station because he thinks ordinary bystanders are eyeing him suspiciously about the murders in Las Vegas, but his wife has asked him to go inside the shop to buy some whizzers for their children. In his panic, he has difficulty finding them]
Adam Berkow: Fucking whizzers!
Adam Berkow: Fucking whizzers!
