Trailer Park Boys Quotes
Three petty felons have a documentary made about their life in a trailer park.
Ricky: [to Randy] Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
Randy: Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Julian: [pronouncing Jalapeño correctly] Yeah, pick me up a bag of Jalapeño chips.
Ricky: Jalapeño? What flavor is that?
Julian: Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles: The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno", not "ja-lap-ano".
Ricky: [confused] What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles: "Hal-a-peeno". That's how you pronounce it.
Ricky: I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' ja-lap-ano!
Randy: Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Julian: [pronouncing Jalapeño correctly] Yeah, pick me up a bag of Jalapeño chips.
Ricky: Jalapeño? What flavor is that?
Julian: Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles: The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno", not "ja-lap-ano".
Ricky: [confused] What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles: "Hal-a-peeno". That's how you pronounce it.
Ricky: I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' ja-lap-ano!
Mr. Lahey: Why don't you get a life Rick? Why don't ya go to community college like Julian here. Hey, I got a good idea. You could teach, livin' in a car and growin' dope 101.
Ricky: Hehe. And you can teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force become a... lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fuckin' idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good... 101.
Ricky: Hehe. And you can teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force become a... lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fuckin' idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good... 101.
Ricky: I'd say we got about a ten per cent chance of gettin' out of this one boys.
Officer George Green: [from out the window] Attention, this is the police. Come out with your hands up...
Ricky: Is that George Green?
Bubbles: That's definitely George Green.
Ricky: Wicked. Okay, forget what I said, our chances just went up to about ninety five per cent.
Officer George Green: [from out the window] Attention, this is the police. Come out with your hands up...
Ricky: Is that George Green?
Bubbles: That's definitely George Green.
Ricky: Wicked. Okay, forget what I said, our chances just went up to about ninety five per cent.
[taking out bullet's from Ricky's gunshot wound for the second time in one day]
Sam Losco: I knew a guy who got shot twice in one day, he was a real dick.
Ricky: Oh look, we got us a comedian... wait a sec, were you calling me a dick?
Sam Losco: What do you think?
Ricky: [pauses and looks at the camera] Was he calling me a dick?
Sam Losco: I knew a guy who got shot twice in one day, he was a real dick.
Ricky: Oh look, we got us a comedian... wait a sec, were you calling me a dick?
Sam Losco: What do you think?
Ricky: [pauses and looks at the camera] Was he calling me a dick?
Ricky: [about their illegal gas station] Unleaded, blue container. Supreme, red container. Diesel in the green. Okay, are we clear here, guys?
Cory: Yeah, but how can you tell which is the Supreme?
Ricky: What, are you stupid? You fuckin' taste it. Unleaded tastes a little tangy. Supreme is kinda sour, and diesel tastes pretty good.
Cory: Yeah, but how can you tell which is the Supreme?
Ricky: What, are you stupid? You fuckin' taste it. Unleaded tastes a little tangy. Supreme is kinda sour, and diesel tastes pretty good.
Ricky: You know, your thoughts might be better than mine but I have thoughts going around in my head too about different thinkings and brain things that you can use... and doing different things... and I think I know what's best for my daughter. So fuck off and let me fix the brakes for my daughter and then I'll help you with the hash. You guys don't always know what's best. My fuckin' thoughts have feelings of their own too sometimes.
Bubbles: Ricky, what are you talking about?
Ricky: I don't know, Bubbles. I don't know.
Bubbles: Ricky, what are you talking about?
Ricky: I don't know, Bubbles. I don't know.
Ricky: [Hallucinating while peeing against the side of a building] Telling me to fuck myself? No you fuck off you little fuck!
Julian: Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Ricky: Fucking squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky, you're hallucinating!
Julian: Listen, get a hold of yourself Ricky... Ricky you just pissed on me!
Ricky: Well you pulled me away!
Julian: Listen, pretend you're on mushrooms, alright? Just go with it.
Julian: Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Ricky: Fucking squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Bubbles: Ricky, you're hallucinating!
Julian: Listen, get a hold of yourself Ricky... Ricky you just pissed on me!
Ricky: Well you pulled me away!
Julian: Listen, pretend you're on mushrooms, alright? Just go with it.
Ricky: [playing 'Spacemen'] Breaker breaker, come in Earth, this is Rocket Ship 27, aliens fucked over the carbonator on engine four, I'm gonna try to refuckulate it on Juniper. Uhh, and hopefully they've got some, space weed there, over. How... how was that buddy? I don't fuckin' know.
