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Captain Hunt and the crew of the Starship Andromeda set out on a mission to rebuild the Systems Commonwealth 300 years after its fall.
[repeated line] Dylan Hunt: It's never easy.
Tyr Anasazi: Now can we blow them up?
Rommie: It ate my drones!
Tyr Anasazi: I would say "let God sort them out," but someone told me He was dead.
Rommie: I just want a day where I can build missiles and tweak fire control in peace. Beka Valentine: We need to find you a hobby. Rommie: That IS my hobby.
Tyr Anasazi: I have faith in nothing but this - when the universe collapses and dies, there will be three survivors - Tyr Anasazi, the cockroaches, and Dylan Hunt, trying to save the cockroaches.
Trance Gemini: Exactly where on the body is the moneymaker located?
Dylan Hunt: It's a little known law of thermal dynamics: The Conservation of Optimism: There's only so much to go around.
Tyr Anasazi: Your willingness to defy the universal odds is a disease that apparently we have all contracted.
Beka Valentine: Where did you get the candles? Tyr Anasazi: I rendered them from the fat of my enemies.
Tyr Anasazi: [Tyr's just regained his memory] You're wrong. I am Tyr ... Anasazi of Kodiak Pride! Out of Victoria by Barborosa! And I ... will never .. surrender!
Rommie: Hector must have been a fine replacement. Dylan Hunt: Hector? Oh, yeah, well, he was more than fine, he was - he was great. I mean he... [Dylan notices Rommie looking a bit offended] Dylan Hunt: ...Ah, but he could never be, you know, what - what you are. Rommie: And that is? Dylan Hunt: The air that I breathe. Rommie: Literally.
Beka Valentine: Can I say it? Let's bring it. Dylan Hunt: No, a little louder, more intense. Beka Valentine: LET'S BRING IT!
[watching a solar storm approaching the ship] Rev Bem: Magnificent. Tyr Anasazi: I wish you would stop looking for beauty in things that want to kill us.
Harper: I'm not deprived, I'm depraved.
Harper: Trust in the Harper. The Harper is good.
Dylan Hunt: Are you scared? Rommie: Terrified. They say there's always someone bigger and stronger than you. I just never thought it applied to me.
Maia: How can you hear that? Rommie: I'm an android, we're full of surprises.
[Harper gives Dylan a detailed explanation of a myth] Dylan Hunt: Mythology... it's all Greek to me.
Dylan Hunt: Are you here to give me advice, Rev? Rev Bem: It's what I do.
Harper: I'm gonna break free, crack your skull open and drink a beer over your fuzzy corpse!
[on her father's funeral] Beka Valentine: You didn't miss much. "Eject cargo pod: yes/no?"
Beka Valentine: Is there a sign on my forehead or is it written in every bathroom from here to Tarn-Vedra about what an easy dupe Beka Valentine is?
Rommie: Nice flying, Tyr. If I ate food, you'd be wearing it. Tyr Anasazi: Lovely image. And they say AIs have no poetry in their souls. Rommie: Nope, no poetry, but we're hell on wheels with a dirty limerick. Wanna hear one? There once was a man from Nan... [machine beeps, revealing a system full of High Guard ships] Tyr Anasazi: What do you see? Rommie: Poetry.
[season two opening narration] Unknown narrator: He is the last guardian of a fallen civilization; a hero from another time. Faced with a universe in chaos, Dylan Hunt recruits an unlikely crew and sets out to reunite the galaxies. On the starship Andromeda, hope lives again.
Beka Valentine: The suspense is killing me. Tyr Anasazi: The suspense isn't what's going to kill you. Harper: Yeah, well, the suspense already owes me a new pair of shorts.
Tyr Anasazi: I thought you said the prison colony would be here. Seamus Harper: I did! The coordinates lead right here! Tyr Anasazi: I can spot planets. They're large. I have good eyes.
Beka Valentine: We're not dead. Rommie: Don't be so surprised.
Trance Gemini: What does a Nietzschean mother hope for her son when she names him Gengis Stalin? Andromeda: He's said to be a delightful conversationalist.
