The misadventures of a family with a home business father and a journalist mother.

Carol: Jerk.
Mike: Geek.
[They hug]
[Vito is handing out invitations]
Stinky: What does RSVP mean?
Ben: Don't be an idiot, Stinky, it means Refreshments Served at Vito's Party!
Jason: My father built this cabin by hand.
Mike: Wow! No tools or anything? Cool!
Maggie Katherine Malone Seaver: Carol, how dare you disobey us!
Jason: I never thought I would ever say that but Carol Ann Seaver, you're grounded.
Carol: Wait...
Maggie Katherine Malone Seaver: No explanations. You are not getting a nose job.
Carol: I know.
Jason: What?
Carol: I'm not getting a nose job.
Jason: Don't confuse us by agreeing with us, Carol.
Jason: Boner, is your voice coming from your armpit?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Yes.
Kate Macdonald: What do you know about guys?
Mike: Well, I've been one for fifteen years.
Kate Macdonald: But you're nineteen.
Mike: Interesting story.
Jason: Well, Carol's an adult and Mike's... over 21.
Coach Graham Lubbock: Why did these people give up all their things, and head west in covered wagons? Stabone.
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: 'Cause if they headed east, they would have drowned?
[in the boys bathroom Vito reads writing on the wall]
Vito: 'Stinky Sullivan is a hunk' Who wrote this?
Stinky: I did. Wait 'till the girls read it!
Vito: Stinky, when will there *ever* be girls in here?
Stinky: Duh, when they use the bathroom!
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Mike, a voice just came out of the radiator and it sounded a lot like God
[referring to handyman working in the basement]
Mike: No, Boner, that's Jimmy
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: You call Him Jimmy?
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: [later]
[walks downstairs angrily]
Richard 'Boner' Stabone: Okay, what in the name of Jimmy is going on down here?
[reading fortune cookies]
Mike: 'Every dog has his day.' Oops, Carol, I think I got yours!
Carol: Then I must have yours, 'One day you will meet a handsome man and fall in love with him.'!
Carol: Well actually you gave me the idea that I should blow the interview by belching and smelling bad.
[Mike smells Carol]
Mike: Ok. But can you belch?
Jason: [Ben's video comes on, with him holding a sign] Ben, it's rated R. Come on, you even admit it's dirty.
Ben: Relax, Dad, it's just for advertising.
Jason: Oh really?
Ben: Yeah, no kid would want to watch a movie if it wasn't rated R.
Carol: Are you sure you're not just after my blank check?
Mike: Of course not! What kind of brother do you think I am!
[thinking]
Mike: *Our* blank check.
Amy: [Amy and Mike are stranded in Spain trying to get to France] Mike, we are stranded in Europe, a city that is 5,000 miles away from where we want to get to.
Mike: Actually here I believe they use kilometres.
[Mike pretended to brake his ankle so he didn't have to clean the gutters with his dad and go site seeing instead. Jason leaves the room and comes back later and finds Mike there alone and says... ]
Jason: Kate didn't want to go sight seeing, huh?
Grandpa Ed: Are you happy now that you've driven out two of my grandkids, you quack?
Carol: I'm going to go wake up Chrissy and we can do a happy dance that we're girls.
Jason: Just imagine you're sitting around and are happy and suddenly someone comes in and says "I see you're all happy and now I'm gonna take this away."
Ben: That guy must be a teacher.
[talking to Mike]
Luke Brower: Not only do you get a sudden craving for pineapple ice cream, but you have to bring someone to watch you eat it?
Stinky: Much like that baby alligator your flushed down the toilet, and haven't thought of since.
[Jaws theme plays]
Kate: I don't eat anything with a face.
Dwight: Well, I cut it off.
Luke Brower: [sarcasticly] What a tease.
Mike: Did you see that movie, Taxi Driver?
Girl: Didn't Danny DeVito play a guy named Louie?
[Mike talking to older blind date]
Mike: Do you have any idea what it's like to go through puberty backwards? Yeah, it's true. There are only two known cases, me and Dick Clark.

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