Bubbles: Ricky... that's not very good. Use space words, real ones, not talking about space weed.
Ricky: NAYSA, power rockets are firin' all over the place... they got lasers that are shootin' and uh... Bubbles I can't fuckin' do this.
Bubbles: Ricky... that's not very good. Use space words, real ones, not talking about space weed.
Ricky: NAYSA, power rockets are firin' all over the place... they got lasers that are shootin' and uh... Bubbles I can't fuckin' do this.
Randy: I can't get stoned, Ricky.
Ricky: What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads, get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work! Oh, and this is the most important, go down to the Shit-Mart. I need a bag of chicken chips. If they don't have chicken, get me dill pickle. And I want a chocolate milk.
Ricky: What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads, get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work! Oh, and this is the most important, go down to the Shit-Mart. I need a bag of chicken chips. If they don't have chicken, get me dill pickle. And I want a chocolate milk.
Julian: [talking to camera] In sixth grade Bubbles made this puppet he called Conky.
Ricky: What a little asshole.
Julian: Bubbles took it everywhere with him. It was kinda like his confidant.
Ricky: His what?
Julian: Never mind. Anyway, we had to take the doll away because he, you know, fucked Bubbles' mind up.
Ricky: Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as bein' Bubbles. He was tryin' to be this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was, it was fucked.
Ricky: What a little asshole.
Julian: Bubbles took it everywhere with him. It was kinda like his confidant.
Ricky: His what?
Julian: Never mind. Anyway, we had to take the doll away because he, you know, fucked Bubbles' mind up.
Ricky: Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as bein' Bubbles. He was tryin' to be this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was, it was fucked.
Ricky: Boys, what the fuck is up with me getting shot with three darts, and it didn't even affect me? I must be like a superhero or something.
Julian: Maybe you've got so much dope in your system, you're immune, Rick.
Bubbles: Well, if that's the case, then Julian, he is like a superhero. Holy fuck, Ricky, you know who you are? You're Dope-Man! He can smoke a pound in a single bound.
Julian: Maybe you've got so much dope in your system, you're immune, Rick.
Bubbles: Well, if that's the case, then Julian, he is like a superhero. Holy fuck, Ricky, you know who you are? You're Dope-Man! He can smoke a pound in a single bound.
Ricky: The thing with kids and growings and getting learnings and stuff is that... You can't lie to them. Basically, if you wanna tell the children they can't do something they're gonna want to do it more. When I was young I did all kinds of crazy shit and I turned out wicked. That's because my dad was fuckin' cool, he let me do shit. I was allowed to drive his car around the park, basically took my dirt bike to school, let me grow dope in his shed in grade 7. You know, that's what good parenting is all about. You gotta let them have a bit of freedom.
Mr. Lahey: Randy just doesn't understand. I mean I love him dearly, but I hate Ricky more. I just don't want to have to put up with that prick for the rest of my life. You know, he grew up as a little shit-spark from the old shit-flint. And then he turned into a shit-bonfire and then driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance, he turned into a raging shit-firestorm. If I get to be married to Barb i'll have total control of Sunnyvale, and then I can unleash a shitnami tidal wave that'll engulf Ricky and extinguish his shit-flames forever. And with any luck, he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shit-waves.
[while delivering his speech drunk, to become trailer park supervisor]
Mr. Lahey: Who is this park, or even in the whole world, doesn't have problems? Who doesn't have a drink too many times once in a while and maybe even winds up passed out in their own driveway, pissing themselves? Who doesn't drink too much sometimes or who doesn't have a puff from time to time? And who doesn't have problems with the people they love? This is our home. This is our community. I am Jim Lahey, and *I am your trailer park supervisor!*
Mr. Lahey: Who is this park, or even in the whole world, doesn't have problems? Who doesn't have a drink too many times once in a while and maybe even winds up passed out in their own driveway, pissing themselves? Who doesn't drink too much sometimes or who doesn't have a puff from time to time? And who doesn't have problems with the people they love? This is our home. This is our community. I am Jim Lahey, and *I am your trailer park supervisor!*
Julian: [Ricky is shoving a gun in Conky's face after he called him "Reveen"] Rick, you are pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet.
Ricky: Yes, I am.
Julian: Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.
Ricky: [pauses, seethes] I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
Ricky: Yes, I am.
Julian: Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.