Harper: Hey, I'm driving her I only got two hands!
Seamus Harper: No, Hohne, not this time. Nuh-uh. Mr. Smarty Perseid, you think you're a genius? Well guess what - so am I. You wanna have a brain-swinging contest? Swing away!
Dylan Hunt: Don't beat yourself up. Telemachus Rhade: A Nietzschean never beats himself up - we're self-absorbed, not masochistic.
Harper: It's the "shoot first don't ask questions later because you'll be dead" formation. Beka Valentine: I'll get back to you in a minute. Harper: Take your time. It's not like we're facing total annihilation or anything.
[repeated line] Dylan Hunt: It's showtime.
Beka Valentine: Harper's twin muses - chaos and caffeine.
Trance Gemini: And they even have a guild devoted entirely to the art of abdomen dancing. Dylan Hunt: Trance, that's Iridano sign language, and I think you just made a rather naughty suggestion to Harper. Trance Gemini: Oh, well, fair is fair. Harper made a rather naughty suggestion to nearly half the women there at the reception. Without success, I might add.
Harper: I want my Rommie!
Beka Valentine: Honestly, Dylan, it was kinda beautiful, in an impending apocalypse kinda way. And now that it's been reclassified to an averted apocalypse, I feel I can appreciate it even more.
Beka Valentine: Authorization code "shut up and do what I tell you." Maru Computer: Authorization confirmed.
Seamus Harper: These slipstream drives are a lot easier to break than they are to fix. Dylan Hunt: My chief engineer called it "job security."
Beka Valentine: What can I say? I've been a bad girl.
Dylan Hunt: [Dylan speaks to Doyle] It appears you're in a unique position. Seamus Harper: I'd like to get Doyle in a unique position. Dylan Hunt: [everyone glares at Harper] Harper...
Seamus Harper: How do they mate? How do they date? I mean, come on, love is just a bunch of exaggerations and lies, all dolled up in pseudo-poetic language, uttered preferably while intoxicated, and all for the singular, universal purpose of... uh, you know. Trance Gemini: Harper, you're a born romantic. Seamus Harper: Sometimes there are flowers.
Head Monk: The Prolon Order of Monks are willing to die in their quest! Dylan Hunt: That's very... suicidal of you.
Dylan Hunt: Well, Harper always says that opposites attract. Beka Valentine: That's just his excuse to meet women. Everyone's the opposite of Harper. Dylan Hunt: That's true.
Rev Bem: Providence chooses its instruments. Not the other way around. Fate brought you to that battle. Destiny demanded your actions. Perhaps you were merely a tool of Divine Will.
Dylan Hunt: You must be confusing me with someone who gives a ship.
[referring to Rommie who has just shot several Ogami] Capt. Fehdman Metis: What is she? Dylan Hunt: She's a warship. She gets cranky sometimes.
Rommie: [holding Starks's hand to verify if he's lying about who he is] You're either telling the truth, or you're a sociopath.
Dylan Hunt: Rev, have any of your prayers been answered? Rev: Many, just not today.
Dylan Hunt: Prius didn't say anything to me, Beka. He was too busy dying.
Rafe: For a fossilized High Guard Officer, your Dylan Hunt is one devious human being. Beka Valentine: I knew you'd like him.
Beka Valentine: [at a formal dinner; whispering to Harper] Somebody shoot me.
Dylan Hunt: Rommie, do you believe in fate? Andromeda: The idea that the universe is a vast preprogrammed machine does have it appeal.
Tyr Anasazi: Want to kill me? I'd prefer you give it some real effort and stop wasting my time.
[to alien invaders] Tyr Anasazi: Do you think you're the first one to try and kill me? You'll have to work harder.
Dylan Hunt: Beka can vouch for me. I'm very good with a forcelance.
Flavin: Dylan Hunt, there are three kinds of people in the universe. Those who can count, and those who can't...
Harper: Have you sent the "Don't shoot, we're pathetic" message yet?
Beka Valentine: Remind me again why we haven't installed seatbelts on this thing?
