Veronica Mars Quotes
After her best friend is murdered and her father is removed as county sheriff, Veronica Mars dedicates her life to cracking the toughest mysteries in the affluent town of Neptune.
Dick Casablancas: [after Logan and Veronica walk into his house and all of his friends yell "surprise!"] Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like some reality show called "My Skank."
Logan: Goodbye, Dick.
Dick Casablancas: What?
Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica you leave. Actually you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me so just like evaporate or something, I don't know... That's kind of a general invitation. You don't like my girlfriend then... just start heading towards the rectangle with the knob.
Logan: Goodbye, Dick.
Dick Casablancas: What?
Logan: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica you leave. Actually you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me so just like evaporate or something, I don't know... That's kind of a general invitation. You don't like my girlfriend then... just start heading towards the rectangle with the knob.
Veronica: I know I'm late. Sorry honey.
[gives Logan a peck on the cheek, whispers in his ear]
Veronica: So I talked to this guy on the phone, let me handle it, he's a bit prickly.
[they approach the desk]
Desk Manager: May I help you?
Veronica: You may. My fiancee and I are looking for a honeymoon suite.
Desk Manager: Oh how wonderful. These are our more affordable packages. The rooms run $350 for courtyard and $450 for full. On the weekends of course it's a two night minimum.
Veronica: Of course. Here's a little bit more what I had in mind.
[Veronica brings out a big wedding planner book and starts to flip through it as she shows off a big diamond ring]
Logan: [playing along] Wow, sugar puss, you've certainly been a busy little bee.
[Veronica and Logan share a fake laugh]
Logan: Oh, she's a keeper.
[gives Logan a peck on the cheek, whispers in his ear]
Veronica: So I talked to this guy on the phone, let me handle it, he's a bit prickly.
[they approach the desk]
Desk Manager: May I help you?
Veronica: You may. My fiancee and I are looking for a honeymoon suite.
Desk Manager: Oh how wonderful. These are our more affordable packages. The rooms run $350 for courtyard and $450 for full. On the weekends of course it's a two night minimum.
Veronica: Of course. Here's a little bit more what I had in mind.
[Veronica brings out a big wedding planner book and starts to flip through it as she shows off a big diamond ring]
Logan: [playing along] Wow, sugar puss, you've certainly been a busy little bee.
[Veronica and Logan share a fake laugh]
Logan: Oh, she's a keeper.
Veronica: I just don't want you to get your hopes up.
Logan: I'm not paying you to worry about my health, I'm paying you to follow leads.
Veronica: I wasn't aware you were paying me.
Logan: This isn't a favor. It's a job you know. We're not exchanging friendship bracelets.
Veronica: I'll stop braiding.
Logan: I'm not paying you to worry about my health, I'm paying you to follow leads.
Veronica: I wasn't aware you were paying me.
Logan: This isn't a favor. It's a job you know. We're not exchanging friendship bracelets.
Veronica: I'll stop braiding.
Logan: [standing in front of Veronica's car] Do you have any idea what your little joke cost me?
Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
Logan: [smashes Veronica's headlights with a crowbar] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Veronica: Clearly your sense of humor...
Veronica: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back.
Logan: [smashes Veronica's headlights with a crowbar] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again?
Veronica: Clearly your sense of humor...
Rebecca James: You know it sounds like you blame Veronica.
Logan: No, Veronica was my friend too. If she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together. And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So yeah I blame Veronica... and I blame myself for being stupid and I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week.
Rebecca James: You know there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you'd still been together, then you'd have been dead too.
Logan: And what is so great about living?
Logan: No, Veronica was my friend too. If she hadn't ratted me out, then Lilly and I would have stayed together. And Lilly wouldn't have been alone that day. I would have been there. So yeah I blame Veronica... and I blame myself for being stupid and I blame Lilly for being a bitch that week.
Rebecca James: You know there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you'd still been together, then you'd have been dead too.
Logan: And what is so great about living?
