Convinced his thesis will have him graduate with honors from Harvard University, a stuffy student finds himself at the mercy of a homeless man's demands when he holds the papers hostage.

Simon Wilder: You asked the question, sir, now let me answer it. The beauty of the Constitution is that it can always be changed. The beauty of the Constitution is that it makes no set law other than faith in the wisdom of ordinary people to govern themselves.
Proffesor Pitkannan: Faith in the wisdom of the people is exactly what makes the Constitution incomplete and crude.
Simon Wilder: Crude? No, sir. Our "founding parents" were pompous, white, middle-aged farmers, but they were also great men. Because they knew one thing that all great men should know: that they didn't know everything. Sure, they'd make mistakes, but they made sure to leave a way to correct them. The president is not an "elected king," no matter how many bombs he can drop. Because the "crude" Constitution doesn't trust him. He's just a bum, okay Mr. Pitkannan? He's just a bum.
Simon Wilder: Women. Ain't they perfect?
Monty: Not always.
Simon Wilder: Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love, Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect.
Monty: Why did you say that I was a loser?
Simon Wilder: Winners forget they're in a race, they just love to run. You try too hard.
Simon Wilder: [quoting Walt Whitman] "To drive free, to love free, to court destruction with taunts, to feed the remainder of life with one hour of fullness and freedom - one brief hour of madness and joy."
Marty: Would you like to dance?
Monty: [to Simon] Maybe you shouldn't...
Simon Wilder: Let's not go overboard with this "staying alive" junk.
Simon Wilder: Which door do I leave from?
Proffesor Pitkannan: At Harvard we don't end our sentences with prepositions.
Simon Wilder: Okay. Which door do I leave from, asshole?
[Courtney is shaving her legs with his razor]
Monty: I never wanted to be a razor so bad in all my life.
Courtney: Hey Everett, can I borrow a condom?
Everett: No, but you can have one.
[Courtney pulls out a whole string of condoms]
Everett: Endurance test?
Courtney: More like pop quiz.
Simon Wilder: Know why you hate me so much Jeffrey? Because I look the way you feel.
Simon Wilder: When it comes to relationships, everyone's a used car salesman. L
Monty: Is that your philosophy? Don't trust anyone.
Simon Wilder: No, you've got to trust people. But you can't believe in the warranty.
Simon Wilder: [quoting Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself"] "You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, not look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books. You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me, you shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself."
Courtney: I don't take sex home.
Monty: Simon wrote his own obituary, and he asked me to read it. "Simon B. Wilder bit it on Wednesday."
[they laugh]
Monty: "He saw the world out of the porthole of a leaky freighter, was a collector of memories, and interrupted a lecture at Harvard. In 50 years on earth he did only one thing he regretted. He is survived by his family: Jeff Hawks, who always remembers to flush; Everett Calloway, who knows how to use words; Courtney Blumenthal, who is strong, and also knows how to love; and by Montgomery Kessler, who will graduate life with honor, and without regret."
Simon Wilder: Is this a lover's quarrel? Maybe I should leave.
Courtney: We're not lovers, we're roommates and we respect each others' space.
Simon Wilder: You respect each others' empty air? That's very profound for a couple of Harvard students.
Courtney: [after Monty kisses her] What are you doing?
Monty: I'm ending our friendship.
[kisses her again]
[Jeffrey walks in on Simon using the toilet]
Jeffrey: Holy Shit!
Simon Wilder: You think so? Looks like the regular garden variety to me.
Everett: My cock is cleaner than your bum.
Social Security Clerk: I'm going to ask again, do you have evidence of birth?
Simon Wilder: I'm sittin' here ain't I lady? What do you think, I happened by spontaneous combustion?
Everett: Oh sure, you're a mechanic?
Simon Wilder: No, I'm a Zen Buddhist, but that's close enough.
Social Security Clerk: DOB?
Simon Wilder: EFGHIJ.
Simon Wilder: Hey, you know what the greatest nation in the world is?
Donation Student: Well I hope it's the USA.
Simon Wilder: Wrong. It's donation.
Simon Wilder: How many bottles of that wine would you be willing to give me to fix it?
Everett: To get this thing running? Six.
Simon Wilder: Eight.
Everett: Seven.
Simon Wilder: Eight.
Everett: Okay, nine, but that's my final offer.
Simon Wilder: Didn't you used to run a saving and loan?
Simon Wilder: Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum.
[Courtney is in the shower calling Monty to come and speak with her]
Everett: Monty? Moonnty? Go get her, Monty, go get her!

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