The Sopranos Quotes
New Jersey mob boss, Tony Soprano, deals with personal and professional issues in his home and business life.
[the dean of a college that Meadow is applying to is asking Tony for a $50,000 donation]
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fucking way!
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 50,000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherfucker's full of shit. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fucking way!
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 50,000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherfucker's full of shit. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Maybe I should tap into my roots, too. My grandmother was half Indian.
Christopher Moltisanti: Get the fuck out of here.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, it's true. She was in the Fakawee tribe.
Christopher Moltisanti: Oh, yeah?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah. When they used to get lost in the woods, they stopped and said "Where the Fakawee?"
Christopher Moltisanti: Get the fuck out of here.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, it's true. She was in the Fakawee tribe.
Christopher Moltisanti: Oh, yeah?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah. When they used to get lost in the woods, they stopped and said "Where the Fakawee?"
[during the executive card game, Matthew Bevilaqua tries to clean up cheese from Silvo Dante, Silvio goes ballistic]
Silvio Dante: What the fuck are you doing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sil, take it easy.
Silvio Dante: [turns to Tony] I'm losin' my balls over here! This fucking moron's playing "Hazel".
[turns back to Matthew]
Silvio Dante: Get the fuck out of here!
Matthew Bevilaqua: I was just trying to sweep the cheese away...
Silvio Dante: Why? Why now? Leave it there.
Matthew Bevilaqua: I don't know. I was just...
Silvio Dante: What?
[turns the other guys]
Silvio Dante: Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get them? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying to get...
[turns back to Matthew]
Silvio Dante: [shouts] Leave the fucking cheese there, all right? I love fuckin' cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning. Alright? Now leave the fucking cocksucking cheese where it is! Here, here, here.
[he swipes off the cheese on his plate onto the floor]
Silvio Dante: Go ahead. Have a good time.
Silvio Dante: What the fuck are you doing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sil, take it easy.
Silvio Dante: [turns to Tony] I'm losin' my balls over here! This fucking moron's playing "Hazel".
[turns back to Matthew]
Silvio Dante: Get the fuck out of here!
Matthew Bevilaqua: I was just trying to sweep the cheese away...
Silvio Dante: Why? Why now? Leave it there.
Matthew Bevilaqua: I don't know. I was just...
Silvio Dante: What?
[turns the other guys]
Silvio Dante: Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get them? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying to get...
[turns back to Matthew]
Silvio Dante: [shouts] Leave the fucking cheese there, all right? I love fuckin' cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning. Alright? Now leave the fucking cocksucking cheese where it is! Here, here, here.
[he swipes off the cheese on his plate onto the floor]
Silvio Dante: Go ahead. Have a good time.
Tony Blundetto: It's hard to believe. My cousin in the old man's seat.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's like "Sun-Tuh-Zoo" says: a good leader is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.
Tony Blundetto: What?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: "Sun-Tuh-Zoo". He's Chinese Prince prince Matchabelli.
Silvio Dante: Tzu, Tzu! Sun Tzu, you fucking ass-kiss!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's like "Sun-Tuh-Zoo" says: a good leader is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.
Tony Blundetto: What?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: "Sun-Tuh-Zoo". He's Chinese Prince prince Matchabelli.
Silvio Dante: Tzu, Tzu! Sun Tzu, you fucking ass-kiss!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you still taking the lithium?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lithium, Prozac. When's it gonna end?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're trying to give a jolt to your system. Give it a... a little kick-start.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why don't you kick me in the fuckin' head?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know what you're going through must be painful.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This isn't painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This shit isn't painful. It's empty... dead.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lithium, Prozac. When's it gonna end?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're trying to give a jolt to your system. Give it a... a little kick-start.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why don't you kick me in the fuckin' head?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know what you're going through must be painful.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This isn't painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This shit isn't painful. It's empty... dead.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know where I was yesterday when you called?... I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the shit out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap.
Dr Jennifer Melfi: How'd that make you feel?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Wished it was me in there.
Dr Jennifer Melfi: Giving the beating or taking it?
Dr Jennifer Melfi: How'd that make you feel?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Wished it was me in there.
Dr Jennifer Melfi: Giving the beating or taking it?
[Christopher just got out of drug rehab]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, what step are you at now?
Christopher Moltisanti: I did all the steps, except for the one where I'm supposed to go around and apologize to all the people I fucked over when I was using.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: ...I think maybe you shouldn't do that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie.
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, what step are you at now?