Ricky: [pauses, seethes] I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
Ricky: Knock-knock, Lahey.
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Ricky?
Ricky: A fuckin' shitty fuckin' trailer park supervisor who hangs around with a big-gutted drunk elf who thinks he's gettin' us thrown back in jail but he can't 'cause he's got no evidence and he's dumb as fuck, and he's got this other thing goin' on in his head that's tryin' to... twirly around and... fuckin' get... different... FUCK!
Mr. Lahey: Who's there, Ricky?
Ricky: A fuckin' shitty fuckin' trailer park supervisor who hangs around with a big-gutted drunk elf who thinks he's gettin' us thrown back in jail but he can't 'cause he's got no evidence and he's dumb as fuck, and he's got this other thing goin' on in his head that's tryin' to... twirly around and... fuckin' get... different... FUCK!
[His speech to become trailer park supervisor, after the boys slip some magic mushrooms into his hot dog]
Sam Losco: Now, my number one priority is to clean up the criminal activity in this park, and those responsible for it. And you know who I'm talking about.
Ricky: Why don't you go fuck yourself, you fucking dick? You're not even from this park.
Sam Losco: I'm just getting started, boy. You just wait.
Ricky: Yeah we'll see about that, you dick.
Sam Losco: Now I plan on working hand in hand with the poli- with the people of this park, and the police... departure, we're...
Sam Losco: [He suddenly stops and stares into space] This is fucked up... uhh... I'll look at Ricky's ass, after you... no. You get that lawnmower...
Ricky: You're on fucking drugs!
Bubbles: Sam's on drugs everybody!
J-Roc: [making a turntable motion in the air] Nobody can understand what you're brrrrrrzzzzzss-sayin'!
Sam Losco: Now, my number one priority is to clean up the criminal activity in this park, and those responsible for it. And you know who I'm talking about.
Ricky: Why don't you go fuck yourself, you fucking dick? You're not even from this park.
Sam Losco: I'm just getting started, boy. You just wait.
Ricky: Yeah we'll see about that, you dick.
Sam Losco: Now I plan on working hand in hand with the poli- with the people of this park, and the police... departure, we're...
Sam Losco: [He suddenly stops and stares into space] This is fucked up... uhh... I'll look at Ricky's ass, after you... no. You get that lawnmower...
Ricky: You're on fucking drugs!
Bubbles: Sam's on drugs everybody!
J-Roc: [making a turntable motion in the air] Nobody can understand what you're brrrrrrzzzzzss-sayin'!
Ricky: What in the fuck are you dressed up as a bumblebee for? And why do you look like Indianapolis Jones?
Mr. Lahey: It's none of your goddamn business, Ricky. If you must know, Randy and I were rehearsing for a play for the Blandford Recreation Centre next Thursday.
Randy: No! Mr. Lahey, we weren't rehearsing for a play.
Mr. Lahey: We were practicing, Randy.
Randy: It's not Halloween, we're not doing community theatre.
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
Randy: Were consenting adults. And what we do in the privacy of our own home is... is fine, Mr. Lahey.
Mr. Lahey: Randy, please.
Randy: And I don't care. I don't care if the whole world knows that we like to dress up, that we like to have some fun... and that, we're a couple. Hey everybody! We're gay!
Ricky: [shocked] What?
Randy: Say it Mr. Lahey. It feels great.
Mr. Lahey: [long pause] Alright Randy. We'll do it your way. Everybody... I'm gay.
[the camera turns to a shocked Bubbles, who akwardly turns away]
Mr. Lahey: It's none of your goddamn business, Ricky. If you must know, Randy and I were rehearsing for a play for the Blandford Recreation Centre next Thursday.
Randy: No! Mr. Lahey, we weren't rehearsing for a play.
Mr. Lahey: We were practicing, Randy.
Randy: It's not Halloween, we're not doing community theatre.
Mr. Lahey: Randy...
Randy: Were consenting adults. And what we do in the privacy of our own home is... is fine, Mr. Lahey.
Mr. Lahey: Randy, please.
Randy: And I don't care. I don't care if the whole world knows that we like to dress up, that we like to have some fun... and that, we're a couple. Hey everybody! We're gay!
Ricky: [shocked] What?
Randy: Say it Mr. Lahey. It feels great.
Mr. Lahey: [long pause] Alright Randy. We'll do it your way. Everybody... I'm gay.
[the camera turns to a shocked Bubbles, who akwardly turns away]
J-Roc: Can't we talk? You're acting awful hard Randy.
