Agent 007 and the Japanese secret service ninja force must find and stop the true culprit of a series of spacejackings before nuclear war is provoked.

Blofeld: James Bond. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong.
James Bond: Yes, this is my second life.
Blofeld: You only live twice, Mr. Bond.
[Being bathed by Tanaka's women]
Tiger Tanaka: You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don't you? It's the hair on your chest. Japanese men all have beautiful bare skin.
James Bond: Japanese proverb say, "Bird never make nest in bare tree."
Blofeld: I shall look forward personally to exterminating you, Mr. Bond.
Blofeld: The firing power inside my crater is enough to annihilate a small army. You can watch it all on TV. It's the last program you're likely to see.
James Bond: Well, if I'm gonna be forced to watch television, may I smoke?
Blofeld: Yes. Give him his cigarettes. It won't be the nicotine that kills you, Mr. Bond.
Tiger Tanaka: It can save your life, this cigarette.
James Bond: You sound like a commercial.
[about to make love to Helga Brandt]
James Bond: Oh the things I do for England.
Helga Brandt: [Bond is captured by Helga Brandt] I've got you now.
James Bond: Well, enjoy yourself.
[Brandt slaps him]
Blofeld: Kill Bond! Now!
Tiger Tanaka: Permit me to introduce myself. I am Tanaka. Please call me Tiger.
James Bond: If you're Tanaka, then how do you feel about me?
Tiger Tanaka: [the code response] I... love you.
James Bond: Well, I'm glad we got that out of the way.
[Bond has just sent Blofeld's henchman into the water. The piranha immediately attack him]
James Bond: Bon appetit!
Henderson: That was stirred, not shaken?
Tiger Tanaka: Rule number one: never do anything yourself when someone else can do it for you.
James Bond: And rule number two?
Tiger Tanaka: Rule number two: in Japan, men come first, women come second.
James Bond: I just might retire to here.
James Bond: Do you have any commandos here?
Tiger Tanaka: I have much, much better. Ninjas. Top-secret, Bond-san. This is my ninja training school.
Blofeld: Goodbye, Mr. Bond!
Aki: I think I will enjoy very much serving under you.
Mr. Osato: You should give up smoking. Cigarettes are very bad for your chest.
Helga Brandt: Mr. Osato believes in healthy chest.
[Bond eyes Helga's breasts]
James Bond: Really?
Tiger Tanaka: I must say I am disappointed with the ease with which I could pull you in. The one thing my honourable mother taught me long ago was never to get into a car with a strange girl. But you, I'm afraid, will get into anything. With any girl.
[Choosing a masseuse]
James Bond: Well, I'll just settle for this little old lady here.
Tiger Tanaka: Good choice, she's very sexyful.
Tiger Tanaka: [to James Bond] Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond.
Blofeld: [shows the x-ray of the PPK to Osato & Brandt] Only one person we know uses this sort of gun. James Bond.
Mr. Osato: But Bond is dead!
Helga Brandt: It was in all the newspapers!
Blofeld: Rubbish. Bond is alive. Unless you killed him, Mr. Osato. Don't tell me you let him go.
Mr. Osato: I gave Number 11 the strictest orders to eliminate him.
Blofeld: And did she?
Mr. Osato: She failed.
Helga Brandt: [to Osato] *You* should have killed him yourself. You had plenty of opportunities...
Blofeld: This organization does not tolerate failure.
Mr. Osato: I know, but do you see I...
Blofeld: GO!
[Osato crosses the bridge over the water where the piranha are waiting]
Blofeld: [addressing Helga] Well.
[Helga starts across. Blofeld hits a pedal that causes the bridge bottom to drop out, sending Helga into the piranha-filled water. The lethal fish immediately converge on her and she is dead in seconds. Osato looks on in horror]
Blofeld: [addressing Osato] Kill Bond! Now!
Mr. Osato: Yes, Number One! Yes. Yes, yes.
[James is in bed with a Ling, a Chinese woman]
James Bond: Why do Chinese girls taste different from all other girls?
Ling: You think we better, huh?
James Bond: No, just different. Like Peking Duck is different from Russian Caviar. But I love them both.
Ling: Darling, I give you very best duck.
James Bond: Uggghhh... Siamese vodka?
[Blofeld has demanded an advance payment of $100 million in gold]
Blofeld's Financier: Our agreement states quite clearly that no money should be paid until war has broken out between Russia and the United States.
Financier #2: This is extortion!
Blofeld: [shows his SPECTRE ring] Extortion is my business. Go away and think it over, gentlemen. I'm busy.
MoneyPenny: Oh, by the way, how was the girl?
