Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory Quotes
A poor boy wins the opportunity to tour the most eccentric and wonderful candy factory of all.
Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...
Mr. Salt: [weakly echoing] Rowing...
Willy Wonka: Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?
[sharp gasp]
Willy Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/
[practically screaming]
Willy Wonka: And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]
Mr. Salt: [weakly echoing] Rowing...
Willy Wonka: Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?
[sharp gasp]
Willy Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/
[practically screaming]
Willy Wonka: And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]
Willy Wonka: Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
Willy Wonka: [grabbing Veruca's mouth and pinching it a bit to hold it open] *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams.
Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
Willy Wonka: [grabbing Veruca's mouth and pinching it a bit to hold it open] *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams.
Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?
Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?
Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe: Why not?
Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
[Charlie shakes his head briefly]
Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]
Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!
[slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]
Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
[turns back to his work]
Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!
[angrily]
Grandpa Joe: How could you do something like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!
[turns back to his work again]
Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if its the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a gobstopper, he'll get one.
Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?
Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe: Why not?
Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
[Charlie shakes his head briefly]
Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]
Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!
[slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]
Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
[turns back to his work]
Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!
[angrily]
Grandpa Joe: How could you do something like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!
[turns back to his work again]
Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if its the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a gobstopper, he'll get one.
Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
Charlie Bucket: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.
Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?
Willy Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
Charlie Bucket: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!
Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
Grandpa Joe: And me?
Willy Wonka: Absolutely.
Charlie Bucket: But what happens to the rest...?
Willy Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
[Willy and Charlie hug]
Charlie Bucket: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.
Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?
Willy Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
Charlie Bucket: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!
Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
Grandpa Joe: And me?
Willy Wonka: Absolutely.
Charlie Bucket: But what happens to the rest...?
Willy Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
[Willy and Charlie hug]
Computer Operator: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining golden tickets.
[he pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response]
Computer Operator: It says: "I won't tell. That would be cheating."
[he pushes the buttons on the machine again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize.
[the machine prints out another response]
Computer Operator: He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"
[he sighs, then pushes the buttons once again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer exactly what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate.
[he pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response]
Computer Operator: It says: "I won't tell. That would be cheating."
[he pushes the buttons on the machine again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize.
[the machine prints out another response]
Computer Operator: He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"
[he sighs, then pushes the buttons once again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer exactly what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate.
Grandpa Joe: [viewing the Wonka-mobile being fueled] Mr. Wonka? Uh, what's that they're filling it up with?
Willy Wonka: Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] Sorry I asked.
Willy Wonka: Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.
Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] Sorry I asked.
Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while / It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile / But it's repulsive, revolting, and wrong / chewing and chewing all day long / The way that a cow does / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / Given good manners, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too/Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo.
Violet Beauregarde: Well, they can't be real people.
Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense!
Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but...
Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt: [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!
Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people.
Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense!
Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.
The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas?
Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.
Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.
Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but...
Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!
Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
Veruca Salt: [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!
[Charlie and Grandpa Joe are floating in the fizzy lifting room]
[Grandpa Joe does a somersault in midair]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.
Grandpa Joe: Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.
Charlie Bucket: You can fly to the moon this way.
Grandpa Joe: Let's just fly south for the winter.
Charlie Bucket: Why not? I'm a bird!
Grandpa Joe: I'm a plaaaaaaane!
Charlie Bucket: I'm... going too high!
[Grandpa Joe does a somersault in midair]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.
Grandpa Joe: Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.
Charlie Bucket: You can fly to the moon this way.
Grandpa Joe: Let's just fly south for the winter.
Charlie Bucket: Why not? I'm a bird!
Grandpa Joe: I'm a plaaaaaaane!
Charlie Bucket: I'm... going too high!
Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Who do you blame when your kid is a brat / Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat / Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame / You know exactly who's to blame? / The mother and the father / Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee dah / If you're not spoiled, then you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee doo.
Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.
[to an Oompa Loompa]
Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.
Mrs. Teevee: Uh, T-T-Taffy? Wh-What's he saying?
