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A Southern soccer mom with three kids sees her life come crashing down when she finds out that her dentist husband has impregnated his hygienist. Meanwhile, her 17-year-old "Captain of the ... See full summary »
Barbra Jean: Maybe next time I'll marry someone whose ex-wife appreciates me!
Cheyenne: You're leaving? Who's going to watch Elizabeth? Reba: Oooh, that was close. I almost left her alone with her parents! Van Montgomery: They all want grandchildren, but they never think of the consequences...
Barbra Jean: [talking about her wedding] I never wanted to get married in the Virgin Islands. Reba: Too ironic for ya?
Reba: Kyra, what on Earth would make you wanna hit someone? Cheyenne: It's her way of showing affection. Kyra: Yeah, that's right. Now, why don't you come over here for a little hug?
Reba: Do you know what a teenager is? Barbra Jean: A demon?
Barbra Jean: Boop! You've got mail! [opens Kyra's laptop and makes poses] Reba: [to Brock] Boop! You've got a goof-ball!
[repeated line] Reba: Crap!
[Van is sleeping, drooling on his sheets. Reba comes in telling him to wake up] Van Montgomery: Awwww! I was dreaming about waffles!
Cheyenne: [after seeing her new apartment had other people's stuff] Mom, this isn't my stuff. Oh, my god! We need to call the police! Reba: And report what, a delivery?
Reba: Hey, Jake. What are you watching? Jake Hart: The Weather Channel. More rain for Brazil.
Barbra Jean: [in the hospital, after Cheyenne had a false labor, Barbra Jean sits down on a chair] Oh, my God! I think my water just broke! Reba: Oh no, you're sitting on my purse!
Reba: You want me to sign a permission form for bigamy?
Dolly Majors: And you are gonna be the prettiest woman in the office! Reba: Oh, second to you! Dolly Majors: Hey, we're not comparing apples and melons here.
Barbra Jean: You're not the boss of me! Reba: If I was your boss, I would be sleeping with you right now.
Electrician: [to Barbra Jean, about Reba] Wow, your mom's a real grouch. Barbra Jean: [Barbra Jean looks flattered] I know, right?
Reba: You treat that animal like it can walk on water! Barbra Jean: What is 'dog' spelled backwards, Reba? [conversation about why Barbra Jean's dog is missing goes on for another two minutes] Van Montgomery: 'GOD'! It spells 'God.'
Barbra Jean: Brock, I had an epidural. I think that's what Jesus would have wanted. Kyra: I think that's what Mary would have wanted.
Barbra Jean: [to Kyra] You bring people together. You're like a little Reverend Al Sharpton.
Reba: [when Van gets an injury involving his spine and tail bone] It's a mother-in-law's job to make the best of a bad situation. Van Montgomery: [sarcastically] I thought it was a mother-in-law's job to make butt-jokes about her son-in-law. Reba: We wear many hats.
Reba: [when Kyra is helping cheer Barbra Jean up after she and Brock separate] You are a beautiful young woman. Kyra: Or maybe you just raised me right. That and I watch a lot of "7th Heaven".
Van Montgomery: I'll be with my friends, you'll be with yours. Then we'll hook up later. It'll be just like junior year! Except we're married, you're pregnant, and everything is different.
Reba: Jake Mitchell Hart, are you lying to me? Jake Hart: Yes! No-one mocks me and gets away with it! Reba: So, did that boy even go upstairs? Jake Hart: No! And I didn't know he was a boy, I thought he was an ugly girl! Reba: You are in big trouble! No tv, no dessert, and Grandma gets her cell phone back! [She takes the gameboy SP back and Jake runs upstairs]
Reba: [reading a card] Oh, no! It says here that Barbra Jean told Buzzard it was okay for him to write me and visit when he's in town! Cheyenne: Wait, this is Barbra Jean's brother Buzzard, right? Reba: Cheyenne, I would hate to think that I knew more than one person with the nickname 'Buzzard'.
Reba: If Thanksgiving were a concert, the turkey would be Cher. Barbra Jean: So, you want to have Thanksgiving here, and you want Cher? Reba: That's right. I've got turkey, babe!
[Van lying on the bed because he can't play football Friday night] Cheyenne: Wanna go to the movies? Van Montgomery: No. Cheyenne: Wanna fool around? Van Montgomery: No. Cheyenne: Wanna eat some pizza? Van Montgomery: No. Cheyenne: [Yells] MOM!
Reba: I know what Kyra is doing! Brock Hart: Like you did with Cheyenne? Reba: Oh, one time! The one time our daughter gets pregnant and I never hear the end of it!
[Reba is shocked by Barbera Jean's new Reba haircut] Barbra Jean: So, what do you think? Is it me? Reba: [furiously] No. It's me!
Cheyenne: [about Kyra living with Barbra Jean and Brock] She must be making their lives a living nightmare. Reba: [laughs] I know! [Straightens up] Reba: I mean... [firmly] Reba: I know.