Doug Quotes
11 year old Doug Funnie moves to Bluffington from Bloatsburg. "Doug" follows his adventures as he writes in his journal. He falls in love with Patti Mayonnaise and befriends Skeeter ... See full summary »
Doug: [Doug ordering from the Honker Burger for the first time] Hi, I'd like three hamburgers, one no pickles, one no onions, one fish sandwich, four fries, and four grape sodas.
Honker Burger Cashier: [pause] I can't understand a word you say.
Doug: Huh?
[Doug tries again to no avail]
Skeeter: Hey, man, let me take care of it. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cucs, one no sneakers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Do you want anything else?
Doug: [dumbstruck] How do you order a salad from the salad bar?
Skeeter: [Skeeter turns to the cashier] One salad from the salad bar!
Honker Burger Cashier: [pause] I can't understand a word you say.
Doug: Huh?
[Doug tries again to no avail]
Skeeter: Hey, man, let me take care of it. The new kid wants three moo cows, one no cucs, one no sneakers, one wet one, four cubers, and four from the vine. Do you want anything else?
Doug: [dumbstruck] How do you order a salad from the salad bar?
Skeeter: [Skeeter turns to the cashier] One salad from the salad bar!
Bud Dink: Dear remember the first time I asked you to dance?
Mrs. Dink: Yes dear.
Bud Dink: And do you remember what you said?
Mrs. Dink: Yes, go away and leave me alone.
Bud Dink: Oh you do remember, but still you eventually said yes, and I swept you off your feet.
Mrs. Dink: And into the refreshment table dear.
Bud Dink: Still wasn't that hospital state room nice?
Mrs. Dink: Yes dear.
Bud Dink: And do you remember what you said?
Mrs. Dink: Yes, go away and leave me alone.
Bud Dink: Oh you do remember, but still you eventually said yes, and I swept you off your feet.
Mrs. Dink: And into the refreshment table dear.
Bud Dink: Still wasn't that hospital state room nice?
Joe Valentine: That music's so loud I can't hear myself think. Skeeter, could you pass the... stuff in the boat that's brown and
Skeeter: The gravy?
Joe Valentine: Yeah. So tell me about the, uh...
Skeeter: Beets concert.
Joe Valentine: Right. Skeeter, pass the mashed... the mashed...
Skeeter: Potatoes?
Skeeter: The gravy?
Joe Valentine: Yeah. So tell me about the, uh...
Skeeter: Beets concert.
Joe Valentine: Right. Skeeter, pass the mashed... the mashed...
Skeeter: Potatoes?
Doug: [voice-over] She never said anything about the pimple. Matter of fact, no one did. I guess it just goes to show you: sometimes things don't turn out as bad as you think they will. But sometimes they turn out a lot worse. But, then again, sometimes they turn out sorta OK, but kinda bad. Well, anyways, the point is, it's not what's on your nose that counts... it's what's inside. N-no, wait. I didn't mean that.
Willie White: Truth or dare, Larry?
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Truth.
Willie White: OK. Have you ever watched a filmstrip at school without permission?
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Well, there was this one time...
Roger Klotz: Hold it! You can do better than that, Willie.
[whisers in Willie's ear]
Willie White: OK. Who do you have a crush on?
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Uh, well, I guess I like... Beebe.
Beebe Bluff: AAAH!
[Larry faints]
Roger Klotz: [laughs] Hey, he's out cold. Give me that punch.
[Roger pours punch on Larry]
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Truth.
Willie White: OK. Have you ever watched a filmstrip at school without permission?
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Well, there was this one time...
Roger Klotz: Hold it! You can do better than that, Willie.
[whisers in Willie's ear]
Willie White: OK. Who do you have a crush on?
Larry the A.V. Nerd: Uh, well, I guess I like... Beebe.
Beebe Bluff: AAAH!
[Larry faints]
Roger Klotz: [laughs] Hey, he's out cold. Give me that punch.
[Roger pours punch on Larry]