[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka]
Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible.
Willy Wonka: [Mrs. Teavee suddenly passes out] And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say good-bye.
[Mrs. Teevee groans]
Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. Run along now.
[two Oompa Loompas drag the limp Mrs. Teevee out of the room]
[to an Oompa Loompa]
Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.
Mrs. Teevee: Uh, T-T-Taffy? Wh-What's he saying?
[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka]
Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible.
Willy Wonka: [Mrs. Teavee suddenly passes out] And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say good-bye.
[Mrs. Teevee groans]
Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. Run along now.
[two Oompa Loompas drag the limp Mrs. Teevee out of the room]
Veruca Salt: They're not even trying! They don't want to find it! They're jealous of me!
Mr. Salt: Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.
Veruca Salt: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!
Mrs. Salt: You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
Mr. Salt: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.
Veruca Salt: I won't talk to you ever again! You're a mean father, you'll never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school till I have it!
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?
Mr. Salt: Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.
Veruca Salt: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!
Mrs. Salt: You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
Mr. Salt: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.
Veruca Salt: I won't talk to you ever again! You're a mean father, you'll never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school till I have it!
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?
Mrs. Teevee: [as the Wonkatania starts to move] I think I'm going to be seasick!
Willy Wonka: [handing something to Mrs. Teevee] Here, take these.
Mrs. Teevee: What are they?
Willy Wonka: Rainbow drops. Suck them and you can spit in seven different colors!
Violet Beauregarde: [as she digs around in her nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.
Willy Wonka: I know a worse one.
Willy Wonka: [handing something to Mrs. Teevee] Here, take these.
Mrs. Teevee: What are they?
Willy Wonka: Rainbow drops. Suck them and you can spit in seven different colors!
Violet Beauregarde: [as she digs around in her nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.
Willy Wonka: I know a worse one.
[Willy Wonka greets Charlie and Grandpa Joe at the gates of the WONKA factory]
Willy Wonka: And who is this gentleman?
Charlie Bucket: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.
Willy Wonka: [vigorously shaking Grandpa Joe's hand] Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced. Are we ready? Yes, good. In we go.
Willy Wonka: And who is this gentleman?
Charlie Bucket: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.
Willy Wonka: [vigorously shaking Grandpa Joe's hand] Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced. Are we ready? Yes, good. In we go.
[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]
Willy Wonka: We're there.
Mrs. Teevee: Where?
Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.
Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]
Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...
Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...
Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?
Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit
[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]
Willy Wonka: .
Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.
Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room
[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe: No telling what?
Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!
Willy Wonka: We're there.
Mrs. Teevee: Where?
Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!
Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!
Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?
Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.
Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.
Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]
Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...
Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...
Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...
Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...
Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?
Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit
[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]
Willy Wonka: .
Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.
Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.
[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]
Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.
Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room
[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]
Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
Grandpa Joe: No telling what?
Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!
Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, what'll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?
Willy Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.
Willy Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.
Mike Teevee: Where are you taking me?
[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]
Mike Teevee: I don't wanna go in there...!
Mrs. Teevee: Be quiet.
Mike Teevee: Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.
[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]
Mike Teevee: I don't wanna go in there...!
Mrs. Teevee: Be quiet.
Mike Teevee: Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.
Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dah dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get from a glut of TV? / A pain in the neck and an IQ of 3 / Why don't you try simply reading a book? / Or could you just not bear to look? / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no commercials / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you love reading you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do.
Stanley Kael, Second Newscaster: Four down, one to go, and somewhere out there a lucky person is moving closer and closer to the most sought after prize in history. Though we cannot help but envy whoever he is, and we may feel bitter, but we must remember there are more important things, *many* more important things. Though offhand I cannot think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something.
Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?
Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum.
Willy Wonka: [happily, but sarcastically] Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde: What's so fab about it?
Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.
Mr. Salt: Bull.
Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.
Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum.
Willy Wonka: [happily, but sarcastically] Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.
Violet Beauregarde: What's so fab about it?
Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.
Mr. Salt: Bull.
Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.