Christopher Moltisanti: I did all the steps, except for the one where I'm supposed to go around and apologize to all the people I fucked over when I was using.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: ...I think maybe you shouldn't do that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie.
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Livia Soprano: [at the dinner table talking about AJ's behavior] Oh his father was the same way. I practically LIVED in that vice principal's office.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Could we not?
Livia Soprano: Oh well you only remember what you want to remember. I must have had another son who stole a car when he was ten years old.
[pause]
Livia Soprano: Yeah, he could barely see over the steering wheel.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Could we not?
Livia Soprano: Oh well you only remember what you want to remember. I must have had another son who stole a car when he was ten years old.
[pause]
Livia Soprano: Yeah, he could barely see over the steering wheel.
Christopher Moltisanti: What do you have to be stressed about? That bar?
Adriana La Cerva: War, Christopher? The Middle East.
Christopher Moltisanti: You don't listen to the president? We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world. The whole world's gonna be under our control. So what are you worked up about?
Adriana La Cerva: War, Christopher? The Middle East.
Christopher Moltisanti: You don't listen to the president? We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world. The whole world's gonna be under our control. So what are you worked up about?
Feech La Manna: What's yours is your Pauly, but what ain't, belongs to anybody else.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh, what do you know about what belongs to who? You been in prison for twenty years.
Feech La Manna: Which entitles me to earn!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Which entitles you to shit! In my book, you get points for staying out.
Feech La Manna: Then it's a good thing, Paulie, that your book doesn't mean oogatz to me!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh, what do you know about what belongs to who? You been in prison for twenty years.
Feech La Manna: Which entitles me to earn!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Which entitles you to shit! In my book, you get points for staying out.
Feech La Manna: Then it's a good thing, Paulie, that your book doesn't mean oogatz to me!
[Christopher is stoned]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I called you here, 'cause I got something to tell you. From now on, I'm gonna rely on you more and more, 'cause you're the only one I can fully trust. Sil and Paulie... they're old friends, but you're one thing they're not.
Christopher Moltisanti: What's that, T?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Blood. You're gonna lead this family into the 21st Century.
Christopher Moltisanti: Well, Tony, technically we're already in the 21st Century...
[Tony looks at him, confused]
Christopher Moltisanti: Forget about it. You won't regret this, T.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I called you here, 'cause I got something to tell you. From now on, I'm gonna rely on you more and more, 'cause you're the only one I can fully trust. Sil and Paulie... they're old friends, but you're one thing they're not.
Christopher Moltisanti: What's that, T?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Blood. You're gonna lead this family into the 21st Century.
Christopher Moltisanti: Well, Tony, technically we're already in the 21st Century...
[Tony looks at him, confused]
Christopher Moltisanti: Forget about it. You won't regret this, T.
[a union leader won't go along with one of the Sopranos' schemes. Bobby is sent to fix the situation]
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: How's it going? You're the head of the union aren't you?
Union Leader: Yeah, I am. Who are you?
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Just a casual observer. You know, I've been following the situation, and I gotta tell you, it doesn't make much sense to me. I mean you recently got an offer, for a lot of money. And, if you don't get paid, you can't feed your family. I presume you got a family. I'm a family man myself, and I gotta tell you I'd rather take two shots to the back of the fucking head than not be able to feed my family.
[makes a gun with his hand and points it to the back of his own head]
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: One... Two... To the back of the head. You think about that.
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: How's it going? You're the head of the union aren't you?
Union Leader: Yeah, I am. Who are you?
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Just a casual observer. You know, I've been following the situation, and I gotta tell you, it doesn't make much sense to me. I mean you recently got an offer, for a lot of money. And, if you don't get paid, you can't feed your family. I presume you got a family. I'm a family man myself, and I gotta tell you I'd rather take two shots to the back of the fucking head than not be able to feed my family.
[makes a gun with his hand and points it to the back of his own head]
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: One... Two... To the back of the head. You think about that.
Adriana La Cerva: Ralph was asking if Tony was at the club. Why? Is he gonna be?
Christopher: You don't know what this guy did for me.
Adriana La Cerva: Yeah I do.
Christopher: Not just getting my stripes, something I can't talk about. Something that was ruining my whole life and he made it right. For what I owe him, I would follow that man into hell.
Christopher: You don't know what this guy did for me.
Adriana La Cerva: Yeah I do.
Christopher: Not just getting my stripes, something I can't talk about. Something that was ruining my whole life and he made it right. For what I owe him, I would follow that man into hell.