Veronica: [enter Keith] And...
Keith: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".
Keith: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".
Veronica: You prank-called Mandy?
Lenny: What if I did?
Veronica: Well, I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations! You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition in your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone.
Lenny: Hey, everyone knows you're the biggest...
Veronica: Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a Snausage in front of your nose. You use Mandy again to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life. Got it?
Lenny: What if I did?
Veronica: Well, I want to congratulate you. Shake your hand. Congratulations! You've been named the world's biggest cockroach. This award is given in recognition in your unparalleled lack of decency and humanity. Bravo. You're going to die friendless and alone.
Lenny: Hey, everyone knows you're the biggest...
Veronica: Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a Snausage in front of your nose. You use Mandy again to convince yourself you're not a loser, I will ruin your life. Got it?
Mr. Tom Daniels: [walk in to find Weevil and Logan playing cards] Is this Reno or detention?
Logan: Can you believe the best of both.
Weevil: [Daniels takes away their cards] Oh, come on, man.
Logan: What the hell, we were playing a game here.
Mr. Tom Daniels: This is punishment gentlemen, not party time.
Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
Logan: Can you believe the best of both.
Weevil: [Daniels takes away their cards] Oh, come on, man.
Logan: What the hell, we were playing a game here.
Mr. Tom Daniels: This is punishment gentlemen, not party time.
Logan: Well, that would explain the absence of balloon animals.
[Veronica is trying to get a drunk Logan's keys]
Veronica: Come on, Logan just give me your keys. Leo, can you follow us in your car?
Logan: [giggling] No. No. No. No. Let's not have a party like it's 1999.
Logan: [points to Leo] Wait, who's this dude?
Veronica: As I have told you now three times, this is the friendly officer of the law who is going to overlook your underage public drunkenness.
Veronica: Come on, Logan just give me your keys. Leo, can you follow us in your car?
Logan: [giggling] No. No. No. No. Let's not have a party like it's 1999.
Logan: [points to Leo] Wait, who's this dude?
Veronica: As I have told you now three times, this is the friendly officer of the law who is going to overlook your underage public drunkenness.
Mr. Tom Daniels: You know the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls. But do you know what it will get you in the real world?
Logan: [puts his hands together and looks upward] Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.
Logan: [puts his hands together and looks upward] Please say high school English teacher, please say high school English teacher.
Keith: [seeing the game hens Veronica has cooked] You know, elf, we might not be the richest family in town, but we can afford normal-sized birds once a year or so.
Veronica: Game hens. They were just so cute. Plus, this way, we won't have to eat left-overs on New Year's.
Keith: That's smart thinking. Come on, what do they taste like?
Veronica: [laughing] I don't know. Dense little turkeys?
Veronica: Game hens. They were just so cute. Plus, this way, we won't have to eat left-overs on New Year's.
Keith: That's smart thinking. Come on, what do they taste like?
Veronica: [laughing] I don't know. Dense little turkeys?
Trina: I've been kind of out of the loop lately, are you two...?
Logan: Stop! You shut up. You're wearing Mom's clothes, you're wearing Mom's hat.
Trina: She was your mom, my stepmom. The lady who liked to parade through the house in a string bikini whenever I had a boy over.
Logan: To be fair, when didn't you have a boy over.
Trina: Oh, you...
[she goes to pinch his cheek]
Logan: [he smacks her hand away] Dad could have used you there.
Trina: So now you're worried about Dad's welfare, isn't he the Big Bad Wolf. Cigarette burns and broken noses, oh, the stories you used to tell.
Logan: Wow, we should get together and do this more often.
Trina: Well, you're in luck, I'm headed home now. I guess some accountant finally cancelled Mom's cards.
Logan: But if you're coming home who will play "Dead Hooker Two" on "CSI" this week? How will you get your attention fix?
Trina: Maybe I can be the ring girl at one of your bum fights.