Veruca Salt: [to Mr. Salt] I want to go in! Don't you dare stop me!
Mr. Salt: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: [to Violet] Give me that pen!
[Veruca grabs the pen from Violet]
Veruca Salt: [to Mr. Salt] You're always making things difficult.
[signs the contract]
Willy Wonka: [admiringly] Nicely handled, Veruca! Now there's a girl who knows where she's going.
Mr. Salt: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.
Veruca Salt: [to Violet] Give me that pen!
[Veruca grabs the pen from Violet]
Veruca Salt: [to Mr. Salt] You're always making things difficult.
[signs the contract]
Willy Wonka: [admiringly] Nicely handled, Veruca! Now there's a girl who knows where she's going.
Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got a perfect puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? / Eating as much as an elephant eats / What are you at getting terribly fat? / What do you think will come of that?/I don't like the look of it / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you're not greedy, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / Doo-pa-dee doo.
[first lines]
Bill, candy store owner: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be? A Triple Cream Cup for Christopher. A Sizzler for June Marie. And listen!
[the children fall silent]
Bill, candy store owner: Wonka's got a new one today.
Children: What is it?
Bill, candy store owner: This is called a Scrumpdiddlyumptious Bar.
Bill, candy store owner: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be? A Triple Cream Cup for Christopher. A Sizzler for June Marie. And listen!
[the children fall silent]
Bill, candy store owner: Wonka's got a new one today.
Children: What is it?
Bill, candy store owner: This is called a Scrumpdiddlyumptious Bar.
Veruca Salt: [after Willy gives an Everlasting Gobstopper to each of the kids] Hey, she's got two! I want another one!
Violet Beauregarde: [showing her Gobstopper to Veruca] Stop squawking, you twit!
Willy Wonka: [making it clear he's not going to stand for the girls' bickering] Everybody has had ONE, and ONE is enough for anybody. Now come along.
Violet Beauregarde: [showing her Gobstopper to Veruca] Stop squawking, you twit!
Willy Wonka: [making it clear he's not going to stand for the girls' bickering] Everybody has had ONE, and ONE is enough for anybody. Now come along.
Mr. Salt: Where is she going?
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad eggs go, down the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?
Willy Wonka: To the furnace.
Mr. Salt: [laughs] The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.
Willy Wonka: No, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.
Mr. Salt: Inside the...
[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]
Mr. Salt: Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!
[dives down the chute]
Willy Wonka: There'll to be a lot of garbage today.
Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad eggs go, down the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?
Willy Wonka: To the furnace.
Mr. Salt: [laughs] The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.
Willy Wonka: No, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.
Mr. Salt: Inside the...
[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]
Mr. Salt: Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!
[dives down the chute]
Willy Wonka: There'll to be a lot of garbage today.
Veruca Salt: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy!
Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.
Veruca Salt: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?
Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!
Veruca Salt: Make them work nights!
Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.
Veruca Salt: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?
Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!
Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?
Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!
Veruca Salt: Make them work nights!
Mr. Turkentine: Charlie Bucket, how many did you open?
Charlie Bucket: Two.
Mr. Turkentine: That's easy. 200 is twice 100...
Charlie Bucket: Not 200, just two.
Mr. Turkentine: Two? What do you mean you only opened two?
Charlie Bucket: I don't care very much for chocolate.
Mr. Turkentine: Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200. Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd have used up 20% of 1,000, which is 15% half over again, 10%...
Charlie Bucket: Two.
Mr. Turkentine: That's easy. 200 is twice 100...
Charlie Bucket: Not 200, just two.
Mr. Turkentine: Two? What do you mean you only opened two?
Charlie Bucket: I don't care very much for chocolate.
Mr. Turkentine: Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200. Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd have used up 20% of 1,000, which is 15% half over again, 10%...
Willy Wonka: This is the great glass Wonkavator.
Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator.
Willy Wonka: No, it's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways...
Charlie Bucket: And frontways?
