A British taskforce, lead by the daughter of the vampire hunter Prof. Van Helsing, battles the supernatural with the aid of two vampires.

Vampire priest: Wait. Stop. Both of us are vampires.
Alucard: You act more like a cockroach than a proper vampire. Left to your own devices you would cover the world in your filth. I can't stand your kind. You don't have the self-respect to be a vampire, you undead maggot. You barely even know what you are.
Walter: I highly recommend pissing yourself followed by a course of praying to your impotent god.
Luke Valentine: Oh, shut up!
Jan Valentine: Bro, what's wrong with you, man? Hey!
Luke Valentine: You always get so annoying before work. I've said it before, and I know I'll probably say it again. Please learn to work quietly!
Jan Valentine: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard all that before, I know! Christ!
Alucard: They don't make vampires like they used to.
Coroner: Our subject is a twenty year old male. Time of death is approximately 72 hours ago. However, the subject has been mobile up until 12 hours ago.
Alexander Anderson: [drawing his knives] Our mission is t' punish any heretic who would deny the word of God! We will crush yer unholy body and salt th' earth w' yer dust! Amen!
Alucard: [drawing his pistol] It's time somebody put you in your place, human!
Alucard: [to low-class vampire] Does having an audience for your sins make you feel like you're special? Does it make you proud?
Alucard: It is only when you refuse to give in with all your heart that you begin to transcend your humanity.
Integra: You'd think his family would have installed *some* discipline. Gentlemen don't drink other people's blood. Such behaviour is reserved for peasants.
Commander Peter Fargason: Some say that failure in your first battle is a sign you'll live longer. But I suppose you'll live as long as you like.
Alucard: Remember than the choice was always yours, Police Girl.
[Confronting an unruly vampire]
Alucard: You've gone and taken all these lives, and not just because you were thirsty. Is it fun? Huh? Is that what it takes for trash like you to get off?
Alucard: You humans are incomprehensible.
Incognito: I'm going to violate every part of your being. I will consume every last part of your body and soul, leaving you in ruin.
Alexander Anderson: You monster.
Alucard: I get that a lot.
Alucard: What a lovely night. It makes me want to have a bite to drink.
Vampire: I know you are feeling pain, but I can give you pleasure. And it will last forever.
Alucard (to a vampire): Prepare yourself for an eternity in Hell.
Alucard: (Paladin Anderson has just revealed his healing power) You are less than inhuman. A pitiful defect, a failed science project. Sending you to your maker would be an act of mercy. Your regenreation powers' impressive, but I bet if I put enough bullets into your skull you will stay down for good. So let's cut to the chase. Start begging.
Paladin Alexander Anderson: Empty threat of a coward vampire that hides behind the weapons of man.
Alucard: I'll send you to Hell so you can lick Satan's ass.
Alucard: Nothing I shoot gets back up again.
Alucard: Immortality is wasted on the young.
Vampire: [Alucard laughs] What?
[Alucard begins to regenerate]
Vampire: [emotionlessly] ... Oh. God.
Seras Victoria: Eat Harkonnen, bitch!
Integra: You're too loud, Police Girl. I don't care if you're a vampire, you're still English. Have some manners.
Integra: [over the Hellsing mansion intercom] Fargason! Come in Fargason!
Round Table conference Lord: Integra, what the hell is going on down there?
Integra: We're under attack by an unknown group. Our field units are pushing them back at this very moment ...
Jan Valentine: [over the intercom] Uh, hello? Is this thing on? Alright! This is a shout-out to all our listeners in the Round Table conference, and a special hello to that whoring little bitch Ms. Hellsing! Can you hear me?
[Jan is using an intercom in a Hellsing mansion security station, littered with corpses of Hellsing commandos]
Jan Valentine: We... are... the VALENTINE BROTHERS! I'm Jan Valentine, and it's real nice to finally meet ya'.
[Jan's ghouls are eating the corpses of dead Hellsing commandos]
Jan Valentine: We appreciate you joining us for this late lunch: we are currently enjoying the delicious taste, of the Hellsing membership!
Integra: They're... eating my people!
Jan Valentine: [over the intercom]
Seras Victoria: A four-poster coffin. Bloody hell.
Alucard: Not bad, Police Girl.
Seras Victoria: I have a name. It's Seras Victoria. Not Police Girl.
Alucard: [smirks] You know that you are now and forever a child of the darkness Police Girl.
Integra: My organisation has already sent assistance to Cheddar Village.
D11 agent: How many agents?
Integra: [smirks] One.
Alucard: You shouldn't have come here, Catholic!
Alexander Anderson: And now O kings, be ye wise. Be admonished, ye judges of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son lest He grow angry, and ye perish in the way for His wrath may quickly kindle.
Seras Victoria: [to Alucard] You're not human...
Alucard: [as Seras runs away] Why? would you have shot me if i was?
[repeated line]
Commander Peter Fargason: In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.
Integra: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Vampire: [watches Alucard's body fall to floor after ordering zombies attacked him] Looks like somebody was all talk.
Alucard: I am going to fill your flesh with my jackal's bullets.

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