All in the Family Quotes
A working class bigot constantly squabbles with his family over the important issues of the day.
Mike Stivic: Why couldn't they say "Buddha, bless you" in Chinese?
Archie Bunker: Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say... Well, if they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".
Mike Stivic: That's Japanese.
Archie Bunker: Same thing.
Mike Stivic: It's not the same thing!
Archie Bunker: What are you talking about? You put a Jap and a Chink together, you gonna tell me which is which?
Mike Stivic: That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals.
Archie Bunker: Sure you talk to them. You say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"
Mike Stivic: [yells] I don't believe this. He's making me crazy!
Archie Bunker: Because they don't say that, that's why. If they say... Well, if they say anything at all, it's "Sayonara".
Mike Stivic: That's Japanese.
Archie Bunker: Same thing.
Mike Stivic: It's not the same thing!
Archie Bunker: What are you talking about? You put a Jap and a Chink together, you gonna tell me which is which?
Mike Stivic: That's right, because I find out about them. I talk to them as individuals.
Archie Bunker: Sure you talk to them. You say, "Which one of you guys is the Chink?"
Mike Stivic: [yells] I don't believe this. He's making me crazy!
Mike Stivic: We're going to see something you know nothing about: culture.
[Shows him the art exhibit book]
Archie Bunker: Oh ho ho, look at this. No wonder he's getting himself so excited, it's one of his own here: A Polack art exhibit.
Mike Stivic: That's 'Pollock'. Jackson Pollock. He happens to be a great American artist.
Archie Bunker: Well he sure paints Polish. Look at this: he splashes and smears the paint over everything here. What do you mean? A monkey could do that. A great American artist? There ain't a tree or a flag or a president in the whole damn book.
Mike Stivic: I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries.
Archie Bunker: Why don't you go take a short walk on a long pier?
Mike Stivic: Ha, you can't even get that right! It's take a long walk off a short pier.
Archie Bunker: Then do that.
[Shows him the art exhibit book]
Archie Bunker: Oh ho ho, look at this. No wonder he's getting himself so excited, it's one of his own here: A Polack art exhibit.
Mike Stivic: That's 'Pollock'. Jackson Pollock. He happens to be a great American artist.
Archie Bunker: Well he sure paints Polish. Look at this: he splashes and smears the paint over everything here. What do you mean? A monkey could do that. A great American artist? There ain't a tree or a flag or a president in the whole damn book.
Mike Stivic: I'd explain it to you, Arch, but first you'd have to move your brain ahead two centuries.
Archie Bunker: Why don't you go take a short walk on a long pier?
Mike Stivic: Ha, you can't even get that right! It's take a long walk off a short pier.
Archie Bunker: Then do that.
Archie Bunker: What she done was wrong and she gotta be punished. For the next two weeks, no out after school. No out at all. If you find yourself having fun at something, stop it. And no delicious foods for three weeks. You only gotta eat the terrible foods that are good for you. And then no TV for a week. And the next week, and this is gonna be tougher: educational TV only.
Edith Bunker: [Archie's in the bathroom] Archie! When are ya comin' out?
Archie Bunker: Why, ya sellin' the house?
Edith Bunker: You've been in there for 20 minutes.
Archie Bunker: Who are you? The official time-keeper?
Edith Bunker: What are ya doin' in there?
Archie Bunker: I'm changing the tile. One more word out of ya and I ain't never comin' out!
Archie Bunker: Why, ya sellin' the house?
Edith Bunker: You've been in there for 20 minutes.
Archie Bunker: Who are you? The official time-keeper?
Edith Bunker: What are ya doin' in there?
Archie Bunker: I'm changing the tile. One more word out of ya and I ain't never comin' out!