James Bond: (turns the lamp towards her, interrogation style) Which girl?
MoneyPenny: The... uh... Chinese one we set you up with?
James Bond: Another few minutes and I would have found out.
Blofeld: As you can see, I am about to inaugurate a little war. In a matter of hours after America and Russia have annihilated each other. We shall see a new power dominating the world.
James Bond: Is this the only room there is?
Kissy Suzuki: Yes. That is your bed,
[points to one side of room]
Kissy Suzuki: I shall sleep over there.
[points to other side of room]
James Bond: But we're supposed to be married.
Kissy Suzuki: Think again, please. You gave false name to priest.
James Bond: Yes, but we must keep up appearances. We're on our honeymoon.
Kissy Suzuki: No honeymoon. This is business.
James Bond: [pushing aside his oyster dinner] Well, I won't need these.
M: [buzzing intercom] Miss Moneypenny, give 007 the password we've agreed with Japanese S.I.S.
MoneyPenny: Yes sir.
[to Bond]
MoneyPenny: We tried to think of something that you wouldn't forget.
James Bond: Yes?
MoneyPenny: "I, love, you". Repeat it please, to make sure you get it
James Bond: Don't worry, I get it.
Houston CapCom: Hawaii to Jupiter 16. Repeat: Hawaii to Jupiter 16. There is an unidentified object on our screen, closing fast.
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: [Performing an EVA] We see nothing. Can you give me a bearing?
Houston CapCom: Appears to be coming up fast from astern
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: Hey, NOW I see it. It's another spacecraft! I repeat: it's ANOTHER SPACECRAFT!
Houston CapCom: Chris, this is flight. Does it look like a close pass?
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: You're breaking up. Say again!
Houston CapCom: Repeat: Does it look like a close pass?
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: [inside spacecraft] Hey Chris what's happening?
Astronaut - American Spacecraft #1: Flight, it's coming right at us! The FRONT is OPENING UP! I REPEAT: THE FRONT IS OPENING UP! It's coming right at us...
Houston CapCom: Chris, Get back in! Get back in!
Tiger Tanaka: [discussing Osato Chemicals' supertanker, the Ning Po, which is known to be smuggling rocket fuel] We shadowed the Ning Po to the outer islands.
Aki: It was very dark. Hard to see her all the time.
Tiger Tanaka: But we know she stopped somewhere. Look at these photos.
[Tiger hands James photos of the Ning Po]
Aki: Look at the water line.
James Bond: [noticing the higher water line of the ship in seperate photos] You're right. Fully laden here, and empty here.
James Bond: [getting up] I want to take a look at the island now. Is Little Nellie here?
Tiger Tanaka: Yes. And her father.
[James, Aki, and Tiger enter a nearby garage where an agitated and sweating Q is waiting]
James Bond: [sarcastically] Welcome to Japan, Dad. Is my little girl hot and ready?
Q: [annoyed] Look, 007, I've had a long and tiring journey, probably to no purpose, so I'm in no mood for juvenile quips.
[Coded message to headquarters]
James Bond: Little Nelly got a hot reception. Four big shots made improper advances toward her, but she defended her honor with great success.
Foreign Secretary: As a matter of fact, our man in Hong Kong is working on it now.
[cuts to next scene in Hong Kong, Bond is in bed with a Chinese woman]
Russian Diplomat: The world knows we are a peace-loving people.
[Bond is caught trying to enter the SPECTRE spacecraft]
Blofeld: You made a mistake, my friend. No astronaut would enter the capsule carrying his air conditioner.
Hong Kong Policeman #2: [finding Bond 'dead' in girl's bed] At least he died on the job... he would have wanted it that way.
Aki: You wouldn't touch that horrible woman, would you?
James Bond: Oh heaven forbid.
[Bond is about to have his chest waxed so he can pass for Japanese]
James Bond: Why don't you just dye the parts that show?
[first lines]
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: Calling CapCom. CapCom, this is Jupiter 16. Do you give a go for fourth orbit.
Houston CapCom: CapCom to Jupiter 16. Can you confirm O2 pressure is within limit.
Astronaut - 1st American Spacecraft: Roger. Everything looks good in the environmental control system.
Houston CapCom: Okay. Everything looks good from here. You have a go for fourth orbit.
[last lines]
Submarine Captain: Dinghy's on board, sir.
M: [referring to Bond in the dinghy] Tell him to come below and report.
MoneyPenny: It'll be a pleasure, sir.
Tiger Tanaka: [after Tiger's helicopter drops an enemy car chasing Bond and Aki into the Pacific ocean] How's that for Japanese efficiency?
James Bond: Just a drop in the ocean.

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