Seamus Harper: Harper & Sons Mechworks and Sandwich Shop, everything from soup to nuts and bolts.
Tyr Anasazi: Genetic propagation is one of the few endeavors worth the risk of death.
Harper: Yeah, well, good intentions. Hell. You draw the map.
Seamus Harper: I just came here to apologize. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Please, please don't give me the boot. Dylan Hunt: Well that's strike two. One more and you're out. Seamus Harper: Strike two? What was strike one? Dylan Hunt: Careful - forgetting strike one is enough to be strike three. Seamus Harper: Right. Now I remember strike one. That won't happen again either. Dylan Hunt: Dismissed. Seamus Harper: [to himself as he leaves] What was strike one? Rommie: [after Harper leaves] Dylan, what was strike one? Dylan Hunt: Well, there wasn't one, but he works better under pressure.
Harper: Tyr Ana-sleazy! Livin' large in the lap-dance of luxury!
Beka Valentine: Damn him! Rev Bem: I think he's damned us all.
Tyr Anasazi: Consider this, either it's the end of it all, or you'll have a magnificent tale to tell your children.
Harper: [to Dylan] The problem is, this stuff is so old, it pre-dates you!
Harper: Wait a minute! How come we always have to be the ones to rescue people? Dylan Hunt: Because I love to see you squirm. Mr. Harper, it's not our job to avoid trouble. Harper: It's a good thing, because it's sure got a way of finding us.
Tyr Anasazi: We don't make appointments!
Dylan Hunt: Aw, geez, if only insecure bozos did it for me, I'd be the happiest guy in space.
Rev Bem: While I admit the universe does have a sense of humor, I doubt very much this is a joke.
Harper: Is my name Seamus Zelazny Harper? Beka Valentine: God, I hope not.
Dylan Hunt: I'm having a really bad day.
[repeated line] Trance Gemini: Yee haw!
Dylan Hunt: Magog suck!
[season three opening monologue] Dylan Hunt: The universe is a dangerous place, but in our future, my crew and I fight to make it safe. I am Dylan Hunt, captain of the Andromeda Ascendant. And these... are our adventures.
Harper: Let me guess, we're going to open up a can of cosmic whoop-ass.
Trance Gemini: Y'know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know! I've got this really great game. It's called "Harper tells Trance everything, so she can save his miserable little life." Would you like to play? Harper: I hate you. Trance Gemini: You're just saying that.
Harper: Why would I bring a weapon on a warship? All I'm going to be doing is working, it's not like anything ever happens on ours.
Rommie: The missiles have intercepted the target, and the target is... still there.
Dylan Hunt: [to Trance, in combat] Any words of wisdom? Trance Gemini: Um, always be nice to your parents. Dylan Hunt: Sound advice.
Trance Gemini: Is there an official word for "Phew!"?
Dylan Hunt: I'm looking for a stranger, long black coat. Seamus Harper: Sort of a tall, short guy? Bald with black hair? He went that way!
Seamus Harper: Enjoy your date with data, don't forget to use a conduit.
Beka Valentine: Positive Mental Attitude my Perky Mortal Ass.
[Asked if negotiations fail during a stand-off] Dylan Hunt: Well... then we sharpen our olive branch into the point of a spear.
Hohne: You aren't going to embrace me again, are you? Seamus Harper: Yes. [Hugs Hohne]
[dying words] Gaheris Rhade: I'm proud of you Dylan. You should be.
Telemachus Rhade: I miss the days when bad guys would just line up and let us shoot them. Dylan Hunt: No glory in having to think for a living.
[Season one opening monologue] Dylan Hunt: The long night has come. The Systems Commonwealth, the greatest civilization in history, has fallen. Now one ship, one crew, have vowed to drive back the night and rekindle the light of civilization. On the starship Andromeda... hope lives again.
Seamus Harper: Give me a break. I can't love straight when I'm in think. Dylan Hunt: Whatever that means.
