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A zombie epidemic spreads throughout a strip club in Nebraska.
Sox: How's it feel... death? Lillith: It feels like snow and stars. Gaia: Aw, that's pretty! Lillith: I remember once lying in the snow under a clear blanket of stars, there were so many stars... You couldn't comprehend what it was like. That vast un-knowable void. But now I understand it. I feel I'm a part of it, that infinite nothingness... I wanna strip. Who's on? Fuck it, I'm gonna dance.
Paco: Badgers? Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!
Kat: [getting back to her "Collected Works of Nietzsche" after becoming a zombie] This makes so much more sense now.
Jeannie: You're fucking dead! Kat: I was, but now I'm back! Sox: Not possible. This is not possible. Lillith: How does it feel? Kat: Great. I've never felt more alive! Gaia: Oh sweet irony! [Kat turns to walk away] Lillith: Hey, where are you going? Kat: I'm going to dance.
Dr. Genet: The virus is based on the human X chromosome, so it stays more pure from woman to woman. But once you get a man in there, like everything else, it all goes to shit.
Jimmy: Your hands are so cold. Whoa! That's interesting. Your tongue is so dry. Kat: Then get it wet!
Madame Blavatski: Girls, we talk. Hmm? In the old country, I strip for my bread and borscht. And vodka.
Kat: [to Jessy] Kid, it takes more than desperation to get out there on that stage. You either got it or you don't, baby.
Jeannie: [offering herself to zombie] Come to mama.
Davis: I need to talk to you. Jessy: Make it quick. Davis: I need to know what the meaning of life is. Jessy: You're kidding. Davis: I know we're Christians, and what you're doing is a sin, but the intent is, well, Christ-like with you sacrificing yourself and all. So what are morals? Do the ends justify the means? But then again the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so... darn, I'm out of clichés.
Announcer: George W Bush has won his fourth consecutive term as president, taking Florida, which due to a glitch in the Jeb B voting terminals, tallied one single vote for President Bush and Vice President Schwarzenegger. Bush's presidency was unanimously declared legally binding by the Supreme Court as well as "totally cool" by Supreme Justice Jenna Bush who subsequently set in motion another Supreme Kegger. Following the landslide victory, a constitutional amendment banning public nudity was implemented. Shortly thereafter, President Bush dissolved Congress, claiming it was "cramping his style." American Troops continue to be strung thin due to the still raging wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Libya, Pakistan, Venezuela, France, Canada, and Alaska.
Maj. Camus: So what do we have to do to take one of these zombies down, doc? Dr. Chushfeld: Well, what works for us is we've been surgically removing the medulla oblongata. [Camus cocks shotgun and blows a zombie's head off] Dr. Chushfeld: Or that.
Jessy: You want to get laid before you die. Davis: Is that such a crime?
Maj. Camus: Nothing like a good challenge. Lt. Ryker: We improvise and adapt, sir! Maj. Camus: We just stopped that thing, what was it called again, Lieutenant? Lt. Ryker: Armageddon, sir! Maj. Camus: That's the one. Lieutenant Ryker here killed Satan himself with a sharp stick. Good work soldier!
Kat: Love is dead.
Dr. Chushfeld: Major! Thank god you guys are here. It's bad in there. Maj. Camus: It better be. Right, Lieutenant? Lt. Ryker: We're the best of the best, sir! We drink napalm and and piss fire! Maj. Camus: Semper-fi! Lt. Ryker: Hoo-rah! Maj. Camus: So what seems to be the problem, doc? Dr. Chushfeld: Believe it or not - zombies!
Paco: It's Paco time.
Cole: [to strip club patrons] Nothing comes out of your pants except tips for the girls.
Jessy: Your optimism makes you an idiot. Berengé: What did you call me? Jessy: An idiot. Berengé: No, an optimist! Don't you ever call me an optimist again!
Dr. Chushfeld: Iraq is making us enough money to make god cream in his fucking jeans!
Cole: Hey, you think this is a good idea? I mean, wasn't that bitch dead a minute ago? Ian: Fuck it. What's the worse that can happen?
Kat: [to Jessy] You have to be a warrior. A soldier. Fearless. Uninhibited. A stripper with a take-no-prisoners, raw, survival instinct.
Sassy Sue: Sir, I fear we are being used!
Ian: Tired of that same old lap dance? Well pull up an extra seat, young fellas, and experience Rino's exclusive face dance! One of our lovely ladies will sit on your face and give birth to your head!
Madame Blavatski: [introducing Jessy to strippers] Okay uber-sluts, we have new meat!
Ian: Back off, you walking herpe you! Jeannie: [touching his jacket] This is nice. Ian: [slapping her hand away] Never touch. Not the jacket. Not the shirt. Not the hair. You touch me again, I'll kill you!
Lillith: [after stripping for the first time as a zombie] Death is good.
Lt. Ryker: Today's a good day to die!
Ian: Remember the Alamo. Davy Crockett. Paco: Whatever.
Ian: Make like a tree and get the fuck out of here!
Ian: Let's see if I got this straight - our best stripper is a reanimated corpse who is feeding off the living flesh of our customers, who in turn reanimate, even if they're just a fucking head? [nervously laughs] Ian: You don't see this as a problem?
Berengé: Look, Ian, these zombies... they scare me. I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares. Ian: Don't worry about them then. Berengé: They're murdering flesh-eating monsters! Ian: They're harmless.
Paco: [after seeing that a bar patron has been killed] Holy shit! Hey, do I have to clean this mess up?