Logan: Stop! You shut up. You're wearing Mom's clothes, you're wearing Mom's hat.
Trina: She was your mom, my stepmom. The lady who liked to parade through the house in a string bikini whenever I had a boy over.
Logan: To be fair, when didn't you have a boy over.
Trina: Oh, you...
[she goes to pinch his cheek]
Logan: [he smacks her hand away] Dad could have used you there.
Trina: So now you're worried about Dad's welfare, isn't he the Big Bad Wolf. Cigarette burns and broken noses, oh, the stories you used to tell.
Logan: Wow, we should get together and do this more often.
Trina: Well, you're in luck, I'm headed home now. I guess some accountant finally cancelled Mom's cards.
Logan: But if you're coming home who will play "Dead Hooker Two" on "CSI" this week? How will you get your attention fix?
Trina: Maybe I can be the ring girl at one of your bum fights.
Veronica: Did you guys know that 90 per cent of all identity theft is committed by relatives of the victim? That's an interesting fact. At least I think so.
Caitlin Ford: But you know what? Nobody cares what you think, Veronica Mars. Not any more. Not since you stabbed all of your friends in the back.
Veronica: You seem to care a bit what I think.
Caitlin Ford: But you know what? Nobody cares what you think, Veronica Mars. Not any more. Not since you stabbed all of your friends in the back.
Veronica: You seem to care a bit what I think.
Veronica: Here's a thought. If Tijuana was Logan's idea then stealing the car could've been the master plan.
Troy: It was more of a meeting of the minds, if you will.
Veronica: Ah. So what was on the menu for this night of grand debauchery?
Troy: Let's see. From eight to nine, we brainstormed on how to overthrow Kim Jong Il. From nine to ten, we deleted the records of the black voters of Florida. So after that was all donkey shows.
Troy: It was more of a meeting of the minds, if you will.
Veronica: Ah. So what was on the menu for this night of grand debauchery?
Troy: Let's see. From eight to nine, we brainstormed on how to overthrow Kim Jong Il. From nine to ten, we deleted the records of the black voters of Florida. So after that was all donkey shows.
Veronica: I saw Meg.
Duncan: What do you mean, you...
Veronica: Meg's pregnant.
Duncan: I know.
Veronica: You know?
Duncan: There was a letter, from her aunt. I guess Meg had asked to live up there and raise the baby.
Veronica: Oh my God, Duncan, how could you...
Duncan: Last spring, before we broke up...
Veronica: OK, stop, I was shown a diagram once, I know how it works. But you knew, and you didn't tell me?
Duncan: This has nothing to do with us.
Veronica: Oh, no! Nothing. Your secret illegitimate child gestating in the womb of your comatose ex-girlfriend affects neither you nor me.
Duncan: What do you mean, you...
Veronica: Meg's pregnant.
Duncan: I know.
Veronica: You know?
Duncan: There was a letter, from her aunt. I guess Meg had asked to live up there and raise the baby.
Veronica: Oh my God, Duncan, how could you...
Duncan: Last spring, before we broke up...
Veronica: OK, stop, I was shown a diagram once, I know how it works. But you knew, and you didn't tell me?
Duncan: This has nothing to do with us.
Veronica: Oh, no! Nothing. Your secret illegitimate child gestating in the womb of your comatose ex-girlfriend affects neither you nor me.
Veronica: I love the smell of testosterone in the morning.
Logan: This is why I suggested attack dogs, but no, my mother wanted an Alpaca.
Veronica: My father sent me with paperwork for your mom.
Logan: You just wanted to say hi. I would have had my slam book out.
Veronica: I wanted to ask you about the game.
Logan: I've been meaning to ask you something. Does your super sleuth kit come with a decoder ring? Do you have a pen that writes with invisible ink? Never mind. Don't care. Mush! Mush!
Logan: This is why I suggested attack dogs, but no, my mother wanted an Alpaca.
Veronica: My father sent me with paperwork for your mom.