Randy: Well sometimes life is hard, J-Roc.
J-Roc: Randy, sometimes, you're fat. You don't hear me talk about that, do you?
[Pointing to baby-mamas]
J-Roc: Look down dawg, nawmsayin'? Ya understand? Seems to me, like you should be able to understand and be sympathetic to what it's like to be pregnant, dawg.
Randy: What are you talking about, J-Roc?
J-Roc: Oh what, you a'int pregnant with a bucket of chicken?
[Addressing unborn child]
J-Roc: Hey, lemme tell you somethin' little mafucker. When you grow up, don't grow up to be like that mafucker right there!
[Pointing to Randy]
J-Roc: Randy, you a'int even had your ultrasound yet, have you dawg? I could do you right now.
[Uses bling like a stethoscope]
J-Roc: I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, motherfucker. C'mon ladies, let's pack this shit up. That's whack, Randy. Go on with your wallet. AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, HAIRY BITCH!
Randy: Well sometimes life is hard, J-Roc.
J-Roc: Randy, sometimes, you're fat. You don't hear me talk about that, do you?
[Pointing to baby-mamas]
J-Roc: Look down dawg, nawmsayin'? Ya understand? Seems to me, like you should be able to understand and be sympathetic to what it's like to be pregnant, dawg.
Randy: What are you talking about, J-Roc?
J-Roc: Oh what, you a'int pregnant with a bucket of chicken?
[Addressing unborn child]
J-Roc: Hey, lemme tell you somethin' little mafucker. When you grow up, don't grow up to be like that mafucker right there!
[Pointing to Randy]
J-Roc: Randy, you a'int even had your ultrasound yet, have you dawg? I could do you right now.
[Uses bling like a stethoscope]
J-Roc: I hear chicken. I hear cola fizz, and mustard and relish coagulating together with french fries and onion rings, but you know what? I don't hear a heart, motherfucker. C'mon ladies, let's pack this shit up. That's whack, Randy. Go on with your wallet. AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, HAIRY BITCH!
Danny: [shouts] For fuck sakes, Ricky! What the fuck are you doing with the satellites? I paid ten fuckin' dollars! I want my fucking satellite signal! Jesus Christ!
Ricky: Danny, chill the fuck out! I'm fucking trying here, it'll be back up in a bit! Calm the fuck down.
Satellite Employee: Look, if these satellites aren't down in ten minutes, I'll have no choice but to call the cops.
Julian: Ricky, get the dishes off my roof.
Ricky: [starts throwing dishes off the roof] I'll take every fucking one of these down, is that what you want? Fuckin' retards. I don't give a fuck about this stupid bullshit.
[smashes a dish through the TV van's windshield]
Ricky: There, they're in the fuckin' van, now leave.
Danny: [in the background] Ten fuckin' dollars a month!
Ricky: Danny, chill the fuck out! I'm fucking trying here, it'll be back up in a bit! Calm the fuck down.
Satellite Employee: Look, if these satellites aren't down in ten minutes, I'll have no choice but to call the cops.
Julian: Ricky, get the dishes off my roof.
Ricky: [starts throwing dishes off the roof] I'll take every fucking one of these down, is that what you want? Fuckin' retards. I don't give a fuck about this stupid bullshit.
[smashes a dish through the TV van's windshield]
Ricky: There, they're in the fuckin' van, now leave.
Danny: [in the background] Ten fuckin' dollars a month!
Ricky: Treena, I'm stupid. I'm not as smart as everyone else.
Treena Lahey: No, Ricky, you're not stupid, remember you're going to get your grade 10 and you'll be just as smart as everyone else.
Ricky: I dunno, Treena.
Treena Lahey: OK, What's the capital of Nova Scotia?
Ricky: That's easy, Halifax.
Treena Lahey: OK, then what's the capital of British Columbia?
Ricky: Victoriaville.
Treena Lahey: See, Ricky, you're just as smart as everyone else.
Treena Lahey: No, Ricky, you're not stupid, remember you're going to get your grade 10 and you'll be just as smart as everyone else.
Ricky: I dunno, Treena.
Treena Lahey: OK, What's the capital of Nova Scotia?
Ricky: That's easy, Halifax.
Treena Lahey: OK, then what's the capital of British Columbia?
Ricky: Victoriaville.
Treena Lahey: See, Ricky, you're just as smart as everyone else.
