Wild Hogs Quotes
A group of suburban biker wannabes looking for adventure hit the open road, but get more than they bargained for when they encounter a New Mexico gang called the Del Fuegos.
Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She is perfect.
Doug Madsen: You like the waitress?
Dudley Frank: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Like which ones?
Dudley Frank: I forget.
Bobby Davis: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.
Dudley Frank: Would that be funny?
Bobby Davis: I'll be laughing. Oh, I'll be cracking up.
Doug Madsen: You like the waitress?
Dudley Frank: Oh, man. I wanted to say something funny to her, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Like which ones?
Dudley Frank: I forget.
Bobby Davis: Why don't you tell the one that ends with you getting your ass whooped.
Dudley Frank: Would that be funny?
Bobby Davis: I'll be laughing. Oh, I'll be cracking up.
Doug Madsen: Ooh boy, my ass is sore.
Dudley Frank: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.
Woody Stevens: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.
Bobby Davis: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman]
Bobby Davis: .
Highway Patrolman: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.
Dudley Frank: Mine too, its Woody's fault for riding us so hard yesterday. The human body wasnt made to stradle something that big for that long.
Woody Stevens: Well ya know its gonna hurt a little bit but that's all part of the experience. Its why we didnt bring our wives.
Bobby Davis: Wut da...? What the hell? Someone wanna explain to me why I'm the one in the dirt? When I got sore jaws from 3 hours of blowin...
[notices Highway Patrolman]
Bobby Davis: .
Highway Patrolman: Please... Please, for the love of God, finish your sentence.
Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000! Plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar! And if you wanna see your friend alive again, do not call the cops! If you're not here in half an hour to settle this, I'm gonna take the fine out on your friend's legs! I'm gonna break 'em with this tire iron!
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine! I'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh, damn it. Bring the money!
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine! I'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh, damn it. Bring the money!
Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?
Damien Blade: [Damien walks up to the Wild Hogs after the Del Fuegos leave] The posers. What do you guys call yourselves?
Woody Stevens: I'm Woody...
[the others say their names]
Damien Blade: [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?
Dudley Frank: Hogs... Wild Hogs.
[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]
Damien Blade: [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.
[he leaves]
Woody Stevens: I'm Woody...
[the others say their names]
Damien Blade: [interrupting] No, no... you all riding together? What do you call yourselves?
Dudley Frank: Hogs... Wild Hogs.
[turns around and shows Damien the back of his jacket]
Damien Blade: [laughs] Wild Hogs. Well, Wild Hogs... ride hard or stay home. Oh, and guys... lose the watches.
[he leaves]
Woody Stevens: [jumps in the water naked, shivering] Whoa, that's cold!
Woody Stevens: Why are you naked?
Dudley Frank: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?
Doug Madsen: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.
Bobby Davis: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!
Woody Stevens: Why are you naked?
Dudley Frank: I thought we were doing this wild and free thing. You guys kept your skivvies on?
Doug Madsen: Yeah, there might be snappin' turtles or somethin'.
Bobby Davis: I kept mine on because I didn't want it to get dark in here!
Doug Madsen: Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder what happened to your life?
[Woody nods his head]
Doug Madsen: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.
Bobby Davis: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.
Woody Stevens: You're still at The Firm?
Bobby Davis: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...
Doug Madsen: ...a wimp.
Bobby Davis: I was gonna say miserable.
Bobby Davis: [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?
Doug Madsen: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.
Woody Stevens: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.
Dudley Frank: I'm afraid of women.
Woody Stevens: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh]
Dudley Frank: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.
[Woody nods his head]
Doug Madsen: You know, I thought my life would be an adventure. All of a sudden, I'm a suburban dentist.
Bobby Davis: Look, Doug, I feel your pain, man. I mean I swore I would never return to a job where I had to where condoms on my shoes.
Woody Stevens: You're still at The Firm?
Bobby Davis: Yea. I get yelled at by an ungrateful wife. I swear the whole thing has made me...
Doug Madsen: ...a wimp.
Bobby Davis: I was gonna say miserable.
Bobby Davis: [pause] What? You think I'm a wimp?
Doug Madsen: No, I thought you were gonna say wimp, so I'd thought I'd say it for you.
Woody Stevens: You're a wimp, Bobby. I'll say it. I mean you're afraid of women. It's kinda embarrassing.
Dudley Frank: I'm afraid of women.
Woody Stevens: You're afraid to talk to women. Bobby's afraid they'll kill him in his sleep.
[Doug and Woody laugh]
Dudley Frank: Wow... now I'm really afraid of women.
Doug Madsen: Woody, remember the theme of this trip? "Whatever", remember? "Whatever?"
Woody Stevens: Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay.
Doug Madsen: Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is.
Woody Stevens: I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?
Woody Stevens: Okay, fine! Fine. We'll stay the night, and get gas in the morning. Okay.
Doug Madsen: Calm down. I just don't understand what your rush is.
Woody Stevens: I'm not in a rush, man. I just wanna ride, man. I just wanna ride. You know? Sally, ride. You are so weird! You ask some weird shit and say the weirdest things. Why don't you just, what, what?
Woody Stevens: Come on, let's go!
Doug Madsen: What's your rush?
Woody Stevens: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!
Bobby Davis: my soul needs something to drink.
Dudley Frank: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!
Doug Madsen: What's your rush?
Woody Stevens: Come on, man, it's the open road. Riding free, that's the rush! This isn't freedom, this is a gas station built by the man, a prison for our souls!
Bobby Davis: my soul needs something to drink.
Dudley Frank: We'll get gas at the next station, come on Wild Hogs! Let's go! Woo-hoo!
