30 Rock Quotes
Liz Lemon, head writer of the sketch comedy show "TGS with Tracy Jordan", must deal with an arrogant new boss and a crazy new star, all while trying to run a successful TV show without losing her mind.
Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits: "America's Next Top Pirate", "Are You Stronger Than a Dog?", "MILF Island"...
Liz Lemon: "MILF Island"?
Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.
Liz Lemon: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.
Liz Lemon: "MILF Island"?
Jack: Twenty-five super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules.
Liz Lemon: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.
Jack: Have you ever considered becoming the celebrity face of the Republican Party?
Tracy Jordan: What? Hell no! Black people supporting Republicans? Does hot support cold? Does rain support the Earth?
Jack: Now, that mis-perception is precisely why the GOP needs better celebrities. And a black celebrity, such as yourself, would really make us look good. Now, do you like lower taxes?
Tracy Jordan: If I paid taxes, I sure would.
Jack: How about gun ownership?
Tracy Jordan: Go on.
Jack: States' rights?
Tracy Jordan: I love states' rights!
Jack: And, let none of us forget that the GOP is the party of Lincoln.
Tracy Jordan: Lincoln was a Republican?
Dot Com: Actually, today's Republican Party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states. That's not exactly small government.
Jack: Dot Com, this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... off-putting.
Dot Com: I guess that's why I'm still single.
Tracy Jordan: What? Hell no! Black people supporting Republicans? Does hot support cold? Does rain support the Earth?
Jack: Now, that mis-perception is precisely why the GOP needs better celebrities. And a black celebrity, such as yourself, would really make us look good. Now, do you like lower taxes?
Tracy Jordan: If I paid taxes, I sure would.
Jack: How about gun ownership?
Tracy Jordan: Go on.
Jack: States' rights?
Tracy Jordan: I love states' rights!
Jack: And, let none of us forget that the GOP is the party of Lincoln.
Tracy Jordan: Lincoln was a Republican?
Dot Com: Actually, today's Republican Party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states. That's not exactly small government.
Jack: Dot Com, this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... off-putting.
Dot Com: I guess that's why I'm still single.
Liz Lemon: [Liz is calling a co-op board and getting more drunk]
[10: 20 PM]
Liz Lemon: Hey, it's Liz Lemon. This message is for the co-op board, I guess This is the number you gave me, I hope it's not fake. 'Cause you accepted my bid and I haven't heard from you. But I'm doing great. I bought a German television studio today.
Liz Lemon: [10:55 PM] Does everyone know that you're a bunch of liars or should I tell them myself, because I know a lot of people.
Liz Lemon: [11:14 PM] You know what? I'm fine. Because I know who I am. You, I feel sorry for you, co-op board
Liz Lemon: [12:01 AM]
[Liz is on the floor of her bathroom]
Liz Lemon: I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!
Liz Lemon: [12:03 AM] I'm just confused. It seems weird to me that you would still be advertising the apartment after you accepted my offer.
Liz Lemon: [2:15 AM]
[Liz is singing]
Liz Lemon: And I'm here to remind you...
Liz Lemon: [7:00 AM] You know what? I've moved on. I bought a whole bunch of apartments. I bought a black apartment.
[10: 20 PM]
Liz Lemon: Hey, it's Liz Lemon. This message is for the co-op board, I guess This is the number you gave me, I hope it's not fake. 'Cause you accepted my bid and I haven't heard from you. But I'm doing great. I bought a German television studio today.
Liz Lemon: [10:55 PM] Does everyone know that you're a bunch of liars or should I tell them myself, because I know a lot of people.
Liz Lemon: [11:14 PM] You know what? I'm fine. Because I know who I am. You, I feel sorry for you, co-op board
Liz Lemon: [12:01 AM]
[Liz is on the floor of her bathroom]
Liz Lemon: I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!
Liz Lemon: [12:03 AM] I'm just confused. It seems weird to me that you would still be advertising the apartment after you accepted my offer.
Liz Lemon: [2:15 AM]
[Liz is singing]
Liz Lemon: And I'm here to remind you...
Liz Lemon: [7:00 AM] You know what? I've moved on. I bought a whole bunch of apartments. I bought a black apartment.
Tracy Jordan: Liz Lemon! I can't believe they put what you said in the paper.
Liz Lemon: Shh! How do you know about that?
[Liz looks at Tracy's newspaper]
Liz Lemon: This is a "Cathy" cartoon.
Tracy Jordan: Yeah, that cartoon copied exactly what you said the other day.
Liz Lemon: [Flashback to Liz] Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! Aack!
Liz Lemon: Shh! How do you know about that?
[Liz looks at Tracy's newspaper]
Liz Lemon: This is a "Cathy" cartoon.
Tracy Jordan: Yeah, that cartoon copied exactly what you said the other day.
Liz Lemon: [Flashback to Liz] Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! Aack!
Bucky Bright: Boy, 30 Rock. Stories I could tell about this plays. Eh, nobody wants to listen to me anymore.
Kenneth Parcell: Oh, Mr. Bright, I would love to hear about the good old days.
Bucky Bright: Well, it was different back then, I'll tell you. Yes, sir, boy, they were classy. Yeah. Yeah, it was. We didn't have any of those shirts with words on them or dungarees or anything like that. No, sirree. Men came to work in ties and hats.
Kenneth Parcell: That's so elegant.
Bucky Bright: And you had tailor-made suits and a little place here for a little carnation in your lapel. And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know, for your opium pipe and your switchblade.
Kenneth Parcell: Oh, Mr. Bright, I would love to hear about the good old days.
Bucky Bright: Well, it was different back then, I'll tell you. Yes, sir, boy, they were classy. Yeah. Yeah, it was. We didn't have any of those shirts with words on them or dungarees or anything like that. No, sirree. Men came to work in ties and hats.
Kenneth Parcell: That's so elegant.
Bucky Bright: And you had tailor-made suits and a little place here for a little carnation in your lapel. And an inside monogrammed pocket, you know, for your opium pipe and your switchblade.
Jack: Let's do it. Let's move here. We'll get a little cabin in the woods.
Celeste Cunningham: I'll plant heirloom tomatoes, we'll ride our bikes into town.
Jack: I'll grow a beard. People from my old life will pass us through town and won't even recognize me, they'll just say, "Thanks, Pap," and then they'll buy some of my cider.
[Jack's cell phone rings]
Celeste Cunningham: Ugh, the real world calling.
[Jack throws his cell phone into the pond]
Celeste Cunningham: Oh, my god!
[C.C. throws her cell phone too]
Jack: [shouts] I'M IN LOOOOVE!
Coal Miner: God, I wish this town weren't halfway between DC and New York.
Celeste Cunningham: I'll plant heirloom tomatoes, we'll ride our bikes into town.
Jack: I'll grow a beard. People from my old life will pass us through town and won't even recognize me, they'll just say, "Thanks, Pap," and then they'll buy some of my cider.
[Jack's cell phone rings]
Celeste Cunningham: Ugh, the real world calling.
[Jack throws his cell phone into the pond]
Celeste Cunningham: Oh, my god!
[C.C. throws her cell phone too]
Jack: [shouts] I'M IN LOOOOVE!
Coal Miner: God, I wish this town weren't halfway between DC and New York.
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