Logan: You just wanted to say hi. I would have had my slam book out.
Veronica: I wanted to ask you about the game.
Logan: I've been meaning to ask you something. Does your super sleuth kit come with a decoder ring? Do you have a pen that writes with invisible ink? Never mind. Don't care. Mush! Mush!
[Logan is playing solitaire]
Weevil: You know what I love, I love that I get a zero for talking. When you were the one talking to me. You get detention for dissing the teacher in front of everybody, I get detention for laughing. Let me ask you something man.
Logan: [looks upward] Is this detention or hell?
Weevil: How do you people not make yourself sick? It's like you walk on water in this school, for what? It's nothing that you do, I mean all that matters is who your parents are. And the zip code your mother shot you out in.
Logan: If I donate to the United Latino Pain-in-the-ass fund will you shut the hell up?
Weevil: You like playing with yourself?
Logan: Huh?
Weevil: Or do you want to make things interesting?
Logan: What did you have in mind?
Weevil: [cut to them playing poker] You're almost as bad as actor as your father.
Logan: You know that you don't need a diploma to steal hubcaps right? I mean why do you even show up here?
Weevil: I promise my grandmother.
Logan: Hmmm.
Weevil: I don't break my promises.
Logan: And I mean this, awwwwww.
Weevil: You know what I love, I love that I get a zero for talking. When you were the one talking to me. You get detention for dissing the teacher in front of everybody, I get detention for laughing. Let me ask you something man.
Logan: [looks upward] Is this detention or hell?
Weevil: How do you people not make yourself sick? It's like you walk on water in this school, for what? It's nothing that you do, I mean all that matters is who your parents are. And the zip code your mother shot you out in.
Logan: If I donate to the United Latino Pain-in-the-ass fund will you shut the hell up?
Weevil: You like playing with yourself?
Logan: Huh?
Weevil: Or do you want to make things interesting?
Logan: What did you have in mind?
Weevil: [cut to them playing poker] You're almost as bad as actor as your father.
Logan: You know that you don't need a diploma to steal hubcaps right? I mean why do you even show up here?
Weevil: I promise my grandmother.
Logan: Hmmm.
Weevil: I don't break my promises.
Logan: And I mean this, awwwwww.
Veronica: Is that lasagna I smell?
Keith: Keith Mars' secret recipe.
Veronica: You double the cheese. Your secret is out... You're making salad? I know pity cooking when I see it. There must be more bad news.
Keith: Maybe we should wait 'til after dinner, huh?
Veronica: Spill it. I promise I won't let it ruin my appetite.
Keith: Keith Mars' secret recipe.
Veronica: You double the cheese. Your secret is out... You're making salad? I know pity cooking when I see it. There must be more bad news.
Keith: Maybe we should wait 'til after dinner, huh?
Veronica: Spill it. I promise I won't let it ruin my appetite.
Veronica: Hey, Carrie, wait up!
Carrie Bishop: [sarcastically] Why? Did you want the chance to tell me how much you admired me for my brave stand?
Veronica: I want to give you a chance to recant before I prove you're lying.
Carrie Bishop: Why do you even care?
Veronica: There aren't many great teachers. Mr. Rooks is one of them.
Carrie Bishop: Yeah, if you can get past the part where he seduces his students.
Veronica: Hey, Carrie, this is me, Veronica. I know you.
Carrie Bishop: You're so naive.
Veronica: Yeah, that's me, naive.
Carrie Bishop: [sarcastically] Why? Did you want the chance to tell me how much you admired me for my brave stand?
Veronica: I want to give you a chance to recant before I prove you're lying.
Carrie Bishop: Why do you even care?
Veronica: There aren't many great teachers. Mr. Rooks is one of them.
Carrie Bishop: Yeah, if you can get past the part where he seduces his students.
Veronica: Hey, Carrie, this is me, Veronica. I know you.
Carrie Bishop: You're so naive.
Veronica: Yeah, that's me, naive.