Dylan Hunt: Just keep your PMA charged and on-line. Beka Valentine: PMA? Dylan Hunt: Positive Mental Attitude
[commenting on the incoming Magog worldship] Rommie: Before you didn't know about it. Now you're facing it head-on. Beka Valentine: That is such a warship thing to say.
Beka Valentine: One misstep and your IQ's my ring size.
Andromeda: The Resolution is powering up weapons. Dylan Hunt: Defensive measures! Activate PDL's. Andromeda: All defensive systems are off-line. Dylan Hunt: [frustrated] Well, then, throw sticks at them!
[Watching two aliens fall to their deaths after being thrown off a bridge] Tyr Anasazi: Mine hit first. Dylan Hunt: Yours was fatter.
Dylan Hunt: Don't be smart! Harper: It's hard not to, when you're a prodigy.
[Rommie hacked into a computer system, opening a door] Dylan Hunt: That's my girl. Rommie: I prefer 'warship.' Dylan Hunt: I prefer 'girl.' [Rommie shoots the attackers shooting at them] Dylan Hunt: Okay, 'warship.'
Trance Gemini: Scared money walks, sweet sugar action talks! [Dylan looks at her strangely] Trance Gemini: I-I heard it in a casino.
Harper: Do you believe in ghosts? Trance Gemini: I don't believe that there couldn't be ghosts. Harper: Oh great. In lieu of a parachute, here's a hanky.
Dylan Hunt: Slipstream: it's not the best way to travel faster than light, it's just the only way.
Beka Valentine: Wait, let me guess. You want me to fly the Maru into the teeth of what amounts to an interstellar hurricane just so that I can shut down yet another Seamus Harper science experiment thereby saving all of our butts from certain doom. Dylan Hunt: Emphasis on doom. Beka Valentine: Copy that. Oh, do me a favor - tell Harper that when I get back, I will be fitting him with a self-kicking butt. Should save us a lot of trouble in the future. Maru out! Trance Gemini: Is there something wrong with Harper's butt?
Beka Valentine: You know, if I'm gonna die, I think I need a drink.
Telemachus Rhade: I can't hold a grudge against you, Dylan. It takes too much effort.
[Andromeda is being fired on] Seamus Harper: Can't we fire just one teeny-weeny missile? Rommie, Beka Valentine: No!
[Rommie and Doyal encounter enemies on Andromeda] Rommie: [waves hand] We are not the droids you are looking for. Doyle: [enemies close in, some start firing] What is that? Rommie: I don't know, but it didn't work!
Dylan Hunt: Plan B sucks.
Dylan Hunt: Missile tubes 1 through 5. Rommie: Are you sure that's necessary? Dylan Hunt: It's chasing us and that's rude. We'll teach it some manners.
Trance Gemini: You know, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Although, I don't know why you'd want to catch flies. They're actually quite dirty little things.
Rev Bem: The Divine loves us best at our broken times.
Seamus Harper: We needed a Plan B. You always have a Plan B. Dylan Hunt: My Plan Bs work.
Gaheris Rhade: You have sown the wind. You shall reap the whirlwind.
Beka Valentine: Tyr, ya don't have to come. I know how hard it is for you to beat that Nietzschean self-preservation gene. Tyr Anasazi: You know, that " Nietzschean self-preservation gene," as you call it, can't be passed down unless a breeding partner makes herself available. Proving one's worth as a husband and father requires taking risks. Beka Valentine: So all these dangerous, macho things you do - it's to impress the chicks?
Harper: Well we came, we saw, we get spanked...
Trance Gemini: Reality is wider than a single mind.
Trance Gemini: Goodbye Andromeda. Goodbye to your comforts... Your joys... Your sheltering arms. Goodbye Maru... Rhade... Harper... Beka... Rommie... Goodbye... Dylan... Rommie: Terminating conversation. Trance Gemini: Andromeda? Andromeda! Unknown narrator: Have you come home from your journey? Have you come home from your path? Dream, dear one... dream.
Harper: Cry me a river and drown in it!
Dylan Hunt: Didn't I tell you to stay in command deck? Trance Gemini: Yes. Dylan Hunt: Thank you for completely disobeying me.
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