Willy Wonka: ...and squareways, and front ways, and any other ways that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press a button, and *zing*! You're off. And up until now, I've pressed them all... except one.
[gestures to a button near the top of the Wonkavator]
Willy Wonka: This one. Go ahead, Charlie.
Charlie Bucket: Me?
[Willy Wonka nods as Charlie presses the button]
Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator.
Willy Wonka: No, it's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways...
Charlie Bucket: And frontways?
Willy Wonka: ...and squareways, and front ways, and any other ways that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press a button, and *zing*! You're off. And up until now, I've pressed them all... except one.
[gestures to a button near the top of the Wonkavator]
Willy Wonka: This one. Go ahead, Charlie.
Charlie Bucket: Me?
[Willy Wonka nods as Charlie presses the button]
Willy Wonka: [In the Wonkavator] Faster, faster; if we don't pick up enough speed, we'll never get through!
Charlie Bucket: Get through what?
Willy Wonka: Aha!
Grandpa Joe: You mean we're going...?
Willy Wonka: Up and out!
Grandpa Joe: But this roof is made of glass! It'll shatter into a thousand pieces! We'll be cut to ribbons!
Willy Wonka: Probably.
[Charlie begins to look nervous]
Charlie Bucket: Get through what?
Willy Wonka: Aha!
Grandpa Joe: You mean we're going...?
Willy Wonka: Up and out!
Grandpa Joe: But this roof is made of glass! It'll shatter into a thousand pieces! We'll be cut to ribbons!
Willy Wonka: Probably.
[Charlie begins to look nervous]
[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]
Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller.
Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not. *He's* getting *bigger*!
Mr. Salt: He's at it again!
Mike Teevee: Where's the chocolate?
Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!
Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!
Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller.
Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not. *He's* getting *bigger*!
Mr. Salt: He's at it again!
Mike Teevee: Where's the chocolate?
Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!
Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!
Mr. Turkentine: You, Winkelmann, come here. What's happening?
Winkelmann: Mr. Wonka's opening his factory, he's gonna to let people in.
Mr. Turkentine: You sure?
Winkelmann: It's on the radio. He's giving truckloads of chocolate away.
Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed.
[Mr. Turkentine starts to put on his coat]
Winkelmann: No, no, it's only for five people.
Mr. Turkentine: [dismayed] Class undismissed.
[Mr. Turkentine starts to take off his coat]
Winkelmann: He sent out five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize.
Mr. Turkentine: Where's he hidden the tickets?
Winkelmann: Inside five Wonka bars. You've got to buy Wonka bars to find them.
Mr. Turkentine: Class re-dismissed.
Winkelmann: Mr. Wonka's opening his factory, he's gonna to let people in.
Mr. Turkentine: You sure?
Winkelmann: It's on the radio. He's giving truckloads of chocolate away.
Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed.
[Mr. Turkentine starts to put on his coat]
Winkelmann: No, no, it's only for five people.
Mr. Turkentine: [dismayed] Class undismissed.
[Mr. Turkentine starts to take off his coat]
Winkelmann: He sent out five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize.
Mr. Turkentine: Where's he hidden the tickets?
Winkelmann: Inside five Wonka bars. You've got to buy Wonka bars to find them.
Mr. Turkentine: Class re-dismissed.
Violet Beauregarde: Well, I'm a gum chewer, normally. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wonka's, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars, instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum. I chew it all day, except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear.
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet...
Violet Beauregarde: Cool it, Mother!
[showing her gum to the audience]
Violet Beauregarde: Now, this little piece of gum here is one I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad.
[puts the gum back in her mouth and continues chewing, then waves]
Violet Beauregarde: Hi, Cornelia. How are ya, sweetie?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet...
Violet Beauregarde: Cool it, Mother!
[showing her gum to the audience]
Violet Beauregarde: Now, this little piece of gum here is one I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad.
[puts the gum back in her mouth and continues chewing, then waves]
Violet Beauregarde: Hi, Cornelia. How are ya, sweetie?
