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Jay Sherman is a New York film critic who has to review films he doesn't like for a living.
Theater Employee: Excuse me sir, the show is over. Jay Sherman: But I have nowhere to go...
[End Credits] Usher: Excuse me, sir. The show's over. Jay Sherman: Is the snack bar still open?
Jay Sherman: [finishing a movie review] ... and that's why Goldie Hawn should be shot!
Franklin: I have a new girlfriend for you, son. Her name is Barbie and she lives in Mali-boo. She already has a boyfriend named Ken, but he's not much of a man, [whispering] Franklin: ... I checked.
Theater Employee: Excuse me, sir. The movie's over. Jay Sherman: I'm stuck in the chair!
[repeated line] Jay Sherman: It stinks! [repeated line] Jay Sherman: Hotchie Motchie!
Dressmaker: We dressmakers have a very strict code, so I need to know. Do you deserve to wear virginial white? Because if you don't, you'll have to wear an off white, what we call a "hussy white". So which will it be? White white? Margo Sherman: Yes... um, except for the gloves.
Theater Clerk: Excuse me, the show's over. Alice Tompkins: Get away, pipsqueak! Jay Sherman: That's why I love her!
Jay Sherman: Celebrity voices are impersonated. No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode.
Alice Thompkins: Listen to your heart. Jay Sherman: Everybody always says that. Jay's Stomach: Nobody ever listens to me!
Jay Sherman: [Driving a truck] I've got to keep driving, I can't stop for anything! Roadside Farmer: Meet Ingmar Bergman, 25 cents! Jay Sherman: [Disappointed] Oh... [Keeps on driving] Roadside Farmer: [to Bergman] Well, you'd best get back to the strawberry patch with Polanski and Bertolucci.