Home Improvement

Home Improvement Quotes

The daily trials and tribulations of Tim Taylor, a TV show host raising three mischeivous boys with help from his loyal co-host, domineering wife, and genius neighbor.

Tim: [helping Randy with his math homework] ... now the denominator is the...
Randy: ...bottom number...
Tim: ...why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it?
Tim: [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction.
Tim: Excuse me a second, Al, I need to go use the John.
Al: What?
Tim: I gotta go take a dump.
Al: What?
Tim: I gotta go #1.
Al: What?
Tim: Pee!
[repeated line whenever Tim makes a smart comment on Tool Time]
Al: I don't think so, Tim.
[repeated line]
Tim: We'll be right back after a word from Binford Tools.
[repeated line]
Tim: Shut up, Al.
Heidi: Does everybody know what time it is?
Al: Say, do you think they call it a nail gun because it shoots nails?

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