Mork & Mindy Quotes
A wacky alien comes to Earth to study its residents, and the life of the human woman he boards with is never the same.
Mork: If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.
Mindy McConnell: Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
Mork: Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
Mindy McConnell: Yeah, it can.
Mork: Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
Mindy McConnell: Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
Mork: Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
Mindy McConnell: Yeah, it can.
Mork: Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
Louise Bailey: [in a jail cell with Mindy] Funny the way things happen. I'm in here because of a silly old parking meter.
Mindy McConnell: You're kidding!
Louise Bailey: No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.
Mindy McConnell: I don't believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.
Louise Bailey: Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter's arm fell out.
Mindy McConnell: Who's Walter?
Louise Bailey: My husband.
Mindy McConnell: What was he doing in the trunk?
Louise Bailey: Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn't believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night's sleep I've had in 31 years.
Mindy McConnell: [Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell] Well, you look well rested.
Louise Bailey: You don't snore, do you, dear?
Mindy McConnell: You're kidding!
Louise Bailey: No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.
Mindy McConnell: I don't believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.
Louise Bailey: Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter's arm fell out.
Mindy McConnell: Who's Walter?
Louise Bailey: My husband.
Mindy McConnell: What was he doing in the trunk?
Louise Bailey: Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn't believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night's sleep I've had in 31 years.
Mindy McConnell: [Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell] Well, you look well rested.
Louise Bailey: You don't snore, do you, dear?
Franklin Delano Bickley: That's diddly, he's just going out of town, I'm going out of business. I used to be the best greeting card writer around. I can't work any more.
Mindy McConnell: Oh, come on, we don't make that much noise.
Franklin Delano Bickley: I know, I was blaming it on you but it's time i faced it. I've lost it.
Mork: We could form a posse and find it if you want.
Franklin Delano Bickley: No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more.
[pulls a card from his pocket]
Franklin Delano Bickley: Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".
Mork: Aww, that's sad.
Mindy McConnell: Oh, come on, we don't make that much noise.
Franklin Delano Bickley: I know, I was blaming it on you but it's time i faced it. I've lost it.
Mork: We could form a posse and find it if you want.
Franklin Delano Bickley: No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more.
[pulls a card from his pocket]
Franklin Delano Bickley: Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".
Mork: Aww, that's sad.
Exidor: [Exidor is trying to get Mork's memory back] All right, Mork, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. "Oh, no, please don't."
Mork: Oh, no, please don't... oh...
Exidor: [Exidor takes a poster off Mindy's wall and smashes it over Mork's head] Too late.
Cora Hudson: That man is an absolute raving lunatic.
Exidor: Madam, you flatter me.
Mork: Oh, no, please don't... oh...
Exidor: [Exidor takes a poster off Mindy's wall and smashes it over Mork's head] Too late.
Cora Hudson: That man is an absolute raving lunatic.
Exidor: Madam, you flatter me.
Mearth: [seeing that the apartment has been filled with expensive toys] Mammy, the tooth fairy *has* been keeping up with inflation.
Mindy McConnell: [sarcastic] Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.
Mork: [Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room] Surprise!
Mindy McConnell: No, not really.
Mindy McConnell: [sarcastic] Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.
Mork: [Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room] Surprise!
Mindy McConnell: No, not really.
Mindy McConnell: [Mork and Mindy are trapped in a giant birdcage facing certain death] Mork, I have something to confess to you. When you were out one day, I... I... I put on your spacesuit.
Mork: [shocked] The helmet, too?
Mindy McConnell: Boots and all!
Mork: [after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation] Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you.
[Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots]
Mork: [shocked] The helmet, too?
Mindy McConnell: Boots and all!
Mork: [after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation] Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you.
[Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots]
Mork: [referring to the Exidor Boutique, in which Mork invested all of their savings] Come on, Mind, Exidor *knows* what he's doing.
Exidor: [storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend] What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.
Exidor: [to Mork] Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back now, and don't call me the little woman.
Mork: What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we've had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.
Exidor: I've only been open two hours. Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back.
Exidor: Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
Mindy McConnell: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Exidor: Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I'm some kind of crack-pot? Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.
Mindy McConnell: Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.
Exidor: *I* did...
[suddenly looks the other way]
Exidor: Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don't clip his nails
[Exidor storms off with "Pepe"]
Exidor: [storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend] What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.
Exidor: [to Mork] Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back now, and don't call me the little woman.
Mork: What she's trying to say is, Exidor, we've had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.
Exidor: I've only been open two hours. Even Evita didn't pay off its backers that fast.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back.
Exidor: Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
Mindy McConnell: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Exidor: Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I'm some kind of crack-pot? Well, that's what they said about David Rockefeller.
Mindy McConnell: Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.
Exidor: *I* did...
[suddenly looks the other way]
Exidor: Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don't clip his nails
[Exidor storms off with "Pepe"]
Politician: You know I'd like to thank you for the time and trouble in bringing this to my attention. Before you go, I would like to present you with one of my souvenir pens.
Mork: Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I'd have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don't need any more pens. Look at this.
[Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket]
Mork: And look at that, it's a Ronald Reagan pen, it's got no point
Mork: Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I'd have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don't need any more pens. Look at this.
[Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket]
Mork: And look at that, it's a Ronald Reagan pen, it's got no point
