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Trials and tribulations of a socially challenged doctor in Cornwall, England
Patient: And you reckon these will work, do you? Dr. Martin Ellingham: No - I just prescribe them for fun.
Bert Large: Son, I know it's your phone bill and you've got your own money coming in, but those mobile phones damage your head membranes. Al Large: Dad, I've got Bluetooth. Bert Large: There you go, exactly my point.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Hello, Fenn, how are you? Louisa Glasson: Don't you think it's a little late for the concerned routine? Dr. Martin Ellingham: What in God's name are you...? Louisa Glasson: When you have precisely one patient I'd think you'd want to visit him in hospital. No, Roger, don't try and speak. Roger Fenn: [very hoarse] He *did* come and see me. Depressed the hell out of me. Dr. Martin Ellingham: It was mutual. Louisa Glasson: Well... [to Martin] Louisa Glasson: You could've told me. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I tried to, but that woman shushed me.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Bert, it's been a long day. Take two aspirin and insult me in the morning.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [on telephone] Richard Morris, ENT. Dr Ellingham, I have a patient who needs an urgent laryngoscopy. Yes, that is my opinion. [to the dog who is rooting around in the bin] Dr. Martin Ellingham: Stop it. Stop it! Well, because I'm a doctor and he's a smoker with a lump in his neck. Would you like the tumour to write to you? [the dog now has his head in the bin] Dr. Martin Ellingham: [shouts] Will you get out of that bin!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What do you want Adrian? Adrian Pitts: I want you to put in a word for me with Chris Parsons. You see, Faulkner is about to move on. Dr. Martin Ellingham: And you're ready to step up? Adrian Pitts: Yes, but I'm getting some resistance from Chris Parsons. Since you two are mates I wondered if you might give him a call. Dr. Martin Ellingham: I've spoken to Chris. He rang me. He thinks you're an arse. I think you're an arse too. Enjoy your weekend. [Adrian storms out] Dr. Martin Ellingham: Arse.
Joan Norton: Look, Marty, you do realise that the villagers are dusting off their pitchforks, don't you? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yes. Exactly how many generations ago did the inbreeding start with these people?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: All right, Caroline, I'm going to give you an injection. Danny Steel: [gets down on one knee, hands clasped together] I'm saying a prayer for you, Caroline. Dr. Martin Ellingham: [eyeing Danny] Just a little prick.
Elaine Denham: I'm sorry. I cannot tolerate imbeciles. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Elaine, when we agreed you'd start at 8.30 you did realise I meant a.m. Elaine Denham: Buying biscuits at the supermarket, right, and this bimbo won't let me through on six items or less. All baps up to here and stick-on nails she was. Get this - [imitates the check-out girl] Elaine Denham: "Sorry. Six items or less". Dr. Martin Ellingham: And you had? Elaine Denham: 20, but that's not the point.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Can you give me his phone number then, please? Pauline Lamb: No. Don't have it. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Remind me what your job is again? Pauline Lamb: He didn't leave a number. He left in a rush, looking like a frightened rabbit. Like all your patients, actually.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Ah, Elaine. Any chance of making me a cup of tea? Elaine Denham: Make it yourself. I'm not the tea girl. Dr. Martin Ellingham: As you can see, I have patients waiting. Elaine Denham: Well, best go faster then. Dr. Martin Ellingham: White, no sugar.
Louisa Glasson: I got involved in a surfing club of all things. I think what clinched it was the kids saying I'm too old. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Nonsense. People of all ages go surfing. Louisa Glasson: You should come along. It'd be nice to see you out of that suit and in a wet... suit...
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [Recurring, exasperated phrase] It's not my dog.
Louisa Glasson: This is Miss Glasson from the school, Mrs Richards. I'm just checking on Bobby. Oh, dear, well, I'm sure the doctor will, he's... Dr. Martin Ellingham: [grabs phone from Louisa] Mrs Richards? Dr Ellingham here. Is his temperature still elevated? Right, I'm on my way, what's the address? Yep. Yep. I'll be with you in 15 minutes. Louisa Glasson: Half an hour. Dr. Martin Ellingham: 30 minutes. Goodbye. [to Louisa] Dr. Martin Ellingham: Do you know where the... Louisa Glasson: Map. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Thanks.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is there anyone here who has a genuine medical problem?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [answering phone] Ellingham? [to Elaine] Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's for you. Elaine Denham: I'm not here. Dr. Martin Ellingham: Elaine's not here. Elaine Denham: Hang on. Is that Greg? Dr. Martin Ellingham: Are you Greg? Elaine for you. Elaine Denham: [whispers] I'm not talking to Greg.
Elaine Denham: How come you never asked me out, then? Al Large: Well, there was you and Greg. Elaine Denham: Also, you were a bit of a non.