Jack: [after being confronted by the sheriff and the entire town with makeshift weapons] Well, we'll fight you and the children of the corn too! 'Cause the Del Fuegos don't back down! This is our highway! And we're gonna defend our highway!
Damien Blade: [showing up out of nowhere] Wrong, Jack. It's MY highway.
Jack: [pleasantly surprised] Blade!
Damien Blade: [turns to Maggie] Hi, Maggie.
[she smiles and nods back]
Damien Blade: Hmm... bar burned down.
Jack: Yeah... these posers. These four posers right here.
Damien Blade: Four guys... stand off 50 bikers... and they're the posers.
Jack: Yeah... they burnt down the bar that you built.
Damien Blade: It was a shithole. I insured it for twice what it's worth. The guys did me a favor.
Jack: [contrite] We were just following the code that you wrote.
Damien Blade: Why do you think I don't wear the colors, Jack? Why do you think I ride alone? 'Cause you don't know about it anymore. I think you all oughta get back on your bikes and go out and ride the highway until you remember what riding's all about.
Red: Let it go, Jack.
Jack: [turns to face the four, then to Damien, pats his shoulder] Ok, Pop.
Damien Blade: [shakes his head, smiling] Takes after his mom.
[Jack gets on his bike and leaves, the Del Fuegos follow]
Damien Blade: [showing up out of nowhere] Wrong, Jack. It's MY highway.
Jack: [pleasantly surprised] Blade!
Damien Blade: [turns to Maggie] Hi, Maggie.
[she smiles and nods back]
Damien Blade: Hmm... bar burned down.
Jack: Yeah... these posers. These four posers right here.
Damien Blade: Four guys... stand off 50 bikers... and they're the posers.
Jack: Yeah... they burnt down the bar that you built.
Damien Blade: It was a shithole. I insured it for twice what it's worth. The guys did me a favor.
Jack: [contrite] We were just following the code that you wrote.
Damien Blade: Why do you think I don't wear the colors, Jack? Why do you think I ride alone? 'Cause you don't know about it anymore. I think you all oughta get back on your bikes and go out and ride the highway until you remember what riding's all about.
Red: Let it go, Jack.
Jack: [turns to face the four, then to Damien, pats his shoulder] Ok, Pop.
Damien Blade: [shakes his head, smiling] Takes after his mom.
[Jack gets on his bike and leaves, the Del Fuegos follow]
Bobby Davis: You called The Firm?
Clerk: Some truck driver must have crapped an entire cow in there, man. Good luck. I knew in my gut not to let him go, but I didn't trust my instincts. I saw my father shot, but I did not cry till today. I was robbed yesterday, and I know now, your job is the bad one.
Clerk: Some truck driver must have crapped an entire cow in there, man. Good luck. I knew in my gut not to let him go, but I didn't trust my instincts. I saw my father shot, but I did not cry till today. I was robbed yesterday, and I know now, your job is the bad one.
Bobby Davis: You call The Firm?
Clerk: Yeah, men's room. Some trucker musta crapped a whole cow in there. Good luck.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I didn't want to give him the key, but I didn't trust my instincts.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I saw my father shot. I never cry until today.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I got robbed yesterday. And now I know: you have the bad job.
Bobby Davis: Yeah...
Clerk: Yeah, men's room. Some trucker musta crapped a whole cow in there. Good luck.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I didn't want to give him the key, but I didn't trust my instincts.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I saw my father shot. I never cry until today.
Bobby Davis: [turns to leave]
Clerk: I got robbed yesterday. And now I know: you have the bad job.
Bobby Davis: Yeah...
Doug Madsen: You know what's so stupid about this? We wanted to be like you guys.You know... because what I see here is just a bunch of grown men whose biggest decision in life is 'sleeveless or... uh... sleeveless? Do I shit behind the rock or over there by that bush?' Grown men... this is pathetic! You go ahead kick our ass, okay, because we are not the posers. You guys are the posers!
Jack: I knew you assholes the minute I laid eyes on you! Look at the four of you!
Doug Madsen: You don't know us.
Jack: [to Doug] You think I don't know you? You're probably a... podiatrist or an ear-, nose-, and throat-specialist.
Doug Madsen: I wish.
Jack: An orthadontist?
Bobby Davis: Close enough.
Jack: [turns to Bobby] Bobby, guarantee you're hen-pecked! The wife wears the pants!
Bobby Davis: You know my wife?
Jack: [to Dudley] And you, no luck with women. I guarantee you bag your own shit.
Dudley Frank: Wow, you're good. What color am I thinking of?
Jack: Shut up!
[turns to Woody]
Jack: And you, you're the biggest poser of them all... aren't ya, Squinty! Go home!
Doug Madsen: You don't know us.
Jack: [to Doug] You think I don't know you? You're probably a... podiatrist or an ear-, nose-, and throat-specialist.
Doug Madsen: I wish.
Jack: An orthadontist?
Bobby Davis: Close enough.
Jack: [turns to Bobby] Bobby, guarantee you're hen-pecked! The wife wears the pants!
Bobby Davis: You know my wife?
Jack: [to Dudley] And you, no luck with women. I guarantee you bag your own shit.
Dudley Frank: Wow, you're good. What color am I thinking of?
Jack: Shut up!
[turns to Woody]
Jack: And you, you're the biggest poser of them all... aren't ya, Squinty! Go home!
Jack: You're gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000, plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar. If you don't, we're gonna break your friends legs here.
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine, we'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh dammit. Bring the money!
Dudley Frank: Don't bring the money! I'm a computer programmer! I don't need my legs!
Jack: Fine, we'll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh dammit. Bring the money!
